Two days later, McCoy found himself on the shuttle that Scotty was piloting back to earth. From their current position it shouldn't have been more than a few hours at warp two, and he was oddly looking forward to it. Despite his aviophobia, he had at least gotten used to shuttles. There were better than transporters, after all. No scattering of atoms which -in rare cases- didn't get put together quite right.

But that wasn't why he was looking forward to the shuttle ride. He wasn't looking forward to it so he could finally finish that book Jim gave him, or so he could finally catch up on a good night's sleep, or even because of their destination. He was looking forward to that God-forsaken shuttle ride because of Scotty.

During the two days waiting to leave he had thought a lot about her. He had thought about her accent, the way she walked, her eyes… Al the things he had berated himself silently for doing with Jocelyn, and then he ended up married to her. No, he wasn't going to go down that path again. It was clear Scotty wasn't even slightly interested in him anyway, so there would be no point in asking her out on an actual date anyway. Still, that didn't mean a man couldn't think about what would never happen with a smile on his face. As long as they remained friends, just like with him and Jim, he'd be a happy man.

So he'd come to terms with the fact he was probably in love with the Scot. And hey, maybe she had a single cousin. He did need to get back into the game where he wasn't being forced to anyway.

So he walked into the shuttle with the same ratty duffle bag he went into the Starfleet with over his shoulder, a broad grin on his face. Scotty was already at her seat, programming their course into the ships computers. Which meant they were probably going to end up talking for the duration of the trip.

"A few thing ye need ta know before ye dive head-first into a Scott family reunion." Scotty said pointedly, fixing the last dial and taking a seat next to where McCoy adjusted himself. "Edward is me older brother. He's married, with one little boy named Nicholi and his wife's name is Vivian, though everyone calls her Viv. He is the oldest in the family and a bit of a dick because of it, but Ah'm no' sure he'll be there with his business.

"Second, there's me younger brother Kyle. He's twenty-four, dating a lovely lass named Jenny. He's a bit of a clown and helped Edward make my life a living hell as a kid. If ye wake up with a snake in yer pillow, ye know who did it now.

"Then there's the youngest brother, Maxwell. He just go' out of university, no' datin' anyone and he's my favorite. He's basically a little clone of me. He is twenty-two and was Da's favorite boy growin' up. He's the only one Ah let see ma hidin' place out in the forest, which Ah will show ye when we get to the house and get ourselves adjusted.

"Then there's the youngest in ma immediate family, Valarie. She was the last born so she's everyone's favorite. She never caught the engineerin' gene. You'd like her, she's in medical school. She's ten years younger than me. Why am Ah mentionin' ages? Age and marital status means rank in ma family. Ma parents -Kristine and Alvin- are at the second-to-top to my grandparents, since they've been married the longest and are each pushin' their mid-fifties. Any questions?"

McCoy blinked, staring at the auburn haired woman. "Should I have written any of this down?" He asked, and wouldn't have been surprised if the answer was yes.

Scotty laughed, green eyes sparkling in delight. "No, Ah don' expect ye to remember any of this, but it does help. Oh, and ye have to call me Monta while we're there. Ma parents are the only ones that call me tha', everyone else calls me Scotty or Airika. So either Monta or some pet name, I honestly don' care wha' it is." He tilted his head to one side before remembering her file. Airika was her middle name.

"Got it, Tiger Lilly." Bones said with a smirk, and Scotty nearly grimaced. "You said anything."

She scowled. "Good point. Anythin' specific tha' I should call ye or introduce ye as?" She questioned, and slowly went back to original spot, starting up the shuttle.

"Just Bones or Len'll be fine." He said, clutching his armrests as the shuttle took off. She nodded, and barely a minute later they were on autopilot.

She turned in her seat, lounging comfortably. "Talk or nap?" She asked.

There was a slight pause as Bones faked thinking of his options. Really, the choice was obvious. "Talk. I have a feeling any information I know about your family will help."

"Tha' it will, ma fake boyfriend. Tha' it will."

