A detour through the ridiculous
"They're kittens," said Morgana, in astonishment.
"They're kittens," confirmed Gwen, matter-of-factly.
"How did they get in here?" asked Morgana.
It was late afternoon and the two women were standing in front of the wardrobe in Morgana's dressing room, mouths open in amazement at the cat suckling tiny kittens underneath the Lady's most expensive and elaborate dresses.
The lean jet-black feline had given birth to three adorable animals: two ebony like their mother and one grey with faint black stripes. The mother had pulled down Morgana's green woollen dress and torn it into shreds to make her bed.
Gwen looked at Morgana's stunned expression that so closely mirrored her own and then the two started laughing.
"They're kittens!"
"Oh dear, My Lady, what are we going to do? We have to call a guard to get them out of here."
"No."
Gwen looked at her mistress, who was suddenly serious.
"If we tell the guards, they'll put them in a bag and drown them in the river. We need to find her a new home where she and her babies will be safe."
Gwen looked at her and opened her mouth.
"No, we can't give them to Merlin," said Morgana, firmly pre-empting her handmaiden's suggestion, "he already has five stray cats he's caring for, those two dogs he's hoping Arthur won't notice are kennelled with his hunting hounds, and that rabbit he stashed in his bag to stop Arthur from shooting it. And that doesn't include the animals he left with Gaius when he moved into his own chambers."
Gwen laughed softly. "He does have a soft spot for helpless creatures, doesn't he?"
"He does indeed. I'm already waking up with kittens stuck in my hair. I'm not adding three more."
Gwen bent down and pushed one of the dresses out of the way.
"Hello, darling," she said, soothingly "how are you?"
The cat hissed at her, its yellow eyes brightening with fear, and it bolted out of the wardrobe, through the bedroom, out of the main door into the hallway leaving its stunned kittens behind.
"This is going to take some thinking," noted Morgana.
"You'll have to catch them together," said Gaius, definitely, "if you take the kittens from their mother now they'll die."
Gwen had gone to see the Physician with the cat crisis, figuring he was the closest thing in Camelot to an animal doctor.
"So, if we don't want them to die, we have to get them at the same time?" asked Gwen, hoping she had misunderstood. They hadn't even been able to talk to the mother without it bolting. "But that may be impossible; she ran off and left them."
"A cat would never abandon its kittens, Gwen," said Gaius kindly "you frightened her but she will be back very shortly. I just hope she doesn't move them now they've been discovered."
"I don't know, Gaius. Morgana has one of her determined expressions, like this is a quest or something. She's decided she's going to save these kittens no matter what. I can tell. It might have been better if the mother hid them someplace else."
"Is it possible you're being a bit... um... melodramatic, Gwen" asked Arthur tentatively between bites of chicken that night, "I mean, we're talking about kittens, not Druid refugees."
Gwen just smiled wryly and took a sip of her wine.
"Big or small, you know what Morgana's like when she thinks things should be a certain way. Kittens or Kingdoms, it's all the same."
"Lucky Merlin," noted Arthur sardonically and then laughed. "They're just kittens, Gwen, it'll be fine. Worst case scenario, Merlin adopts even more stray animals. And if she gets too carried away, he'll rein her in. You know he's the one person who can."
"True," acknowledged Gwen, "now if he can just convince your father to recognise our engagement, he will be Camelot's true miracle worker."
"True," said Arthur, mimicking her tone. Then he gave her an expression she was almost sure was a leer. "Then maybe you wouldn't have to go all the way back to the Lower Town after our meal."
"Not until we're married, Arthur," she said reprovingly, although she was secretly pleased at the intimation, "this was your plan, after all."
"Merlin's plan," corrected Arthur. "Remember. It was bloody Merlin's plan. And if I ever find out he was motivated by anything other than our interests, I will kill him."
"No you won't, you love him."
"Hate him."
"Eat your dinner. And anyway, I'm sleeping in Morgana's chambers tonight. She needs me in the morning to get her ready for the reception."
"Oh, Olaf and Vivian," groaned Arthur.
"More chicken with your destiny, Arthur?" asked Gwen and then bubbled with laughter at his expression.
"Gwen, I'm so glad you're here," exclaimed Morgana, as she ran into her maid's sleeping room and sat down beside her small low bed. Gwen smiled in sleepy confusion and sat up. It was just dawn and she would have had to have woken soon anyway.
"Yes, My Lady?"
"The cat is back and is suckling the kittens. I have a box inside my dressing room and I've found a family in the Lower Town that is willing to take care of them."
"Really?" asked Gwen, trying to envision Morgana walking through the Lower Town asking people to take kittens.
"Well, Merlin found them," she conceded. "Apparently Tom the Baker needs a good ratter, or at least that's what he says. He's probably taking them because Cecily still lives in hope. But the point is that between you and me we should be able to catch the cats and put them in the box."
