Whew! ok here's chapter 4! I know I said this was the last one but I lied! there will be probably one more after this.
I have to say I was a little surprised by the reviews on the last chapter because Hermione and Snape's relationship was meant to subvert the genre where they do the whole beauty and the beast thing where she fixes his issues just by love. I wanted them to fix themselves and I wanted a friend (harry) to recognize their unhealthy behavior and not be afraid to step in.
As for Ron well... I am sorry it cause such a visceral reaction lol, I'm also trying to subvert the idea of Ron bashing just because Hermione is with Snape. I wanted him to be a mature adult.
all in all I'm pleased with the story. and I have a nice way to wrap it up that should be posted in couple days. thank you for sticking with me after the last chapter!
She woke the next day next to Ron, his muscular body stretched out next to her. She carefully sat up to look closer at him, she thought maybe she could count the freckles on his back in the warm light that streamed in the window.
At some point in the night before, between their passionate kiss and waking tangled and naked in the sheets, she found herself giving him instructions, taking an active part in their lovemaking. And it was lovemaking, she could feel his love for her in his every breath, and she knew she loved him. Every single aspect of the night felt entirely different from Severus, but it felt wrong.
Ron woke and interrupted her musings, rolling over and looking into her warm brown eyes. "Hey." He said groggily. He sat up and pulled his boxers back on before sitting up and looking at her. "Last night was everything I've ever dreamed of since I fell in love with you all those years ago."
"It was wonderful." she agreed blushing.
"I'm totally open to doing it again anytime you want," They both laughed at his comment, but he quickly turned serious and brushed her hair out of her face. "but something didn't feel quite right did it?"
She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "You noticed that too?"
"I Love you, and I'll always love you, but it felt like I was doing something wrong." Ron said.
"Like us being in a relationship is wrong? No matter how much we love each other?" Hermione asked feeling the weight lift from her.
"Exactly! I mean we should try again for science or whatever, but we probably shouldn't date." Ron laughed, Hermione's giggles mingling with his own.
Severus sat across from a severe looking woman glaring at her with all his might, although the white hospital scrubs he wore detracted greatly from his menacing look. Dr. Noble was slightly older than him. She dressed in a slate gray suit, her black hair cut in a bob. She held a notepad in her hands and simply sat, legs crossed, leaned slightly forward watching him, waiting.
"I have no desire to discuss my mother." He finally snapped.
"I didn't ask you about your mother, I asked you to tell me about the first time you started using drugs and alcohol as a teen." She made a note on her paper, "Tell me when she passed?"
"The summer I graduated from Hogwarts." he ground out.
"And that was around the time your usage when from recreational to daily?"
"Yes." He hissed, not liking how easily she read him.
"How did she die?" She was writing many notes now, not even looking at the paper as she jotted down words.
"She put her head in the oven, very Sylvia Plath."
"That sounds very traumatic for you. How did your father cope?"
"He dried out long enough to bury her."
"So your father is an alcoholic too?" she asked, Severs swore under his breath. He refused to believe she wasn't some sort of legilimens. He decided not replying was safest."I can see were done for today, I'll see you in group after lunch." He got up and quickly walked out, his feet carrying him all the way outside to the courtyard where he lit up a cigarette.
He breathed a sigh of relief taking his first drag. They were only allowed to smoke and outside during daytime hours and every night was like torture, waiting for the morning to come and the doors to unlock so he could smoke.
He'd created a level of distance between himself and the other patients, by being his usual charming self. It was only the first week but they now gave him a wide berth which he was pleased with. He felt a hard tap on his shoulder and turned to see an orderly.
"You have a visitor Snape." sighing and stamping out his cigarette he followed the large man to the rec room where a young man with wild black hair was waiting for him. "This must be your son." he said motioning to the man before walking away before Severus had a chance to correct him.
"You look like Hell." Harry said looking the man up and down.
"That's because I'm in hell." Snape growled. "especially now that I have to deal with your arrogant ass."
"Your cheerful disposition is always a joy sir" Harry deadpanned, Snape merely grunted in return falling into the nearest chair. Harry followed suit, and continued. "I went to your house and cleaned it out, no drugs, no alcohol on the property at all."
"I'm sure you did your best." He sneered, confident potter missed his hidden joints.
"A little Accio goes a long way, plus I had Kreacher come help me give it a good scrub. Its all gone." He said sensing Snape's smugness, knowing he was right as he watched the older man deflate a little. "I don't expect you to fall over thanking me. I know how much you hate me right now."
"I'm sure I could surprise you." Snape said coolly. "How is Granger?" He asked carefully looking at the floor.
