Sorry it took a while for an update! I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter. Please review, comments make me happy!
The next morning, Robin looked out the window and saw the skyscrapers that made up New York City. He thought it was a nice scene to look at, especially with the sun hovering over the tall buildings. Busy people would be walking out and about, minding their own businesses. It was a strange city. It was easy to get lost in it, too, physically and mentally.
The young man took a deep breath and pondered over the events that occurred the previous day. He enjoyed his time with Starfire at the beach but there were still moments where he was utterly confused. Starfire had rarely been the straightforward-"Now-kiss-me-like-this" kind. As far as Robin knew, Starfire and he usually shied away from intimacy, especially when they were still the Teen Titans. He supposed this was just the way she was when she was drunk. He did like holding her, though.
Even though Robin and Starfire spent a few days with each other, there were still some things that were exposed. Starfire hadn't expected Robin to be the kind who would leave parties with other girls and fool around with them. Robin hadn't thought that Starfire was the type who would try to have fun with alcohol. They were permissible to say the least, but these newfound aspects of each other's characters always came up in their heads. What bothered Robin the most about Starfire was how she cried the other night and wouldn't tell him what bothered her. He thought that Starfire shared such things.
Yet, Robin still couldn't help but feel that attraction he first had for Starfire when they met. It was amazing how she had him hooked on her through their first kiss, even though she used the lip contact as a method to learn a language. Robin was blown away by it. His crush on Starfire turned into something more and he eventually stepped out of his guard and loved Starfire.
Surprising Robin, Starfire stood next to him in a yellow cotton dress looking rather luminous. Her appearance struck Robin at once and he continued to think about how he loved Starfire and still did even if she picked up new habits. She was still Starfire. She was still perfect.
"Star," Robin began, "I thought you were asleep."
"I was but I suppose that you didn't realize I had awaken since you were in such a pensive state," Starfire replied. She smiled. "How are you this morning? Is something wrong?"
Robin smiled at her, moving a strand of Starfire's red, soft hair from her green eyes. "Everything is perfect, Star. Nothing's wrong. How's it going with you?"
"I have a bit of a headache, but I can get over it if I distract myself. Um, Robin, did I –"
"Did you do what?"
Starfire looked away shyly. Robin thought she was going to ask something that would be hard for him to answer, something like, "Did I say anything to you about…us?" but instead, Starfire asked, "Did I happen to throw up?"
Robin chuckled. "Uh. Kinda. But it wasn't that bad. You hold your alcohol in better than other people I know. Don't worry about it, though."
Starfire looked relieved. "Okay, good. Robin, I need to buy some comforters and I suppose I can go to an Ikea. It's in Brooklyn and we're meeting Beast Boy and Raven at some place in Williamsburg, so do you think you can accompany me on this small shopping trip? Unless you have any other plans, of course. Or if you want to be alone. I don't mind. I can take the train or a cab, it's –"
"I can drive you there. I don't really have anything to do, so it's not a problem. Why are you buying blankets from here? Couldn't you buy any in Chicago?"
"Oh, well, I was thinking that it would be a good way for me to pass time until I see Raven and Beast Boy. And I love Ikea! You should see my room, it's filled with their furniture."
Robin sadly thought of how he would never be able to see Starfire's room at her apartment in Chicago because the two of them silently acknowledged that after the wedding, neither of them would be able to keep in thorough contact, nor would they see each other soon.
"Well," Robin said, "what are we waiting for? Let's go."
At the store, Robin and Starfire were greeted with an air-conditioned atmosphere. Robin could instantly see Starfire's childlike enthusiasm bursting through her smiles. He grabbed a shopping bag for her, knowing that Starfire would be on a spree.
"Look at the stuffed animals!" Starfire squealed. "Oh, I need to get that cute little sheep!" She was obviously delighted to see so many pleasant looking things at once. Starfire managed to make Robin swoon once again.
"Careful, now," Robin said. "Let's not spend too much money here. After all, we came for blankets."
"But they're so adorable!" Starfire said. She held a stuffed puppy in front of his face. "Isn't this the cutest thing you've seen?"
After you, Robin thought to himself. "Sure it is."
"I will buy it for you, then!"
"Star –Kori."
"Richard. It will be a present on my behalf! I'm going to buy it even if you don't want me to."
"You really don't have to do this for me."
