Joey Wheeler, 1st Hour Psychology: The Relationship Between Ignorance and Dislike

Questions:

Q: What is your most terrible memory?

A: "No. I am not answering. Do not push me on this one, Wheeler."

*His tone… I'm not gonna argue with it, Mr. J. Sorry.

Q: If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it?

A: "If?" ("Kaiba, don't be a douche. Just… what do you do with the millions of dollars you have?") "You don't just spend a million dollars, mutt-not if you're smart. What I don't invest back into my company, or other basic expenses like bills and taxes, stays in the bank. The most money I generally 'spend' at once goes to charitable organizations; building schools or hospitals, or I suppose even Kaiba Land could qualify, though that was worth well over a million dollars."

("Kaiba Land? Your theme park.") Insert pissed off glare ("The park allows orphanages to bring their children free of charge, and a relatively large portion of its total revenue goes towards similar causes—a large enough portion that the park generates next to no profit. Your misconception, Mutt, is that wealth and greed are synonymous. My goal is not always to use my earnings to make more money."

Q: What is your favorite book?

A: "Crime and Punishment." ("Never heard of it. Sounds boring.") "And you wonder why I think you an ignorant moron."

Personal Journal: Day 4

Before I get into anything else, I need to write this part down before I forget everything.

I hadn't expected Kaiba to read anything other than stuffy nonfiction crap. So maybe his favorite book is probably pretty stuffy too—it's still a legitimate novel. That actually threw me off enough that I started wondering what it was about, so I asked around a bit, until I found out that Yugi's grandpa, of all people, had read it.

From what I gather, the story is about this poor guy who doesn't think very highly of typical laws and morals or whatever. Anyway, he goes out and kills some old woman, then tries justifying himself by saying that she was worthless anyway, and that it was okay since he had good reasons for it. You know, the means justify the end and whatnot.

Well, the guy totally starts feeling guilty afterwards, so he confesses and goes to prison, and pretty much ends up thinking that the only way to redeem himself and feel happy again is by suffering.

It's weird, thinking about Seto Kaiba liking a book like that. Something about being torn over morals and needing to justify actions and suffering for redemption. It sounds like it's full of doubt and angst and a lot of being unsure, which doesn't fit Kaiba at all. Even the debate on whether the means justify the ends doesn't really apply, because I've never known Kaiba to have any very legitimate ends planned for any of his shit. I mean, it's not like he stole Yugi's grandpa's card for decent reasons, or that he had a humanitarian end in mind when he threatened to throw himself off that castle in Duelist Kingdom. He has asshole means, followed by a selfish end. All the time.

Maybe he finds the idea of people having internal conflict over that sort of thing amusing. Or something. I don't even know. It's entirely possible that he even gets off on the idea of all that mental anguish and suffering.

Still. I guess it's something to think about, Kaiba liking that sorta novel.

Just like his charity crap. Now that was surprising.

I actually went to Kaiba Corp's website and looked to make sure Kaiba wasn't lying, and he wasn't. He actually donates some of his precious profits to a handful of different organizations, most of them involving kids and giving them opportunities, like building schools in third-world countries, or finding good families for orphans.

Kaiba Land was by far the biggest thing, though. Kaiba was right when he said it's practically non-profit. The thing about the orphanages is true too. And I never noticed before, but the prices are frigging cheap anyway.

I don't get it. Don't get him. I remember what he said when we were discussing this question, have it written down actually, about how being rich and being greedy aren't the same. Which are words I never would've pictured coming out of Kaiba's mouth, but maybe he's not as much of a hypocrite as I'd thought when he first said it. I mean, I've seen him be greedy about Duel Monsters cards, but never really with money. Yeah, he acts like an entitled prick because of his success, but it's not like he ever says anything about wanting more money, and judging by how Roland sorta worships him, I'm guessing he pays his employees well. Then there are the charities, so... yeah.

Not saying he's a good guy, or even that this is putting points in his favor. I still hate his guts. But maybe there's a redeeming quality buried there somewhere.

Very, very deep.

Oh, well. Um... not much else to say, but there are fifteen minutes left of class so I might as well write something. Let's see... uh, we aren't hanging out today. I've got time scheduled with him tomorrow, though. Mokuba has a soccer match, and apparently Kaiba goes to those. Like he's the kid's mother or something. Anyway, he figured it'd be a good time to cross off the last couple hours for this week without missing extra work or having to properly socialize with me. I don't mind either; Mokuba's a good kid, and watching him zip around a soccer field for a couple hours shouldn't be too painful. I just hope Kaiba doesn't go all 'soccer mom' on me. I'm really not interested in being, you know, scarred for life.

God. Kaiba. As a soccer mom. Now there's a mental picture I'd like to get rid of. See? That's how evil he is. He causes me mental distress without so much as a glance in my direction. It's creepy.

Well, so is thinking of him being all peppy and cheery and 'Go, Mokuba!' but still.

Now he's looking at me. Good lord, I hope he doesn't know what I'm thinking. He looks irritated. Maybe he can see it in my eyes...

Nope. He's done now. Is back to typing on his laptop. I wonder if he's actually doing work stuff, or if he's just playing solitaire. Or maybe writing in an online journal. I can just see him now.

Dear Diary,

I hate Wheeler. I hate the world. I hate everybody. I'm going to glare at them all until they die.

Shit. They aren't dying... I must activate my evil villain power- 'Be an enormous asshole.' It shall make me irritating enough that thousands will kill themselves to escape, and I will get myself a throne, and order everyone who doesn't kill themselves to build a palace in my honor, and it shall be shaped like a Blue-Eyes. Because I have a dragon fetish.