"I haven't told her you're here." Harry said, "She took it hard when you cut it off, cried for days."
"I only did what you told me too." Snape said defensively.
"I know," Harry held up a hand, "and when I saw how much it hurt her I wondered if I had been wrong about you."
"You weren't" Snape said quietly. "I don't love her, and I don't know if I ever could. She's better off."
"She's doing better, She and Ron had a little fling," Harry noticed a flash of jealousy cross the mans face. "But they've decided to stay just friends, I didn't ask for details though. Since then she's been almost back to her old self though, she's even seeing a therapist too. I think she's finally healing."
"Good." Snape said swallowing hard.
"I think we you may have been a little wrong."
"How's that Potter?"
"I think you didn't love her, but you could." Harry stood up, " You know, once you stop wallowing in your own self destruction. See you later Snape!" he said brightly walking away.
"Potter?"Severus called, Harry turned back around and raised an expectant eyebrow, "Fuck off." there wasn't so much malice as Snape not appreciating the boy calling him out, Harry just smirked and walked away.
As he sat there watching potter leave he couldn't help evaluate his feeling toward the girl. He didn't love her. He knew that without a doubt, but he couldn't deny he missed her. Not just her body, he missed her mind. He realized the entire time they were together they never discussed anything remotely
intelligent. She never longingly gazed at his book shelves, or tried to pick his brain about potions.
They would talk about pointless things and have sex. In the moment it had seemed perfect but he realized just how broken he was to have never noticed her so far removed from her usual self. He realized if he hadn't been so intent of running from the ghosts he might have noticed she was running from her own and it felt like he had failed her.
He didn't live her, she didn't love him, that was true, but he could have. The realization that he was indeed capable of love seemed to mend him ever so slightly, and he knew it was time to stop running.
When he returned to spinner's end four weeks later he immediately set to work, He called a charity truck to come haul away all his parents furniture, and spent a few weeks sleeping on a transfigured pile of his old teaching robes while he painted each and every room, before finally buying slightly newer furniture from a different charity shop.
He dove back into brewing, securing a deal with an apothecary looking for a supplier of ready made potions. It was usually only pain relievers and pepper up potion but it kept him busy and he made himself available for special orders that gave him something interesting to do.
Every other Wednesday he'd apparate back up to the isle of man to see Dr. Noble, Thursdays were meetings in a brightly lit church basement with other addicts and Fridays Potter would stop by, at first just to check up on him but eventually it became a standing lunch appointment.
Harry would ask him about his week, then fill him in on what Hermione was up too. Their most recent meeting came with the news that she had earned a place in the Minister of magics support staff. She was thriving in politics according to Harry Although Snape kept his distance he had to admit he still missed the girl.
"I want you to come to my engagement party this weekend." Harry said as they were finishing their lunch.
"I'm sure your other guest will be much happier if I'm not in attendance." Snape said taking a bite of sandwich.
"Snape." Harry said reproachfully. "I want you there, you need to start socializing anyway. So don't give me your pity party line that everyone hates you for living and come sit around awkwardly in my sitting room with all the rest of the people who felt obligated to come."
"You make it sound so hard to resist." He said dryly.
"Fuck you Snape." Harry said holding back a laugh.
"I'd hate to spoil you for Miss Weasley." Severus smirked as Harry choked on the pumpkin juice he'd been drinking. What had started as Harry's sheer tenacity to insert himself in peoples lives had become a begrudging friendship built on insults that neither meant.
"Somebody is cocky." Harry said when he recovered. "Anyway you can't get out of it, Its at Grimauld place tomorrow at four."
Snape sighed and sat back. "I supposed I'll see you tomorrow then. Although Merlin knows why you inflicted your presence on me today if I'm forced to see you tomorrow as well."
"Because you secretly want to fuck me." Harry said with a wink, this time it was Snape choking on his pumpkin juice. "On that note, I need to get back to work. See you tomorrow!" He said clapping the coughing man on the shoulder and walking out.
The next day Hermione came down the stairs dressed for the party, her wild hair twisted up into a clip with the ends spraying out like a fountain, she wore a simple light blue sundress and tan wedges.
"You look great!" Ginny said brightly as she came into the kitchen, "I still need to go change. Can you help Harry finish up the last tray?" she said pointing to the canapes Harry was carefully putting together.
"Of course!" Hermione made her way over to Harry started helping him skewer cheese cubes on toothpicks. "Did your cousin and Aunt get back to you about the party?"