"I want to!" She clutched the toys to her chest. She then looked like she had an idea and said, "Let's see if you're still quick and agile, Robin." She sprinted and called out, "Catch me!"
Robin stood in awe and embarrassment. He didn't want to embarrass himself in public yet he still wanted to run after her. Swallowing his pride, Robin went after the girl, who entered the bed frames show room, still holding the stuffed toys.
Robin caught her from behind and they both fell into a bed. Starfire giggled and Robin lay next to her, smiling. Then, Starfire looked at him plainly and said, "I'm sorry this is the only time we can be like this."
If Robin were to say it, he'd had say something like, "It's too bad this won't happen again." Instead, Starfire was the one who openly acknowledged their limited time to spend with each other. Robin and Starfire were saddened to know that this was probably the only time they'd be able to touch the borders of intimacy, share the events of their lives, and wake up in the presence of someone who meant so much to them.
"I know," Robin whispered.
Just then, a woman who seemed to be the same age of Starfire and Robin interrupted their moment and said, "I can't believe I'm seeing someone famous in front of my eyes." She was of average height and a brunette. She looked the two of them, who were still in bed together, in amazement. "Kori Anders, I love watching you walk down the runway!"
Starfire meekly sat up and straightened herself. "Um, why, thank you."
"This is incredible for me, it really is," the woman continued. "Seeing you made my day." She completely ignored Robin, who stood and brushed off any dust on his shirt.
Robin gave Starfire a look and began to slowly walk off, seeing if there were any bed sheets he would want. Many of the designs and patterns he saw looked rather feminine and more suitable for a married household. Being a single guy living in an apartment in Hoboken, NJ, Robin was well suited to striped sheets and pale blue pillow covers. Even when he stayed over at the Wayne Manor, Robin slept in duller colors.
After a few minutes, Starfire caught up to Robin. "I apologize, Robin," she said to him. "I usually do not have many admirers come up to me in one week."
Robin smiled at her. "It's okay."
The two of them silently looked at comforters. Robin saw a geometric design that consisted of blue, gray, and white colors. They reminded him of Cyborg, who was the reason why Robin was able to spend such nice times with Starfire. He observed the blanket once more and imagined a couple asleep in bed, tugging at blanket. Cyborg was not only going to share numerous bedroom products with Sarah, but also his life.
"What are you thinking about?" Starfire asked.
"Cyborg."
"Ah."
"See, not only will he be sharing his life with Sarah, but a blanket, too." Robin paused. "It's probably a stupid thing to think about."
"No, I think it's fine. You kind of make an interesting point, though, in a way. Cyborg will be sharing many things with his wife now. It'll be a new life for him."
"It's weird, though. He's the first of us to get married, which means sooner or later, we'll be deciding to share blankets with others, too."
Starfire looked at Robin. Unsure of what to say, she simply smiled at him. Robin was the one Starfire wanted to share a blanket with. Even if she tried blocking him out of her mind countless times, thought she imagined him in fashion show audiences, and never mentioned him out loud to her friends, Starfire still knew that there'd be no one else like Robin; that she wanting to spend her life with Robin was something she knew all along.
Later that day, Starfire and Robin went to a bar and lounge at a trendy neighborhood in Brooklyn to see their friends, Beast Boy and Raven. Starfire was completely thrilled to see her old friends again, but Robin was satisfied to know that she wouldn't be inviting them to stay with her at her room. It was the ultimate I chose you.
Beast Boy and Raven were already sitting inside the lounge. Beast Boy was sporting a huge grin on his face and Raven kept her cool and smirked. Starfire rushed over to her old friends and squeezed the two of them to her chest. Robin, amused, stood back and gave a little wave to his pals.
"Kori! Dick!" Beast Boy said. "It's great to see you guys."
"Likewise," Raven added. "How are you?"
Robin looked at Starfire and smiled. "I'm doing pretty well. It's really nice to see you two again. All we need is Victor around and this would feel complete."
"Oh, Garfield, -and Rachel! I'm so delighted to see you two! It's wonderful you guys are here together," Starfire squealed.
Beast Boy chuckled. "It's Gar, missy. Look at you, all cute and bubbly. You know, most models look so mean to me. But you're a contradiction."
"I assure you, many models are quite nice."
Robin turned to Raven. "Looking good, Rae. What's new?"
