Warnings: Aftermath of self-harm, medical squick, swearing,
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am in no way affiliated with Cirque du Soleil. The song belongs to Cirque du Soleil.
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CHAPTER 4:
"DUVAL!"
Nick jumped at the yell before standing and turning to see Stan was red-faced and fuming. "What is it, Stan?"
"Where's Sebastian?"
"Uh, I dunno. I haven't seen him since this morning."
"Then you'd better get off your ass and find him! Matinee's in one hour – he hasn't checked in yet. I need him onstage, hung over or not!"
Nick threw his hat down onto his dressing table. "I'll find him," he growled as he stormed past Stan out into the night.
It was colder and the rain was heavier and Nick was glad he hadn't changed into his costume yet. He headed back across to the hotel and up to the room. There was no sign of Sebastian; it seemed he hadn't been there for quite some time. Heading back out onto the streets, Nick tried the canal where he and Sebastian had met Ana and Ida the night before. There was nothing there except some stray leaves.
Nick tried to think where else where Sebastian would be. He tried the stage and the stands but he only found audience members who were incredibly early. One of them recognised him and excitedly asked for an autograph to which he obliged before heading back outside. He stalked through the rain, shoulders hunched as he tried to think where else Sebastian would be. Why was he hiding in the first place?
As he headed back to the dressing tent, he heard something shift against the tarps covering the storage boxes. Nick peered into the darkness and saw a figure slowly get to their feet. They held their arm against their stomach and Nick swallowed thickly as he stepped back.
"You okay?" he called. Who the hell hides between storage boxes?
"Nick…"
Nick's eyes almost popped out of his head as he realised it was Sebastian. He rushed forward and grabbed Sebastian's shoulders as he pitched forward.
"Woah, Seb, what's going on? Where have you been?" Nick asked as he checked him over. "What's happened? What's wrong with your arm?"
Sebastian muttered something under his breath but Nick couldn't hear him. There were tears in Sebastian's eyes as he shook his head.
"Come on Sebastian, talk to me. What happened?"
"You left," Sebastian said dejectedly.
Nick frowned. "You mean this morning? Babe, I had a practice to get to…" Nick cast his gaze down at the arm Sebastian still held firmly against his stomach. "Seb… What happened?"
"I-I tried to come and practice, get ready – it hurt so much!"
Nick felt his heart start to race before he reached down, taking Sebastian's hand and yanking up the sleeve of his jacket. Across the inside of Sebastian's wrist were three deep cuts, all of them still oozing blood.
"Oh Seb…"
Sebastian yanked his arm away and tugged his sleeve back down. "It's nothing. I'll be fine."
"Seb, you'll bleed on your costume… Come on, you can sit this one out."
"No!" Sebastian yelled. "I have to go on! I have to do this!"
"You could get hurt-"
"I don't care! I'm already hurt! It doesn't fucking matter anymore!"
"I see you found him then."
Nick turned to find Stan watching them. The tour manager glanced between them before looking to Sebastian.
"Let Nick take you to the medic. I'll come by in five minutes and we'll talk, alright?" Stan said calmly. Nick felt perplexed but he let Sebastian take his hand and they walked in silence to where the medics were set up with the onsite ambulance. A young girl with a blonde hair in a plait smiled up at them.
"What can I do for you two?" she asked brightly.
"Cut myself," Sebastian murmured, not meeting her gaze.
Her expression dimmed but she waved a hand as she headed into their small tent. "Come have a seat."
There were three beds within the tent and Sebastian sat on the one in the left corner. The medic pulled a privacy partition around them before she pulled on some latex gloves.
"Do you want me to stay?" Nick asked quietly.
"Just until Stan gets here?" Sebastian suggested as he pulled up his sleeve for the medic.
Nick nodded before he sat down at the end of the bed, watching as the medic washed the cuts with squares of gauze and saline solution. He was surprised that Sebastian watched her too. He didn't flinch or wince – he barely blinked. Nick went to ask a question before he noticed the other scars on Sebastian's arm. This wasn't a first occurrence.
"Your mind must be buzzing with questions, just ask them and get this over with," Sebastian said dryly, his voice monotonous.
"How long?" Nick asked before he could think.
"Since I was twelve."
"Why?"
"Because I have poor impulse control."
"This might sting," the medic interjected before smearing a brown liquid over each of the cuts. Sebastian still kept a straight face. Maybe there was a reason he was a White Angel.
"Why today?" Nick didn't know if he wanted to hear the answer.
"Because you were gone… I thought I'd fucked this up."
"I'm gonna have to numb you up. These are going to need stitches," the medic said as she readied a syringe.
"Nick…" Sebastian sounded uncertain and Nick could see that the colour had drained from his face.
"Lie down," Nick murmured as he stood. While Sebastian did, Nick moved around the bed and knelt beside it, taking Sebastian's hand as he stroked his hair. "Just look at me, okay? Squeeze my hand – you won't feel a thing."
Sebastian's grip on his hand was like iron but his eyes filled with tears when the syringe pricked his skin. Nick carefully stroked a thumb over his forehead before he quietly began to sing.
Solkio estouma
solkio djabo si tou
Kolio estou sve djabo
solkio estou djabo si tou
Solkio estouma
solkio djabo si tou
Kolio estou sve djabo
solkio estou djabo si tou
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Sebastian sniffed and blinked the tears from his eyes. "I thought you only spoke English…"
"I do. That's a song from Quidam. It's pretty easy to remember. Just please don't ask me what it means," Nick replied with a smile.
Sebastian laughed before the partition moved and Stan appeared.
"How are you two going?" he asked quietly.
"Surviving," Sebastian replied with a shrug of one shoulder.
"What's the verdict, doc?" Stan said as he looked to the medic. "I'm guessing no show tonight."
"Probably not for the rest of your time in Amsterdam," she answered as she tied off the last suture. "The stitches will need to come out probably the day after you leave."
Stan nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll need to sort that out. Anything else?"
"No lifting. No handstands," the medic looked to Sebastian as she bandaged his arm. "What act do you do?"
"Russian bars – I'm a flyer though, I don't really use my arms."
She nodded before looking back to Stan. "He should be fine to perform again in a week. He'll just need to be careful about pulling himself up."
"Okay then," Stan murmured before looking to Nick. "You'd better go get ready. I'll look after him while you're gone."
Nick nodded before looking down at Sebastian. "I'll see you back at the hotel?"
"Yeah," Sebastian answered with a squeeze of Nick's hand. "Love you."
Nick smiled and pressed a kiss to Sebastian's forehead. "I love you too."
"Just tell the others that he's sick," Stan said as Nick got to his feet. "I'll deal with it later."
Nicked nodded before he headed outside. He lingered just outside the tent long enough to hear Sebastian say "Don't start." As the worry rekindled in Nick, he could only hope his boyfriend was talking to Stan.
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Song: Marelle from Quidam (my other favourite Cirque song)
A/N: Poor Seb. There will be adorable cuddles in the next chapter and a little more explanation. I'm still not sure how long this is gonna be. It hasn't evolved as much as BATS did but it still has room to grow. And don't worry about Adam not being there yet, he's on his way :p Thanks for reading, I hope you're having a glorious day! –Em xoxo
