CHAPTER THREE
The first time Peeta asked Katniss about having his baby they'd been married for a year. They'd been together five years by now, but only married one. They'd discussed it a couple of times before, before the marriage talk, before they'd gotten married, and she'd told him that no, she didn't want children.
So when he asked her, she was nearly rendered speechless.
They'd just finished making love. It'd been… incredible. How he kept surprising her and turning her on after all this time was beyond her, but she wasn't complaining.
He'd just slid from on top of her and had just finished wrapping his arms around her. She was already drifting off to sleep when he softly called her name.
"Yah?"
"Do you wanna have a baby? Real or not real?"
She had stiffened at the question. She felt her face drop, her heart drop to her stomach and her blood turn to ice. She turned and faced him.
"Peeta, you know how I feel about that," she responded softly. "I…" She shook her head. "I can't imagine worrying about losing anyone else I love."
He stared at her for several moments, and then said, "Okay." Just as plain and simple. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes.
Katniss did the same.
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He asked her again a year later. She gave him the same answer as before, and once again, he dropped it.
Other than that, marriage was sheer bliss. She never thought she'd enjoy it. For the longest she thought that she would never want to get married. But life with Peeta… was good. Peeta was good.
He was attentive, kind, loving, sweet…. He was Peeta. He'd been so worried that the Capitol had stripped him of everything, of who he once was, but it hadn't. She caught more and more glimpses of the old Peeta as time went on.
District 12 was doing better than ever, and still growing. Effie had moved to 12 a few years ago. Something about the Capitol not being the same, though Katniss suspected it had more to do with Haymitch than anything. They'd been spending a lot of time in each other's company since they left the wedding together. She'd certainly been flying to 12 an awful lot since then.
The bakery was doing so well that they'd opened another shop. It was a good source of income for the District. Somehow Peeta managed to manage both stores and still be a loving husband. He was always home before sunset and was never too tired to hear about her day, or give her a foot or back rub.
Katniss started helping out with the second bakery because she needed something to do. She'd asked Peeta if he'd be all right with her overseeing the first shop since the second one needed the most attention. He'd scoffed and told her she could run the second shop.
She'd been touched that he thought so highly of her. So, for the past couple of years, she was the manager of the second shop. She found she thoroughly enjoyed it, though she did miss the thrill of hunting. And, truth be told, she just wasn't as good as making bread as Peeta. She wasn't bad. Peeta was just good.
By the time they'd been married for six years Katniss and Peeta promoted a young man to be the manager, so she went back to enjoying her days. She went hunting again, found that it was still as fun now as it was when she was a child.
Peeta continued to ask her about children. Only once a year. He never pressured her. He never asked her why not. She never knew when to expect it. It always caught her off guard. She always had the same reaction: breath in her throat, blood as cold as ice, heart in her stomach.
She had her first scare when she was twenty-four. You can't be in a healthy, sexual relationship without having some scares. She was late, and she was on edge. She'd nearly burst into tears by the end of the night.
Not wanting to alert Peeta she pretended that everything was fine. When he climbed on top of her, like he did every night, she tried her best to enjoy it. But for the first time ever, she was distracted.
It was still pleasurable. He was Peeta. And somehow he'd taken an action he was already good at and perfected it. She compared their lovemaking now to when they first started. She didn't know it would get better. Didn't know it could.
But it had.
So naturally, she had a scare.
"Are you okay?" he had asked her when they were done.
"I'm fine," said Katniss, hating herself for lying to him.
"Are you sure? You seemed… distracted."
Of course. She'd only ever really fooled him once, after the first Games. Though, of course, she had really only been in denial. But after all this time, he knew her better than she knew herself, so of course he realized she was distracted. "Just some things on my mind."
He frowned at her. "Anything I can help with?"
Katniss smiled at him tenderly. "I'll be okay."
"You still love me?"
"What does your ring say?"
"Real," replied Peeta.
"Real," she repeated. "Always."
