~o~
4
Light
"Look at all your faithful subjects, Kairi, darling. They're waving to us." Setzer raised his hand waved back, beauty pageant-style. He was positively glowing; he loved attention.
I was sitting on the seat beside him, glaring at the floor. Ever since I'd heard the shout: "It's Princess Kairi! And that guy who's gonna be our king!" I had retreated into my turtle-shell of indifference to wait it out.
People were following us in a crowd, trying to get a glimpse of the lovering royal couple inside the carriage. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to drop dead.
This was far worse than even I had anticipated. What would my subjects think of me now that I was giving this idiot the crown? Of course, they didn't know he was an idiot yet, but still… it's not like it would be a secret for long.
We followed the main road for a while and the throng became even larger. Setzer smiled and waved, smiled and waved. He even blew them a kiss once or twice. I almost gagged.
"I do believe I will enjoy ruling this kingdom," he eventually said, sitting back in the seat. We had finally escaped the mob and were on the roadway to the castle, past the gates. "I already seem to be quite popular," he crowed. Then more doubtfully, "Or maybe it is my beautiful fiancé they love."
"Fiancé?" I gasped. "We're not engaged!"
He didn't seem perturbed. "Oh, how silly of me," he said, "I almost forgot! Here darling, this is for you."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box that was studded with jewels. Then he opened it. Inside on a purple satin pillow was the largest diamond ring I had ever seen. The diamond was so gargantuan that it looked ridiculous and top-heavy. Just like him.
He grabbed my hand and, ignoring my efforts to pull it away, slid the humongous rock over my fingernail and onto the ring finger on my left hand. It looked so absurd that, for a moment, I was certain this must be a joke. But his irritating, oblivious smile told me it was just another truth that was nearly impossible for me to accept. He had just proposed to me—and taken my silence as a yes!
I couldn't believe it. I just stared at him.
"You are speechless, I see," he said, flashing every one of his teeth at me. "How adorable."
I finally found my voice. It shook as I said, "Alright. I know that we're betrothed and everything. But that does not mean that I have to go through with this." I wrenched my hand from his grasp, then grabbed the ring in my other hand and pulled it off. "I am a human being and I have a choice," I said.
His confusion and disbelief were almost comical. "A... choice? What do you mean by that, darling?"
I stomped my foot. "What on earth do you think I mean? I don't love you! In fact, you drive me insane! And I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man in all the worlds!"
His eyes were round; the look on his face clearly said that he had never received such a spiteful insult in his entire life. For a moment, I almost regretted voicing it.
He had never doubted himself before, never paused to consider his hold on me. As the carriage lurched to a stop in front of the castle, he was still frozen in place, his mouth agape. I threw the ring on the seat and flung the door open. Then I leapt down before the footman could help me.
I ran up the castle steps as fast as my shoes would permit.
Chancellor Tsukada gave me a confused glance, then went to see why Setzer hadn't followed me. I knew I had only seconds to act.
I ran into the kitchens before he could come after me. There I leaned against the wall, panting.
"What now, Kairi?" Leon's voice asked, amused. He was leaning up against the countertop. He'd obviously been conversing with the cooks. Yuffie stood on the other end of the room. She gave me a suspicious glance. Aerith was nowhere to be seen.
I glanced around me. "Um... I just told Setzer I wouldn't marry him. That's all."
"WHAAAAT?" The kitchen was full of exclamations. Even boring old Rufin stood wide-eyed.
"Kairi, you can't just say no," Leon said. "You're under a contract!"
"Well I did."
Leon groaned and put his face in his hands. "You're dishonoring Ansem The Wise, you know," he finally said.
I glowered. "I don't care about Ansem The Wise," I said, ignoring the looks on every face in the room. "He left me in this mess and so I don't see how he could blame me for trying to get out of it!"
"He wasn't trying to leave you in a mess," Leon said. "He just wanted you to be happy. He loved you."
"Leon," Yuffie growled. I noticed a look on her face that clearly said, don't say another word.