"If you say so, My Lady," agreed Gwen, cautiously. She had seen how fast the animal could move and was somewhat sceptical but was also, as usual, willing to serve.
"Right then," said Morgana, with her hand on the door, "I fed her so I think she trusts me a bit. Let's go."
"Can I at least change out of my nightgown?" asked Gwen.
"Oh, of course," Morgana replied, but Gwen thought she looked a bit put out by the delay.
While she was changing, Morgana closed the door to the hallway so the cat could not escape and pulled and latched the windows.
Once Gwen was appropriately attired, the two women snuck slowly through the bedroom into the dressing room and up to the wardrobe door. Morgana gestured to her and her maid opened the wardrobe slowly. Inside, the cat looked at them with appraising intelligent eyes, while the three kittens fed.
Gwen shuddered at the sight of the yellow orbs.
"Gwen," Morgana reproached her; "you're not superstitious, are you?"
"I'm sorry, my Lady, I usually don't put stock in such things... but those yellow eyes and black fur... maybe people say they're evil for a reason."
"Don't be ridiculous," chided Morgana angrily, "it's just a normal cat with kittens that it loves like any other mother."
"Of course, My Lady." Gwen took a deep breath to reassure herself and reached down to grab the cat.
After that, everything got a little silly.
"Where is it, where did it go?" yelled Morgana as the cat dashed from the ledge, under the bed and disappeared.
"It's behind the curtains, My Lady," said Gwen. They crowded around the curtain and pulled it aside, only to have a cat blur past them and through the dressing room into Gwen's room.
A loud crash and splash signalled that the animal had knocked over the basin Gwen used to wash her face. It howled and pelted back through into the bedroom, scooting along the top of Morgana's desk, trying to hide in the fireplace, and then pelting toward the bookcase.
It stayed there in the corner, desperately trying to climb the sheer walls.
"We have her, My Lady, she's trapped."
"Fine, Gwen, let's grab her and put her in the box."
The two women rounded the bookcase and stood there in mutual astonishment.
The cat had gone.
"I'm telling you Arthur," said Morgana, forcefully. She was beginning to get annoyed with him, "the cat was there and then it disappeared."
They stood in the Throne Room preparing to receive Olaf and his insufferably-rude daughter. Morgana had been looking forward to it, particularly as she didn't know whether Vivian's love spell had been broken yet. Merlin was hoping that it would just wear off but the thought of seeing Arthur fend off the Lady's advances... well, a girl could dream...
"It disappeared?" said Arthur, his tone dripping with disdain.
"You can ask Gwen, she was there too. Thank the Lord. Otherwise I'd be questioning my sanity."
"Not your sanity, Morgana," responded Arthur, soothingly, "just your sense. It obviously ducked behind the bookcase and got around you."
"And I'm telling you, Arthur, Gwen and I searched all three rooms and there is no cat. She has kittens. Don't you think she would have gone back to them?"
"Well, she was obviously waiting for you to leave before she left her hiding place. She'll be back with them now."
"It was completely bizarre. I got chills up my spine. I just can't help thinking..."
"What?"
"She's a black cat, Arthur."
"Oh, don't tell me you believe in that rubbish, Morgana. Merlin has told me all that stuff about mediums and animals is ridiculous."
"Well, if you were there you'd be just as freaked out as Gwen and I are."
"I tell you what," he said soothingly, if not a bit condescendingly. "after we're finished welcoming the rudest woman in Albion, Merlin and I will help you search your chambers and see if we can find her."
Morgana looked at him in alarm. "No, don't tell Merlin. He'll insist on staying with me tonight if he thinks I'm frightened and, with Olaf here, we've been told to sleep in our respective chambers. Olaf's so strict; Uther doesn't want him to know about our... relationship.
Besides," she added, getting to the real reason, "he'll think I'm being ridiculous."
"Morgana, I think you're being ridiculous, but ok."
"See, Arthur, no cat."
Morgana stood, hands on hips in the centre of the room. She and Arthur had spent a good half hour searching the three rooms in every nook, cranny, drawer and dresser. They'd also pulled out the bookcase to check behind it and inspected the wood for any holes that an animal could hide in.
"It's obvious." said Arthur, after a short pause to gather his thoughts. "A servant's come in today and the cat has run out to escape. I mean, isn't that how the cat got into your rooms in the first place?"
Morgana made as if to argue and then sighed.
"I hope you're right. I just have this... feeling... that it's still here."
"Morgana, I can't believe you're buying into this superstitious rubbish. What are you saying? That the cat escaped by magic? That it turned itself invisible? Don't let my father hear you talking like that."
"You're right, of course. Well, I'd better get these kittens to Gaius. Maybe he can find a way to care for them while we wait for the mother to come back."
Arthur nodded and turned to leave.
"Thank you, Arthur," she called after him. And then she looked around and shivered. Freaky, creepy cat.
"Meow."
Morgana's eyes flew open to take in the darkened room. She looked out the window to see the moon still rising in the sky. She hadn't been asleep that long, then. With all she'd had to drink, it had felt like longer.