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All was well the next day. So she'd been late. That was typical. That was no reason for her to panic. She told herself to get a grip.
And she couldn't deny the overwhelming relief that she wasn't pregnant.
She didn't feel guilty for not wanting children. Should she? Should she feel guilty that she didn't want to have to one day explain to her children about the Hunger Games? Was she selfish for not wanting to relive that? As if her dreams weren't enough.
She still saw Rue.
All these years later, and she still saw Rue, as if it had happened yesterday.
Peeta still had flashbacks. Just the other day she'd woken up, gone downstairs, and she'd found him in the kitchen, tied to the chair, his eyes wide and vacant.
It always brought her back to the first time this had happened when they were alone. Not the time when Haymitch had helped. The time when he was aware enough to know that he was about to have a flashback. He'd ran into the kitchen, tied himself up, and told Katniss to leave. She hadn't want to leave him, but she understood he couldn't stand for her to see him like that.
He hadn't touched her for a week after that.
When he had had another flashback, and he'd try to deny her, she had climbed on top of him, telling him she didn't care.
"I love you," she had snapped. "All of you. I've accepted this part of you." Then she'd slid on his length and rode him like a woman possessed.
After that he didn't mind making love to her after a flashback.
Though they were becoming less and less frequent, when they did happen, they tended to happen for longer periods of time now. He still asked her to leave. He never wanted her around. But last year, during year nine, she had blatantly told him no.
"I'm your wife. And we're in this together," she had said. So she sat at his feet as he scratched the back of the chair. When it was over she untied him and he'd taken her right there on the table.
They'd made love in a lot of places over the years. The hallway. All over the living room. The stairs. The guest bedrooms. Their room. The bathroom. But they'd never made it to the kitchen. They'd started in the kitchen before, but they'd never finished.
This particular time, though, clothes were thrown everywhere, and he'd slid into her before she'd even fully comprehended what it was that was going on. They weren't even fully naked. He'd pulled down her jeans, unzipped his own jeans, and slid her underwear to the side and pretty much had his way with her.
Afterwards, bodies flushed, hair sticking to their foreheads, out of breath, Peeta asked,
"Do you want kids with me? Real or not real?"
It was the first time she'd ever hesitated. For one, brief moment, she thought about it.
"Not real," she finally responded.
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Her second scare came when she was twenty-eight. Peeta had stayed consistent in his asking her, at least once a year. Aside from that one slip up in year nine she had not hesitated again. She had given him a firm no. He'd asked her only a few weeks ago and then… this.
It wasn't like last time. Last time she was only a day late. This time she was a whole week late. She played it off a lot better than the last time. How she lasted a whole week she would never know, but this time she didn't think Peeta suspected a thing.
When she finally started, she felt an unnatural sense of relief. Any disappointment she thought she felt, she tucked it away. She, Katniss Everdeen Mellark, did not want children.
Right?
And then her third scare happened. They say the third time's the charm.
And they'd be right.
She was thirty, and it was close to the New Year, and she was way more than a week late. She was a whole month late. For four weeks she waited to start. By week three she was panicking.
Still, she confided in no one. It wasn't something she could talk about. Effie and Haymitch were like second parents to her, but she couldn't talk to them. And her mother… well, Mrs. Everdeen seemed to be on one accord with Peeta. Unlike Peeta, she had stopped asking her daughter when she would make her a grandmother.
And she couldn't confide in Peeta…. What if it was another false alarm? He'd be so disappointed.
When she realized her false alarm was officially over, she was surprised that she didn't feel relief like the last two times. No, this time, she couldn't identify the feeling in the pit of her stomach.
But if she didn't know any better… she'd say she was disappointed.
But she couldn't be. Not her. Not Katniss.
But as she lied there, Peeta snoring softly next to her, she stared at the ceiling and realized that she was indeed disappointed.
She turned to him and watched him as he slept. He didn't resent her. After thirteen years of being turned down he had never resented her. He never changed. He never got angry. They didn't drift apart.