I stared at him, curious at Yuffie's reaction. Was there something more to this story than I'd originally thought?
"What?" I asked. "What do you mean, he loved me? I thought that he just picked me to be princess when I was a baby."
"He did," Yuffie hastily interjected. "That's what made you special to him."
I could see a bunch of conspiratorial looks flying around the room; My eyes narrowed. What was it they were trying to keep from me? I gave Leon a questioning look.
He sighed. "I don't see what the point is in keeping this from her anymore," he finally said.
"No, Leon!" Yuffie snapped. "He didn't want her to know! He didn't want anyone to!"
"I know," he said. "But it's the only way to make her understand."
Yuffie's face turned white.
"Kairi," Leon said, turning to me. "Ansem The Wise didn't just randomly choose you off the streets to be his heir."
"W-what do you mean?" I asked, my voice trembling and my heart pounding.
Leon and Yuffie exchanged anxious glances. "You were born royal," he said slowly. "Ansem's true heir."
I swallowed loudly. "So... we're related?" I had never known my real parents.
"Yes..." Leon said slowly, hesitantly. Finally he sighed and said, "You're his daughter, Kairi."
No. My world was turning inside out. My head was spinning. I couldn't get a grip on myself. How was I supposed to, when I didn't even know myself anymore?
"Catch her; she's going to faint!" Yuffie cried.
I felt Leon's hands on my back as my legs buckled for the second time in the last twenty-four hours. Then everything went black.
~o~
"Wake up, chile'," Molly's voice was saying. "You gonna be just fine. Open your eyes."
I did as she told me. Her anxious face came into focus. Yuffie was standing there, too, and Leon still held me. I wondered how long I'd been under.
"Are you okay?" Yuffie wondered. Her anger had evaporated and her eyes were filled with concern.
"Yeah," I said, trying to stand up without wobbling. "I'm fine."
"Take it easy," Leon cautioned. "You look pretty woozy."
"I just can't believe this," I groaned, rubbing my head. They instantly knew what I was talking about.
"It is a lot to take in," Yuffie admitted.
"So…" I wasn't exactly sure where to begin. "So I'm… a real princess?"
Leon snorted. "No, you're a mermaid princess," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Yuffie glared at him.
"I thought I was just a 'princess of heart' or whatever," I said. My mind was still in a haze.
Yuffie shook her head. "No, you're a princess by birthright—just as much of a 'real' princess as Snow White or Aurora or Jasmine…"
"How—" I swallowed, unsure of how to phrase my next question. "How long have you known this?"
They exchanged nervous looks. "Um... a while," Leon finally admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"It's like I said, Kairi," Yuffie gently replied, "Ansem didn't want you to know."
"Do the people know?"
She frowned. "Some of them. But it's not a big deal. It doesn't change anything."
I closed my eyes. "I'd have liked to have known, either way."
She looked down at the floor. "Sorry."
"Do you see what I meant, though?" Leon suddenly asked. "About respecting Ansem The Wise? It's more than that. It's honoring his wishes... for his daughter, the princess. That's really what this whole Setzer thing comes down to."
"How could he do this to me?" I wondered, after a long pause. "If he loved me, why did he set me up with this loser?"
Yuffie put a hand on my shoulder. "He only knew Setzer's father, the king of Albrook. Setzer was only ten years old when the agreement was made and Ansem had no way of knowing what he would be like when he grew up."
"Then he should have left it to me," I said sharply.
"Yes," Yuffie agreed.
"Who was my mother?" I asked after a moment.
Yuffie and Leon looked at each other again. Then Yuffie murmured, "We don't know. No one does. All we know is she died giving birth to you... According to Ansem The Wise. After you were born, he took you to his mother. She raised you."
"His mother? Like my grandmother?" I asked, then looked at the floor. "She must be dead, too."
"Actually... no," Leon said, smiling gently. "Your grandmother is alive. She lives in another world now... and she comes to visit her son now and then, but has yet to see you, because Chancellor Tsukada decided it would be best if you didn't meet her again."
