The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!
Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!
The Pursuit of Peace, Justice, and the Chappy Way
Life is a precious gift that can be taken in an instant. One's life almost always takes precedence over another's…but not when you have dedicated yourself to justice. When one dons a new identity and casts away their fears, they feel compelled to make foolish choices.
Whether it is for vanity or pride or simply for the need to feel needed, a hero will never fail to do all they can to save another's life…even if that life may not be worth saving in the eyes of many…
But is a villain truly unredeemable…even if he does such deeds for the sake of others?
-Urahara Apartment Complex-
Trudging up the stairs to his apartment, Ichigo's scowl seemed even more fierce than usual as he rubbed his chin tenderly. Not only was he blamed for the rich girl's crazy maid trying to deafen the class, Rukia herself put on a little act that pissed him off even more! That cutzie way of pretending to be a nice model student drove him nuts because he'd seen how violent and aggressive she truly was!
She was like a kitten; seemingly adorable but she still has fangs and claws and the ability to make everyone love her despite the raging bitch that lied beneath. And then she scratches you and you want to throw her against a wall but you can't because of animal rights laws and you don't want end up in jail, avoiding bending over in the shower and constantly watching for prison shanks…all because of a freaking evil kitty!
…
…
It happens…sometimes…
Shaking off his inner tirade, Ichigo reached his door but something immediately felt off…
His instincts kicked in and he immediately jumped away from the door as a large explosion shook the building, blasting the door off its hinges. "Uncle!" Ichigo shouted in desperation as he rushed inside the apartment, which was partially on fire. Grabbing one of the seven fire extinguishers – because it's only lucky if you have seven – the orange haired young man rushed to the kitchen and noticed a tall figure on fire.
Ichigo immediately put out his Uncle with the fire extinguisher and blasted the entire apartment with the white foam that few knew how could put out fires. Taking a deep breath and sighing in relief, the young man let the extinguisher drop and he glared at his Uncle. "Dammit, Uncle Zangetsu! I told you to stay away from the kitchen! This is why we're a 'take-out' dinner family!"
The tall uncle whipped the foam off his face to reveal his dark eyes and long wavy brown hair. His black coat was charred but otherwise he seemed to be undamaged…until Ichigo's patience would give out after hearing his explanation.
"I only opened the fridge…" He explained, his deep voice resounding through the room
"Then how did you manage to set the place on fire!" Ichigo interjected, not comprehending.
"I left candles burning in the living room," the orange haired nephew glared at this answer, so Zangetsu continued, "I may have left the oven on though…"
"This is why we can't have nice thing!" Ichigo shouted, throwing up his arms. "You're just lucky I came home when I did! This is worse than the time you nearly blew up the building while trying to boil water!" He plopped down on the singed couch and placed a hand over his face, sighing.
Zangetsu wordlessly took a seat beside him and said, "What happened this time…" The orange haired young man glared at him but the uncle continued, "Normally, finding me on fire doesn't upset you this much. Did something happen at school?"
In some ways, Zangetsu was very perceptive…mostly after he's been cover in flames.
Either way, Ichigo sat up and wearily glanced to his concerned uncle and replied, "The Kuchiki girl was being queen bitch again…"
Earlier that day…
-Karakura University-
"How could you let such a thing happen?!" Assistant Dean Sasakibe shouted in Dean Yamamoto's office, Rukia and Ichigo the subject of his wrath. After the explosion had died down, and everyone was able to hear again, they were sped off to the see the Dean for their crazy and violent behavior. Both of them wanted to interject but it was very difficult to explain, 'The rich girl's crazy maid devised it to keep her charge safe…plus she's a celibacy-Nazi.'
…With an explanation so flawless, what could do wrong?
"No doubt it was Kurosaki who caused this incident!" Sasakibe continued to shout accusation at the scowling orange haired young man. The moment they closed the door behind them, the tall silver haired Assistant Dean began proclaiming Rukia's innocence and placing all blame on Ichigo's head.
All the while, the aged Dean with the long white, braided beard continued to sit quietly behind his desk, saying nothing. "There no conceivable way for Miss Kuchiki to be involved in such an ignoble affair!" the Assistant Dean continued to insist, "Top marks in all her classes, perfect attendance, not to mention the humble donations made to this school by her family each year…"
This proves that money is the root of all evil…for it spawned education, politics, terrorism, non-brand name soft drinks, condoms, The FCC, and woman's underwear…
Ichigo wasn't really paying attention to the shout-fest any longer, his frustration with the petite Kuchiki threatening to boil over. Each time he tried to explain/expose the rich girl's true behavior; he was always called a liar and punished. Last week, he gave an honest opinion about the petite girl's drawing and she hit him in the face, plus she had the gall to claim that he had insulted her honor as a Kuchiki and turned the entire faculty against him!
