Authors Note: Baby I'm on a roll...last two sucked majorly so I thought I owed ya'll one good one. Well, I'm not even sure if you could consider this one good but whatever. At least I tried! I really hope you like this and REMEMBER TO REVIEW loves! Thanks!
Chapter 4
Silent
It didn't work. The coffee didn't cure her sadness. Coffee always cured everything. A broken heart, a rainy day, a dull moment. But the one thing that it couldn't do, was bring someone back from the dead. And, although she would never tell a soul this for as long as she lived, she secretly prayed it would. But what was wrong with her? Why was she wishing for childish, fairytale things? Maybe it was the only thing she had left. The only hope in the world, that she had to resort to praying coffee would make it all better. That was one of the reasons she'd come with Oliver in the first place. The small hope of something easing her soul. Looked like she'd have to keep praying.
She was on the beach again. Coming here was almost an everyday thing now. Sometimes she would just find herself here, without any memory of coming. It was calling her. She knew that much. She came here to be alone, and yet she secretly wished that she might stumble upon someone else here too. Another soul that was hurting. Another soul that was out there grieving. Another soul feeling the same way. But none ever came. No Another Soul. And this thought made Lilly feel more and more alone. But maybe on another shore, another time, another place, there was one. Someone just like her that was riddled with grief and confusion and heartach. But that was only another thought to keep her going through the day. Another wish to ease the pain.
She hadn't said much since that night. She hadn't had much to say since then. She hadn't said much to the officers after she was released from the hospital and they questioned her. She hadn't said much to her family who tried to comfort her whenever they could. She hadn't even seen the Stewarts since the funeral. She hadn't called. Hadn't explained. She'd been silent. Silent like the sand under her feet. Silent sand against a roaring sea.
She picked up a handfull and let it sift through her pale fingers. The grains blew away with the persitant winds and tossed till they were granted to settle back onto the shore. She picked up another and another until the salt from it had made the skin on her hands tight. She sifted one last handfull until there was only one piece of sand left in her palm. She eyed it for awhile, thinking of all the thousands of millions of billions of that small little grain of sand that filled up the shoreline and the seafloor. She pitied it. It was only one in a whole google. It was nothing more than a rock that had been pounded and pounded and pounded until it was little more than nothing. Until it was only a small fleck in her hand. A small fleck of nothing. Nothing.
"What are you doing?" an amused voice asked from behind her, making her jump from shock. She hurridly looked up to find a big smile and a goofy faced Oliver looking down at her. She threw the grain to the side quickly, hoping he hadn't seen her foolish observation of the Little More Than Nothing in her hand. He plopped down beside her, uninvited, and took a two handed scoop of sand and held it for the wind to blow away.
"Trying to count the sand grains are we? Don't bother. I got to about a million and a half and then lost count. The numbers get to big for my brain," Oliver snickered, as he watched her for a response. She didn't look at him. Only out to the sea.
"Why are you here?" She asked so coldly, it almost shocked she herself and she immediately regretted it. There was a brief clouding of hurt in Olivers eyes as he tried to figure out if she was kidding or not. He couldn't figure out which.
"Fine...I can tell when I'm not wanted," he said in a fake defensive voice and went to stand. Lilly shocked herself again when she lunged forward to grab his hand for him to sit back down.
"No!" She screamed as she pulled him down back beside her.
"Wow, I didn't realized how much you cared!" He said in another joking tone and playful smile appeared on his face.
"I'm...I'm sorry. I just...I didn't mean to cut you off like that..." Lilly looked down at the sand in an ashamed gesture for how she acted. She could see from the cornor of her eye, Oliver's smile fading. She knew if she looked at him she would cry. She couldn't let herself do that again. Lilly also hadn't said much to him since the crash. Just mostly tear stained words in his acts of gentleness and kindness towards her. She was so thankful for him. Why was she trying so hard to push him away?
"Why are you always happy Oliver? Why do you always have that smile on your face?" Lilly asked him ernestly, she could feel the shakiness in her voice. She truthfully wanted to know why couldn't she feel like that, but she knew that wasn't a question he could answer for her. Oliver looked at her gently and she saw a clouding of sadness in his eyes.
"Because," he said, "If you don't smile, you end up crying."
There was a needed silence between the two for a long time, as his words hung in the air. It wasn't a matter of not having anything to say. It was a matter of the two knowing that they both needed the breeze and roar of the sea to calm them.
"You know, I come here to wait," Lilly surprised herself by the honest words coming from her mouth. She had no control over them. Oliver looked at her for the first time since the long silence. They both had been looking towards the horizon.
"For what?" was all that Oliver could get out. It shocked him that she had said something first. He was the one that usually broke the unspoken conversations with words.
Lilly laughed quietly to herself. Was that a laugh? A real, genuine laugh? She'd forgotten there was such a thing.
"I don't know. Someone, something. An answer. Anything. I think I expect to find someone else here. But there's never anyone," She told him, the words flowing truthfully and fully from her mouth.
"Well, you're wrong," He said to her with a smile,"I'm here today."
Lilly smiled quietly out towards the sea. He was right. She'd been waiting for someone, and now, they were finally here. The one thing she'd been longing for was beside her in the form of her best friend. But for some reason, this still didn't ease her pain. It didn't make everything better like she thought it would. What was she supposed to do now?
"Remember when I told you that day of the funeral that it was my fault?" she asked him.
"Lils...don't say that again, it wasn't-"
"No. It was my fault," Lilly cut him off, her voice surprisingly strong and loud, as if this was something that had been a long time coming."I left Lola's wig in the dressing room that night so I went back to get it. When I got back in the limo, Miley scooted down in the spot I was sitting before to make room for me. The car hit the limo right where Miley was sitting, right where I was supposed to be sitting, right where I'd caused her to scoot down to make room for me." She was trying hard not to let the tears fall now. Her words hung fresh in the air, soaking into Oliver. Soaking into the air. Into the sand. The sea.
All she could do was wait for his answer. A comforting answer. One where he'd wrap his strong arms around her and tell her everything would be fine. He'd squeeze her tight and it'd feel like he'd never let her go. Like he'd never leave her, like her other best friend had.
That answer never came.
Oliver stared at her for a long time. His gaze so strong, Lilly had to look away. The gaze hurt her. She could still see him watching her from the cornor of her eye. Finally, she turned back to him, only to see a shocking site. Oliver Oken had tears in his eyes. A look of anger written on his face. It shocked her beyond anything she'd ever seen. Shocked her more than when she'd heard of Miley's death. Shocked her more than seeing the cold, colorless body in the casket. Oliver quickly stood up and treaded his way back up to the boardwalk. His fists jammed deeply into his pockets. His breathing rough from the tears. He'd gone, leaving her to sob to herself. He'd abandoned her, like she had always feared. She wished she'd never told him. She wished she would just wake up from this nightmare. But she was all alone now. She and her silent sobs. Silent like the sand under her feet. Silent sand against the roaring sea.
Author's Note: Hated it? Loved it? Don't really care? Well click that little purple button below and win a million dollars!...well not really but you get to leave me a review...what's better than that, huh?