She took a sip from her drink. "I'm actually doing great these days. I volunteer at this place a few blocks away from my loft and instruct a yoga class. That occupies some of my time. Along with Garfield, ha. But other than that, I'm in Columbia's graduate program for law."
"That's great! Law, huh? That seems like you. So does the yoga. It kinda makes me feel pretty relieved that you haven't changed much." Robin looked at Beast Boy and Starfire, who were both laughing and in conversation about other things. "I heard about you and BB from Star."
Raven smiled. "Well …yeah."
"It's cool. He's a good guy."
"I know," Raven replied. She wore her dark hair loose. Raven looked thin and pale yet healthy. Her slender fingers picked up her drink once again as she added, "He moved in with me a week ago."
"Wow," Robin said. "I didn't know you guys were that serious. Congrats."
"I –I actually love him," Raven said. "Seeing how I've been able to share a place with the guy and I managed to survive, I figured I can relive the experience."
Robin empathetically smiled at Raven. He watched her look at Beast Boy. Although Raven wasn't the kind to wear her heart on her sleeve, there was a glowing look in her eye when they went on Beast Boy. Robin was even able to see the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile.
"So what about you?" Raven asked. She nodded her head over to Starfire. "You guys arrived here together. Anything up with that?"
By then, Starfire and Beast Boy went to order something to eat, so Robin and Raven were free to speak in private until they came back.
Robin sighed. He shrugged. He knew he had to tell someone about everything Starfire-related on his mind. Raven seemed like the perfect person to vent out to, so he replied, "Even though we happen to share a hotel room together, nothing's up. It's just so nerve-wracking being with her sometimes. When I first saw her –emotions ran high. It's hard to explain."
"There must've been a million thoughts racing through your head. You probably asked yourself a bunch of questions."
"Yeah. I did."
"And did you answer the most important question of all?" Raven raised her eyebrow.
Robin sat, tense. He looked over to Starfire, who coincidentally looked over at the table he was sitting at and waved. She went back to talking to Beast Boy who was speaking to her animatedly. Robin knew all along the answer to that question but he never said it out loud. Was he really about to do so right at that moment?
"I –" Robin began.
"I know," Raven interrupted. "If you're going to admit it to anyone, it should be her first."
"I don't think I can. I feel like everything going on between me and her –it's just going to happen one time and this is it. I think we're just gonna have to spend this time with each other and leave it at that. Move forward."
Before Raven could answer, Beast Boy and Starfire came back. They brought a whole tray of shots. The red haired girl sat next to Robin and Beast Boy put his arm around Raven's waist. To an onlooker, this would look like a double date almost. To Robin's dismay, it wasn't. He looked at Raven, whose eyes spoke to him, "I thought you were more of a fighter than that, Robin. I'm disappointed."
Robin sunk in his seat.
"What's wrong?" Starfire asked him. "You look rather distraught. Is something bothering you?"
Robin shook his head. "I'm fine, Star."
"Are you sure?"
"Relax, Star," Beast Boy said. "Robin just needs to get loosened up. Here." He passed Robin his drink. "No need to be so uptight here, buddy. Starfire was telling me about your day at the beach yesterday. You really need some of this stuff in your system."
Raven gave him a look and said, "I try keeping Garfield away from alcohol, so when he's close to it, he goes pretty crazy."
"I do not!" he replied. He turned to Robin and Starfire and grinned. "By the way, guys, there's something I –we want to share." Beast Boy squeezed Raven's hand. "We're engaged!"
Both Starfire and Robin were thrilled to hear this news. Starfire couldn't even sit still in her seat. She was practically sitting on Beast Boy when she was delivering hugs to her friends. Robin sat back, smiling. He was happy his friends were able to find happiness in each other and would do so for the rest of their lives together. Robin looked at Starfire. He wanted her to be happy, too, with whatever she planned on doing and with whom. He wanted to be happy, too, with someone, eventually. But he wanted someone like Starfire but those girls simply didn't exist. There was only one Starfire and he didn't want her to get away from him another time.
Robin was able to chase after all the villains; even obsessively, in Slade's case. But when it came to the one person who was worth chasing all along, Robin wasn't able to convince her it was worth being together when she first ended things with him. Robin just let it be, even though it was paining his insides. It tore him up. So he decided to move out of the tower sooner than planned and into his dorm at school. Robin had never been more confused.