And she loved him for that. Who was she to deserve such an incredible man, who loved her enough to understand her?
How could she continue to deny him the only thing he'd ever asked of her?
How many times had he sacrificed his own happiness for hers?
Making up her mind, she decided the next time he asked her about having a child, she'd say yes.
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Only he never asked her during the next year. Not once.
And she had waited.
When the day after New Years came around again she lied awake, thinking. Their lovemaking had been short the night before. They had had a New Years Eve party. It'd been Effie's idea, of course, and they had partied as if they were kids again. Afterwards they'd made love quickly and efficiently.
They hadn't needed it to last all night.
They'd snuck away from their own party three times in order to fill each other's needs. By the time they went to bed they were worn out.
Peeta had fallen asleep quickly, but Katniss was troubled. He hadn't asked her. In over a year, he hadn't asked her. She told herself that maybe he'd just been exhausted. He'd fallen asleep so quickly.
When he didn't ask her tonight, though, she got worried. So after lying awake for about an hour, just like she had last night, she did the only sensible thing she could think of: She tapped him on his shoulder and woke him up.
"You didn't ask me this year," she told him.
"What?" asked Peeta, staring at her quizzically. He rubbed his eyes.
"You didn't ask me."
"Ask you what?"
"If I wanted to have your baby."
He sat up, fully alert.
"Katniss, what are you talking about?" He stared into her eyes.
"Every year, since we've been married, you've asked me if I'd have our baby. You didn't do that in this year. We're going into year fifteen and… you haven't asked me."
The two of them stared at each other for several moments. Finally, finally Peeta broke the silence.
"Katniss… do you wanna have a baby with me? Real or not real?"
Katniss smiled. "Real."
He seemed… stunned. That was the only word she could use to describe him. He stared at her, his eyes wide with shock, and didn't say a word.
Then she attacked him.
Her lips assaulted his and that seemed to snap him out of his trance. If there had been clothes there'd have been rips and tears. Since they were naked he just flipped her over. Katniss cried out when he entered her folds.
He gripped her hips tightly and pulled her to him. She met his thrusts as she looked back at him. He groaned and slid his arms to her breasts and squeezed them. He listened to the sound of their flesh slapping as he pounded in and out of her.
He slid his hands down her silky back and touched the small of her back.
"Dip your back in," he grunted out. Katniss did as she was told, moaning as he went deeper. "A little more." Peeta threw his head back when she made the perfect arch. "God, Katniss." He wouldn't last too much longer at this rate.
He pumped into her a few more times when Katniss clenched around him.
"More," she panted. "Please, more. Don't stop yet."
If he wasn't going allowed to cum yet he wouldn't be able to stay in this position. He pulled out of her and turned her around. He grabbed her pulled her into his lap. She put her hands on his knees started riding. Peeta pulled her closer and put his face in her breasts, then nipped her nipples with his teeth.
"Oh, Peeta," groaned Katniss. "Yes. God, yes." She pushed him back so that she could look at him. "Cum with me. Now, dammit. Cum with me now."
"Katniss," he grunted, and emptied himself into her.
A few hours later she woke up to more hot kisses. Then he placed his hands on her face and slowed the kiss down. He slid his tongue into her mouth and sighed.
She slid down and allowed him on top of her. She loved how he fit on top of her. She always felt safest when he was on top of her holding her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and raised up to kiss him.
He took his time with her. Normally their lovemaking was quick paced and rough. It's how they preferred it. He was only tender after he had a flashback, aside from that first time in the kitchen. But he was beyond gentle. He was slow and meticulous. It was almost as if he was rememorizing every part of her again.
He started at the top and worked his way down, kissing every inch of her and making her tingle in places she didn't know existed. How on earth was he still able to do this to her?
By the time he reached her nipples she was feeling so many different emotions that the bubble in her stomach burst. She'd never came before just from kissing and by the time his lips reached her center she came again. The orgasm actually lifted her off of the bed.
