Chapter 4: The Cat Is Out Of The Bag.

AN: …You know how I said in my last ending author's note that there will be about three or four more chapters to go before this story ends right? ...Yeah, that was before my plot bunny decided to go on a sugar high. Which means this fic will probably have a a few more chapters than planned. *gets shot* On another part, I love you all who have reviewed so far! (I'm repeating myself over and over, aren't I? Meh.) But seriously, I'm so happy to see people's comments on this story that I'm sure that I can become Oz for a day~

Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts.

(This takes place immediately after where the last chapter ended.)


This may not have been such a good idea after all. Nodding uneasily at Oz's enthusiastic answer and unconsciously taking a step back, Leo was definitely sure he was going to regret asking Oz and his friends for help. Especially since that girl called Alice was still daydreaming about meat, Gilbert was in paralytic shock from being kissed on the cheek by his master-Really it's pathetic- and Oz who by this time had extremely large sparkly shota-eyes and was watching Leo in a (how to put it?) very creepy-and even -oh my god a fanboy- way.

Realising he had to say something, the noirette sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Well, you see Oz-kun, I'm embarrassed to say I haven't actually thought up a plan to get Elliot to cough up what's bothering him. The only thing I can think up is to access his laptop and see whether I can find anything on it that may give me a clue. But in the meantime I need you to distract Elliot."

"Eh? Distract Elliot? Is that all? No problem Leo!" Clapping his hands together in glee at the thought of seeing (and messing around with Elliot again) Oz looked behind to find that Alice and Gilbert on the other hand were not paying attention at all.

"Alice! Gil! You two must pay attention you know~" When no response came, the blond let out a small sigh and looked at Alice pointedly, saying "Aliceeee, you must pay attention to what Leo was saying if you want to eat meat~"

That did the trick for the forever hungry rabbit. Alice went from daydreaming mode to alert in less than a second as soon as she heard the word 'meat'. Unfortunately, Gilbert was oblivious to all, and was in fact standing as still as a statue, barely breathing, with his eyes focused at nothing.

"Hey Gil, did you hear me?"

-The thought that keeps circling inside Gilbert's head: Oz…he-he kissed-Oz kissed-I-He--

"Yoo-hoo, Gillll~" Oz said, waving his hand in front of the raven's face.

No response.

"Gil~"

Still no response.

"Gil talk to meee~"

At this point, Alice's patience snapped and she yelled, "OI SEAWEED HEAD! ARE YOU DEAF? HURRY UP AND REPLY TO MY MANSERVANT SO I CAN EAT MY MEAT!"

This miraculous effort failed to awaken the raven from whatever trance he was in.

Leo, who had been observing the three, sided up to Oz and whispered something in his ear. The blond nodded and Leo went up to the raven.

"Gilbert-sama, I am sorry to say to you that earlier, Oz-kun ate some sweets that had aphrodisiacs in them, was thus knocked out and kidnapped by Miss Echo to bring Oz to your brother who had planted them there, and is probably currently being held prisoner in Vincent-sama's room in Pandora and is being tortured by Vincent-sama as we speak."

Three. Two. One.

"WHAT-OZ I'M COMING!" The raven jumped to his feet, oblivious to his surroundings were of Lutwidge Academy and not of Pandora, and would have dashed to the nearest exit, had not Oz stuck out his foot to trip the raven.

"Silly Gil~ I'm perfectly fine~"

"Hmph! It's about time you woke up, you useless Seaweed Head!" Alice scowled, looking down at the pathetic twitching heap on the floor which was the raven.

"Oz…You're okay…"

"Alright, now that Gil's fine, here's what we're going to do~"


Elliot was lying on his bed, with a book(not Holy Knight) over his head. Elliot was actually wishing that he had homework or at least something to do so his mind couldn't get distracted onto that. So when he had absolutely nothing else to do, he spent his time arguing with himself.

For goodness sake, get a grip on yourself Elliot Nightray. This is normal behaviour for most teenager boys right? Just look at Leo, not only does he read those kind of things, he also looks at the pictures of people doing it.

Leo. Leo. Elliot couldn't remember really talking/arguing with the noirette for the last few days. In fact, they had barely talked to each other except for some awkward questions and responses since Elliot mostly avoided eye contact with the noirette. …Crap, he must be really annoyed at me for ignoring him. I'm surprised he hasn't thrown something at me yet. Sorry Leo, but I just can't look at you in the eye after reading about me-goddamit! …But I can't just continue ignoring him…

Sighing, the noble got to his feet, deciding to summon up his courage to go and find Leo and explain the reason why he had been ignoring the noirette. On the bright side, he felt relieved that he was finally going to explain what had been bothering him. This disappeared as soon as he realised that he had no idea how to put it to Leo.

