Please God, let me take his place
Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.
Warnings: Rated M for drug use, strong language, adult themes and real-life issues.
Chapter 4: Radiation-retching
B POV
I couldn't feel the nausea they said I would feel. But looking at the giant ray gun they had pointed directly at my nether regions did make me feel sick. I knew this would happen, I'd get through the surgery and then they'd burn my dick off.
I swallowed a few times and then I felt the nurse gently pull on my shoulder. "Mr. Kinney...?" She began softly, "Mr. Kinney...?"
"Yes?" I answered, giving her the shock of her life, I watched in amusement as she jumped back. "That's it for today, Mr. Kinney." She began, helping me into a sitting position. "You probably feel fine now, but you'll hit a wall around noon, nausea, cramps, the usual."
"Well, thank you, nurse." I answered sarcastically, but I don't think she picked up on it.
"Where do you work?" She asked abruptly.
I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Where do you work?" She continued, raising an eyebrow back, and I had to fight off the urge to laugh. Wow, I actually felt like laughing.
"CEO and President of Kinnetik advertising." I finally answered.
She whistled. "Nice. Well, then, Boss, you're giving yourself the week off."
"What?" I said, turning to her too sharply, I felt my stomach seize slightly, I grabbed my side in pain.
"Are you okay, Mr. Kinn...?"
"I'm fine!" I answered harshly. "Just tell me why I can't go to work."
"Mr. Kinney, you're in radiation, you just had an operation, you're body needs time to rest, to heal itself."
I growled slightly, yeah, I actually fucking growled, and turned back to my original sitting position. First, I have cancer, then they fry what's left of it, and now I can't even fucking work.
"Do you have a partner?" She asked.
I laughed humourlessly. "Why the 20 questions?"
"Answer the question, Mr. Kinney."
I sighed grudgingly. "Yes." I answered finally.
"well, then, she can help to look after you, it's best to have people around just in case."
I turned back to her. "Well, I'm sure he can help look after me." She met my eyes for a second and then turned away, embarrassed. I shook my head slightly. Once again, I was the cancer patient, and I felt the need to protect Sunshine.
...
J POV
I looked up as Brian came home through the loft door, confused, I walked up to meet him.
"Hey," I began, "why aren't you at work?"
"The, err...I've decided to do some work at home this week, you 'no, rest...I mean...take some time out...break..." He walked past me and into the kitchen, I just stared after him, Brian never tripped over his sentences.
I immediately brightened up. "Hey, this means we can spend some time together!" I stated happily, pleased with this news. He just smiled softly at me.
"Yeah, I guess so." He said softly.
I walked up to him, deciding to take Daphne's advice. I put my arms on Brian's shoulders and began massaging out the kinks. Brian moaned softly and let his head fall back, and, honestly, I nearly came.
"How are you?" I asked him softly. "Is everything okay?" I felt Brian's shoulders immediately tense up again but then relax a moment later.
"I'm fine." He said softly, before turning to face me. "Really, I'm fine. I'm fine." He leant down and softly pressed his lips to mine. I got lost in Brian for a moment before I pulled back and smiled at him. My smile faltered slightly as I stared into Brian's eyes for the first time since he'd set foot into the loft.
"You 'no," I began, afraid I might anger him, "you look really tired." It was true, he did. The skin around his eyes looked sallower somehow, his eyes seemed happy but they weren't as bright as they usually were, the bags under Brian's eyes were only visible up close.
He breathed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, I ran my finger up his cheek, I still marvelled that he let me touch him like that, that he let me come this close.
"Just jetlag," he offered softly, "from the flight yesterday."
I nodded slowly, that made sense. It explained why Brian was talking so softly and moving so slowly.
"Well," I began playfully, putting my arms around his waist. "I can help with that." I whispered, "why don't we..."
Brian suddenly stared at me in shock. "Hold the thought," he said quickly, "I really have to use the bathroom."
I chuckled as Brian practically bolted out of my arms and into the bathroom. That was a thing I'd picked up about Brian a long time ago, his pee's always liked to sneak up on him, he must have had the weakest bladder ever.
I went to the bedroom and took my top off. Maybe tonight would finally be the night Brian would touch me again. I was craving it, I was going crazy.
