Cosmic Hearts

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts


I didn't know when exactly I had started crying. All I knew was that everything had finally caught up to me. All the hours I had spent being a horrible person and not crying had finally made me realize that I should be. And so I was. My eyes stung and my face was probably red. The pillow was soaked with my overflow of tears. And the only time I wasn't crying was when I collapsed into a miserable sleep from crying too much. But I would always wake back up and remember why I was crying in the first place, which would make me start crying again.

By the time the sun was shining brightly through the window in Kairi's bedroom, I was too drained to cry anymore. So I just lay there in my little bed, thinking the whole previous day through. There had to have been something I could have done to change things, and I was determined to figure it out. I studied every single detail, considering every possibility I could think of. But nothing worked. It ended the same way every time. Ciro was helpless, and in danger, and I was nowhere to be seen. And that was eating me apart.

I heard the door open a little. Then Kairi's head appeared.

"Luna, do you want something to eat?" she asked. Her voice filled with sympathy.

"No, thank you." My voice cracked. I still hadn't eaten anything.

"Then do want someone to talk to?"

That actually sounded nice. "Sure." I sat up, feeling dizzy and sick. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. But it was too late to change my mind. Kairi had bounced over and sat on her bed, facing me.

"If it helps, I know what you're going through." she told me.

This actually surprised me. "You do?"

She nodded. "Mhm. There's this hopeless feeling at the back of your mind, and as much as you want to make it go away, you can't. That's why you've been crying isn't it?"

I gave her no response as my way of saying yes. She understood.

"Don't worry. Things will get better, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"Because they always do."

"Did it for you?"

She smiled. "Yes."

I smiled back. Not because that had made me feel any better, but Kairi might leave if she thought so.

I knew it was a horrible thing to do, but I really just wanted to be alone.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"I think I'm just gonna get some more sleep now, if that's okay."

"Alright. I'll be here if you need anything."

I nodded to her. She got up off the bed, and walked over to the door. But before I let her leave, I said, "Kairi," she turned back around, "Thank you."

Her smile widened. "You're welcome." And with that, she left the room.


"She hasn't moved since she got here. I tried to cheer her up yesterday, but I don't think it worked. She's really sad."

Kairi and Sora were standing outside the door to the room I was still in. Kairi was right- I hadn't moved. The rest of yesterday hadn't consisted of much more than me sleeping. But now I was awake, and listening to every word of their conversation.

"Sora, maybe you should try."

Oh, no. I really didn't want another pep talk.

"Okay. I'll see what I can do."

The door opened and the two of them walked in. I couldn't help but wonder where Riku was.

I was laying on my side, and I could see Sora walk towards me out of the corner of my eye. Kairi just stayed by the door.

He sat down on the floor beside me and said, "Hey."

I remained quiet.

"We were gonna go outside. You want to come with us?"

More silence.

"Come on, I really think you'll feel better if you do. Try to get your mind off of your brother and have some fun."

That did it. How could he say that to me? Don't think about Ciro? He didn't know what he was talking about!

I bolted upright, thinking about how I was going to tell him off.

Wait. I couldn't tell him off. Not after all he'd done for me.

So I just pulled my blanket covered knees up to my chest, and clutched them, trying my best not to cry again.

"Luna?" he asked.

"You don't know what it's like." I said softly.

"Maybe I don't know how you feel, but I know that nothing's going to change by sitting here."

"I know."

"Then why don't you come with us?"

"Because…I'm sad."

"But you don't want to be sad forever do you?"

A moment passed before I responded. "I want to know that Ciro's safe."

"Well, you know your brother a lot better than I do. Do you think he's the type of person to go down without a fight?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Then don't you think that it's possible that he's okay?"

I nodded this time. "Yes."

"Isn't that enough to make you feel better?"

I let more time pass, contemplating what he was trying to tell me. "Alright, I'll come." I said, turning to face him for the first time. I could see Kairi brighten across the room. Sora also smiled.

"Then let's go." He stood back up and held out his hand, waiting for me to take it. I did. He pulled me up to a standing position, while the sheets fell off of me. I let the Starlite's energy lift me once more.

I forced a smile to both of them and said, "I should probably go clean myself up a little."