"Well would you look at that," Beast Boy said, pointing at Robin. "He's half drunk already."
"What? No," Robin replied. He was tired for words. All he had the heart to say was, "Congratulations on your engagement. Good job, BB."
Beast Boy grinned. "Thanks! This is going to be the ultimate wedding bash ever. There's gonna be tons of good music, an awesome buffet and –"
"Let's not get carried away here," Raven interrupted. "Robin's really chugging down this stuff."
Starfire looked at Robin. She had the sudden urge to hold Robin like a little boy, or even tuck him in his bed. Her maternal instincts were taking over her. Starfire simply stared at Robin and sighed. She didn't want him to drink away and waste himself. Even if it was just one night, she'd have to be the one to take care of him. However, that didn't sound like a bad idea for her. She wanted another chance to be close to Robin.
"The music's pretty sweet," Beast Boy said. He looked at everyone else in the bar. "Ugh, we're in hipsterville here."
"Look who's talking, you little vegan," Raven remarked. "Anyway, I'm gonna head over to the ladies' room. Wanna come with, Star?"
Starfire responded, "I would like to. Beast Boy, please watch out for Robin."
Robin said, "Don't worry, Star. I'm a big boy. I can handle myself. I mean, after all, I've been able to get through a lot." His friends hadn't moved an inch. "You know, first my parents died. But I've lived through that. I went through a lot on my own. You know, Starfire? When we broke up –I thought I was disembodied or something. But I got through it."
"Uh, Robin, dude," Beast Boy awkwardly began. "Are you …?"
"Case in point," Robin continued, "I will be fine even if no one's there with me."
Starfire was feeling very discomforted and tongue-tied about what she should say to Robin after his dialogue. She didn't know how Robin felt when she ended things with him.
"Starfire," Raven said. "Come with me."
In the bathroom, Starfire was almost ready to cry. She wanted to tell Robin so much about how she felt for him. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry that she broke up with him and that is was only because she felt insecure about his love for her. Starfire wanted another chance to make things right.
"What was said and what has been done is nothing to ponder over now," Raven said, fixing herself up. "It's only right to look forward."
"Raven," Starfire said, fighting back tears. "I just wish I could spend more time with him. In our lives apart, we're so busy. I've succeeded quite well in not making everything about Robin, but now –I can't just hide my feelings for him. I still care for him deeply. I just don't know what to do."
"Tell him. Be open with him. He deserves to know how you feel and you'll feel better when you let it all out. I know it seems hard. I know you're scared to let your guard down. But it'll be alright."
Starfire still wasn't convinced. Would she really be able to tell Robin how she felt? Starfire managed to move on through her life for the past four years without Robin. Although she didn't want to anymore, surely she would be able to continue doing so. After all, why would Robin want to be a part of her life? Starfire knew that if Robin decided to be with her, he'd give up his life of stability –he'd no longer go to parties and pick up girls, he wouldn't be able to visit Bruce as much if he'd be tagging along with her, and they wouldn't see each other that much, either. They were both busy. Why would either of them live their lives only as it relates to the other's?
"I am afraid he might not want to be with me anymore. Although he has just mentioned feelings of hurt, I don't think he feels the same way he once used to anymore," Starfire sadly said. "It has been a while since we've spoken. Feelings do change."
Raven sighed. She wasn't going to be the one who told Starfire otherwise. That had to be Robin's job. "Do what you think is right. It's what'll make you happy that matters, Star."
The two women left the restroom and walked back to their table, only to discover that Robin wasn't in his seat. Raven turned to Beast Boy and asked, "Where is he?"
Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "He's talking to those chicks over there. I don't think they're hitting on each other, but look at the way that girl's eyeing him! Damn. Who knows that he's saying to them. I don't think he's feeling well."
"We've just been reacquainted for about twenty minutes or so! This is horrible," Starfire commented.
"Garfield's right, Robin's just not feeling well," Raven said. "Emotionally." She turned to Beast Boy. "I don't think it was best that you told him about us."
"I thought it would make him happy to know! I didn't think he'd flip out or anything." Beast Boy looked at Starfire. "I'm sorry, Star. Maybe you should talk to him and cool him down."
Starfire walked over to where Robin stood, who was then alone. He was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, maybe focusing on the music that was being played. When Starfire grew closer to him, he opened his eyes and gave her a tired smile.
