Chapter Four - Beautiful


When I was twenty, I was on top of the world.

I had recently been promoted to Chief of Police after my metalbending students and I had taken down a notorious crime boss. Now that we were in charge, crime was at an all-time low, and they were already talking about erecting a statue of me above the jail. I was the most well-connected person in Republic City, if not the four nations. I was friends with the Avatar, his wife, the head Councilman, the Fire Lord, and the Earth King. I had a fantastic house with all-dirt floors and plenty of rocks in the backyard to smash around.

Most importantly, I was in love.

I'd struck up a romance with a guy named Maru, a man from my home district of Gaolin who had come to Republic City to learn metalbending from me. After he graduated and became one of my officers, we started dating. He was funny, casual and very strong – my type of guy. We had an easy-going romance that was not impacted by the fact that I was his boss. At work, we kept out of each other's way. At night…we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

But then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

No, seriously, I'm kidding. Everything changed when I got pregnant, duh.

It was both a blessing and a curse that my seismic sense reached to my own body as well. Because one morning I woke up and realized that there were two heartbeats inside of me.

At first I thought it was a dream. I bolted out of bed, hair flying everywhere, and frantically planted my feet on the floor. Then I stayed still and felt.

There it was, tiny and fast – a heartbeat, somewhere deep inside of me. Not the slow, thudding heartbeat that I knew was mine. This was a different heartbeat, deep within my private parts. I stayed shock still for a few moments, hardly breathing.

Holy fuck. I was pregnant.

Without even doing my hair, I threw on the first set of clothes I could find and stormed out of the house. Since it was Saturday morning, Maru would be at home. I was very glad that I couldn't see anybody as I sped through the streets, since at that time I could count on one hand the number of people who had ever seen me with my hair down, and I imagine the looks on people's faces would be pretty epic. When I got to Maru's house, I didn't bother with knocking. I ripped open the metal doors and headed straight for his bedroom.

"MARU!" I screamed.

He bolted out of bed. "Toph? What the hell are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something's wrong, were you using protection the last time we had sex?"

"I – what – yes, of course, I was."

"You're lying," I growled. "You didn't."

"Well, I mean – "

"TELL THE TRUTH!"

"Alright, I didn't put one on, because I mean – well, you couldn't see, could you? I thought, just one time – "

"So you're telling me," I was so mad the ground was shaking, "that you took advantage of my blindness so you could have a good fuck?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, what does it matter?"

"What does it matter?" I screamed. "I'm PREGNANT, you dipshit!"

I heard his heart stop. "What?"

"You – heard – me," I growled.

"Oh, my God… Toph…I can't – "

"You can't what? Believe it? Yeah, me neither. But here we are."

"How do you know? Are you sure?"

"First you knock me up, and now you doubt my earthbending abilities? Yes, I'm sure, you asshole. There's a brand new heartbeat inside of me, and it is entirely YOUR FAULT! So you better be prepared to raise this baby with me, cause it is sure as fuck your responsibility too."

"Wait, we don't have to raise it," he said, his tone of voice soft and placating. "There are ways – I mean…we could always get rid of it."

Suddenly, instinctively, my hands went to my mercifully flat abdomen. "You mean – kill it? I don't…I mean…I don't want it, but it is my baby." I drew myself up. "And I'm gonna raise this baby right, not like the way my stupid parents raised me."

"Well," he said, getting out of bed, "you can sure as hell raise this baby right. But I'm out."

"What?" Suddenly it felt like my stomach felt out of my body and into my feet.

"You heard me. I'm quitting the police on Monday and moving back to Gaolin. No way I'm staying with your crazy ass and some baby."

"But it's your baby too!" I cried. "It's your responsibility. You don't want this baby to grow up without a father!"

"Honestly, I really don't care," he said. "You're a cool girl, Toph, but no way am I sticking around for a baby. This was not what I signed up for. Now you've got to get out of my house."

For a moment, I hung there, speechless. Surely this wasn't happening. Surely I, Toph Beifong, was not getting left to raise a baby on my own. This could not be happening.

"Get out of my house," Maru said again.