{][][}

As soon as they came up to the house McCoy could tell it had been a Scott family tradition to pass it down.

It was huge, with at least three floors. The pristine white paint was peeling, revealing and old robins egg blue. Beneath that there seemed to be another layer of white. The not-quite mansion had clearly been repainted more times than could be counted. If he had to guess he would have said the house was built in the twentieth or twenty-first century. Possibly earlier. There were two cars parked out front. And old, silver Mustang GT that was well taken care of, and a beaten up pickup truck that wouldn't have looked out of place in his hometown. In the dirt of the hood the words "to be rebuilt" could be seen.

Not surprising, really. He did wonder if the cars were Scotty's though.

"Remember when Ah said the house was mine?" She asked, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "That's temporary. It was given to me because Edward couldnae take it at the tyme and my younger brothers were still in university so the place couldn't be kept up properly. No' tha' it is now, but I was the best choice at then. Once one o' them get married this place'll be off ma hands."

He raised an eyebrow, following his fake girlfriend. "Why can't Edward take it now?"

She scoffed, as though the idea were the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "This place isn't usually given to the oldest anyway, so now we're just followin' tradition." She grinned suddenly, rushing into the house. McCoy followed, slightly wary. Any place owned by Scotty probably had some sort of trap. The young woman, he'd found, was mildly paranoid.

When he walked in he immediately knew what she'd heard. The sound of the old ABBA song "Dancing Queen" rang through the halls and reverberated around the foundation. He heard Scotty squeal with delight and suddenly the music stopped.

"Chekov," he heard her say. "I was wonderin' when you'd call!"

With a contented sigh, he walked up the zigzag staircase to the third floor. Scotty had already told him where the room they were sharing was. He had protested when she first said they needed to share a bed, but her logic was sound. Her family was suppose to think they were dating. They didn't have to have sex, they just needed to sleep in the same room. The bed was a king anyway. Nothing to worry about.

Probably.

He hit the third floor, and immediately raised and eyebrow. When Scotty had said they were in the U2 room he hadn't thought she'd meant that.

Each door was painted a different color (or and assortment of colors, in one case), with a picture from a classic rock album on the door. The rest of the hall was normal and blank. It was mildly disconcerting. He pitied the person that got the Beatle's room though. Instead of an album cover it had the photo from a songbook. The "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" one. That would be fun to explain to the kids.

He quickly walked into what would be their shared room, trying to ignore the cheerily morbid song suddenly trapped in his head. Hopefully it would stop running around and around in circles before Scotty came up, because his heart really wasn't in it.

The room itself was pleasant enough, despite the color choice. It was grey and white with black accents, though it was done rather tastefully. The bed was just to the right of the door, a desk at the wall adjacent. There was only one nightstand, but that wouldn't be a problem. McCoy didn't have anything that would have been put in it anyway, and he had a small light in his bag.

He tossed said bag onto the bed, making his way for the bathroom after grabbing a pair of sweats. He needed to get out of the damn uniform.

When he finished changing he was surprised to find that Scotty was already in the room.

He was more surprised by the fact that she was half naked in just her underwear and bra.

Oh, this would be a fun two weeks indeed.

The auburn haired woman turned around, just about to slip on what looked like a summer dress when she yelped. "Doctor! How long have ye been standin' there?" Her cheeks flushed hot pink, her ears going much the same color as she used the dress to cover herself up. McCoy didn't see why she was so embarrassed, honestly. She was rather good on the eyes. Though those thought were quickly banished.

"Two seconds, three max." He said gruffly. "I'll go." And he did, headed down for the kitchen. Really, it didn't matter that he was in just his sweats without a shirt. It was just them. Unless Scotty specifically asked, this was more comfortable.

He scanned through the fridge and cupboards, finding the items he needed and more. It seemed Scotty had ordered groceries when she knew when she'd be coming back home.

He quickly went to work, getting his necessary tools. Mainly, a pan, a pot, potatoes and chicken. It seemed the girl had never had any real Southern comfort food, so tonight she'd be getting it.