"Hey Leo, the reason I haven't been talking to you of late is that I've…"

"Leo, you see I found this website which has stories written by other people about me and you…"

"I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you a lot but I-y-you-see-…"

Fuck, this isn't working!

Alright, let me see, I think I have two choices:

One: Go to Leo, apologise no matter how embarrassingly it is, and wait for Leo to do whatever he chooses to do and suck it up.

Two: Stay in this room and hope for divine intervention.

Screw it.

"Elliot, where are youuuu~"

NO. NO. It can't be that shorty-NO! Calm down Elliot. It's just your stressed mind from all the homework you've been given and those disturbing fanfics. Elliot felt a shiver go down his spine as he thought about the poll and some other fanfics he had glimpsed through. That or you've finally snapped.

"Ellyyyyy~"

Just. Let. Me. Drop. Dead. Right. Now.

"There you are, Elly~!"

If he comes too close I'll…

Oz never saw it coming. One moment he was rushing to glomp Elliot, the next moment he found himself flat on the ground with the noble's foot firmly planted on his chest. This made it hard to breathe, not to mention the noble's ever-present sword was barely an inch away from his face.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE VESSALIUS!"

"Ah…Elly…remove your sword please…you're also making it hard…for me to breathe…"

"DON'T CALL ME ELLY DAMNIT!"

Glaring down at the blond, and pressing even harder with his foot on the blond's chest to emphasis his point, Elliot was just about to yell at the blond once more when ninga!Alice fly-kicked him out of the way causing Elliot to crash into the opposite wall of his and Leo's room that caused most of the books on the bookcases to fall out. Despite seeing little white cats with wings going round and round his head, the noble was unfortunately still conscious enough to hear that Alice girl bark out: "HOW DARE YOU LAY HANDS ON MY MEAT PROVIDER-I MEAN MY MANSERVANT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!" followed by his older foster wimpy brother Gilbert call out "OZ?"

Groaning, Elliot got to his feet, cursing/thanking his lucky stars(if he even had one) that Leo hadn't seen him getting kicked by a girl. He'll never hear the end of it. Unfortunately he really didn't need to see Gilbert, Alice or Oz. Crap. Just looking at them was enough to make him recall one of the most horrific fics he had seen briefly after he had gotten away from that-drumroll please-pairings poll. The summary had had been like this: After some friendly advice from Break, Gil decides to take control for once aided by Break. Little does he know Alice is watching. PWP. Threesome. Yup, after reading the first few sentences he had to rush to the nearest paper basket to throw up. Just thinking about it was making him nauseous.

Especially the bit where Gilbert did that with his tongue-Oh shit, bin, where the hell is that stupid bin-

The sound of retching distracted Oz and the rest as they looked in Elliot's direction, only to see him vomiting into a bin.

"Elliot are you okay?"

I might be if that shorty and those stalkers who are always following him around wore paper bags over their heads.

Deciding not to voice that aloud, Elliot got up and wiped his mouth, a scowl appearing on his face as the blond was looking worriedly at him.

"Tch…never mind Vessalius…what are you doing here anyway? Are you visiting Ada Vessalius again? If so, why did you come to visit-LISTEN TO ME SHORTY!" came the infuriated yell when he saw that instead of listening to him, the blond was currently looking at his belongings.

"Elliot! Don't talk to Oz like that!"

"Meat…"

"Oooo, I didn't get to properly see your sword last time Elly~ It's so shiny~"

!

Elliot's face turned pale as he realised what Oz was touching-

"GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF MY SWORD SHORTY!"

"Touch touch touch touch-"

"YOU-"

Seeing the aura of menacing doom that was coming off the noble in waves, Oz decided this would be a good time to put 'Distract Elliot Away From His Room' plan into operation and start running-now.

"Oz wait!"

"COME BACK HERE!"

Good luck Leo~


After making sure Elliot was long gone, Leo entered the room and booted up Elliot's laptop. Unfortuantely, he was dismayed to see the 'please type in your password' box appear.

Shoot. I didn't expect Elliot to have a password on his laptop. Now what am I going to do?

…Leo then typed 'EdgarSucks' into the bow and pressed the Enter key. Sure enough, it said 'Welcome'.

