I awoke exhausted the next morning. He really didn't know how to keep his hands to himself. It was bad enough that he did that. But he also wouldn't leave me alone after. I was suffocating under the heat of his arms and the covers together. He wouldn't let me go and even when he was asleep, still managed to hold onto me somehow. I was grateful for the morning sun coming in the window, shining brightly on his face. He stirred, yawning. I tried to roll away again but he wouldn't let me.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, his tone seductive yet sleepy.
"I need to get out of this bed," I told him. "I'm suffocating in here."
His brow furrowed and he frowned. "Am I suffocating you?"
I sighed, he took it literally, of course. "No, not like that. I just mean I'm hot."
He smiled, chuckling. He then let me go and I rolled out of the bed while I had a chance. I was mortified to find myself still naked. I blushed and hurried off to the bathroom.
The following weeks followed in a similar pattern. Randy now refused to even let me get my own hotel room, insisting that we would share. I didn't mind, I guess. I just didn't want to burden him. And it was annoying that every room had an extra bed he wouldn't let me use. As for John and Eve, their wedding was slowly approaching. I found myself thinking of Randy a lot more lately and when I did, only one question could come to mind. Did he still love her? I was still baffled that Eve would be so cruel in choosing John. I knew that no matter what her choice had been, someone would've gotten hurt. But how she could hurt someone so pure and kind like Randy was still a lingering question.
"Your eggs are getting cold sunshine," he said, waving a hand before my face.
I blushed, snapping out of my daydream.
"Were you checking me out?" Randy asked, a cocky grin on his lips.
I sighed and playfully rolled my eyes at him. I hadn't been checking him out, I had been wondering about him as I always was. I took a bite and drank some orange juice. Randy had made breakfast like he usually did and were on the balcony of our hotel room, the sweet California sun warming us.
"Thanks for breakfast," I told him, as I always did.
"Wanna repay me in the shower?" he asked, with a chuckle.
A smile fought my lips. "No thanks."
We had had sex nearly every day in the last three weeks. I was beginning to think that he truly enjoyed embarrassing me. As if I didn't do it enough myself.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Nothing important."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"I think you're lying. I've spent everyday with you for the last week and everyday you space out. You clearly have something on your mind that you refuse to 'burden' me with, or whatever it is you're always saying you don't want to do to me."
His tone was annoyed and I felt bad for simply not asking about the thing that I wondered. But it could hurt him, and I knew that no matter the cost, I didn't want to hurt him.
"Its nothing," I said.
"Tell me, now."
I sighed, looking to the table. "I just wonder if you still love Eve."
His brow furrowed, a general shock on his face.
"Its just that I know you did before, and just because she chose someone else doesn't mean it goes away." I added.
He put his fork down and leaned forward in his chair, resting his hands on the table; his palms up, waiting for my hands. I knew he wouldn't speak until I did what he asked so I put my hands in his. He held onto them tightly.
"I don't love her," he said.
I nodded, still weary.
"But how?" I asked. "You must've loved her for a long time."
Could people really move on in a matter of weeks?
"I just don't," he said.
I furrowed my brow. I knew there was something else, something he wouldn't say. He stood then, grabbing the plates and taking them inside. I followed, still only wearing his dress shirt. I figured there was no need to cover up because he had already seen everything. I leaned against the counter next to the sink, waiting. He turned to look at me, his eyes bored.
"For someone who reads people as well as you do, you're oblivious to love."
I furrowed my brow.
"I don't love her," he said, stepping closer. "I love you."
I stood in a frozen shock. What was I supposed to say to that? He stepped closer yet again and I felt like he was waiting for something, something I couldn't say back. My phone rang then, in the other room. I took the opportunity to make a run for it. It was Eve, asking if I would help her in shopping for her wedding dress. I didn't want to talk to her and still thought she chose the wrong man, but I agreed anyway. I got dressed in a hurry and ran out the door, yelling a quick goodbye to Randy.
"No offense, but you're not helping."
I glared at the back of her head and stood. "That one makes you look fat," I smiled.
She rolled her eyes and turned away from the mirror. She started to cry then.
"I was kidding. You're not fat."
She sat down and sighed, "I know."
I sat down too.
"I'm just really glad you came. I know I don't deserve your friendship."
She was right, she didn't. But I was using her to get away from Randy, just as she was using me because she didn't have anyone else. We were really in the same boat.
"Shut up and get the next dress," I told her, smiling.
She laughed a bit and smudged the mascara around her eyes.
"I'm glad you don't hate me," she went on. "everyone hates me." She paused. "I think John might even hate me."
I furrowed my brow and decided she couldn't have anymore of the wine that the manager kept bringing us. "He doesn't hate you."
"Does Randy hate me?" she asked.
"No."
"Does he still love me?"
I didn't know how to answer that one. Just an hour ago he had told me he loved me. I shrugged, "I don't think so."
She nodded, "Good." Then she frowned, "I'm sorry I fucked him up."
"He's fine."
"I'm glad that he has you now."
I didn't know what to say to that either so I just shrugged. Eve got up, going to change into the next dress. As she stood, I realized I could see myself in the mirror. I looked like an idiot. I was still wearing Randy's shirt, and skinny jeans. I sighed and tried to comb my hair with my fingers. Eve came back just as I got my hand stuck. She laughed. The dress she was wearing hugged her perfectly. She looked gorgeous.
"You have to get that one," I told her.
"This one, really?"
I nodded. "If you don't get it, I will, for some weird chance that I get married in the future."
"To Randy?" she inquired, a smile on her lips.
I might have blushed. I don't really remember to be honest.
She laughed, "Don't worry. You don't have to tell me anything."
Suddenly I felt like I wanted to tell her everything. I knew she wasn't trustworthy and could turn on me in a second, but at that moment it felt good to talk to someone other than Randy. The last three weeks I had spoken to no one but him and I was starting to think it was unhealthy.
"He told me he loved me today."
The words just spewed out, uncontrollable. Eve's eyes went wide.
"He did?" she asked.
I thought her jaw might hit the floor soon. I nodded.
"That's great," she said then, a large smile forming. "you're in love, Kelly."
I bit my lip. "I didn't say it back."
Her eyes went wide again. "Are you trying to destroy him?" she asked.
"Oh god no!"
I didn't want to hurt him. That was my last intention.
"Then what the fuck, Kel?"
I realized that I loved the way 'Kel" sounded when Randy said it. When Eve said it she made it sound dirty.
"You know what?" I asked. "I should go."
She furrowed her brow. "Wait, what did I say?"
"Nothing," I told her. "Its not you, I promise."
It was me. It was always me.
