„I don't want you to take it back. "
"You don't?"
The tragic hope and disbelief in the blonde's gaze and voice was enough to finally strip away everything holding Bea back and everything holding her together.
Allie suddenly felt like that first breath of fresh air that fills your lungs, shocking you back to life after being submerged underwater for God only knows how long. She hadn't even realized she was drowning, not until seeing the shore and realizing there was something else on the other side, another path to be taken.
For once, she stopped swimming against the familiar current that kept her under for years, stopped listening to anything else but the sound of her own desires, desires she didn't even know she had or could have. The noise was loud, overpowering every last bit of reason she had left.
She needed Allie to kiss her again.
It shook her to her very core to admit just how much.
"It's the last thing I want, Allie." – was all she managed to say, the last shred of bravery she still held.
It all came out no louder than a whisper but Allie heard it down to the last syllable, every echo resonating intensely against the throbbing walls of her heart, still lingering heavy in the monumental quiet of the room long after the noise died out.
And when Allie's gaze locked with hers, utterly perplexed, not quite believing she heard her right, with a million unspoken questions and something else dancing in her eyes yet again, Bea had to look away.
The entire prison trembled before her but she's never felt quite as small as she did now.
„So then what do you want?" – the blonde asked in the gentlest tone she could muster, slowly and cautiously inching closer to her, like she was still, on an unconscious level at least, preparing for a crushing blow that was yet to come.
Wordlessly, she took hold of the redhead's trembling right hand, tracing the contour of her every knuckle, every scar like she was a mystery she was dying to unravel.
„Please...don't make me say it." – Bea all but begged, her voice coming out so shaky and quiet the blonde had to strain to hear her.
But she did.
„Then show me." – Allie whispered all the same, her other hand reaching and stopping at that familiar spot on Bea's neck that she's touched the last time.
She drowned in the glistening brown eyes before her, eyes that hid more pain and anguish a single human being should ever have to bear on their own. She wanted, needed, more than any other time, to shelter Bea from the entire world, a world that was never worthy of her.
Allie's heart dropped right then and there when her simple gesture of affection was met with a strong shiver and a sharp intake of breath, followed by the most heartwarming sight she's ever seen in her life, one she never thought she could cause.
Bea shyly ducked her head almost submissively, leaning into her touch like a lifeline, no trace of the former Top Dog to be found.
Allie had no way of knowing that it was the most anyone's done for her. No one touched her like that before. That realization and the space between them shrinking with each passing second wasn't lost on Bea.
„I don't think I can." – she struggled to speak once more, reluctantly pulling away from the younger woman's touch and closing her eyes almost painfully, dreading to see the hurt staring back at her.
This time, Allie saw right through her.
„I think you do." – she encouraged, her usual confident tone making a triumphant return. „Here, I'm gonna move closer and you have to promise my eyebrow stays intact this time."
The playfulness of her voice and the sheer Allie-ness of what she said made Bea smile wider than she had in weeks, followed by an uncontrolled fit of heartfelt laughter. When she felt the blonde's weight shifting again, as she scooted closer to her, this time she didn't even flinch.
„No promise."
And when Allie laughed back, sending the most breathtakingly beautiful smile her way, she felt like the entire weight of the world got lifted off her chest.
„You wound me, Bea Smith." – Allie crossed her heart with an X, dramatically, still chuckling to herself. „That really hurt, you know."
„Yeah, well, you had it coming." – Bea laughed along, unconsciously leaning into the blonde's side as she did.
They fell into an easy banter again, the previous heaviness of the conversation wearing away, like the clouds make room for the sun after a raging thunderstorm. If only the clouds looming over Wentworth every day could do the same...
It was the first time Bea wished she wasn't a lifer. She thought she had accepted that, even made peace with it, but something about the way Allie was looking at her now was strong enough to make her reconsider everything she knew before. Maybe she did want more out of the rest of her life - what that was, she still didn't know exactly.
Allie laid her head on Bea's shoulder, both of them looking far ahead, slipping into a comfortable silence, as their joined laughter slowly died down, one carefree beat at a time.
„You're right, that was over the top. Can't help it around the pretty ones. Y'know, on the outside they used to call me Allie chick magnet Novak." – Allie broke the sudden magic of the moment in true dumbass fashion, earning another genuine laughter from the woman beside her.
„Fuck off, no one called you that." – Bea said, incredulously, turning towards Allie on instinct, finally taking note of just how close they were.
The realization left her oddly calm this time – she was still jitery and nervous but there was also a brand new sense of eagerness, excitement and hope creeping in. Dangerous hope to have in a place like this. Allie made her smile more in 5 minutes than she had during all of her years at Wentworth.
„But they sure thought it, Bea." – Allie tapped her index finger to her temple twice for emphasis, a Cheshire cat grin spreading all over her beautiful face.
Bea looked at her once more, her heart suddenly too big for her constricting chest.
It was then that she realized she might be in love with Allie Novak after all.
As if on cue, their twin smiles died down at the same time and they both felt that same, magnetic pull towards each other from before. Come to think of it, maybe it was there from the very first day, just waiting for a signal to be unleashed for good.
„Come here."
The blonde's gentle voice jolted her from her unexpected reverie and slowly, but surely, fed the slow burning fire inside of her. This time, she didn't have it in her to run away or even attempt to put it out.
So she didn't.
„It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you."