Yup, my respect for Elliot just dropped by fifty percent. (Leo's respect for Elliot dropped to below zero when he saw that Elliot's desktop's wallpaper was of two tabby kittens playing with a ball of wool. Honestly.)

Clicking on the Mozilla Firefox icon, Leo then proceeded to think up what next to do. Ears pricked up for any signs of Elliot returning, Leo checked the browser history. Besides Google, the only websites that Elliot had visited lately was something called 'Fanfiction Net-Pandora Hearts Archive'.

Hmm…fan means you admire something while fiction means it's false. If you put them together it doesn't make any sense. Maybe he found something about Holy Knight? But I've more or less seen all the Holy Knight books that have been released and none of the volumes had any chapters called 'Pandora Hearts'.

Leo clicked on the 'Restore Previous Session' the Pandora Hearts Archive appeared, but all Leo could see were words and titles of stories.

Wait-why are me, Elliot's and Oz's names on some of them? There's also that man called Break that Elliot respects from Pandora and Sharon Rainsworth and so on. Hell-almost everyone the noirette had heard of was here. Then a summary of a 'fanfiction' caught his eye. It read:

Leo finally takes his teasing too far which causes Elliot to snap and decides to show him who's boss. M-rated.

What the hell do they mean by Elliot showing me who's boss?

Leo clicked on the link, thus sealing his fate.


"Oi, Oz!"

"Yes Alice?"

"Why are we running away from that Shaggy Glasses's master?"

"Ah, Alice~ I explained the reason for that earlier: It's because we have to distract Elliot for awhile so that Leo have enough time to discover what's bothering him-"

"But that doesn't make sense-"

"Shut up you stupid rabbit! Oz, people are staring at us!"

The raven was correct. Indeed the gang were causing quite a commotion as they ran down Lutwidge's many corridors dodging and jumping over corners to stay ahead of Elliot. Students and teachers alike leapt out of the way to avoid being knocked down, their reactions either cheering them on or futilely commanding them to stop. The gang had no intention to stop however, with Elliot yelling bloody murder and many, many profanities at the top of his voice from somewhere behind them. As they ran past the photography club, the gang could hear cameras clicking and exclamations:

"Hey, aren't those the intruders from last time?"

"No way they can't be!"

"That raven haired man looks so dreamy~"

"I prefer the cute blond guy~!"

"He's so handsome~"

"That black haired girl looks awfully pissed…"

"Kyaaa~ He winked at me!"

"Oz concentrate!"

"But she was really cute-"

"Oz! Can I just knock Shaggy Glasses's master unconscious?"

"No you can't Alice!"

"Can you two settle this someplace quieter!"

"Well I'm not going to run anymore on an empty stomach!"

"Wait Alice what do you mean by that-oof-"

"You stupid rabbit what are you doing to Oz-!-"

-Two minutes later, because no matter how righteous annoyed you feel, it's hard to chase someone without being reminded of the perverted fanfiction you read about them-

Damn, where did that shorty and the rest go? WHAT THE HELL WHY IS MY SWORD-

And then everything went dark for Elliot Nightray.


Leo was by this time was so entranced by the inventive use of chocolate that Elliot was using in the fanfic which he was reading, that he hardly registered the noises the gang made as they entered the room-which showed how distracted he was, as Alice was loudly complaining of being famished, Gilbert who was placing Elliot onto his bed and at the same time yelling at Alice for knocking him unconscious and Oz trying effortlessly to stop them.

"Honestly you stupid rabbit, do you have any brain cells in your head that aren't occupied with meat-"

"Shut up Seaweed Head! I wasn't going to waste my time any longer-"

"You guys please stop already…"

"Don't butt in Oz!"

"How dare you talk to Oz that way stupid rabbit!"

"Seaweed Head!"

Shaking his head, Oz glanced at Leo's direction. Leo had not made a sound or greeted them when they had entered the room. Had he found out what was bothering Elliot? If so, why wasn't he-

"Oz-kun", the noirette began slowly, never taking his fascinated eyes off the screen and seemingly totally oblivious to the shouting row that was going on behind him. (Oz was actually quite amazed that security hadn't come bursting in yet to apprehend them) "Come over here. I've found out what's why Elliot's been so distracted lately."

