Cory stirred from his deep slumber somewhere past three, his back aching from the hard floor beneath him. Angela had tried to insist that he take the bed, but he had been raised to be chivalrous. His mother had offered the couch repeatedly, but he had wanted to spend his first night at home in his own bedroom. There was something safe about it, like nothing bad could ever happen there. Now, as he wandered over to the window to peer across the dark night sky, he felt better than he had for days.
Mr. Feeny's house was dark next door. Cory had vowed to go see his mentor the next morning. He knew that the group's former teacher would be able to tell that something was wrong immediately, and for the first time since telling Angela, he would feel like talking about it. With dawn still hours away, he had a short reprieve from reliving the sordid tales of his marriage. For now, he'd settle for some cereal and Phillies highlights on the couch, a favorite pastime growing up.
Slipping down the back staircase, he thought about how long the day had been. Just this morning, he had woken up in Angela's apartment, coming off a killer hangover and a night of confessions. Topanga had shown up, and he had been cold and distant as they fought. Looking back, he felt like he was remembering something he had seen rather than something he had been apart of. As he pulled a box of frosted flakes from the shelf, he was happy to know that his mom still kept his favorite snack around for when he came to visit.
"You know, that's Joshua's favorite too," Amy announced behind him as Cory padded over to the fridge for milk. "Whenever he is really upset about something, like a fight at school with a friend or a bad grade on a test, he comes home and makes him a big bowl. We'll sit at the table and talk until he feels better. It reminds me of you so much."
"And here I thought you kept some just for me," Cory smiled, pouring the white liquid over the flakes. His mother handed him a spoon and followed him quietly into the living room. Flipping the television to the local sports channel, he muted the TV and leaned back. Looking back over at his mother, he tried to find the words to tell her what she wanted to hear. "I know you're curious, Mom."
"I haven't asked a single question until now, Cor, but at some point, a mother has to know why her child shows up unexpectedly with a woman who isn't his wife. I know you, and I know that it must be something pretty awful to make you run away like that. You've never abandoned Topanga once the entire time you've known her."
He considered the sentiment for a moment as he chewed his food steadily. "Part of me is afraid to tell you because I'm afraid it will make you hate Topanga. As angry as I am right now, I don't actually wish her any harm. Sometimes I hate that you raised me to be so compassionate because I could really use a vengeful streak right now."
She sighed deeply, its drawn out sound filling the air temporarily. "No matter what happens, I could never hate Topanga. For as long as I have known her, I have loved her like a daughter. But I will always take your side, Cory. You are my son, and nothing comes before you and your siblings."
"I feel like a hostage to the decisions I've made," Cory confessed, leaning forward to set the bowl on the low coffee table in front of him. Reaching up, he brushed his hands over his eyes tiredly. "Two nights ago, I came home and found my wife in bed with another man. She was at our apartment, in our bed, with my best friend. I caught Topanga and Shawn together, making love in my home."
"Oh, Cory."
"I told Angela last night. Shawn asked her to marry him last week, and I knew that he would never tell her on his own. In fact, I think he half expected me to keep his secret out of some sort of jaded loyalty. I couldn't do that to Ang, she doesn't have anyone. I didn't want her to rely on some family that was a lie."
"So, that's why she is here! Your father and I were both a little confused when she showed up with you," Amy admitted. "It's not that we weren't happy to see her, it's just that she hadn't really been a part of your life for quite some time. How is she dealing with all of this?"
"Honestly, I think we're both sort of just going through the motions still," he explained. "That's why I suggested that we come down here. I wanted to see you guys and talk to Mr. Feeny. I just needed to get out of New York. It suddenly felt too small."
"Have you talked to Shawn since then?"
"Not really," Cory answered, shaking his head. "But Topanga showed up at Angela's this morning. We sort of fought, but it wasn't as passionate as it should have been. I felt so withdrawn, and she seemed pathetic. She tried to apologize, but it only made me angrier. It was like she actually believed that she was going to be able to explain this all away with words. She even tried to compare this to when I kissed Lauren."
"Lauren? The girl from the lodge? That's absurd. I mean, this is hardly the same thing."
"Exactly my point. I kissed Lauren once, maybe twice, but it was the one time that I was ever even an ounce unfaithful to Topanga. It was really the only time I even questioned our relationship," he remembered. "But I can't believe she would even start to parallel this to Lauren. She slept with my best friend. I've never slept with anyone else other than my wife, and she wants to compare this to a girl I kissed in high school."
Amy reached over and put her arm around Cory's broad shoulders. Drawing him nearer to her petite frame, a wave of maternal concern swept over her. "I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish that there was something more that I could do, but this is one of those things a mother can't fix."
"I never expected you to fix it, Mom. That's not why I came home. I just wanted you to listen, and you're doing that. Just by hearing me out, you're helping me more than you could ever know."
"So, when you fought with Topanga, what happened?"
