Title: Sanctuary

Word Count: 2,826

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. Here's another chapter! I also hope you guys don't mind if Chunk starts to play a little bit of a bigger role. Let me know what you guys think! Enjoy!

xxxxxxx

Okay, so, Bull did not see this one coming. Well, he did, but he thought this problem would be fixed already. Turns out it wasn't, and just when he thought Benny was going to catch a break, he and Chunk had to witness Benny losing his lunch in the bathroom.

They turned away from the stall to give Benny some privacy, but it didn't block out the heart-wrenching sound of Benny's depraved stomach rebelling against him.

"It was like this in the hospital?" Chunk asked.

"Yeah," Bull responded quietly, nodding his head. "Yeah. He didn't eat for a few days and he still hasn't eaten much since, so his stomach isn't accustomed to that much food. Therefore, when he ate that sandwich Cable brought him to calm her nerves…"

"He made himself sick over it," Chunk finished, sighing as Bull tilted his head in confirmation.

Finally, Benny's retching stopped after about a minute or two. They heard him unravel toilet paper to clean his mouth just before they heard the toilet flush. When he didn't exit the stall shortly after, Bull asked,

"Benny, you okay?"

"Fine," was the short reply.

Chunk and Bull didn't really know what to say in response to that. After all, Benny had just vomited in front of them after forcing himself to eat something he was physically incapable of consuming in order to reassure his teammate that he was fine when he really wasn't fine.

Chunk pointed towards the bathroom's exit, suggesting that they should maybe give Benny time to himself before he came out. Bull shook his head. That was not a good idea. Of all the places to leave Benny alone, the TAC bathroom was not a smart option.

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, it took Chunk a moment to realize what Bull had meant, and he made sure Bull knew he understood based on the wide-eyed expression and grimace that followed. Their revelations were confirmed when Benny finally spoke.

"I wasn't really thinking about it when I first came in here, but now...I don't think I'll be able to look at this place the same, and it sounds stupid because it's a bathroom, for Christ's sake, but still...of all the places in the world, I had chosen to die here."

Bull and Chunk had followed Benny to the first stall in the bathroom, which, thankfully, was on the complete opposite side of the bathroom where Benny's attempt had been made. Still, as Bull and Chunk stood outside Benny's stall, all they had to do was take one look to the side, to the far end of the bathroom, and they could imagine the red pool of blood that stood an ugly contrast against the white tiled floor as it remained visible from beneath the stall walls. The mess had been long cleaned by Chunk before he met up with Bull and Benny at the hospital, but it was an image that would never be erased from the two men's minds.

"Benny, you need to stop thinking about it," Bull replied quietly.

"Easier said than done," Benny answered, appearing at the stall's entryway. He looked more tired than he had this morning. He was paler, had darker bags under his eyes. "After all, you hadn't almost died in front of the ones you love most." The younger man moved to the sinks, where he turned on the water to rinse his mouth and wash his face.

"No," Chunk conceded, "We don't what it's like to suffer the way you have, but what we do know is that we aren't going to let you go through this on your own. We made the honest-to-God mistake of letting you believe that no one cared about you after the Sorin case, and believe me, we regret letting you think that. We regret never lifting a finger to help you. Even so, Bull and I, and the girls as well, are willing to help you and be there if you need us."

"Chunk's right, Benny," Bull agreed, looking at his shoes before peering up at Benny "We'll be with you every step of the way."

Benny sighed, drying his face before turning to look at them. "Well, I hope and pray that there aren't many more steps left to take for me to recover."

xxxxxxx

"So…" Chunk started quietly, "You talked to Isabella?"

Bull looked up at him from the dim screen of his laptop. "How did both you and Benny figure that out when I haven't told anyone yet?"

Benny was back to sleep on Bull's futon in his office. The door was closed, the lights were off, the blinds were drawn, and both men were working on their laptops. They had pulled up chairs next to Benny and had dimmed their computers' brightness levels, both for their comfort and Benny's.

"It's pretty obvious, man. You looked pretty heated walking out of here, but you had this sick grin of satisfaction when you came back," Chunk snickered.

Bull grinned as a breath of laughter escaped him. "Yeah, I went to see her alright."

"And how'd that go?" Chunk asked, but his tone of voice said that he had a basic idea already.

"Well," Bull started. "It's Isabella."

"Oh, it's Isabella now, huh?" Chunk questioned. "That says something."