I gasped. "I... I think I remember her!" I cried. A memory of the castle's sun-filled library came to mind, where a wrinkled, yet happy-looking old woman sat on a chair and told me of a time when the first darkness was born in people's hearts.
"Wait..." I murmured, "what do you mean, 'she comes to visit her son'? Ansem The Wise is dead."
"Yes," Yuffie said. "But if you recall, his brother still lives."
I gasped again as the pieces fell into place. "Chancellor Tsukada is my uncle?"
Leon laughed. "Small world, isn't it?"
I flopped down in one of the plastic kitchen chairs. This was just too much. I couldn't take it in.
"Chaila, will you fix her something to eat?" Yuffie asked.
"Yeah, yeah. She do look awful pale."
"It'll all be okay, Kairi," Yuffie said, stroking my cheek. "You'll see."
Conflict raged inside me. I couldn't bring myself to believe her.
"You'll make the right choice. It's in your blood."
"But what is the right choice?" I desperately wanted to know.
She smiled at me and shrugged. "You're the one who's supposed to figure that one out."
I sighed.
~o~
Chancellor Tsukada was waiting for me at the dining room table, alone. His eyes fell on me as I tapped my way across the tile.
I sat down at the table, but didn't touch anything. I could tell there was a storm brewing.
"That was... quite an afternoon, wasn't it?" He asked after a long moment of silence. "Quite a show you put on, huh?" I could tell he was furious.
I took a deep breath before answering. "He deserved it. He was arrogant and way too pushy."
Chancellor Tsukada stood up and slammed his fist on the table, making the dishes rattle. "Do you have any idea how upset he is? You two have a duty to this world and I will not let you shirk it!"
"It's my life!" I cried out, affronted. "And I can't marry someone that I don't love!"
"Love?" Chancellor Tsukada said, throwing his hands in the air. "Royalty does not marry for love! We marry for social status! And you are no exception to that rule, Kairi!"
I bit my lip and my vision blurred an infinitesimal amount. "Thanks for the information," I said quietly. "Though it's not exactly what I'd expect from my own uncle."
I heard his breath catch. A long moment passed between us.
"Why did you keep it from me?" I finally asked, looking up.
He seemed to be a little stunned. "I… thought it would be best," he eventually said. Then, "How did you…?"
"Everyone knew but me," I said slowly. "I guess I was bound to find out some time."
"Then you know everything?" He asked.
I nodded.
Chancellor Tsukada looked at the table. I watched as he took the edge of the tablecloth in his hands and fingered it thoughtfully. His mouth was a hard, twitching line, so I knew that he was angry or at least irritated.
Finally he spoke. "Well then. You'll see a new importance in your duty to your country, I'm sure. After all… it's what your father wanted."
"Then maybe he was just as bad as you are," I said with a grimace. "And maybe I don't owe him anything."
"What about the people?" He asked, eyebrow raised. "Are you going to deny them the privileges of having the king that Ansem The Wise chose for them so many years ago?"
That tugged at my heartstrings. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
"Think about it," he said shrewdly. "I'm sure you'll change your mind."
I looked at the floor. "Maybe…" I murmured. But I was completely lost.
What on earth was I going to do?
~o~
"Riku!" I gasped as I felt the familiar set of arms wind around me in the darkness. "You scared me!"
He laughed. "I told you I would come back, didn't I?"
"Yeah," I smiled up at him. My eyes had adjusted now and I could see the outline of his face in the dim light. "But you could just turn on the light, you know."
I felt him shrug. "Didn't want to take any chances."
"Mmmm."
It felt so, so wonderful to be held. To be wrapped in the embrace of someone that I loved so dearly. The warmth and the whisperings of his long hair against my skin made me feel like I was at home, where I belonged. Despite my confusion, I was glad that he was back. So very, very glad.
"I... uh... saw you in the city today," Riku suddenly said.
I looked up at him in alarm. "You were a part of that awful crowd?"
