A/N: I know, deja vu, right? Kind of reminiscent of the whole Emmy/Christine ordeal in chapter 5 of "The Twin Brother I Never Had." Oh, well. :P
Chapter Four:
Jason gave Father Ufizzi a cup of ramen. "Here. Help yourself," he said, taking his own pair of chopsticks.
"Thank you for your patience, Mr. Lee," the priest/vampire hunter said. "Once I find a way back to my own world, I will trouble you no more."
"It's fine," Jason said, waving a hand. "God, it's like looking into a mirror every time I look at you!"
The priest glanced up, wagging a finger very parent-like. "Don't say the Lord's name in vain, Mr. Lee," he warned.
Jason rolled his eyes when his double looked away. "Okay. So how did you get here? What part of the movie was it when you realized you weren't there anymore?"
The priest frowned, trying to remember. "I was right at the point where I was trying to rip Dracula's head off, I think," he said, staring off into space.
Jason nodded. "Interesting. You know, he dies in the next movie. It's so lame. It's not even Stephen Billington, you know?"
Father Ufizzi looked at him strangely. "Who?"
"Oh, right. Stephen Billington played Dracula in the one you came from, and Rutger Hauer played the one in the movie that came after that one. It didn't make any sense at all. It was incredibly lame."
Ufizzi pushed his untouched ramen away and placed his chin in his hand.
The phone suddenly rang, and Jason jumped up to answer it.
"Hello?" he said into the phone, wondering who on Earth could be calling during his lunch break.
"Jason Scott Lee?" a familiar voice asked.
"Yes. Who is speaking?"
"Gerry Butler. You don't know me. I got your number from Wes Craven."
"Oh, Gerry, right, you played in Dracula 2000." Jason smiled. "What's up? Why are you calling me?"
"I need to know something. This is gonna sound crazy, but has Father Ufizzi shown up at your place recently?"
Jason took a step back, glancing at the priest at his kitchen table. "What the hell are you talking about, Gerry?" he asked quietly, taking the cordless phone into the other room.
"Answer the damn question."
Jason sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about, Gerry. I really don't." Lying was too easy when you were talking on the phone.
"Jason, Dracula has kidnapped Emmy Rossum and he is threatening to turn her into a vampire." Gerry chuckled. "I know it sounds crazy as hell, but you've got to trust me on this."
Jason gulped. "I trust you, Gerry," he whispered, glancing back toward the kitchen. "Yeah. Ufizzi's here. Where do you want to meet up?"
"Time Square at three today."
"Shit," Jason hissed. "I can't. I'm performing at a theater in Cincinatti tonight and I have to rehearse right after lunch."
"Dammit, Jason, this can't wait until after your fucking performance! If Dracula turns her into a vampire I don't think he's gonna get all compassionate and release her like he did Mary in the fucking movie!" Gerry sighed from the other line. "Send him here by himself."
"No way!" Jason shouted.
"He's from modern times, he can take care of himself." He hesitated for a moment. "Unlike some of the people I have to harbor in my home right now. Leonidas, get off the fucking table!"
Jason blinked, holding the phone away from his ear as Gerry apparently shouted to King Leonidas ans Stoick the Vast.
"What the hell is going on, Gerry?" he asked once he had finished shouting with a sigh.
"Look, a bunch of characters from my movies are suddenly coming to life and giving me hell. King Leonidas popped up in the middle of Time Square in a red cape and leather underwear, and Stoick the Vast, who is animated, by the way, popped up right after him. Erik, control the damn Spartan! Oh, and this all started about a year ago when the Phantom of the Opera needed my help in locating Christine, who had somehow gotten stuck here and had been living with Emmy for about a month. And that's how we got our asses stuck in this stupid-fucking-situation." Gerry seemed to like the word 'fucking' a lot, Jason noticed.
He sighed. "Okay. I'll buy him a ticket on the first flight to New York. Be watching for him." He craned his neck to look at the priest, who was standing in the sunlight from a window. "Make sure he doesn't go all vamp on you, 'kay?"
"I will. Just send him, for Christ's sake. Stoick, if you don't—DAMN IT ERIK, I TOLD YOU TO CONTROL THE SPARTAN!" He sighed heavily again. "Just . . . try not to get him lost or anything. Make sure he arrives in New York."
"Will do, Gerry," Jason agreed before pressing the red END button.