"Yeah, They'll be here." Harry stopped stabbing and turned to Hermione. "Snape's going to be here too."
She hesitated but kept moving, focusing on the repetitive task. "Why did you invite him?"
"We're sort of friends," Harry said, "He's been clean for about a year now. We have lunch once a week to catch up."
"I'm glad he's doing better." she said tightly not looking up. She felt as though seeing him would take her back to the damaged lost soul she had been when she thought she loved him. She had spent the last year focusing on herself, finding her passion for politics and creating her ten year plan, which poised her to run for Minister for Magic. She couldn't afford to be distracted by a barely functional man child.
"I thought it was fair to warn you." Harry said as wards rang distracted them. Ron came in, hand in hand with Luna. The two had been casually dating for the last two months, and were a really good fit for each other.
The four made quick work of preparing the last of the canapes and setting the party up. Hermione was distracted from her thoughts on Severus as the guests started arriving and soon she was engaged in a conversation with Andromeda Tonks about Teddy. She didn't even notice him arrive.
He spotted her quickly, noticing immediately that she was more beautiful than he remembered. He'd been so taken by her he didn't notice the familiar face to his right until she spoke.
"Severus Snape." He closed his eyes, he knew that disdain well, although he hadn't seen the face that went along with it since she was a small girl.
"Petunia Evans." he turned to her much to his surprise realized he felt no ill intent for the woman.
"It's Dursley now." she said, her face much more pinched that he remembered.
"So I had heard." he poured himself a pumpkin juice and offered her one, which she refused. "I am actually quite glad to see you." he said and her eyebrows shot up into her hair line in response. He couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm in a 12 step, and part of that is making amends with the people I've wronged. I'm sure you can imagine I've been on this step for quite some time."
"I'm sure they don't mean the silly things we said as children." she said sniffing a bit.
"It's more than that, I think I owe you and Harry apologies more than anyone. He knows what I've done, but its time you knew." He guided her to a quiet corner and told her all about how he had been the one to put the target on Lily, how he had been spending the rest of his life trying to protect Harry and then trying to bury his pain.
By the end Petunia wasn't looking at him, her jaw was clenched and he could see tears threatening. "I know simply saying I'm sorry isn't enough, she was your sister and in more than one way I took her from you and I can never make it up to you."
"You said you spent your life protecting Harry?" she said quietly.
He nodded. "I spent almost his whole life working as a double agent, getting information to the order and feeding as many false trails as I could to the other side. I nearly died in the final battle," He pulled back the collar of his shirt to show his scars. "got my throat ripped out by a giant snake, but Potter and his friends saved my life."
"I can't pretend I'd be my sister's favorite person if she were here, but I do know that she'd thank you, for protecting Harry. You don't have to make amends to me, If Harry forgives you, then so do I." Petunia said looking at the man.
From across the room Hermione had been talking to Harry when she noticed Severus talking to the thin brunette. Harry noticed her staring and turned to see what had caught her eye.
"Shit!" He whispered.
"Who is that talking to Snape?" Hermione asked
"It's my aunt."Harry looked mildly panicked. "I forgot they knew each other as kids."
"I wonder what they are talking about."Hermione said studying the man. He looked good, he had put on some weight, since she had seen him last. He wore a simple white collared shirt and charcoal slacks. His hair was longer now and pulled back at the nape of his neck. His face was animated as she talked to Petunia, whatever the conversation was it caused the both of them to laugh. That was the final straw for Harry who left Hermione's side and made his way over to them.
"Potter!" Snape said seeing him make his way over, His eyes darted past harry and saw Hermione standing there still staring, he made eye contact with her briefly before she quickly looked away, getting caught up in a conversation with Luna.
"I have to admit I'm a bit curious whats got the two of you over here laughing." Harry said coming to stand next to the pair.
"I was just telling Severus about that time you blew up Aunt Marge." Petunia said with a little giggle.
"I still don't know why you're laughing." Harry said confused, staring at his Aunt as if she'd grown a second head.
"Oh please, you weren't the only one who hated that woman!" Petunia said with a hint of exasperation. "Since Vernon passed the only bright spot for me has been knowing I'll never have to play hostess to her and that mongrel again." Harry couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Severus excused himself from the two who looked as though they wanted to do a bit of catching up on their new found commonality and found himself a quiet corner to sit in and sip his pumpkin juice. It didn't take long before she was standing beside him in silence. There was a strange tight feeling in his chest having her so close to him. He almost felt he couldn't catch his breath.
"Miss Granger." he said tightly trying to maintain his composure. He lasted all of thirty second before turning to face her. "Oh sod it all! There is absolutely zero reason to sit here and pretend we don't have things to talk about."
