A/N: Ok, boys and girls, we are going to start earning our rating in this chapter. If you're not really into that sort of thing, just skip to the last paragraph. It will tell you enough for you to get the gist of things without the graphic description.

I will tell you, I didn't write this chapter this way just to throw in some gratuitous smut. I want you guys to get a feel for Bella's emotional state at this point. So, it does actually serve a purpose.

To everyone that has left a review: I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to get them. It truly made my day to see them waiting in my In Box. I would love it if more people would do the same. Good, bad, ugly and indifferent…I want to hear it all.

Enough said, on with the show.

Chapter 4-Thank God for the Mini Bar

BPOV

The tiny bed back in Forks was warm and cozy despite the icy figure that lay beneath the old quilt with me. His arms were circled around me and my head was on his chest. To anyone else, it might appear that he was asleep. Of course, that was impossible.

I sighed and shifted myself so that I could look into his eyes. Buttery gold burned back at me and I was, even in my dream state, dazzled. Those eyes burned with love and passion and lust as they looked at me.

His marble lips lightly brushed the tip of my nose and my eyes closed involuntarily. The electric pulse rushed through my body even at this lightest of touches. He slowly skimmed his nose down my cheek until his lips were hovering millimeters away from mine and he stared directly into my eyes.

The arms that had so recently been wrapped around my shoulder had moved when I did. His right arm was still wrapped around my shoulders; only the fingers of his hand were now gripping me and pulling me toward him. His left hand was tracing my collarbone with the arctic touch that never failed to set my core on fire. His hand moved across my chest and came to rest on my breast. The skilled fingers of my piano maestro circled my nipple so lightly that his touch barely registered. It was enough. Enough to make my nipples instantly hard enough to cut glass.

As his touch became more defined, his head bowed even more and I felt his tongue lick a path toward his fingers. His hand cupped my breast and raised it slightly just as his mouth reached its destination. I shuddered as his mouth closed over my nipple and the liquid fire between my legs pooled in the panties that I wore.

As he sucked and nipped at my nipple, his right arm urging me still closer to his body, his left hand traced a path over my side, down my waist and onto my hip. His fingers kneaded the skin above my hip bone for just a second before his hand slipped to my ass. His fingers dug into the skin as he gripped me and pulled my body fully against his. I could feel his erection against my stomach and I groaned in need.

He released my cheek and trailed those perfect fingers down the back of my thigh to my knee. He curled his fingers into the skin and in a split second, he hitched my leg over his own hip. I was opened to him and I could feel the pulse of cold that radiated from his own body. The sensation was maddening. Burning fire meeting the blasts of cold only furthered my arousal. I was so wet that I could feel my own fluids sliding down my leg.

His fingers traced back up toward my rear but detoured at the last second and made their way toward my aching and now soaking wet crotch. I could feel his hands skimming the thin cotton material and his mouth has yet to cease its ministrations on my nipple. The prolonged attention should have made me sore, but the cold of his mouth and tongue did not allow it.

His fingers slid expertly along the edge of my panties. Only a few maddening seconds later, he tugged the side of the fabric to the side. The back of his hands ghosted across the coarse hair between my legs with just enough friction to drive me absolutely insane. My body tensed as I felt his finger slowly slide between my lips towards my core.

Just as his finger was finally about to enter me……I woke up.

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and groaned when I saw that it was only 2:30am. At least this had not been an actual nightmare. The dreams were always one of two things. At least tonight's had some redeeming qualities.

Of course, I also was alone in a bed at the Waverly and now my panties were absolutely sopping wet. As I lay there, the ache in my chest seemed to ease somewhat. My Edward dreams were polar opposites. This one let me wake up with a sense of need and want. This dream didn't hurt quite so much. Maybe it was because this was only a dream. My real Edward would never have taken our physical relationship so far. This was my mind and my body wishing for him. My Edward in this dream never spoke and for that I was grateful. I think my own fucked up brain recognized that if he did, the dream would cease to be pleasurable and become painful.

"Shit". It was the only thing appropriate for what I felt as I lay in this oversized bed. I knew the only way to go back to sleep anytime soon would be to "take care" of my current state of arousal. But I just felt so stupid masturbating. Chip had bought me a vibrator, which made me blush a shade that I didn't think was found in nature, but I had only tried to use it a couple of times. I didn't really see what the big deal was. It felt totally wrong.

The comforter on this bed was extremely heavy as I threw it to the side. I didn't want the lights on. That would alert Chip to the fact that I was awake. It had only been recently that he had stopped putting the baby monitor in my room at nights. The nightmares had been so frequent for a while that he wanted to know when they were happening so that he or Marcus could try to wake me up before the screaming started. The screaming always lead to a panic attack. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes the nightmare occurred multiple times in a single night, and each time I awoke the reaction was more hysterical. The panic attacks had been getting so frequent that Chip had wanted to have a doctor put me on medication for a while. I had refused somewhat adamantly after I did some research, but I did get a song out of the whole experience. "Lithium" would be on the next album.

But I felt ridiculous as a 23 year old sleeping with a monitor in my room, so I had promised to turn the light on if I woke up. Chip and Marcus always had the room adjoined to mine when we toured, so the light would tell them if anything was happening.

I fumbled my way across the room to the mini bar. A sip of water and a change of underpants and maybe I could get back to sleep. Sound check was scheduled for 1:30 tomorrow afternoon and then the first of three shows was set to start at 10. That left a lot of free time and tomorrow night would be long. Sleep was going to be necessary, regardless of how elusive it might want to be.