"I saw you from a distance. Well..." he paused and I detected a sour note in his voice. "I saw the prince, anyway."
I held onto him. "They're forcing me to marry him. We're betrothed."
"That's what someone said. I... I hope... I mean..." He squared his shoulders. "Congratulations."
"What?" I gasped, noticing that he was looking away from me. "No! Riku, I don't want to marry him. Really, I don't even like him. In fact… sometimes I think I hate him."
He looked mildly surprised. "Why are you going to marry someone you hate?"
"I told you, they're forcing me to."
He raised an eyebrow at me. The idea was obviously foreign to him.
Which reminded me… "Um... I have something that I want to tell you," I said. "Something else. And I was wondering if you already knew... I'm..." I swallowed, fighting the moisture that seeped up beneath my eyelids. "Riku, Ansem The Wise was my father."
I listened to the steady beat of his heart for a long time. "I didn't know," he finally said. "He never told me."
I waited for him to say more. When he didn't, I said, "You don't sound surprised, though."
He sighed and his arms tightened around me. "I kind of wondered, because I knew that he was the previous ruler of this place and you were a princess from here. It seemed to make sense."
"I was always told that I was hand chosen to be his heir," I explained.
"Huh. I wonder why they lied to you."
I sighed. "Me too."
"He mentioned you in his reports. You and Naminé. But not in a fatherly way."
I shivered. "Maybe he was ashamed of me."
"No," Riku said. He began to rub his hands up and down my arms. "In one of his reports, he said that your heart was so pure that no Heartless could be born from it. How could he possibly be ashamed to have a daughter like that?"
I curled up against him and sighed. He was so good at making me feel better.
"Hey. It'll be alright," he said softly.
"I don't want to marry Setzer," I said, voice trembling. "They say I have to, to honor my father's wishes, but sometimes I think I'd rather die than marry him…"
Riku laughed softly in my ear. "Then don't."
"I wish it were that simple."
"It is. Maybe you should just take Sora's advice and follow your heart."
I flinched.
"Just be who you are, Kairi," he murmured. He reached up and rested his hand on the back of my head. Then his searching fingers found the pins that held my bun in place and he pulled them out, one by one, until my dark red hair tumbled halfway down my back, long and lush and familiar. I smiled as he pulled his fingers through it. Then I leaned against his hand.
He was right. I felt better already.
"So where have you been today?" I asked, closing my eyes with contentment.
He continued to stroke my hair. "Well... I went to one of the diners on main street and got some food. I talked to this old guy there—about you and... Setzer. The whole town's buzzing about it, apparently. Then I went to your friend Cid's shop in Borough. I kinda just bummed around mostly. I don't really like it here, no offense. It brings back bad memories."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," I said, frowning. "That was a hard time for you... in Hollow Bastion. I'd forgotten."
"It's really different now, I'll give you that. This castle looks a lot nicer. But still." He shuddered.
"I was there too, remember?"
"Yeah, it wasn't much fun for you either—but you probably don't remember much about it, anyway."
I couldn't agree with that. It had been the place where I had found Sora again.
"Why don't you stay here tomorrow?" I asked. "You'd be much more comfortable. I'd bring you food and everything. You could even take a bubble bath if you wanted; I've got a tub the size of a small swimming pool."
He laughed. "Sounds great, but I think I'd rather go skinny dipping in the river than get caught in your tub—especially by that crazy chick with the black hair."
We laughed together and he held me close. We were silent now, merely enjoying each other's company, the company that we'd craved for so very, very long. His hair tickled my face and neck as he whispered words of contentment in my ear. It made me feel cherished in some simple, pleasant way.
He began to hum a tune that I immediately recognized from our childhood on the island. It had a very calming effect on me.
In that moment, I was happy. What had I ever done to deserve such bliss, such love from anyone, let alone Riku? I mean, where had that come from?
I should have pushed him away, for his own good, and mine too. But such a thing didn't really seem possible, anymore.