"Do we have things to talk about Severus?" she said coolly, he could tell from her clipped tome she was no longer intimidated by him and he found that actually made things easier.
"Yes we do. I owe you an apology first of all for the abysmal way I treated you." he said honestly.
"I seem to recall 'stupid bint who was fun for a fuck' were the words used." she said raising an eyebrow.
"Not my proudest moment," he sighed. "actually that goes for the majority of my adult life, but that moment really sticks out."
She leveled a hard gaze on him, and he felt his heart beat harder. "I am in a good place in my life right now." she said harshly "I'm not wasting my nights tiptoeing around your temper any longer."
He visibly wince at her words, feeling them echo in his head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a poker chip. Reaching forward he grabbed her hand and thrust the chip into it.
"Whats this?" she said confused.
"It's my one year chip." he said leaning back against the wall behind them, wishing in that moment he had a cigarette to have anything to do with his hands. He ended up shoving them in his pockets just to stop himself from fidgeting. "I'm an addict. I've been sober for about a year, thanks to Potter, much to my constant dismay."
She stared at him with an unreadable expression, he almost felt dissected under her gaze. He felt he would never get used to being scrutinized so freely. "What was the catalyst?"
"I overdosed." he said, feeling a tinge of shame creep up the back of his neck. "I took heroine again, much more than I should have and was barely breathing when Potter followed some bizarre instinct and
found me. I am fairly certain if he saves my life again I'm obligated to give him my first born child." she didn't reply so he kept talking purely from nerves. "I admit I handled things wrong, but I know we weren't good for each other back then. Who knows how bad it would have gotten had we continued."
Her face softened a little and finally she nodded. "You do look good." She said softly.
"I was going to say the same for you." he said with a smile. "Politics suits you. I've heard you're bucking for Minister."
"Not for ten years at least, I need to make a name for myself first." She said.
"Hermione bleeding Granger needs to make a name for herself?" he laughed "What is it your hoping to do aside from helping save the wizarding world?" she chuckled at his antics.
"I had actually started working on a legislation to create a child welfare office within the wizarding world, too many kids fall through the cracks in our world simply because the default belief is the parents know best. No one is checking in on high risk children." He was stunned by her and couldn't form a sentence to reply, thankfully she realized this and changed the subject. "What are you doing these days?"
"I'm brewing again." he said happily. "just basics, but the occasional special order comes through. And makes things interesting. I may start doing research again, now that I'm clear headed."
"That's wonderful." she said with a smile. He felt the air get thin again when she looked at him with that smile.
"I find myself utterly devastated I've never been on the receiving end of that smile before now." his voice had gotten rather husky.
She flushed crimson and found herself worrying her lip. Despite everything he still affected her on a primal level.
"Do you want to sneak out of here?" she whispered taking a step closer.
"No." he said, her eyebrows shot quickly up and she stepped back embarrassed that she may have misread the situation. He quickly grabbed her hand. "Please don't misunderstand, what I mean is I'd like to take you out, on a proper date, I want to hear all about this legislation you're writing, and I want to get to know you."
"Oh..." her eyes were wide, looking up at him, her lips slightly parted. He pulled her close and kissed her unable to her stop himself. When they pulled apart there was a collection of giggles and they realized the whole room had stopped everything when the couple kissed. Harry was smirking, with Ginny beaming at his side. It was Ron who broke the silence.
"Huh...well that makes sense actually." He said entirely nonplussed.
"Potter, My sincerest congratulations on your engagement, I will forever be heartbroken it didn't work out between us. We'll always have Paris." Snape called out as he took Hermione's hand and started toward the door. "I wish I could stay longer but I can't bear it any longer, Miss Weasley, take care of him. Now if you'll excuse us, Hermione and I have a date to get too." they reached the door amid the sounds of shocked whispers and laughter.
"Hey Snape?" Harry called out as he reached the door. Severus and Hermione turned around and Harry smiled and said "You're welcome."
"Fuck you Potter." Snape replied with a laugh before walking out the door. "And now I believe I taking you on a date." He said.
"I'm still trying to wrap my head around whatever that was." she said with a laugh.
"The art of distraction, they are in there, talking about what just happened. While we are out here, not being subjected to questions." he said proudly.
"How very clever of you." she laughed.
"Indeed." he took her in his arms again, "Now our first date." He kissed her. "I know a fantastic little bookstore in the isle of man that I've often thought of bringing you too. Shall we?"
"Indeed" she said kissing him again as they apparated away.