Happily taking this advantage to bounce to Leo's side, Oz peered over Leo shoulder. There didn't seem to be anything major on the screen, no strange pictures or anything like that, just a lot of words-

Leo let out a cross between a groan and a whimper as Elliot spread the chocolate over his sensitive chest, gasping for breath as one of Elliot's fingers pinched his hardened nipples a few times before slipping lower. The dick. He would really have to remember to give Elliot a hard punch on the head later on- "Ah! Elliot-you-"

Oh. Oh.

"You…! Elliot… I-this is…" Oz was struggling to form a coherent sentence, the tips of his ears burning as he stared at the words that were making Elliot do...

"This is just one of the fics Oz-kun, there are many with you and Gilbert-sama and Alice-san as well as well-pretty much everyone you and I know."

And the day, which had been going oh so well up until now, became stranger.

"There's more? Of me and Alice and Gil? Really?"

"Yes Oz-kun~" Leo said, a reluctant smile appearing on his face at how shocked Oz was. It was after all, very interesting to think that people had been writing stories about him, Oz, Elliot and the rest of his friends.

The only thing I don't really like is why is Elliot on top all the time…It's pissing me off to think that I'll ever be so submissive to Elliot.

"For example Oz-kun, there are many fics of you and Gil living together, or fics where you settle down with Miss Alice~" Leo explained, showing the blond the link to the main page of the Pandora Hearts fanfics.

Oz's jaw dropped as he scrolled down the long long list of fics. The ones he was watching out for were the ones that were rated 'M'. The summaries of those were making him…Never had he thought that this sort of situation would present itself to him… But...It's kind of...

"Gil! Alice! Come here for a minute!"

The raven and the rabbit looked up from their ceaseless squabbling. Normally they ignored Oz when they were arguing (or at least Alice did, which just made the raven mad and so the vicious cycle started all over again) but this time Oz's voice sounded slightly strange…

With one last glower at Alice, the raven walked over to where Oz was standing next to Leo's side and leaned down peering worriedly at Oz. "Is something wrong Oz?"

"No, nothing is wrong Gil~ I just wanted to let you see this~" Oz pointed at the laptop's screen, which he had 'accidentally' chosen, which was a M-rated fanfic of the raven and him.

Gilbert stared at the screen. He couldn't see what Oz and Leo meant-

Nobody paid attention as the raven collapsed and fainted onto the floor from all the blood rushing to his head.

"Come and see Alice~ There are many fanfics of you as well~"

Alice then stepped over the raven, wondering why the raven was so pathetic at times. Staring at the laptop's screen, she couldn't understand most of the words, for example: 'aroused' 'pregnant' 'cock' and many other things that stupefied her.

"I'm quite surprised that Elliot would read this kind of stuff~"

"Indeed, Oz-kun~ I would never have guessed so as well~"

"…What's this…Oz…?"

"Oh Alice, I have to say that these fanfic writers apparently make you act quite whore-ish, since your true form is a large rabbit and everyone knows what rabbits think and do all the time~"

"Oi Oz!" Alice snapped, not pleased that she was being annoyed. She was feeling aggravated at Oz and the raven for something she couldn't quite figure out. For some reason, she thought she had missed something important-something very important that happened between the two of them earlier when she had been daydreaming over her beloved meat. While they had been talking about how to distract that Nightray boy earlier, she had seen Oz and the raven exchange several glances, each time the raven quickly looking away and flushing red. According to the romance novels Sharon had let her read, when somebody's cheeks turned red, it meant... …Why do I…what's this feeling… Shaking her head, the rabbit was determined to focus back onto her current goal.

"What's a whore-ish? And Oz, what do you mean everyone knows what rabbits think and do all the time? I only like thinking about meat! …But I guess…sometimes-"

"…A whore, um I can't really describe it, its best you see for yourself Alice~"

"Miss Alice, quite a lot of people seem to pair you with Break~"

"Yup, there seem to be a lot of pregnant fics with you and him~"

"…Pregnant? What's that Oz?"

"Um, it's how children are born Alice~"

"WHAT? YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAIR ME-MAKE ME -DO THAT WITH THAT CLOWN?" Alice squawked, horrific images flashing across her mind.

"These fanfic writers also like to combine their favourite pairings names together as well, Oz-kun~"

"They call it Brelice~"

"Apparently people like Gil and Alice together too~"

"Ah, but I'm impressed Oz-kun, you and Gilbert-kun seem to be the most popular pairing, ho ho~"

Nobody got any further as Alice ran to the bathroom to throw up everything she had eaten for the last twenty-four hours and then some more.


"For the last time, I said no, Xerxes."