I took a deep breath and then smiled. I got in my horse stance, planting my feet on the ground and balling my hands into fists.

"Toph, what are you – "

I pulled my hands down into my abdomen, and in one fell swoop, his entire house came crashing down, walls tumbling down and filling my eyes with dust. I heard him coughing, and then there was a rush of wind as the outside weather suddenly filled the room, making him shiver.

"Now there's no house to get out of," I said with a smile. "Goodbye, asshole."

And I expertly stepped over the rubble and walked away.

A few blocks away and the reality of the situation slowly sunk in. I was young, single and pregnant. I had a very high profile job where I was expected to deal with the worst criminals in Republic City. I was not married, and I had never even considered having kids. What the fuck.

I almost cried. And I hated crying. The only person I ever really cried around anymore was Katara.

Katara! That was it! I could go to her and just hang out. She didn't have to know I was pregnant; just being with her would calm me down. Perfect.

I headed for Air Temple Island immediately.

But unfortunately for me, Katara always was more intelligent than I gave her credit for. I waited in the foyer while the guards went to get her. She froze when she walked outside and saw me. If my hair didn't give me away, then apparently my face did.

She marched straight up to me, pulling water out of her water skin, and placed her watery hands right on my stomach.

"Hey!" I barked. "What are you doing?"

She pulled away and gave me what I could only assume was a furious glare. "Toph! You're pregnant!"

"I – yeah, how did you know?"

"I've known you for years, I think I can figure out when you get pregnant," she said, still running her hand over my abdomen. "You're about a month along."

"A month?" I said. "I didn't know that. I – uh – how long do pregnancies last?"

She stopped moving her hands and said, "Toph, you really don't know?"

"No!" I said, blushing. "My parents never really told me. I don't think – I mean, I don't think they ever thought I would get married, because I was blind."

"Oh," Katara said, her voice suddenly sad. "Well, they were wrong. I'm assuming it's Maru's?"

"Yeah," I said, and the events of this morning came back to me. "But he's…not really gonna be a factor from here on out. He said he didn't want anything to do with me."

"Oh, Toph," she said, placing a hand on my arm. "I'm so sorry."

I brushed her off. "I mean, I figured I'd be doing most of the work myself anyway, but…"

My voice trailed off as my feet picked up on something I hadn't noticed before.

"Katara!" I said. "There's a heartbeat inside of you too!"

She laughed. "Yeah, silly. I'm pregnant too. A few months farther than you though. Little Tenzin is six months along."

"I can't believe I hadn't noticed before," I said, my feet picking up on how much larger she was now.

"It's okay, you've been busy with your job, we haven't seen each other in a few months."

A feeling of relief washed over me. Katara had not only done this before, but she was going through it right now. Suddenly, just as always, Katara would be like my mother, picking up all the pieces that my real mother had left behind.

My hand reached out automatically, but I pulled it back.

"Yes?" She said, her voice soft and happy.

"Can I – I mean – "

She laughed, grabbed my hand, and placed it on her stomach. Through the soft fabric, I felt the taut skin of her stomach, stretching over something warm and small. After a moment, there was a sudden nudge on my hand.

I looked up, forgetting for a moment that I was blind, and my blank eyes searched her face for something, some way to explain what was happening to her, what would be happening to me.

She understood, and she pulled me into a hug. She stroked my hair and let my tears fall, without trying to take away my pride. But I let myself sink, my face falling into her soft hair, and allowed myself to be absolutely, completely, utterly terrified.

"You're going to be an amazing mother, Toph," she whispered.

That only made me cry all the more.

After a calming lunch at Katara's and some good snuggling from the kids, I made her swear not to tell Sokka and headed back home. On Monday I went back to work, where I found Maru's resignation letter sitting on my desk. I wasn't surprised, but I still sat for a few moments to process. I really was all alone now.

I was determined not to let anybody know until I was ready to tell them, but unfortunately, I was teaching seismic sense that very same day.