Unable to resist, I snuck a quick glance in the bathroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of Brian naked, (hey, I'm a pervert, and proud of it) I faltered slightly when I saw that Brian was fully clothed, and bent over the toilet. Shuffling closer to the bathroom, I pressed my ear up against it.
Was that...retching?
That was definitely retching.
Brian was throwing up, and from the sound of it, quite painfully. It took all the strength I had to not run in there.
...
B POV
As I got out of bed the next day, my insides ached. I actually had to hold my sides. I was glad Justin was in the shower so he couldn't hear my groaning. I was going to have to think up another excuse and fast, this jetlag one wasn't going to last very long, and I didn't know how long they planned to keep me in radiation for.
I heard the shower stop as I went to get coffee, as loud as my sore throat would allow me to shout, I shouted;
"Hey, Justin, do you want to grab some breakfast at the diner?" There, maybe if we did some more couple-y things, he would stop suspecting things. Not being an idiot myself meant that I knew that Justin wasn't one. It wouldn't take long for him to discover what was going on. I almost felt bad about lying to him. I had to keep reminding myself that lying to him was protecting him, and every move I make is about protecting Sunshine.
"Well, I figured you'd want to lay off food for a while." Said Justin, walking into the kitchen with a towel wrapped around his waist. My thought process froze for a minute, I knew that our lack of physical intimacy was annoying him, but it was practically killing me. I'd spent days, weeks, having to resist Sunshine and all of his fucking beauty. I was fantasizing almost hourly about throwing him onto the bed and fucking him so hard he'd be begging me to stop, and when he begged, I wouldn't listen. I'd just keep going and he'd love every fucking second, and he'd whimper and scream my name in ecstasy...
And then I wouldn't even be able to jerk off, so I was in sexual hell, as far as I was concerned. I hadn't come for weeks. Fucking weeks.
The last time I hadn't come for weeks was before I realised what your cock was for.
Shaking off my fantasy, what Justin said registered in my mind. "Why would I stop eating?"
"Well, because of all that vomiting you were doing yesterday." He answered in a hard voice, staring directly at me.
I stared at him in shock for a long moment and when I finally regained my thought process my defences went straight up.
"Why in the fuck were you spying on me?" I shouted angrily at him.
He stepped back slightly but the hardness never left his eyes. "I wasn't!" He argued back. "How could I fucking miss it?"
I lowered my head slightly, unsure of what to say. Just because he heard me throwing up, didn't mean he knew I had cancer. I could tell him anything, I had food poisoning, my stomachs been funny, jetlag again...
"Brian," began Justin softly, pulling me out of my scheming, the concern in his eyes was almost painful to look at. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything was gonna be okay, but even if I did tell him everything was gonna be okay, that would have been a lie.
I'm really worried about you," he admitted, looking like he was struggling to get the words out. "You, you know you can tell me anything..."
I could suddenly feel the anger bubbling up in my stomach again. Or what I hoped was anger and not round two of radiation-retching. I didn't need the fucking twinks' sympathy.
"I don't need you!" I retorted angrily, rising to my full height, "I don't need anyone!"
Justin walked backwards, and I could see the tears teasing his eyes, but I kept my stance.
He wasn't speaking, and I was actually starting to get nervous.
"Fine." He said finally, breaking the silence. He walked deftly to the bedroom and threw on some clothes and started throwing things into a small rucksack. What the...?
I followed him into the bedroom. "Sunshine... what are you doing?" I asked carefully.
He turned to me and startled me with the anger in his eyes and the angry tears cascading down his face. "You don't need anyone!" He mimicked, shouting my own words at me.
"You're leaving?" I asked softly.
"Oh, I'll be back." He assured me. "Once you calm. The. FUCK. Down." He walked straight up to me and said; "you can keep whatever fucking secrets you want from me, and you can do whatever the fuck you're doing on your own if that's what you want, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like a fucking punching bag!" He was actually expelling a little spit from the force of his shouting.
"I love you!" He shouted, "and I'm not gonna give up on you! Maybe one day you'll get that through your fucking head!"
And with that, he walked straight past me and out of the door, slamming it behind him. I could do nothing but stare after him in shock for a few moments. But after a while, the reality of the conversation set in. I could do nothing but sit weakly down on my bed and wait for him to come back, come home.
I didn't even bother to stop the tears sliding down my cheeks.
