A/N: Thank you for all the alerts and feecback! I greatly appriciate it :)
Whenever Lucy sits down to pray she always asks God for the same things; the well being of her family, her friends and to be beautiful. She knows shouldn't be asking for that last thing, it's vain and it's selfish, but Lucy can't help it when she looks in the mirror at her reflection and the only word that comes to mind is ugly.
Her hair, although she doesn't mind the colour – auburn like her grandmother's – is entirely too fuzzy and wild for her liking. Her body still clings onto the last remains of baby fat around her stomach and behind; hence the nickname "Lucy Caboosey" that the popular kids had dubbed her with on her first day of middle school. The only thingshe genuinely likes about her appearance is her eyes, they were green like Harry Potter's. But like her favourite hero, they remained hidden behind the glasses she was quite blind without. All Lucy really wanted was to look in the mirror and feel beautiful, just like her sister, was that really too much to ask.
With her ashy blonde hair, brown doe eyes and candy sweet disposition, Frances Fabray; or Frannie as she preferred, represented everything that was good and beautiful in this world. She was the walking cliché that every boy wanted and every girl wanted to be. And as far as Lucy had been concerned she was everything that she wanted to be too. Back in their old house, every time Frannie waltzed down the stairs in her perfectly pressed cheerleading uniform, hair neatly pulled back. Lucy had watched in complete awe, knowing that was wanted she wanted to be when she grew up.
Lucy remembered gazing so admiringly as Frannie walked down the stairs the night of her senior prom, looking just like Cinderella in her blue chiffon ball gown, golden curls in an elegant twist. Ten year old Lucy sat and watched as her daddy beam at her older sister, exclaiming how proud he was of his sunshine; captain of the cheerleading squad, president of the celibacy club, princess of the chastity ball and how she would be going to Princeton in the fall. Soon enough her football playing boyfriend had arrived and her mother took about 100 pictures babbling on about how they were shoe in for Prom King and Queen.
Frannie had returned home in the wee hours of the morning, the inevitable tiara on her head. The only thing that seemed out of place was her mussed hair and the strange bruises on her neck. Lucy had questioned her older sister. Frannie had simply laughed and told her, that when she was older and had a boyfriend she would get love marks too, and no they didn't hurt at all. Knowing this, Lucy had been, to say the least confused to find her sister crying after her graduation party, apparently she and Joey were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend.
"But her gave you love marks," Lucy had fussed watching Frannie sob into her pillow. Frannie then took Lucy into her arms and held her close, telling Lucy that one day, when she truly, truly loved someone, that she do whatever she had to do to make sure that person was happy. Frannie looked Lucy in the eye and told her promise and Lucy proudly crossed her heart and hoped to die, Frannie laughed, squeezing her closer.
As Lucy dozed off into sleep, her big sister's arms wrapped around her, the promise she had made still dancing in her memory, she dreamed. Of the quiet strumming of a guitar, strong calloused hands holding hers, the distant sound of her name.
"Kurt?" Lucy asked, setting down her magazine. They were in Lucy's small bedroom, sprawled on her bed, which was currently covered in magazines, Barbra Streisand's Greatest Hits playing in the background. "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Kurt looked up from his issue of Vogue so fast, that promptly fell off the side of the bed, and crashed loudly to the floor. "What?" he squeaked, as he scrambled to his feet, brushing nonexistent dirt from his sweater.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" Lucy felt her face get hot as she quietly repeated her question.
"Of course I do Luce!" Kurt exclaimed moving closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Not that I mind, or anything, but why exactly are you asking?" His eyes were wide with interest.
"We're best friends right?"
Kurt nodded slowly. "Of course,"
"And we promised to tell the truth to each other, no matter what, right?"
Kurt nodded again watching Lucy stand up and walk toward the window, her back facing him.
"I trust you, Kurt, more than I trust anyone, that's I why I wanted to ask you, because I know that you'll be honest with me. No matter what," Lucy had turned around now, her green eyes staring directly into Kurt's blue ones.
Kurt sighed. "Oh Lucy. Of course I think you're pretty. You are the most beautiful and fabulous person I know. I couldn't have picked anyone better to be my best friend,"
Lucy smiled a little, walking the few paces from the window to the long floor length mirror across from her bed; it had once belonged to her sister.
"I just don't understand, how I can be all that, if I feel so ugly, all the time," Tears trickled down Lucy's cheeks, fogging up her glasses. "I just want to be pretty, like Frannie," she whispered, the last two words barely audible as she glanced at the family picture on the wall, it had been taken 3 years before.