"I love this song," he said.
Starfire listened to the words. "Your love might be the last time that I try…"
"It's one of my favorite songs ever," Robin continued. "It hits me where it hurts." He demonstrated by taking Starfire's hand and placing it over where his heart was. He held it there and said, "I wish things were different, Star."
"Robin, please," Starfire said. "You're not well. Let me take care of you."
"I wish you took care of me!"
Starfire took a deep breath. "You make things so hard, sometimes, Robin."
"Is that why you broke up with me? Is it? You know, that wasn't very nice of you."
"I didn't think it would hurt you so much."
"I loved you."
"And you no longer do?" Starfire finally asked.
She never got her answer because then Robin bent over and puked on the floor. The bar tender close by gave Starfire a dirty look and told her to take him outside. She helped him out on the sidewalk and took out her cell phone to call Beast Boy. She explained to him that they had to leave and that she will see Raven and him at the dinner rehearsal.
"Give me your keys, Robin," Starfire asked.
"Ugh. Sure. Whatever."
Starfire helped Robin into the passenger seat and she sat in the driver's seat. She learned how to drive from Cyborg, but this was one of the rare times she actually drove a car.
The two of them silently sat in the car as they made their way onto the Brooklyn Bridge. Then, Robin said, "Let's turn on the radio!"
"Here's one of the best songs ever written –"I Only Want To Be With You" by Dusty Springfield!"
Starfire blinked, not only because she adored Dusty Springfield's music, but because this was the song that was going to hit her where it hurt most. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do. I want to spend each moment of the day with you. The lyrics of the song were entering Starfire's head and couldn't exit her mind. She was engrossed in how well her feelings were depicted in a song.
"Starfire," Robin whispered.
She turned to look at him when they stopped at a red light but she only saw that he was asleep. Swallowing, Starfire said, "Robin, I still love you." She sighed and continued driving.
Back at the hotel, Starfire had to wake Robin up so that she could bring him up to their room. He groaned and complained about not feeling well. He woke up, anyway, and held on to Starfire for support while walking. Starfire hadn't realized that Robin was drinking so much during the night. Neither did any of the others.
"I think I'm gonna puke," Robin said inside the elevator.
"We're almost in our room, Robin."
"Ugh. What the hell is wrong with me…"
Starfire and Robin quickly went to the bathroom once they entered their room. Robin hurled into the toilet and Starfire was there behind him. Robin's insides were churning. He tried holding back tears ready to escape. He didn't want to cry in front of Starfire even if she had seen him at his worst. He couldn't believe he was drinking away while his friends were trying to celebrate such big news.
Robin went to the sink to splash his face with cold water. Starfire held out a towel and asked, "Are you okay, Robin? Would you like anything?"
Robin's knees felt weak. What was happening to him? He wondered what was happening to his strength all of a sudden. He thought he was about to fall and collapse on the floor. He thought his knees were going to collide with the cold, hard tiles of the bathroom floor, but Starfire was there to pick him up before he fell.
"You're so good to me, Star," Robin slurred. "You're so good."
"I am your friend, Robin," Starfire answered. "I'm there for you."
Robin's eyelids sunk. "Let me get something." He took his messenger bag and emptied out everything on the floor, pens, papers, and the stack of postcards he always kept with him, and picked up a CD. "This is for you, just you." It was the mix of Magnetic Fields' songs that Starfire said she wouldn't mind listening to.
"Now's not the time for this," Starfire said. "Just go to sleep." As she stepped closer to Robin's bed, her foot slid the postcards near the end of his bed. She hadn't noticed. Starfire took Robin's shoes off for him and brushed his hair away from his forehead. She looked at him with such admiration. Even if Robin needed someone to take care of him at times like this, Starfire would be there. She wanted to.
Robin took a look at Starfire through his heavy eyelids and whispered her name again. He tried focusing on the way she looked at him. He swore he saw love all over her face, or maybe it was just his feelings for her being mirrored through her complexion.
I'm pathetic, Robin thought. I'm scum. I'm like urchin. Here is someone who is perfect and look at what kind of position I put her in.
Starfire knew she wouldn't be able to sleep through the night with so many thoughts in her head, so she went to take a dose of Tylenol PM. The pills had a quick and strong effect on Starfire, so she fell into a deep sleep soon. All she dreamt about was Robin that night. She longed to be with him again.