"That it does," Bull responded. "I cannot believe I fell head over heels for a woman like her."

Chunk shrugged. "It's like what they say. People only show their true colors when you finally get to know them."

Bull sighed. "Yeah, I suppose, but you should have seen her, Chunk. She honestly believed that she didn't do anything wrong, and she actually thought I would let her see Benny again after that. She said, and I quote, 'You can't keep my brother away from me.' You lost Benny the moment you told him he was a failure."

Chunk shook his head in disbelief, turning his gaze back to his laptop. "Women like Isabella give other women a bad name. Jesus, how can someone be so conceited?"

"I don't know."

Chunk's head snapped back up to meet Bull's eyes, but the man had already turned back to his own work. That statement alone could attest to how Bull was emotionally right now. Chunk had figured for the longest time now that Bull was struggling himself, but he didn't really have any proof as of yet. However, instead of replying with "I don't know," Bull typically would have responded with some psychology vocabulary or mental illness where he would describe a narcissist's mindset. This wasn't him. This wasn't Bull.

"Bull," Chunk sighed.

Bull looked up again from his laptop to face his friend. "Yeah?"

"What's going on? Talk to me."

Bull narrowed his eyes at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't been yourself lately, man," Chunk responded. "Talk to me. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Bull took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to say something before shutting it and taking a glance at Benny's sleeping form. He didn't want to start talking and have Benny wake up to hear what he was saying. Benny should be worrying about himself right now; he shouldn't have to worry about Bull, too.

Chunk must've understood the silent message because a pop-up immediately appeared on Bull's screen. It was an instant messaging app from the email website they typically used.

Chunk P.: We'll talk on here so you don't worry about Benny hearing.

Bull looked up at Chunk, who nodded at Bull's laptop, gesturing for him to respond. Bull sighed and began to type his reply.

Jason B.: It's Benny, Chunk. No matter what we try, it seems like he will never recover.

Chunk P.: You said it yourself, Bull. Things like this take time. A lot of it.

Jason B.: I know that. Believe me, no one knows that better than I do, but no matter how much I know about it, it never seems to apply to Benny. Of anyone I know, I never thought it would be Benny and I don't understand why.

Chunk P.: I don't understand why either. Bull, this has been a long time coming. Benny's a perfectionist. He's always hard on himself. It was only a matter of time before it caught up to him.

Jason B.: I guess it all makes more sense now when I look back on it, but, still, why'd it have to be him?

Chunk P.: What do you mean?

Jason B.: Chunk, I've never told anyone this.

Chunk P.: You can trust me, man.

Jason B.: The divorce...It was nasty, Chunk. Really bad. Isabella wanted everything I had and she got everything I had, minus TAC. Throughout it all, no matter what happened, Benny stayed by my side, despite his close relationship with his sister. He told me himself that he thought she was being ridiculous, that this was going too far. At that moment, I knew. Isabella could take all she wanted from me: my home, my possessions, she could have taken TAC, but the one thing I didn't want to lose was my friendship with Benny. And I almost did.

Chunk P.: How so? Because of what's happening now?

Jason B.: Yes! Chunk, how could I be so blind and stupid? I was trained for this. I am a psychologist. This is what I went to school for. I am supposed to read people and help them find solutions to their problems. That's my job. That's what I'm supposed to do and that's what I do here at TAC. How is it that I could help all of these strangers, people I don't even know, but when it came to Benny, a friend so close that he is practically my brother, I didn't do a single thing? I knew what he was going through, it was so textbook. I could read out the next events play by play, but at that moment, right when it mattered most, I didn't help him.

Chunk P.: Bull, what happened with Benny, that's on all of us. We all failed him. We should have been there for him, but when he needed us most, we all turned to you and expected you to fix our problems. We should have helped you out, realized that this wasn't easy for you either. We all knew something was wrong, but instead of fixing it, we hoped someone else would fix it for us. That is a mistake we all have to come to terms with for as long as we live. However, we can be here for Benny now. We can be with him every step of the way. We can be there for his recovery, and we can be there for him after. He needs us, Bull. He needs us now more than ever.

Jason B.: I can't stand seeing him this way. This is not the Benny I know. This is not the Benny I ever wanted to know.

Chunk P.: None of us ever wanted to see him this way, but we have to get past that and move on. All we can do is help him and pray that he forgives us for our wrongdoings.