Ah, a flawless plan.

Wonder-Kaiba powers, activate!

Um, sorry. That was probably off-topic, and I can't afford a bad grade on this, so... let's get back to psychoanalyzing Kaiba. I guess I could talk about his response to the first question, which legitimately scared me. I mean, I never thought about it much, but... Kaiba's worst memory is probably bad. Like, really, really bad. See, there was this... thing that happened a couple years back, with me and all my friends and Kaiba, and it gave me a pretty good idea what Gozaburo had been like, and what Kaiba might've dealt with growing up with the guy. And... it wasn't good. Nothing I saw was good. So there's all that. Then all the times Mokuba's been kidnapped. Um, he lost his soul once, believe it or not. Had a bunch of big-shots at his company betray to Maximilian Pegasus of all people, and then to his face right after. Lost both his parents. Grew up in an orphanage. Um, he had dueling, but now everyone considers him second-best in that. Has no friends. Mokuba's his only family.

And, well shit. It looks bad when I write all that on paper. Like, really bad. As in, he's a heartless asshole and I hate his guts, but... maybe he deserves my pity or something. Like the Phantom of the Opera.

But thinking about it, Kaiba knows that I know all that shit about him. And he still wouldn't share his worst memory.

Which means it's worse than all those things I just listed.

It's... scary, sorta. Thinking about what that means.

That doesn't mean this assignment is working, or that my opinion of him has changed at all. Kaiba is who he is. So maybe, at one point, he might've been someone else. That person's been taken away, and that's not changing, no matter what I learn in this assignment. I'll say it again-I've tried getting to him a million times before, but there's nothing left to get to.

Might as well let me stop now. This... it's just making me uncomfortable, thinking about stuff I'd rather ignore.

You should've known better, Mr. J. You've got me trying to understand Seto Kaiba, and that...

It's just not possible.


Seto Kaiba, 1st Hour Psychology: The Relationship Between Ignorance and Dislike

Questions:

Q: What is your most terrible memory?

A: "Shit, I don't even know. There's been a lot, and you've even been there for most of it. All that whacky shit that's happened to us, and… But no, the worst was the first time my father... well, you'd probably actually have a decent idea, I guess. I mean, the other stuff's painful, the losing people or worrying about dying, but it's betrayal that's the worst. Loving someone and having them kick the crap out of you. That's what really hurts."

*Why is Wheeler answering these questions so completely? He hates me, and it is obviously painful for him. He is letting someone he dislikes see him vulnerable, and for what? A stupid assignment? I do not understand him, and I do not understand how he's retained such a ridiculous nature despite his father, and… and how he could express something similar to empathy with me, of all people. It is... perplexing.

Q: If you had a million dollars, how would you spend it?

A: "Buy a jet shaped like my favorite trading card." ("Wheeler.") "Well, I don't know. Haven't exactly had years to determine that sorta thing like some people, now have I? I'd like to say charity—be a 'big man' like you, Kaiba, but really I think I'd be selfish. Get my dad into a good rehab facility, buy pretty things for Serenity, and maybe get me a place of my own. That sorta thing."

*Wheeler has an interesting definition of selfish.

Q: What is your favorite book?

A: "I guess I don't read much. Um… Serenity wanted me to read Jane Eyre once... got through half of it. It was... Um, oh. I like Star Wars... the, you know, expanded universe books. Or book. Like, the one I'd read... a few years ago. When I needed to read something for a class."

*Why am I not surprised?

Personal Journal: Day 4

This is becoming trite.

What do you wish for me to write?

Wheeler answered his questions. His father is an ass. He likes his friends. He's a moronic ignoramus who's probably read a total of five books from front to cover in his life. I believe I covered this yesterday, albeit without the line about his aversion to reading.

Likely because, at the time, I'd simply assumed he couldn't read at all.

So perhaps I saw something of myself in Wheeler. That means little. Yes, his father was an asshole. Yes, he cares for his sister.

Yes, he had problems with his behavior towards others.

No, that means nothing. I hate Wheeler, and I always have. I have interacted with him more in the past few years than I would have wanted to in a hundred lifetimes, and not one of those interactions has ever left me with feelings of anything beyond irritation and dislike. He is abrasive and stupid, and little more than a walking headache. It does not matter that his friendship babble has suddenly taken on a new meaning, now that I know of his poor home life and recognize that he likely finds acceptance with his companions that is not available elsewhere. I do not care that his reckless persistence and innumerable attempts to prove his competence are likely a means by which to convince himself that he's good enough, and that those means could be seen as psychologically comparable to my slight perfectionism.

I am also clearly not affected by the knowledge that when Wheeler offered me his friendship, he likely thought he understood me and was, from what I now know, probably hoping to help me in the way his companions helped him.

I am not Wheeler. I do not need, nor want friendship.

And if I did?

It would never, ever be Wheeler.

End of Day Four.

...

...

Author's Note-

Sorry, I did a bit of rewriting for this and couldn't get it out yesterday. Hopefully the slightly added length makes up for it. There's a lot of babbling from Joey and a lot of non-progress from Kaiba, but I guess that's just Joey being Joey and Kaiba being Kaiba. Don't worry-things will change soon.

Thanks for your responses to my question last chapter. I won't tell you what I've got planned, but you'll figure it out soon enough; it won't be long before the first person begins to have a noticeable change in opinion. I also appreciate the comments-Lppurplegirl11, caffeinatedsaiyangirl, and Guest, as of last chapter. Feedback's always wonderful, so I love it when you take the time to drop a few lines.

I might-might-update again tonight, since I didn't yesterday. If not, expect something tomorrow evening sometime.

LITY