This was one of the things about touring I did actually like. I loved the time on the road with the guys and I loved hotel mini bars. Not that I ever actually drank any of the wine or beer. But I loved the instant gratification snacks. Different hotels had different ideas of what was acceptable to offer its guests. Snickers bars and peanut M&Ms were in almost every selection, as was bottled water and soda. But sometimes I would get surprises. Trail mix in Phoenix that had chocolate chips in it. A can of deviled ham and crackers in Houston that I had not been brave enough to try once I opened the can. It looked and smelled suspiciously like cat food and I could not force myself to take even the smallest bite. Pickled peaches in Fargo had been one of the oddest. I didn't even know you could pickle a peach. They were surprisingly good though.

I loved the mini bars that had small freezers attached. I had never been much of an ice cream kind of girl until we went out on the road. The first time I opened the door to discover a Klondike bar and a small container of Ben & Jerry's waiting to be devoured, I fell in love. And apparently the Waverly agreed with me. There was the small but distinct door that promised frozen treats to those willing to pay an outrageous amount for such delights. I was willing to pay for my small reprieve from the dreams.

I opened the door and sure enough, there was the Crunch bar, the regular Snickers that was now frozen solid (just how the hell did you bite into one of these without needing to see a dentist immediately afterward) and two single yellow popsicles, the wrapper of which proclaimed them to be banana. I grabbed one of the popsicles and a bottle of water and headed back to the bed. I grabbed one of the pillows that I had kicked away at some point during the night and laid it over the black air conditioner under the window. I turned the knob on full blast and threw myself back into the bed, almost as if a demon was chasing me.

"Fucking pathetic Swan" I muttered to myself as I tore the paper from the frozen ice that was my company for the evening. The unnatural yellow coloring of the ice glinted in the moonlight that streamed into the room. I knew exactly what I was doing with the pillow and I wanted to hate myself for it. I had discovered that particular trick shortly after that terrible….no don't go there. This is a good dream night, don't ruin it.

Wrapped up in my own inner musings, I did not realize that the Popsicle had already begun to melt. I felt the syrupy liquid slide down over my hand and realized that I was not going to be able to lick the flavoring from my hand quickly enough to avoid making a mess. The ice cold drop fell directly onto the center of my still wet panties and my entire body froze.

This was wrong to even be thinking. That should not have felt good and I should not want it to happen again. But even as the thought completed itself in my head, my hand tilted slightly to allow a couple more drips to land in the same area.

"Fuck it. I'll feel bad about it later"

As my back fell against the pillow and my head tilted against the headboard, my knees separated and spread themselves almost of their own accord. I would absolutely hate myself in the morning if I did this. But I would hate everyone else if I didn't get some sleep and that wasn't happening now that this twisted thought had found its way into my head. I wanted my dream back. I wanted to feel, just for a little while, that he wanted me and loved me the way I loved him. It was pathetic, but such was my life.

With my left hand I pushed my panties down my thighs until they reached the bend in my knees and gravity pulled them to my ankles. My eyes closed and I recalled my dream from just a few minutes ago. His hand had been just about to enter me, as it always was when I woke up. He was so gentle and slow. I felt the Popsicle sliding down my stomach and the goose bumps formed instantly. It was so reminiscent of the response I had always had to his touch that I shivered.

Could I really do this?

Yeah, I could.

My dream Edward was nuzzling my neck with my leg still hitched around his hip. His cold fingers slid lightly along my outer lips and I was instantly on fire. He gently separated me and stroked me up and down. His finger circled my clit several times, causing me gasp and shudder. Slowly, he worked his way back down towards my core.

My back arched as he slid his finger into me. The icy cold should not have been able to produce the fire that now burned in my stomach, but it did. His finger began a steady in and out motion that seemed to fan the flames in my stomach even higher. Over and over he pumped his finger into me, adding a second and then a third as my hips pushed into him. His mouth never left my neck or breast and his pace never wavered. In and out, he pushed over and over and over. The tension in my belly was moving rapidly downward and I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before I found the release I so desperately needed.

"Edward" I sighed and even to me, my voice sounded horse and deep.

The fire overtook my body at that moment. My back arched further into him and my legs shook with the force of my orgasm. His fingers never stopped, even as I clenched myself around him. For several blissful seconds, I lay there reveling in the feeling.

I opened my eyes; half expecting to see him staring back at me. But oh no. Not in my life. Instead there was a now bare wooden stick in my hand and a rather large wet spot in the sheets of my bed. The yellow dye of the Popsicle on the sheets looked alarmingly like urine.

"Fan-fucking-tastic. Not only am I a freak of nature, but now the housekeeper will think I am incontinent as well." I bitched to no one except myself.

I threw myself out of the bed again and stumbled to the bathroom. After a few moments with a wet wash cloth and a fresh pair of panties I made my way back to the bed. Obviously, I would be sleeping on the opposite side the rest of the night. I stared at the pillow lying atop the air conditioner unit. Maybe Chip was right. Maybe I did need to see a doctor of some sort. I really was ridiculous in my continued obsession.

I turned the knob of the A/C to the off position and grabbed the now icy pillow. I curled into the bed and wrapped my upper body around the frigid pillow, hugging it to myself. It wasn't nearly as good as the real thing. But at 3:30 in the morning after a self induced orgasm with a Popsicle, I could almost fool myself into thinking that I was curling up on his chest and that he did still love me.

It was all I had left of Edward, and it would have to be enough. I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks as I drifted back to sleep.