Jason B.: Thanks, Chunk.

Chunk P.: No problem. You're not alone in this. I think that's a lesson all of us can learn from this.

xxxxxxx

Benny stirred awake slowly. His head was pounding from the lack of food in his stomach and all the stress in general. All he had been doing lately was sleeping, but even now, after his hour nap, he still felt tired. When was the exhaustion going to go away? He didn't even feel like moving. How much longer was he going to be like this?

This whole depression thing? It sucked. Okay, that was a severe understatement, but, seriously, this exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the constant self-doubt...It was just all too much. Benny honestly couldn't understand how some people could live like this for years. He hoped and prayed he wouldn't suffer from this for years.

Thinking back on it, Benny knew this was a long time coming. There is no way a little beratement and pressure from some lawyers could drive him to this extent. There is no way. It couldn't have just been Isabella either. They had gotten into some pretty bad arguments before. Well, then again, she had never called him a pathetic failure and actually meant it, but that was besides the point. No. This was something much deeper.

Benny had this constant need to be perfect, to be better than what he could be. Even as a child, if any grade he had gotten in class wasn't a hundred, he wasn't satisfied. It could've been a ninety-nine for all he cared. It still wasn't enough. It never was enough for him. He needed to do better. He needed to be better. And no one had caught onto this constant craving for perfection. All that 'failure' took a toll on him. It was like he couldn't ever do anything right. It always wasn't enough, and, eventually, as Benny grew older, he began to think it would never be enough. He would never accomplish something. He would always fail.

And that sucked.

So, yeah, this was a long time coming, and how no one noticed was beyond Benny. But now, as Benny opened his eyes and looked at the two men who had refused to leave his side as he slept, he began to realize that he finally had people to talk to, to confide in. Sure, he had Isabella when they were younger, but she was a perfectionist, too. She had no advice to give if she couldn't take her advice herself. However, Bull and Chunk would understand. They would understand the need to be better, and although the two of them may have their times when they struggled to do better, they understood that failure was okay, something Benny could never comprehend.

Speaking of Chunk and Bull, the two had yet to realize that Benny had finally awoken, and the younger male was completely content with that. He had never realized until now how relaxed and comfortable he was in the presence of his two friends, especially Bull. The two had been through thick and thin together, and the man was like an older brother to him. Benny's number one regret was putting Bull through this. He had long forgiven Bull for not knowing how to approach him before his attempt - he wouldn't have even known how to approach himself if he was in Bull's position - but he didn't know how this would affect his friendship with Bull at all.

Benny was shaken out of his thoughts when Bull finally noticed he was awake.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"It's six o'clock at night, Bull, and he only slept for an hour," Chunk corrected, not looking away from his computer screen, seemingly focused on whatever work he was doing.

"Oh, Chunk," Bull sighed sadly, shaking his head. "Must you always ruin my fun?"

Chunk stared up at his boss. "Must you always act like a child?"

Benny turned to Bull. "How'd you piss him off this time?"

"I didn't!" Bull defended. "He's just very unhappy with the case right now."

"What about it?" Benny questioned. "Have you met with the client yet?"

"Nope," Bull replied. "He was a no-show. That is why Chunk is a little less than happy now."

"How are you going to ask for our help and not show up? That's time wasted that could have been better spent helping someone who really needs us," Chunk growled, shaking his head in disgust.

"He has a point," Benny agreed nonchalantly.

Bull shrugged. "Well, what can we do? We just move on to the next case."

"That's it?" Benny asked.

"That's it," Bull replied. "I have more important people to think about right now." He shot Benny a wink.

Benny gave a small smile in return. Bull could tell there was something hiding behind it, but he wasn't going to ask. Not yet, anyway. He didn't want to keep pressuring Benny. Besides, he wanted to see if Benny would actually approach him with a problem or if he is still keen on keeping things locked up inside him.

"For now," Bull continued with a sigh as he shut down his laptop. "Let's call it an early night. Dinner's on me, guys."

"If it's on you, I'm not complaining," Chunk snickered, closing his laptop as well.

Benny got up from the futon and fixed his hair. "I'll try my best. Can't say I'll eat much though."

"We'll make do with what you can keep down," Bull responded, placing his laptop to the side and standing up. "Ready?" The two men nodded. "Great. Let's go then. Eat in or take out?"

"Take out," was the simultaneous answer.

Bull grinned. "Take out, it is."