Kurt came up behind her and put a comforting arm around his friend. "I have an idea," Kurt says quietly. "If you're willing to hear me out,"
"What kind of idea?"
"How would you like it, if, I could help you try and feel prettier,"
Lucy looked at her friend, brows knitting together. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you could start off by writing down everything you want to change about yourself, and we could start off from there," Kurt smiled, taking off Lucy's glasses, wiping her tears away gently with his thumb. "What do you say?"
"Ok," Lucy replied a soft smile on her lips as Kurt squealed with excitement clutching her in a hug.
That night, long after Kurt had gone home, and she was supposed to be tucked away in bed, Lucy Fabray pulled out her leather bound journal. She flipped past pages of embarrassing drawings and doodles and turned to a fresh blank page.
1. Body.
Lucy Fabray prided herself in few things, but being meticulous and precise in anything she set her mind to, and her new lifestyle change would be no exception. She listened intently to Kurt's every word as they sat in his spacious green kitchen, mapping out the first step of what Kurt animatedly dubbed the "Lucy Fabray Transformation Extravaganza!"
Based on all the things Lucy had wanted to change; or "transform" as Kurt had put it, had all been factored into an intense diet and exercise regime, that Kurt had proudly written himself. At first glance, Lucy had gaped at the intensity of the system her blue eyed friend had designed for her. Her new diet consisted of only fruit, vegetables, nuts, chicken and fish, but only baked. NO CARBS and NO FAT were written in big bolded red letters at the top of the page and 2 hours of exercise daily. Before Lucy could complain, Kurt had told her with a reassuring smile that he insisted on exercising with her and showing her some of his favorite recipes.
By the end of the first week of her new lifestyle, Lucy was just about ready to give up; she was hungry and grouchy all the time and her body was sore all over, and she saw no difference when she looked in the mirror. She was still chubby and even with the face washes Kurt had so generously given her, the same pimples stubbornly stained her skin. All Lucy wanted to do was make herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and curl up with her worn copy of Jane Eyre. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. A little voice in the back of her mind; that scarily enough sounded a lot like Frannie, her sugar sweet voice whispered nasty things in her ears. Her pert and pretty doe face mocking her from its several places on the apartment walls.
"Don't you love yourself Lucy? Don't you want to be beautiful Lucy? Why are you so weak, can't even take doing a few sit ups. Even that Rachel Berry has the potential for beauty. You'll never be as good as Frannie. What kind of a name is Lucy anyways. Lucy Caboosey, Lucy Caboosey, Lucy Caboosey,"
"You are going to be beautiful one day," a voice; Lucy could swear was her own whispered. "No matter it takes,"
By the end of March, after mass amounts of exercising at the local YMCA with Kurt; doing the machines and the pilates stretches he did at ballet and religiously following her diet and beauty routine. Lucy, slowly but surely started to notice a difference. She had been practically giddy with excitement as she stood on the scale one morning, the number was 15 less than it had been one month earlier. Kurt had sung her praises all through lunch as they contently ate their salads and sipped their water, talking about the new clothes Lucy would soon need to get, because of the gradual deflation of her body that hid beneath her frumpy hand me downs.
"Oh Kurt! I've never felt better!" Lucy giggled with excitement as they ran laps around the track after school. "I'm so happy…that I just want to dance!" Lucy spun quickly on one foot and kicked her leg high in the air, mimicking the dance moves she had seen Kurt practice in the empty auditorium.
"How did you do that?" Kurt asked dumbstruck.
"What this?" Lucy kicked her leg up in the air again.
The next Saturday, after an hour of convincing from Kurt long evening of pandering to her parents, Lucy stepped into her first ballet class at the local community center, and even though by the end, her muscles felt like they were on fire and she was drenched in sweat, for the first time in her young life, Lucy Fabray felt the potential for beauty.
All Lucy wanted to do was dance. She danced on Saturday's at the community center's open class, she danced in the empty auditorium with Kurt after school, and much to her delight, and her parent's signed her up for a class at Kurt's dance school.
Kurt and Lucy spent every waking moment together, and even convinced their parents to let them have a sleepover at Lucy's apartment. They stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, mooning and giggling at the dapper male leads from Russell Fabray's vintage movie collection, munching on carrot sticks.
"Sing for me," Lucy whispered into the dim light of her living room.