After her experience with the disappearing cat, she'd had far more wine than usual at the dinner to welcome Olaf and Vivian. Gwen had been tending to her and the two girls had gossiped quietly about the strange incident. Gwen had tried to explain what had happened to one of the kitchen girls who had also not believed her and both women were feeling remarkably frustrated about everyone's scepticism.
"Are you telling me you think a magical cat transported itself somewhere else to escape being captured?" trilled Vivian. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"Thank you for your opinion, Lady Vivian," said Morgana, calmly, "but I wasn't aware you had been invited to take part in this conversation. By the way, I've been meaning to ask. Been caught half-naked with a man in your bedroom lately?"
"No," the lady said sweetly, "met any that would want to be half-naked in your bedroom yet?"
Morgana had just smiled tightly and turned back to Gwen. Now awake and apparently imagining phantom cat cries she rolled over and punched her Vivian-shaped pillow. The woman was much more fun when enchanted.
"Meow."
Morgana sat bolt upright. She was sure she had not imagined that.
Her eyes flashed gold and all the candles lit themselves. She looked around the room but could see nothing and then mentally kicked herself for letting Gwen return to her own home.
She got out of her bed, the long nightgown trailing along the floor, and began once again to search the room. This time she was able to use magic to lift up furniture and move books. Every corner searched, she looked back toward the bookcase. That was where the cat had last been seen. She walked over and pulled the case out from the wall, removing all the books and examining both sides of it for holes.
"I can't believe this," she muttered, "if this cat was here it would have bolted the minute I moved the bookcase. There's no cat. There's no cat."
She climbed back into bed, pulling the covers right up to her chin and taking a few deep breaths.
"There is no cat in these chambers," she said to herself, "there is no cat in these chambers."
She closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep.
"Meow."
She sat up and lit the candles again and... nothing. She lay back down.
"There is no cat in these chambers. There is no cat in these chambers."
"Meow... meow... meeeooowwww."
This time, Morgana's feet hit the floor with a thump and the candles lit almost instantly as she followed the howls into her dressing room. Seeing nothing, she turned to go back to her bedroom nearly stepping in a puddle of cat urine.
I'm going insane, she thought, I've searched these quarters. Gwen helped me. Arthur helped me. There is no cat here. My mind is going. I'm seeing things. I'm hearing things. I'm...
"Meow," she heard. Thought she heard. Could have sworn she heard.
As she stood there, a black blur flew out of Gwen's room and shot through into the bedroom. Morgana ran after it, watching it scoot toward the bookcase and...
"Oh Gods," she cried. And she ran.
"Merlin!" she cried, bursting into his chambers, still dressed only in her nightgown. As she'd hoped, he was still up studying. His tendency to spend the small amount of time they had for each other prowling around his library reading till all hours was the main source of most of their arguments. On this occasion she was grateful.
"Morgana," he exclaimed, concerned, and stood up, moving toward her.
She grabbed his hands, hysterically.
"Merlin... Merlin, my rooms are being haunted by an evil, fecund, urinating, magical, disappearing cat."
"Um... ok," he said.
"Aelfylce aelwiht aberan," Merlin incanted as soon as he walked through the door.
"If magic's been used here, we'll see it," he explained.
"What about my magic? I used it to light the room and help with the search."
Merlin smiled, "I specified magic used by an enemy or strange creature," he clarified and stroked her hand gently. "It'll be alright. I've defeated griffins and Questing Beasts. I think I can handle one cat."
She smiled back slightly; as usual both comforted and annoyed about his greater knowledge and mastery of magic.
He looked around and nodded. "No evidence of magic. It's probably just an ordinary black cat hiding somewhere in your room. Let's check."
And once again Morgana found herself searching the room from top to bottom, this time accompanied by the clumsiest man in the Kingdom, who kept picking up items with his magic - items such as her favourite vase - and then getting distracted and dropping them, tripping over table legs, and, once, his own feet.
"No cat," he declared and she took a deep breath and nodded.
Madness then, she thought, fantastic.
"Come on," he said, seeing her expression, "I know I'm not supposed to be here but I'll lay down with you until you fall asleep."
She just nodded and they climbed into her bed; her snuggling into him and feeling the calmness that always enveloped her when he was near.
Her eyes fluttered shut and she felt his breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep.
Until...
"Meow."
Their eyes snapped open in shock.
"So, my chambers then?" he offered.
"Definitely," she agreed and they both pounded down the hallway toward his room, passing an amused and bemused Vivian on their way.
A/N So, substitute my external laundry for Morgana's dressing room, my unit for her bedroom, my neighbour for Gwen, and my workmates for Arthur and this actually happened to me. No magic, of course, and I worked out the beast's super secret hiding place in the end, but it was still pretty bloody freaky at the time. Just a shame I don't have a Merlin, hey? *sigh*