That was the last thing she heard before she felt Allie's soft hands touching both sides of her face and that same heavy gaze from before connecting with hers, as if she was begging her to see how much she meant it.
And when Allie's soft lips touched hers again, just as gently, tentatively and undemanding as yesterday, she did more than just stand there, motionless. This time she melted into her and shyly reciprocated, sighing and burrying her hands into her blonde locks, holding her in place, fearing she'd vanish in a puff of smoke if she didn't.
For what felt like forever, she forgot about everything that hurt, everything she couldn't stop, change or control. Suddenly, nothing in the world seemed to matter anymore, nothing but Allie.
„Are you alright?" – a breathless voice eventually whispered against her lips, pulling her away from her trance, before the owner of that voice reluctantly withdrew just a little. „Is this okay?"
The unfamiliar, heart-stopping darkness she found in Bea's eyes as she did was enough to pull Allie over the edge right there. She saw no hesitation there, just pure want, and she wasn't ready for how that would make her feel. Then again, no one ever wanted her without something in return - whether it was paying for her services or grooming her like Marie did, fooling her into thinking that was the way love was supposed to feel.
It didn't even scratch the surface of what she was feeling now. And even with all of her fake bravado and genuine confidence in what she was doing, she was still taken by storm - this was new. It was just as much of a first for her too.
„Yeah, yeah..."
„Good."
That sight did something to her, so powerful that it sprung her into action in a flash. And before either of them could process it, that familiar cheeky smile made its way back onto Allie's face. She moved with a lot more purpose this time, testing the waters. She almost lost her train of thought when Bea met her halfway, with a lot more urgency and desire than either of them expected.
„I should..I should go before Kaz throws another fit." – Allie shuddered in between heated kisses, biting her lip to stop an embarrassing moan from coming out.
The way Bea was tracing her every move was enough to crack her resolve, but she knew she had to go. Break time was almost over and the prison would soon be bustling with activity again, and not the pleasant kind she was currently engaging in.
„I'll see you around, yeah?" – Allie croaked, clearing her throat almost awkwardly, her voice coming a lot more breathless and raspier than she expected.
She had a shit ton of experience with women and men alike but no one ever left her so hot and bothered from kissing alone. If she didn't leave now, she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep her hands to herself much longer. As much as that thought excited her, it would have scared off the one person she'd do anything not to scare off.
Especially when she got her this far.
What is she doing to me?
„My eyebrow thanks you for the lack of injury today." – Allie let out a stifled joke, as her breathing slowly returned to normal. She bumped Bea's shoulder playfully, before resting her weight on her arm, pulling herself off the ground and dusting her pants.
„You are such an idiot." – Bea shook her head, hiding her much too bright smile, a smile that seemed so out of place on her.
As the blonde was getting up to leave, pouting like a kid who's just been told they need to turn the lights off and go to sleep right when they were having the most fun, an idea instantly popped into Bea's mind.
She wasted no time to act it out.
„Okay, come back here for a second, will ya?"
The blonde raised that same eyebrow she was looking at, forming a quizzical look, completed by a pair of pursed lips. Allie was staring at her like she suddenly grew two heads, but she turned around anyway.
„Why?"
„Just shut up and stay still, yeah?" – Bea commanded, before lifting herself off the floor too, inching closer to a perplexed, yet equally eager looking blonde.
Allie's gaze flashed from confused to aroused to lovesick in a matter of seconds when she heard Bea breathing in nervously then felt her warm hands on her cheeks. The blonde opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the older woman not only erased any witty or smooth comebacks on the tip of her tongue, she also erased every word in her vocabulary when she did..that.
Bea gave her look she couldn't quite figure out inching somewhere between focused and mesmerized, as she gently traced the faint scar on her eyebrow with her fingers, before leaving the softest, feather-light kiss there, on the same spot she bashed in the shower tiles weeks ago.
„What was that for?" – the blonde whispered, completely and utterly spellbound, before her face broke out into a huge grin.
„You wouldn't stop talking about your stupid eyebrow." – Bea replied, simply, smirking back just a little. Two could play that game.
„What eyebrow?"
„Finally."
At last, Allie did move towards the exit, albeit a lot less enthusiastically, neither of them taking note of a spying Joan Ferguson not too far away, creeping in on them and listening a bit too intently to their conversation.
The blonde was almost in the hallway by the time Bea called out to her once more.
„Hey, Allie?"
Allie turned around in a flash, her body reacting to her before even her mind did. She could never say no to that voice, even more so after today.
"Thank you."
„What for?" – the younger woman asked, not able to stop the genuine smile tugging at her lips, as she leaned against the doorframe, a lot more seductively than she realized.
Or maybe, just maybe, she was doing it on purpose.
„You know..just.."
Bea fumbled for words, inwardly cursing the smirking blonde before her who almost looked like she was enjoying it. Who was she kidding, she was probably enjoying every second of it.
Everything.
She couldn't say it. Thankfully, Allie read between the lines. She always read her like an open book.
„No problem. I'll see you around, beautiful." – the blonde added with a deliberate drop in tone, winking and tipping an imaginary hat her way like the true gentleman she was. „P.S. Kitchen duty's lonely so come say hi sometime."
The little pet name she allowed to slip out caused Bea's heart to do somersaults right there and she suddenly felt lighter than she's been in years.
As the blonde's frame faded from view, she couldn't stop smiling shyly to herself and ducking her head to hide her blush like a schoolgirl with a crush.
Maybe I am a fucking teenager after all.