"Now?" Kurt whispered backed, exasperated. "But your mom…"
"Please Kurtie," Lucy pouted.
"Just a little bit,"
Kurt took in a small breath, and whispered the song into warm silence.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
As the last note echoed into the silence, Lucy felt Kurt inch closer her under the mass of blankets that served as a make shift bed on the living room floor.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Kurt whispered, trying not to meet Lucy's eyes.
Lucy nodded holding her best friend tight, clutching his hand.
"Sometimes, I really miss my mom," Silent tears tracked down Kurt's porcelain face as he buried himself in Lucy's shoulder.
Lucy rubbed small circles into Kurt's back, whispering comforting words into his ear as he cried softly and quietly into her shoulder. She had only seen him so vulnerable once before, that fateful day in the girl's washroom when she found him singing Defying Gravity.
Kurt has been her best friend for months and they have been practically inseparable since the day they met, yet, Lucy has never truly seen him. When it's just the two of them, like this exact moment, both of them safe in the confines of their peaceful universe, Kurt is the kindest, most compassionate and ingenuous person she has ever known. But when he turns the corner as they go their separate ways after lunch, Lucy can practically feel the shift. His deep blue eyes become icy, expressionless, his pale pristine face, that had was usually lightly flushed pink with joy, becomes stark white and blank. His stance taller, frigid and the usually bounce in his stride becomes an arrogant strut.
Lucy has never mentioned her observations. Not because she doesn't want to, but because she's scared. Terrified. Kurt is her best and only friend. Lucy loves her elegant blue eyed boy, (sometimes a little too much) and she knows that Kurt loves her. They need each other. Lucy thinks this to herself as she rubs her back comfortingly. As Kurt Hummel sleeps nestled in the crook of her neck, his face tear stained, that maybe, just maybe the slight taste she has had of the darkness the lies beneath; the perfectly coiffed hair, the immaculate outfits and extraordinary talent will be all she ever has to taste. Maybe one day, if not her, someone, one day, Kurt will let them truly see him.
As she stands silently in the shadows, Judy Fabray can't find it in herself to be a good parent. She knows she should go and tell her daughter to go and sleep in her room as she remembers the ground rules her and Burt Hummel discussed awkwardly on the phone last week for their children having a sleepover.
Judy knows that if Russell were here, this sleepover wouldn't have happened in the first place, nor would their daughter be curled up on the floor of their living room with a boy. But Russell isn't here; he's been away for business in Cincinnati for the past week. Judy doesn't have the heart to tear her daughter away from her best friend's arms as the sleep soundly under a mound of blankets; their hands clasped innocently over top of the fluffy blue blanket.
Instead, Judy tiptoes into the living room and turns off the muted version of My Fair Lady that is playing on the screen and gently kisses her daughter and gently stroked the soft hair of her quirky friend. Although she was unsure of what to think of Kurt Hummel and his peculiar ways when she first met him, a soft spot for him had grown in her heart. A smile grazed her lips every time she thought back to seeing Lucy singing and dancing, rather ridiculously to Diana Ross in her living room with the pale boy she had never seen before.
She may be Christian, and believe strongly in her faith, but Judy Fabray is not ignorant. Lima is a small town, and she had heard the hushed whispers in the vegetable aisle about the local mechanic's son being a flaming homosexual. Judy had never paid much attention to gossip about people she wasn't acquainted too, especially what she thought to be over exaggerated shenanigans about people's children. But upon meeting the infamous Kurt Hummel, the rumors were not quite that false. Everything about Kurt Hummel was ridiculously feminine, from his voice and mannerisms, flamboyant clothes right up to his pretty elfin face. Judy knew that Kurt Hummel was most likely a homosexual and it surprisingly didn't bother her. She had been raised to believe that homosexuality was a sin, but when Judy looked at Kurt Hummel, the boy her daughter adored more than anything in this world, Judy couldn't see even a smidge of impurity or sin in his sad cerulean eyes.
She gives them one last glance before shutting off the lights and turns into her bedroom, which feels empty, without Russell to sleep next to her. Judy holds her cross from her necklace between her fingers and she prays. She prays for Frannie, who is away in New Jersey, hopefully tucked in her dorm room asleep, not wasting the night away disgracing the family name. She prays for Lucy, that she stays as happy as she is now, because she's never seen her daughter shine so bright. And she prays that Russell comes back from his business trip with good news, because Judy desperately wishes that she can give both her daughters everything they want and more.