There was this odd feeling he had that Scotty would make a fuss over him being in the kitchen, but he quickly decided if she did he would ignore her. He enjoyed cooking, after all, and it had been almost a year since he's last had real, non-replicated comfort food.

Unfortunately, the doorbell rang then. Seeing as he was busy and had no idea who it was, McCoy called to Scotty, quickly falling into his role.

"Babe! Could you get that!" He, his voice layered with honey. Yes, he slipped into the boyfriend role rather easily.

"One minute, Len!" He heard the call back. Ah. So he'd be Len. Which meant to everyone else he's probably be either McCoy or Bones. Just like being on the Enterprise, only with a home cooked meal.

Scotty rushed down the stairs, and emerald green spring dress trailing behind her. McCoy listened carefully, hoping she would say who it was.

He heard the rustle of cloth and excited giggle. "Sis! You look good. Have a boyfriend your hiding somewhere behind ya?" Came the mildly Scottish accented voice.

"Actually Val, Ah do." There was an excited squeal.

"Well? Where is he? Don't tell me you left him on that ship of yours!"

"Ah don' know where he is, actually. You'd like though. Chief Medical Officer aboard the ship."

McCoy took that as his time to cut in. "I'm in the kitchen, Tiger!" He called affectionately. "Is that your sister?" He knew he'd get an earful for the nickname later, but for now he'd enjoy this.

"Ooh. Tiger. Good nickname fer ya though." Said Valarie, making her way to the kitchen with Scotty in tow. Of course they had to see the man working in the kitchen. Why wouldn't they.

The thing they saw would have been perfect blackmail material for years if Jim found out.

McCoy stood in the kitchen, a red apron tied loosely around his neck but not his waist. A package of chicken (legs and breasts) lay open on the opposite side of the counter from where he was working. The sound of the knife against the cutting board filled the air as he chopped up potatoes and what looked like green beans. Yeah, Jim would have used that for years. And to think, I never knew you were so domesticated Bonesy.

Scotty raised an eyebrow, falling into her role as well. "Wha's for dinner, babe?" She questioned, walking over and slipping her arms around his chest. Her cheeks dusted a light pink, as did McCoy's.

"Tiger, remember the last time you put your arms around me like that while I had a sharp object in my hand? Not again, hon." He laid on the Southern drawl nice and thick.

"Yeah, hon," Val agreed. "Not while he has a sharp object in his hand." Scotty untwined herself from her pseudo-boyfriend, taking a step back.

"It wasn' tha' bad." She muttered, huffing slightly. They'd have to invent that story later.

He set the knife down, turning to face the two and trying not to feel embarrassed about his appearance. "You must be Valarie." he said, holding out a hand. "I'm Leonard McCoy, but you can call me Bones." He really had gotten far too used to that nickname.

"As in Sawbones?" Val asked, taking the larger hand firmly in her own. "Nice. I like you, McCoy. Welcome to the Scott clan."

McCoy chuckled. "Not after Sawbones. There's actually a very funny story involving a shuttle, Starfleet Academy, and James T. Kirk for that nickname." He corrected. "And thank you for welcoming me into your clan, though I suppose I should be thanking Monta." The word slid off his tongue almost experimentally, something he hoped Valarie wouldn't notice. He couldn't help but think that Scotty's first named rolled off his tongue rather nicely.

"Ye didn't answer the first question." Scotty said one the two finished the beginning pleasantries. "Wha's for dinner?"

Bones rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Baked chicken, mashed potatoes and cooked vegetables. I had dessert planned, but since your sister is going to be on the same floor as us that kills it."

"We can move her to the second floor." Scotty said dismissively. "you'd be okay with tha', right Val?" Valarie looked mildly disgusted.

"Okay one, ew. I'm only nineteen. Two, no you are not moving me because just knowing will be unsettling unless I know you don't." the two raised their hands in submission, though Bones sort of lost the effect since he was holding a knife in his right hand.

Scotty grabbed her sister's arm suddenly, taking the bag in one fowl swoop. "Come on. There's a few things Ah added to the place tha' you should see. We'll just leave Len to the cooking."