"Now," I said, standing in front of the training ground, "seismic sense is one of the keys of successful earthbending. Unlike other bending disciplines, we do not need to see in order to fight. Using the ground beneath us, we can reach out and sense where our opponent is, what they are about to do, and even when they are about to attack us. Begin your training today by reaching out with your earthbending to see this room. See the people beside you, the walls, the chairs, even the – "

"Chief Beifong!" One of the young lieutenants called out.

"Yes, Lieutenant Higurashi?"

"Um, I think I got it."

"Congratulations. No speaking out of turn. Now, as I was saying – "

"No, I mean, I can see you."

Oh, shit. I knew what he was about to say.

"And I can see that you're pregnant."

The room fell dead silent as a hundred faces turned towards me. I stood up straight, tried to disguise my blush, and said,

"Yeah, and what about it?"

"I mean – you can't – what about work?"

"What about it?" I repeated. "You think I can't be the police chief while I'm pregnant? You think I'm not capable of protecting this city when I'm a mother? If you really think so, you have a lot to learn about me, Lieutenant. Now, if anyone else has a problem with me being pregnant, please step up and I will show you that I can still kick your ass even with a baby inside of me."

The room was silent. I cleared my throat and said,

"Now, as I was saying…"

The months passed, and not another word was said about my pregnancy. I continued to destroy crime bosses and gangs with ruthless efficiency, thanking God for my blindness as it allowed me to ignore what I assumed were startled glances in my direction as I started to show. I bent my metal suit so it would protect my growing belly and refused to speak about it, except to Katara and Aang. The nights when I couldn't be alone I spent at Air Temple Island, desperately having Katara explain to me again and again what childbirth felt like and that my baby kicking wasn't a bad thing. The nights when I needed to be alone, I spent at my house, methodically preparing for my impending childbirth and feeling my child move inside of me. I had sent a quick note to my parents explaining the situation, and as usual they demanded that I move back home. I refused, knowing that if I would do one thing right by my baby, I would keep him or her away from my parents' judgmental house as long as I could.

When I was four months pregnant, I held Katara's hand as she gave birth to Tenzin, and her screams and cries filled me with pure terror. When finally the baby was born, I heard her and Aang's sighs of relief, and the joy in her voice when she described her baby to me, knowing I couldn't see the smile on her face. She let me hold him, and I ran my fingers over his soft skin. He seemed so fragile, so easy to break.

"Katara," I said, my voice trembling, "I don't mean to be the downer here, but how do you do this? How can you be so calm?"

She laughed. "Well, dear, the only thing I can say is that you'll understand when you have one of your own. Everything changes."

Aang walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Come on, Sifu Toph, if there's anyone that can take care of a baby, it's you."

He picked his son up and kissed his tiny nose. "Tenzin and your little one will be best friends."

I slowly reached a hand down to my stomach. There was a small but noticeable bump between my hips, and it scared me.

"Don't worry, Auntie Toph," Little Kya said. "You're gonna be such a good mommy."

I managed to smile at her. "And you're gonna be a great cousin, sweetie."

We had sent a messenger hawk to Zuko in the Fire Nation telling him about me, and he and Mai and the kids sent back their congratulations. By the time I was seven months along, the only person who didn't know was Sokka. I had done a fantastic job of completely avoiding him. I sent my lieutenants to Council meetings and had ignored all of his messages. But he was a stubborn little asshole.

"Chief Beifong," my secretary said, as I sat in my office one day, "Councilman Sokka is here to see you."

"Tell him I'm not here."

"He said he knows you're here, he heard your voice."

"Yeah, well, tell him I'm in a meeting."

"Chief Beifong – "

"Did I stutter? Tell him I can't see him."

The secretary left, and I let my head drop on my desk. Goddamn it. I would have to tell him eventually. How long could I keep this up?

As long as I needed, I decided. I could not let Sokka know about this. Just the thought of what he would say made my stomach curl.

However, just as I decided this, the door banged open.

"Toph, I know you've been avoiding me, but I'm seriously worried about you, I don't know what's wrong, and we need to talk – "

His voice stopped as well as his footsteps. Apparently my new chubby face and huge boobs were enough to clue him in.

"Toph, what's going on - ?"