Cory closed his eyes. "She fought with Angela at first. The two women were so angry that they didn't care about hurting each other. Topanga just wanted to talk to me. I finally gave in, hoping that we could just get it over with so that she'd leave. I didn't want to see her, I just wanted to hide out from the world with Angela."
"You two seem close."
"No one else understands," Cory proclaimed. "When we were out in the hall, Topanga made that abundantly clear. She felt like I owed her something. I listened to her apology, and I knew that she was sorry but I couldn't care less. They were just words, empty words that meant nothing to me. She took away a part of me that I will never be able to get back."
"You lost the last of your innocence," Amy told him. "It's a very disheartening this when you realize that you've fully grown up and are just another jaded, cynical adult in this fast pace world. I know, I've been there."
"Topanga was a mess, sobbing in a puddle on the floor. I felt guilty, which made me even angrier at her. My first instinct was to coddle her until she felt better, to stroke her hair and kiss her tears away. But I didn't. I just stood there coldly, my arms crossed over my chest. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."
"She gave me the usual rhetoric, talking about how important I was to her and how Shawn hadn't wanted to hurt me," he continued. "I basically told her that I wanted a divorce and that our marriage had been whittled down to nothing more than a formality. She cried even harder. Then, she asked what I wanted from her, and the only thing I could do was ask why. I needed to know how she could sleep with Shawn."
"Did she have an answer?" Amy asked. Cory shook his head silently, turning to bury his face in his mom's shoulder. She could feel the onset of tears working its way through her son as she reached up to smooth his curly hair. It had been years since she'd held him like this.
"Mom, I don't know how to do this," he cried, bring tears to Amy's eyes quickly. "I don't know how to live in a world without Shawn and Topanga."
"Maybe you won't have to. It's possible that you will be able to forgive them someday."
"Right now, I can't see that day ever coming. I can only see the pain, the constant movie of that night that's playing in my head. I don't see how I could ever say that this is okay and that all is forgotten."
"And you won't ever feel that way," Amy acknowledged. "However, you might eventually get past it. It's going to take a long time, but you have many years of friendship and love behind you that could make it possible."
"How do you come back from something like this? How do you move forward with your life when you've just seen it ripped apart?"
Amy leaned her forehead against Cory's. "I don't know, Cor, I don't know."
Upstairs, Angela could hear the faint discussion going on downstairs. She had been awake for awhile but hadn't made a move to get up. She understood that Cory needed his mother, and that Amy needed to be the one to comfort him this time. There were so many things they both needed to work out, and knowing Cory Matthews, he'd be more worried about her than himself. As she turned over and propped her head on her fist, a photograph caught her eye.
Reaching toward the nightstand, she picked up the frame to study it closely. It was of the four of them back at Penbrook, sitting casually on the couch they'd spent hours on in the union. Topanga and Shawn flanked each end with Cory and Angela tucked between them. Covering up Topanga and Cory, she looked at the image of herself with Shawn.
They had been happy then, truly happy. It was probably a month before her father asked her to go to Europe. A part of her wished that they could recapture the magic of that afternoon, of the innocence that time so cruelly takes away. A bigger part of her knew that they couldn't go back and that she would never be the same person she was in that picture.
Moving her hand over, she then studied Topanga and Cory. A sparkle refracted in the picture, a glare coming off her diamond engagement ring. They'd been married for seven months at that point, and Angela truly believed that they would be together for the rest of their lives. Hell, up until yesterday, she had still thought that. Topanga and Cory had personified everything she had ever wanted in life. Now, they symbolized everything she was scared to become.
Finally, she covered up their partners, hiding Shawn and Topanga so that only she and Cory remained. This is all I have now, she thought silently. If I didn't know better and saw only this part of the photograph, would I think we were a couple? Could I write a story of unending love for two such different people?
Placing the frame back on the wooden surface beside her, she tried to listen for Cory's voice. It had stopped and been replaced by a set of footsteps coming toward her. A sliver of light filled the room as Cory slipped back in wordlessly. Sitting up, Angela threw back the covers and flipped on the lamp. He grinned over at her guiltily, feeling like he'd been caught sneaking back into the house. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked wryly, coming over to sit on the foot of the bed. Angela moved over to the side, offering him a pillow as she laid back. Cory sidled up next to her, folding his elbows behind his head.
"When I woke up, you were gone," she replied. "I guess just wanted to make sure you were okay before I went back to sleep."
"I'm fine," he promised. "I just went down to have some cereal and watch TV. My mom must have heard me too because she came down to the kitchen and found me. I told her everything."
"Did she have any great pearls of wisdom?"
"Afraid not," Cory smiled, "but don't worry, we still have Mr. Feeny. He's always been the wise one in this crew. If anyone else can make it better for me, it'll be him."
"You know that he can't, Mr. Matthews."
"I'm know, Ms. Moore."
"Let's get out of here, Cor. Neither of us is going to be able to sleep any time soon. We could just take a walk. I know that it's not New York, but I'm sure there is something to see at 4 a.m. in Philadelphia."
An idea popped in his head at Angela's suggestion. "I know just the place."