~o~
He left early in the morning, before Yuffie came in to wake me up. As I held his hand and begged him to stay, he made me the same promise: "I'll come back tonight, Kairi. You know I will."
Yuffie came in about an hour later with a suspicious look on her face. With narrowed eyes, she crept into my room, then dashed into my closet and bathroom. She even crawled under my bed. Looking for Riku. I rolled my eyes.
"He's not here."
She stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah? Where is he, then?"
I shrugged.
"I see you slept in your gown again."
I looked down at the crumpled teal dress and sighed. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to the laundress and your seamstress."
I shook my head, then went to take my morning shower. After I was finished, I went directly into my closet with a towel wrapped around my body.
"What are you doing?" Yuffie demanded, holding up the white cocktail dress that she had picked out for me in one hand.
I came out with my favorite mini-skirt in one hand and a pink tank top slung over my arm. "Choosing my own clothes. I'm tired of all those dresses."
"Oh, no you don't. Chancellor Tsukada will flay me alive."
"No," I said, shrugging one shoulder, "he'll flay me alive. You don't have to worry about yourself."
"Humph."
I got dressed and ran a comb through my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I could see myself again—the girl that I had known back in Destiny Islands, the one who was so sure of who she was. She would be the one who would be making the choice.
"You look better," Yuffie admitted as I came out of my bathroom. "Do you... know what you're going to do?"
"Not yet," I said. "But it will come to me when I'm ready to accept it."
She gave me a tiny smile. "See? I told you that you would make the right choice."
I nodded, but there was a lump in my throat.
~o~
Setzer and Chancellor Tsukada looked nothing short of shocked when I came flip-flopping, rather than tapping, into the dining hall. I held my hands loosely at my sides rather than folded neatly in front of me, as I'd been taught. My long, dark red hair fell freely about my face.
"Ahem, excuse us for a minute, Your Highness," Chancellor Tsukada said, leaping to his feet and dashing toward me. He grabbed my arm and began to tow me toward the door.
"What—are—you—wearing?!" Chancellor Tsukada hissed as soon as we were out of sight and hearing range.
"My clothes."
He rubbed his forehead with one hand, as though he had a migraine. "What are you talking about? The gowns are yours as well."
"Not in the same sense," I said calmly. "This is who I am."
"No, no, no!" He groaned. "You look like a commoner! Do you have any idea what you're doing? You're ruining your image!"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm being honest."
"Honest?"
"Yes. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go take a walk with Setzer. We'll be back later."
"You—but—what do you—what are you —"
He was still stuttering as I walked away.
"Setzer?" I said. He started as I walked over to him.
"Yes?" he asked gingerly.
"Would you walk for a minute? I want to talk to you."
"Of—of course," he said, his eyes raking up and down my casually clad figure. He got slowly to his feet and followed me.
We walked out to the gardens and the morning sun glowed in the sky, chasing away the chill and resting softly on my skin. I held my face toward the sky and closed my eyes.
"So... What did you want to talk about... Kairi?" Setzer asked, watching me like one watches a Jack-in-the-box—just waiting for me to do something unexpected.
"I wanted to apologize for the way I behaved yesterday," I said, still facing the sun. "I guess I overreacted. It wasn't very nice of me."
He was silent for a moment. "Well. Erm... apology accepted, I suppose."
"Thank you."
A bluebird sailed overhead, singing. I smiled as it fell and landed on the outstretched finger of a nearby marble statue. It looked at the statue's blank face in a comically speculative way, then seemed to decide that it was born of a very skilled sculptor rather than a human mother. I laughed.
Setzer gave me a strange look.
We walked along the pathway in silence until we arrived at a gorgeous fountain surrounded by flowers. One particular patch of them caught my attention; I'd always loved daisies and these were arranged in sumptuous clusters of reds and yellows. I bent down and plucked a few. Then I spoke.
"Yesterday you proposed to me and I declined," I said. "I would like to take it back, however… for now. If you could let me postpone my decision, I would be very grateful."
"Postpone?" He wondered aloud. "What—what are you waiting for?"