"Don't worry about it," Sora said, "You look fine."

"Yeah." Kairi agreed.

"I doubt it, but okay."

Then we left the room, then the house, and we were walking- well, they were- down to the shore where they kept the boats. We found Riku there, waiting for us.

"Hi, Riku." Kairi said to him.

"Hey," he said back, "Ready?"

"Yup." Sora told him.

Riku nodded to us, then made his way over to the set of boats.

Preparing his own for the mini voyage, Sora groaned and said, "I really hate having to row back and forth every time we go over there."

"You could just swim there if you dislike it that much." Riku retorted.

Kairi laughed. "No way! He's way too lazy for that!"

It was actually kind of funny watching the three fight with each other.

"Oh yeah? Bet I could get there faster than you, Riku!"

Riku stopped pushing his boat out into the water, and turned to face him. "In your dreams."

"So it's a race?"

"Of course."

"Are they always like this?" I couldn't help but ask Kairi.

She sighed. "Sadly, yes." Then she told the two boys, "I'll judge! On your marks, get set, go!"

And they were off, faster than I had ever seen anyone move in my life. They dove into the water, their arms a blur as they swam.

Kairi turned back to me. "Come on, we'd better get going. The two will be busy fighting by the time we get there."

I smirked- yes, actually smirked- at her. Then we got the boat ready and started towards the island. It only took a few minutes and when we arrived, Sora and Riku were indeed fighting over who had won the race.

"Kairi! You're finally here! Please tell him that I won!" Sora shouted at her.

"Sora, I got here before you. Be a good loser."

"Guys, relax! I was watching the whole time. It was definitely a tie." Kairi intervened.

"What?" Both boys simultaneously asked, although it was very loud.

Kairi remained calm, which surprised me. Guess they really did do this all the time.

"It was a tie. You both got here at the same time. Isn't that right, Luna?"

My eyes snapped up to her, confused as to why she was asking me. I hadn't been paying attention.

"Uh, um, I-I guess." I stuttered. It wasn't exactly a lie as I really had no clue who had actually won, but it was enough to make me stammer like an idiot.

"See?" Kairi said, nonchalantly.

Sora and Riku were both dumbfounded. I guessed it was because of how big a deal Kairi wasn't making this. But they shrugged it off eventually.

"Right, so what now?" She asked them.

"Dunno. Did you bring the swimsuits?" Sora asked.

She nodded. "Sure did. They're in the boat."

Swimsuits? I never saw any swimsuits. She ran back over to the boat and pulled out the said swimsuits. Wow, I never realized just how inattentive I was until then.

"Here they are." Kairi announced when she returned, holding them up for us to see.

Well, now that that was settled and they had found something to do for a while, I felt it was time to go find somewhere quiet so I could go back to my sulking. Hey, I said I'd come with them. I never promised I'd do anything.

I decided on the pool of water behind us. I floated over and sat on the edge and let my feet hang down into the cool, clear liquid, staring over at the waterfall pouring down into it. After a few minutes, I managed to tune the others out. And a few more minutes after that, I was in the same depressed state I had been in earlier. I felt miserable, but in a happy way. Being sad just seemed right…and therefore I felt good. But not good enough that I didn't feel bad as well. Just a perfect balance of good and bad. I sighed. I didn't know how I felt.

I looked over and noticed something in the corner of the rock walls. A hole? It looked pretty deep. Maybe it was a tunnel. But where did it lead? Or did it lead somewhere? Should I go check it out? Am I crazy for thinking about this?

SPLASH!

I jumped, screaming all the while. What was that?

I turned my head and saw Sora sitting where what would have been beside me had I not moved. He was smiling, as if he were proud that he had scared me.

"Sora!" I yelled at him, half relieved, half furious.

He laughed. "Sorry."

I scooted back to where I had been.

"So why'd you come over here?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, but said nothing.

"You want to come have some fun with us?"

Again, I shrugged. Honestly, I just wanted to be alone.

But then again…

"I thought you guys were going swimming?"

"Yeah, we are."

"Well, um, I'd rather not get my clothes wet again."

"Kairi brought an extra swimsuit for you, just in case."

"Really?"