I sighed and slowly got to my feet. I thanked God I couldn't see his face as he got a look at my full pregnant belly. The blush that spread across my cheeks made it feel like my face was on fire.

He didn't speak for a solid minute. When he did, his voice was stunned. "Toph…oh, my God…you're pregnant."

"Thank you for stating the obvious," I drawled.

"Oh, my God…who is the father?"

"Doesn't matter," I said. "He's not around."

"Oh, Toph…why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you thinking you had to take care of me. I know you, Sokka."

"Does everyone else know?"

"Basically, yeah." I grinned sheepishly.

He sighed and I felt him lean against the door. "Well, old friend, I'm happy for you. And though I know you'll hate me for it, I just want you to know Suki and I will be here for you, no matter what."

For some reason I didn't hate him for it. Maybe it was the hormones, but I said, "Thanks, Snoozles."

"Wait, you're not mad?"

"Not yet. Get mushy on me again and I can't guarantee anything."

"Wait, can you name the baby after me? Or Momo? Momo Beifong has a great ring to it – "

"Goodbye, Sokka," I said, pushing him out of the office and closing the door. When I heard his footsteps down the hall, I allowed myself to sink to the floor, my back against the wall. I put my hands on my stomach and smiled. Thank God. Sokka didn't care that he wasn't the father.

Why should I care that he wasn't the father? It's not like I cared about him anyway. I had a crush on him when we were kids, but I mean, now we were just friends –

I slammed my head against the wall. Quit lying to yourself, bitch. Who are you kidding.

I whispered to my tummy, "I love you no matter what, but sometimes I wish you were his."

But the baby wasn't. I had to accept the reality of the situation. I had placed my trust in an idiot, and now I was stuck with his baby. No, not his baby. My baby.

I sighed, rubbed my raw eyes, and struggled back to my feet.

The last few months of my pregnancy came with lots of vomiting, uncomfortable nights of no sleep, and increasingly worried voices from my minions as I got bigger and bigger. I hit forty weeks and kept going, with no sign that the baby was going to come at all. I could barely move around my office and had to conclude that this baby was going to be ridiculously huge.

Of course, I had to be at work when it happened. I was supervising the moving of a very dangerous criminal into prison when suddenly it felt like I had peed my pants. Before I could process what happened, a uterine lightning bolt hit, and I doubled over, gasping.

"Chief Beifong!" One of my lieutenants said.

I breathed through the pain, one hand on my stomach. Oh no, not now, not now, oh my God…

"Looks like you're about to pop, little lady," the criminal sneered.

I snapped my head up and smacked the ground with my foot. A boulder shot up from the ground and slammed him right in the nuts. As he fell to the ground screaming, I managed to get myself up and sought out Lieutenant Liu, one of the few female lieutenants I had.

"What is it, Chief?" She asked. Seeing my pain, she lowered her voice and asked, "Is it the baby?"

I nodded. "Take me outside. Then call Avatar Aang. He should be in a Council meeting today. I need to get to Katara."

She nodded and grabbed my hand to lead me out. As I walked unsteadily behind her, one hand stayed planted on my stomach. It was finally time. Oh, my God, it was finally time.

By the time I got to Air Temple Island on Appa, Katara was there and ready. So was, much to my dismay, Sokka.

"Alright, baby, come on inside," she said, steadying me with her touch. I could hear that she was wearing a loose shirt and pair of pants. "I've got the kids with the nurse, it's just us."

"We won't leave you alone, Toph," Aang said, and I felt Sokka nod his head behind me. I didn't have time to say anything, because another contraction hit hard and fast, and I grabbed Katara's hand and started to groan.

"Okay, we gotta hurry. Sokka, grab her and let's go." Before I could protest, Sokka swept me up and we hustled inside. I didn't know where we were going, but he set me down on a soft bed, and Katara started tugging at my metal police uniform.

"Toph, I gotta get your dress off, you can't give birth in that."

Using all my strength, I sent the dress flying off of me, blushing at the thought of Aang and Sokka seeing my gigantic boobs. Thankfully, Katara had a soft robe ready that she threw over my shoulders. Then she pushed my legs up and settled down at the foot of the bed.