"I'm waiting for an answer to come to me," I said after a pause. "I'm following my heart."
"Following your... heart?"
"Yup."
He looked a little confused; maybe he was picturing an indifferent lump of flesh, pumping blood through the body rather than a capsule of human emotion. "How would your heart know anything?" He asked, frowning.
"Because it's filled with light," I said softly. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wondered where they'd come from. They were oddly familiar…
I could tell that Setzer didn't understand. Finally he shrugged his shoulders and steered the conversation into less complicated waters. "Well… let's go in and get our breakfast."
"Okay," I said slowly, shaking my head as though to clear it of the words that had so suddenly popped up out of nowhere.
When I stood up, I could see my reflection in the pool of crystalline water just beyond the flowerbed. And I was pleasantly surprised. I looked not only serene, but self-assured standing there with a bouquet of flowers in my hands. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply of their sugary aroma.
And suddenly, I was giving them to someone else.
"Here," I said, holding them out in front of me.
My voice sounded tiny and oddly high pitched. The memory was so faded that I had no idea who I was actually talking to. But whoever she was, her voice was gentle and almost nurturing.
"Are these for me?" she asked. She was kneeling before me, so she must have been very tall… or maybe I was just very short.
I nodded. "I picked you some flowers. Thank you for saving me!"
"Oh, they're lovely," she said. "You're so sweet."
"My name's Kairi," I offered, leaning forward and linking my hands together behind my back. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," the woman said, with obvious sincerity. "I'm Aqua."
And suddenly the memory was so vivid, it was like I was really there. I could remember everything about Aqua—how her eyes were bright and penetrating and sheaves of dark blue hair curved around her gentle, comely face.
"Kairi, about that light—" she began.
"Kairi!" A familiar call interrupted.
I whirled around. "Oh! Grandma!" I said. I realized that the elderly woman was standing at the top of the steps. She must have been looking for me.
"Wait, Kairi," Aqua said, "just a minute…"
She reached forward and touched the pendant at the end of my necklace with two long, slender fingers. As soon as she touched it, it glowed like a star; I could feel my eyes widening in amazement.
"I just cast a magic spell on you," Aqua said softly. "One day, when you're in trouble, the light within you will lead you to the light of another. Someone to keep you safe."
I looked up. "Thanks," I said, beaming. But I was young enough that my mind still hovered around the pretty light that emanated from the necklace rather than the actual power that it held.
The light! I was so excited to show Grandma; she loved the light! Which reminded me of a story she always used to tell me...
"There you are," Grandma said in her patient, matronly way. I hurried to her side. "It's time to go," she said. It was easy to see that I'd loved her; when she spoke, I was immediately flooded with feelings of warmth and comfort.
"'Kay," I chimed in a cheery little voice. Then I realized—I'd forgotten to say goodbye to my new friend! "Oh—bye!" I said, turning and waving to Aqua.
She chuckled a little at my enthusiasm, then waved back. Her smile, warm and bright, was the last thing I saw.
"Uh, Kairi? Kairi? Hello…?"
Setzer's strangely distant voice cut through my mind like a knife.
And then all the colors, faces and voices were gone, like flower petals carried in the wind—flashing before my eyes for an instant, then flying away into the pale, blank sky that was as empty as my vat of childhood memories.
And then I was standing in the garden with Setzer. My bouquet of daisies was on the ground at my feet.
Almost instinctively, my fingers curled around the milky-white pendant hanging at my collarbone. "The light of another," I whispered. "Sora? …Riku?"
"What'd you say, Kairi?"
I turned around. Setzer looked even more confused than before; I wondered how long he'd been trying to get my attention. "Um…" I said, "Nothing."
"Right," he said, running a hand over his face. "Well, are you… ready to leave yet?"
I looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. Suddenly I whirled around a scooped up the daisies—I could dry them between the pages of a book and keep them somewhere where I could always look at them, whenever I needed to remember…
"Light," I said softly. My fingers closed around the pendant once more.