"Of course. As long as you're here, we want you to feel at home."

That made me happier. Not by much, but happier nonetheless.

I smiled up at him. "That's really nice."

He smiled back. Not the mischievous smiled he had on earlier, but a simple, genuine, happy smile. "It's no problem, really."

"Okay." That smile made it really hard to say no.

"Great."

Once again, Sora had managed to convince me to leave my moping. I really needed to learn how to prevent that. But for now, I might as well go with him. I'd get to be by myself tonight.

Kairi and Riku had already changed into their swimsuits. Sora hadn't yet.

"Luna! Glad to see you changed your mind!" Kairi exclaimed happily as we neared them.

I nodded.

"I left your swimsuit over there," She gestured a little ways behind us. "Yours too Sora."

"Right. I'll be back in a minute." Sora said, before running off towards the pile of swimwear, picking his up, and then walking into a little shack.

"Hey, Luna, can I ask you a question?" It was Riku. I really hadn't heard much from him since I had arrived.

"Yeah, sure." I said, trying to sound as pleasant as I could manage.

"Where did your brother get that, what did you call it, Starlite?"

Oh…that was a good question. I had no idea.

"I…I don't actually know." I admitted.

I held it in my hand. The warm energy that it filled me with was comforting. It made me feel stronger. For a brief moment, I felt like I could sense Ciro. I knew that he was alive, safe.

I gasped. "Ciro?" I asked myself quietly.

"Huh?" Kairi's voice entered my ears. That girl must have really good hearing.

I looked at her. "What? Oh, nothing."

We stayed quiet after that until I heard the door to the shack Sora had gone in open. He must have finished dressing. My assumption was confirmed when he came running up beside me.

"Your turn." He said.

I left the trio and headed to where the last, lone, swimsuit was. I had to lower myself to my knees to pick it up, then I resumed my floating position, and headed towards the shack.

Shutting the door behind me, I looked around the small, boarded building. There wasn't much to it, except a set of wooden stairs that led up and around until they disappeared around the corner.

I began to change into the little, yellow, two-piece swimsuit.

In a couple minutes, I was ready to reemerge. I took my other clothes that I had neatly folded and set them beside the shack where the others had set their clothes.

Sora, Kairi, and Riku were all in the water, splashing and dunking each other like a bunch of little kids. It was sort of amusing.

As I was hovering above the edge of the water, something nagged at the back of my mind, but I couldn't get myself to focus on it, so I just let it go.

I dropped down a little until my toes were barely touching the surface.

And then all of a sudden, the nagging thought shot forward, and a clear, vivid image was the only thing I could see. In the image, I was underwater, terror written on my face, afraid for my life as I was drowning. I was trying to swim, but made little progress, and then I watched my arms and legs go limp, and I started to fall into darkness. I couldn't find myself anymore. I was lost in a world of black.

I fell to the ground, clutching my head, wanting to make the nightmare stop.

Then I felt an arm wrap around my back. And it was gone. The memory ended as quickly as it had begun. I looked up and saw Kairi's face. She looked worried, as did Sora and Riku who were standing behind her.

"What happened?" Riku asked.

I was gasping for air, while I thought of an answer. An answer that would make them stop worrying. But I couldn't think of one, so I just told them the truth.

"I almost drowned the other day. I almost died. It was so scary. I couldn't breathe, or move."

"It's alright, Luna, you're safe." Kairi told me.

"Yeah, I know."

"Do you still want to go swimming?" Sora asked.

"I'm not sure. What if I start to drown again?"

"Don't worry. We'll be right here with you." Kairi said.

I thought for a moment, and came to a conclusion: I needed to face these fears. It was my only hope of ever having a normal life again. And that's exactly what I told her. But even as I said it, I still wondered if it was even possible to have a normal life.

"Then how about we try tomorrow?" Kairi asked.

"Okay. Tomorrow."

And for the first time since I had gotten here, I actually felt a glimmer of hope burn somewhere deep inside me; in my heart.


Chapter Four complete. Please review, and I'll try to have the next chapter out as soon as possible. Thank you for reading :)

**NOTE: There has been an small, but important change to Chapter One. Read back through it if you like, however it is not very noticeable. Just thought I'd let you know.**