"Toph, I'm gonna take a look inside you, okay?"

"Wait, Katara, do you have to, I mean – "

"Yes, dear, I gotta see how much time we have left." As I threw my head back on the pillow, she gently pushed her fingers around my private parts, making me seize up. "Not much longer, you're pretty dilated. Now you gotta take your hair down, it's bad luck to have your hair tied up when you're giving birth."

My hands shaking, I undid my bun, and all of my crazy hair fell over my shoulders. Hair down, wearing just a robe, massively pregnant and about to give birth – I don't think anyone in my life had ever seen me this vulnerable.

But the next contraction sent all of my thoughts flying out the window. I reached out for something, anything to grab onto, and suddenly Sokka pushed his big, warm hand right into mine. I didn't have time to think – I just grabbed hold and leaned forward, my teeth clenched to hold my scream in.

"Toph, it's okay to cry, okay, baby?" Katara said.

"I – don't – cry," I said, but at that exact moment my vagina felt like it was ripping open and tears leaked out of my eyes. Sokka brushed them away and said,

"You're such a warrior."

I am, I thought. I am the greatest earthbender in the world. And this is nothing.

The next two hours were spent in excruciating agony. Katara gave me plenty of herbal remedies, but there was nothing to calm the fact that the entire lower half of my body was on fire. I spent plenty of time crying – also screaming, cussing, groaning and squeezing Sokka and Aang's hands. Katara stayed planted the entire time, steady and calming, and finally, after it felt like I'd already been through more pain than humanely possible, she said,

"Toph, you listening to me? It's time to push, honey."

"What?" I said, my voice quaking.

"It's time. Your baby is ready. We get to meet him or her soon!"

"How do I do it?" I said. "I don't know what to do, Katara!"

"Shh, shh, it's okay. Push from deep within you. Use those powerful ab and pelvic muscles. Bring them down to me."

Sokka and Aang pushed my legs back. I didn't even have time to consider the weirdness of the situation before another contraction came and Katara was screaming at me to push. So I grabbed the sheets – it was all I had – put my head down, and pushed with every ounce of strength in my body.

"Oh, my God, there's the head! Come on, baby girl, you're almost there! One big push!"

"Fuck the asshole that got me pregnant," I grunted. Beside me, Sokka nodded.

"Yeah, we know he sucks, come on, baby, one big push!"

If only to get her to shut up, I took a deep breath and pushed. Before I knew it, something slid out of me, and a baby's cries filled the room.

"It's a girl!" Katara screamed. Aang clapped, Sokka sighed and I laid blankly in the bed.

"A girl?" I whispered. I could hear Katara cleaning her off, the cries still filling the room.

"What – what does she look like?" I whispered.

"Oh, Toph," Sokka said, as he leaned over, "she's absolutely gorgeous."

"See for yourself," Katara said. And before I knew it, a tiny bundled baby was placed in my arms. My tiny bundled baby.

She cried and cried, and I ran my fingers over her soft, soft skin. After a few moments of me holding tight to her, she quieted down and started gurgling. I pushed back the blanket and felt her tiny, perfect fingers. I brushed over her eyes and felt her small, soft eyelashes.

"What color is her hair?" I asked.

"It's black," Katara said. "Just like her mama's."

I knew what color black was. "And…her eyes?"

"They're green."

"What…what color is green?"

For a moment they paused to consider, and then Aang said, "Green is the smell of new grass. It's a nice hug on a warm summer's day. It's the color of a new day."

"So green is a pretty color?"

"The prettiest of all," Katara said. "Your eyes are green too. Just a very light green."

"So you look like mama, do you, little one?" I asked down to her. She put her little hands up and touched my face. I giggled.

"I'm gonna call you Lin," I said. "Because I can't think of a more beautiful little girl."

Everyone was quiet, but I could almost hear them smiling. I looked up and roved my eyes around the group, searching out the next voice. "So who's gonna hold her first?"