Taking her cue from him she showered him with the same attention. Her hair, falling around her face, tickled him as she kissed him. She could feel his heart pounding as he struggled to remain in control.
When she took him in her mouth he didn't allow her to suck for too long.
He climbed on top of her and entered her, so slowly and meticulously that it caused an ache in her center. She kept up with his pace, allowed him to lead, though she wanted nothing more than to make him go faster.
When they came, it was in unison.
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After that he had to get ready to head to he bakery. She was sleep before he even climbed out of bed. She barely stirred when he kissed her goodbye.
When she finally did wake she realized she wanted her husband again.
Fifteen years. Fifteen years they'd been together, and she could still conjure up that same feeling she got on the beach those many years ago.
She showered and dressed, then headed to the bakery. She often left him alone while he worked. When the bakery had first gotten rebuilt she had showed up nearly every day for a month until he told her she was the most distracting thing in the world. He said he couldn't concentrate—he'd forget something was in the oven, so it'd burn, or he'd be watching her instead of taking care of customers.
He was embarrassed, and she had been amused, but she respected his wishes. She didn't think he'd mind too much today, though.
"Hey," she said with a smile once she approached the counter.
"Hey yourself."
"Can you come home for lunch?"
His eyes brightened in surprise. "Sure," he told her. Then his heart dropped. Oh God. She wasn't going to tell him she'd changed her mind, was she?
"Good. See you in a few." He froze as she left, his heart hammering. Was she planning to seduce him? He was pretty sure he hadn't imagined that simmering of desire in her eyes as she left. He felt himself harden as he got back to work.
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"Katniss? I'm home," called out Peeta when he entered the house. "Katniss?" She didn't answer so he followed his nose and headed towards the kitchen.
He found her there.
Sitting on the table.
In nothing but one of his white tee shirts.
That barely covered her thighs.
Her hair cascaded around her shoulders and clashed beautifully against the pale of her skin and the blue-grey of her eyes.
His breath caught in his throat.
He never did get to eat whatever it is she had made.
Nine months later they welcomed Prim-Rose Rue Mellark. Peeta named her. She had thick, curly, dark black hair and astonishing blue eyes. Katniss never thought she could adore somebody so much. She still remembered the fear, the way she cringed, when she first felt her child moving and growing inside of her. She'd been so overcome with fear. But when she was born, when Katniss held her for the first time, all Katniss felt was love.
She had hid the pregnancy for two months to make absolutely sure she was pregnant. She had had a few scares, the most recent only a few months ago, and she had been severely disappointed when she realized it was another false alarm. Peeta would have been devastated. So she kept it a secret, until she was sure. She had taken several pregnancy tests, all of them coming back positive. Then she went to the doctor and she had confirmed it.
Her and Peeta were in the middle of starting a book about the Games when she got pregnant again. It hadn't taken long after Prim was born for him to start asking about another child. She had laughed out loud at herself after he had asked. Of course he wanted more. Peeta wouldn't want to stop at one.
So, a few years later, she was pregnant again, and this time welcomed Cinna Rye Mellark. His blond hair competed with Peeta's, its golden locks just as thick and curly. He had Katniss' eyes, though his were more like a charcoal color compared to Katniss' heather.
Effie and Haymitch adored the children. Mrs. Everdeen actually moved back to 12 after Cinna was born.
And even though Katniss dreaded the days she'd have to tell her children about the Games, she knew that her and Peeta would have the book. The book would help them.
So on the night before they all visited the meadow, when Prim was five and Cinna was still an adorable little toddler, lost in his own world, Peeta turned to her, his breathing still not even as he climbed off of her.
"Katniss," he whispered.
"If you ask me for another child, I'm gonna get out my bow and shoot you."
Peeta smiled at her. "No, that's not what I what I wanna ask."
"Then what is it?"
He stared deep into her eyes. "You're happy… real or not real?"
With no hesitation, no questions, no silence, Katniss looked at Peeta and said,
"Real."