As they left McCoy could just barely hear Valarie's whispered chatter. He could just make out this words "domestic", "any good", and "he's a keeper". At least he knew he was doing a good job so far. Well, good enough to earn one Scott's approval. He didn't know about the rest.

Suddenly, just as he was sticking the chicken in the oven, the phone rang. Well, it didn't ring, it played music. Something McCoy was unfamiliar with and, quite honestly, would have no intentions of becoming familiar with. It had the same half-techno beat of nearly every bar he had ever gone to, and there was a reason he tried to find the ones that didn't play music. It made him want to start a barfight.

He picked up the phone as soon as he had the pan in the oven, answering with an impromptu "Yeah?".

"Sorry, is this a bad tyme?" Came the questioning voice at the other end.

Crap. It was one of Scotty's (many) relatives.

"Sorry. Makin' dinner right now. Who is this?"

"Uhh… Edward Scott. Who the hell are you?"

McCoy blinked. "Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'm dating your sister. Want me to get her for you?"

"No, no, it's fine. Jus' tell tha' I won't be able to make it, but Viv is still comin' with Nicky." A pause. "Glad ta meet ya, Doc."

Click.

"Babe!" He called. "Edward just called. He says he can't make it but Viv is still comin'!" He could her Scotty's noise (there wasn't another word to describe it, really) of disappointment.

"Why?" Came a joined disgruntled moan. It would have been creepier if they were in exact unison.

"Didn't say."

He heard several muttered Gaelic curses, and couldn't help but wonder where they had learned Gaelic. It was a dead language, and there was no point in learning it. Unless, of course, you just wanted to confuse the hell out of someone while you talk to them. That did actually seem like a good motive.

With one final failed attempt to hear what the girls were talking about, he walked back to the kitchen. He wanted to finish up quickly.

{][][}

"You picked a real winner with this one, sis."

"Ah know! "

"Perfect to be your fake boyfriend to appease Mum and Dad."

"…Wha'?"

"I know that was your plan. How'd you rope him into it? Blackmail? Guilt trap?"

"I'm no' fakin', but hypothetically how would ye know?"

A roll of the eyes.

"Sis, unlike the rest of the family I read people, not engines. You'll fool everyone else, don't worry about that. You just aren't good enough to fool me."

"Ah know, but Ah asked how."

"You were surprised when you found out he could cook, don't deny it. If you'd been dating for more than, well, a week he would have made you dinner already, which shows either you just got together or you faking with a semi-friend. When you put your arms around his bare skin you both blushed. Not gonna happen with a couple. Then, to put the icing on the cake, he called you Monta. For the first time today. This means he's never called you by your first name before, makin' it awkward. That, my dear older sister, is how I knew."

"…"

"You know you love me."

"No, Ah really don'."

"Don't worry, I won't tell on ya."

"Good. 'cause tha' would mean we're both screwed. Oh, and you were wrong."

"About what?"

"He's not a semi-friend. We haven' known each other long, but he's far past semi-friend territory."

"Good ta know."

"Jus' a bit. Oh, and don' call him Len. Tha's my name fer him."

"Possessive much?"

"We established it on the shuttle ride here. He calls me Monta and his "pet name" for me, and Ah call him Len. It works."

"There does add some realism to it."

"Thank ye."

"Someone's going to find out."

"No' if we can help it."

"Which you can't."

"We can try."

"And you'll fail."

"…"

"…"

"Ah really hate ye."

"I know."

{][][}

A/N: Wow. Not only did I post two chapters within a 24 hour period, on of them (this one) broke six pages, nearly seven, and had over three thousand words. I think that's some sort of writing record for me. o_O Weird

Anyway, customary thanks to Moonrose91 for her help as my beta. Not to mention help with chapter titles...

Review if ya like. I'd love to have some opinions on what people think. Oh, and to Anonymous, could you please sign in when you review. I usually reply and, quite frankly, it's bugging me that I can't reply to you.

~Piki :B