Katara ended up winning, much to her delight. By the time Kya and Bumi were let into the room and held the baby, little Lin was sleeping peacefully. That first night was the best one I would have in a long time. Lin and I napped beside each other in the big bed (once we'd changed the sheets), and when I woke up she was next to me, stretching her little hands up to the sky and making little gurgles.

It was the second night, back at home, that killed me.

"Come on, kiddo, why won't you stop crying?" I begged her, as she lay in the bassinette, screaming her little lungs out. "Mama's tried everything!"

I picked her up and bounced her around, but her screams pierced my ear. I dropped her back in the bassinette and ran to the phone.

"Hello?" Katara said, her voice grumpy.

"Katara! It's me!"

"Toph? What's wrong? Is Lin okay?"

"She won't stop crying! I don't know what to do!"

Katara sighed. "Is her diaper wet?"

"No, I checked that."

"Well, maybe she's hungry."

"But I fed her a couple of hours ago!"

"Newborns need to eat all the time," she said patiently.

"But I'm all out of those bottles of formula you gave me!"

"Well, then, you have to breastfeed her."

My hand shot up to my boobs. Was that why they were so tender? "How do I do that?"

"Lin knows what to do. Just let her get close to the nipple and she should do the rest."

"Katara, that's gross."

"Well, that's the only way to feed her."

"But what happens if she won't stop crying after that? Maybe if you came – "

"Toph," she said firmly, "you're her mother. Right now, all she wants is you. Now it's three in the morning. I'm going back to bed."

The phone hung up. I sighed and turned back to the crying. I stood over the bassinette and said,

"Just you and me, little one. Are you hungry?"

She just kept crying. I groaned and picked her up. I settled down in my comfiest chair, grabbed a blanket, and settled Lin down in my arm. Then, with no idea what to do, I pulled down my nightdress and moved Lin close to my breast. After a few moments of crying, she suddenly realized where she was, and latched on to my nipple. It was the strangest feeling in the world, but the lack of crying was amazing to my ears.

"Well, I guess I've always wondered what my boobs were good for," I said, as she continued to eat. I began to rock back and forth, wondering if this was what my mother did for me when I was a child. It almost made me want to call her for advice.

When she was done eating, I put my dress back on and settled Lin on my shoulder. I tapped her back like I'd heard Katara doing with Tenzin, and sure enough, after a minute or so, she gave a little burp. I laughed.

"Nice one, Linny."

Then I bundled the blanket back up and waited for her to go to sleep. But when I touched her face, I saw that her eyes were wide open, and her little hands were reaching up towards me.

"Why won't you go to sleep?" I asked. "I'm freaking exhausted."

She just giggled.

"Oh, you wanna make my life miserable? Is that it?" Suddenly an idea popped into my head. "Do you want me to sing to you?"

She settled down in my arms like she was waiting for me to start.

The big empty house was strange for me. I cleared my throat and said nervously, "This song is from my home, in the Earth Kingdom. My mom used to sing it to me when I had nightmares. One day…one day I'll take you to the Earth Kingdom. We'll go there together and you can tell me what it looks like."

Then, in my softest voice, I sang;

High in the mountains,

Where Gaolin sleeps,

I will sing you a song

Of caverns deep

Of blankets of grass

And clouds so high

Whisper to you

And tell you to fly

Fly home, little one

The mountains are calling

The wind and the trees

And the leaves that are falling

Fly home to mama

Fly home to Gaolin

Where I'll sing you a song

Of sweet baby Lin

I made up the last part, but it worked. When I touched her face, her eyes were closed, and her breathing deep and rhythmic. I placed my fingers on her chest and felt her soft, tiny heartbeat, like a butterfly's wings.

"You're just gonna drive me crazy, aren't you?" I whispered. "Mama's little troublemaker. But listen to that heartbeat…it's so sweet. Who would have known that a cutie like you could come out of a tomboy like me?"

Lin continued to snooze, and I bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"My little badgermole."


Awww! Well I hope you enjoyed the longer chapter; I certainly had fun writing it. I'm still entirely unsure of how long this story should be; I guess we'll get through saving Lin and take it from there! Thanks for all the support, you guys rock my world. Please Review! Three days till Christmas - PVB