With the air of having just finished doing something unpleasant, Reim Lunettes returned to focusing on his paperwork, striving to ignore Xerxes Break, which he considered quite a feat as not only was Break sitting on his desk causing several sheets of paperwork to flutter to the ground, the white-haired man was leaning over him, close enough for Reim to smell the sweet sticky smell of Xerxes's ever present lollipop.

"Ahh, don't behave like that Reim-san~ I already told you that this is my lady's request, not mine~ You wouldn't want to disappoint Lady Sharon, would you~?" Break marked the end of the sentence, biting down on his lollipop with a loud crunch, causing some bits of the lollipop to fly onto the desk, dirtying it.

"That's what you said last time Xerxes, and I ended up bursting into a meeting of the four dukes to tell them that Pandora was being invaded by microscopic poisonous Chains that were invisible and that the only way to see them was by eating strawberry-flavoured lollipops and that one of their weaknesses was chocolate pie."

Break couldn't help smirking at the remembrance. Thanks to that, he had enough ammunition to blackmail Reim for the rest of his life. Then seeing Reim scowling at him, his smirk softened into a more persuasive smile. But it was Reim-san's own fault for being such an excellent target to tease, just like Gilbert-kun and Oz-kun~

"Ehhh, don't tell me you still hold it against me Reim-san~ I was just trying to make you loosen up~ All that paperwork cannot be good for your health, you know~" came the cheerful reply, with Break disapprovingly waving a finger at Reim.

This last sentence made Reim's eyebrow twitch. It was Break's fault that he was steadily getting buried with paperwork that wasn't even his own.

"Xerxes," he began, struggling to keep his increasing annoyance out of his voice. "This is my final warning. If you do not leave me in peace, I will-"

"My, what's happening here?"

"Ah, my lady!" Came Break's enthusiastic reply, as he hopped off Reim's desk and began walking to where his lady who had just entered the room was.

"L-Lady Sharon?" Looking up from his desk in disbelief, Reim saw Sharon Rainsworth, dressed in one of her favourite purple dresses, with a slight frown on her face, which was being aimed at Break. Immediately, Reim got up from his chair and bowed to Sharon, apologising for not greeting her earlier.

"I just came to see why Break was taking so long. Are you distracting Reim-san, Break?"

"Of course not my lady~ I am merely following your request to try and convince him to take a well-earned break from his work, and accompany us to Lutwidge Academy to see Oz-kun and his friends~" Break finished explaining, flapping his sleeves at Sharon.

"!" Wait, that means Xerxes was telling the truth? Which means…

Looking at Sharon's now smiling face, Reim knew he was in for it.

"So Reim-san, is it alright if you accompany us to see Oz-sama and his friends? You see, because we have been busy with Pandora business for the last few days, we haven't talked to them for quite awhile. And I'm sure they would like to see you as well."

Reim tried to make an attempt to escape.

"Lady Sharon I would be honoured to accompany you to see Oz-sama and the rest, but I really have too much work here for me-"

"So it's settled then Reim-san," Sharon went on, turning to where Break was sitting on the couch. "Get up Break we really must not waste time any longer."

"But Lady Sharon-!"

"What is it, Reim-san?"

"…"

Score: Sharon: One. Reim: Zero.

Break, who had been remaining silent all this while and who was enjoying the show, grinned when he saw his lady's threatening aura aimed at poor Reim, who was visibly trembling. "Ho ho, poor Reim's caught now~" he whispered to Emily, whose round head nodded and then cackled, "Poor Reim! Poor Reim!"

"Please come closer Reim-san, you need to be close by for me to use Eques. You too, Break."

"Wh-what do you mean Lady Sharon? I-I mean if you want to travel to Lutwidge Academy to see Oz-sama and his friends, don't we have to travel by carriage?"

This innocent question caused Sharon to smile sweetly at Reim who by this time was visibly shrinking. Oh dear Reim, you haven't changed a bit. "As it will take about four hours to get to Lutwidge Academy, I have decided to use Eques as will save more time and there are only the three of us."

"But that will tire you out Lady Sharon!"

"Not at all, the distance from here to Lutwidge Academy is nothing for Eques. Are you ready now, Reim-san?"

With Sharon smiling ever so sweetly at him, Reim acutely realised that he was neatly trapped, like a fly wrapped in a spider's silken web. "In that case, I have no objections Lady Sharon…"


AN: Another chapter done~ And yes, Break, Sharon and Reim will appear in the next chapter and poor Elly will have a lot of explaining to do. (Especially when he's being threatened by Sharon.)