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Disclaimer: Random Nemesis does not own Lord of the Rings.
10: Redecorate his tower with the flags of Gondor.
Sauron knew that there was something wrong even before he woke up. He could feel it deep in his bone marrow. The air within the tower felt lighter than normal. The dark dreariness seemed to have evaporated. Scowling, Sauron climbed out of bed.
"I smell something foul," he walked through the hallway. Then, as he entered the main hallway, it hit him.
"IT BURNS," he yelled. Where old torn up black flags, cobwebs, and spider webs had been, now were the flags and colors of Gondor.
"Yes, my lord," Ringwraith Number Two calmly approached Sauron.
"What happened to my beautiful tower," Sauron was now close to tears.
"All the other Ringwraiths got drunk last night. I guess they decided to re-decorate," Ringwraith Number Two was still clam. "They have been watching a lot of home improvement shows lately."
Sauron was now furious. Geez, that guy sure was having a lot of mood swings, one moment was crying, and now he is angry. "Get them to clean this up then!"
"Yes, my lord," Ringwraith Number Two was still calm.
"And I mean NOW!"
11: Replace his army of orcs with hobbits.
The Dark Lord Sauron strutted through the hallways of the Tower of Barad-Dûr. He was looking forward to inspecting his army of DOOM. As he stepped onto his balcony, he was met with a horrifying sight. "Witch-king!"
"Yes, Lord Sauron," the Witch-king came over.
"What happened to my army of DOOM," Sauron pointed down. Instead of an army of, it was an army of hobbits. An army of hobbits were probably one of the least frightening armies there were.
"Well, all of the orcs decided to use their vacation time. We put job openings in the newspaper, and all these hobbits signed up."
Sauron had the sudden urge to get a hammer and hit himself in the head with it.
12: Invite him to Aragorn's coronation.
"Well, it seems that there are still a few open spots for your coronation," Legolas looked over at the list of invites for Aragorn's coronation.
Aragorn groaned. "I don't care about who you invite; just make sure it's not Gollum or your great aunt Mildred." Aragorn got up. "I think that I need headache medicine," he left.
Legolas looked over at the list and pondered. "Who should I invite?" An evil idea then popped into his head. Snickering, he began to write the invite.
Later…
"My lord," a random orc walked into the throne room. "I come bearing the mail."
"Good," Sauron took the mail and began looking through it. "Junk, junk, junk, more junk, awesome a twenty-five percent discount on nail polish!"
Everyone looked over at Sauron.
"Not that I use nail polish," Sauron coughed. "Junk, junk, hey, what's this," he began to open a neat white envelope.
"Dear Lord Sauron,
You have been invited to attended King Aragorn's coronation. Please leave all weapons at your residence.
Sincerely, Legolas Thranduil"