Unbeknownst to everyone else, Rukia Kuchiki was a snide and mischievous woman who could use her naïve rich girl act to fool anyone into joining her side; she could charm a cow out of her calf with a single look! And everyone wondered why he continued to treat her with less than adequate respect, not that he didn't have respect for her mind you.
Ichigo easy saw through her routine and was marveled by the intelligent and strong-willed young woman she really was, he just didn't understand why she hid it from everyone. The rich girl pretended to be aloof and goofy but she was far from it, no one that naïve or simple could be as intelligent as she was.
The orange haired young man respected her talents and abilities, he just didn't like her distrustful attitude toward everyone else, clearly visible by the façade she showcased daily. Why couldn't she be more like Cha…
"Are you listening Kurosaki?!"
The sudden shout brought Ichigo back to reality. Sasakibe had apparently continued his tirade and only ceased when he finally noted that the object of his wrath was ignoring him. "If it wasn't for your high grades and positive work ethic, I'd have thrown you out of this school years ago!" That comment lit a fire under Ichigo, he worked very hard to maintain his grades, even with all of the fights he got into because of his loud hair color. He was about to violent retort when Rukia's soft voice broke the tension in the air.
"Oh, please…" She insisted, her tone was soft and girly, obviously practiced and tuned to deception perfection. "Don't blame Ichigo for the actions of my overprotective servants, it was my error for daring to bring a lunch with me today…" She pulled a handkerchief from God only knows where and began to whip the fake tears from her eyes, taking a single moment to wink at Ichigo.
The orange haired young man wanted to insist that she not defend him but Sasakibe abruptly blurted out, "Oh, no Miss Rukia! The fault is certainly not yours!"
And just like that, Rukia knew she had him. "I will graciously accept any punishment you give to me," the rich girl insisted, "Just…leave Ichigo…alone…" she choked out through practiced sobs, making Ichigo clench both his fists in annoyance. Like hell he would let a little girl like her take the blame…well, she was to blame but still!
However, the next voice shook the entire room to the core…
"False tears will not shift the blame," Yamamoto proclaimed, opening one eye to them. Rukia instantly lost her façade and genuine fear crept over her, and although his scowl never faltered, Ichigo felt it too. "However, this is not the first time such an incident has occurred…" All of them remembered past 'accidents' caused by Shirayuki's devotion to her mistress.
After Rukia's first day years ago, she was being hit on by a group of delinquents as Shirayuki arrived in a limo. Without a word, the faithful maid departed the vehicle and marched up to them…violence ensued. Most of them will never be able to walk again, while the lucky ones will have mental scaring for the remainder of their lives.
The details of the violence will not be released…due to copyright laws...and fear.
Shirayuki apologized to Dean Yamamoto but insisted that breaking these young men was absolutely necessary. The Kuchiki Family compensated the families of the young men but the damage was irrevocable. Thus, the dutiful maid in the white kimono was banned from stepping even one foot onto the campus…forever. Nevertheless, the dutiful maid was able to cause much discord without actually being present...such as today's events.
Recalling these memories, the old Dean slowly reached for a pen and began to write on a small piece of paper. As he finished, he sealed the paper in a decorative envelope and handed it to Sasakibe. The Assistant Dean gave it to Rukia without a word and allowed the Dean to speak again. "Give this letter to your caretaker, Miss Kuchiki." Yamamoto opened both his eyes now and glanced between them. "This will be the end of further incidents. If such a thing persists, I will be forced to expel you both for negligence toward education."
"Hey!" Ichigo finally retorted, gathering much needed courage, "Why should I be punished for the rich girl's crazy maid planting a bomb in her lunch?!" Rukia glared at him for daring to speak so rudely about her caretaker but he ignored her.
Ichigo was about to yell more when Yamamoto turned his full glare to him and said, "Must we arrange for a meeting between yourself and your guardian?" The old man's tone wasn't nearly as frightening as the threat, and the orange haired young man froze in place.
"I thought not," Yamamoto finished, ending their discussion. Ichigo's father would have been terrifying enough but his current caretaker would effortlessly destroy the reputation Ichigo had spent years building. His caretaker was the reason he could not have nice things!
He tried…but they always caught on fire!
For the first time, Rukia saw the orange haired asshole's scowl break and saw the fear that lay behind it. She allowed a moment of pleasure at seeing him in such discomfort before they were dismissed and Ichigo hastily fled the room. After exiting the room, she found Ichigo glaring at her with utter rage in his eyes.
"And they the hell did you do that, midget?" His tone was quiet, not wanting to cause a scene outside the Dean's office. Rukia paid him no mind and scoff as she walked past him. Ichigo marched after her and continued, "Don't ignore me, snobby rich girl! Why did you do that?!"
Rukia finally had enough and turned back to him, glaring. "A 'thank you' would be nice. I did get you out of trouble back there!"
"But I was the one at fault!" Ichigo protested, shocking her. "The bomb only went off because I pushed you before class." The rich girl tried to hide her shock but her eyes gave her away. "I read the note too," the orange haired delinquent pressed, "I was the one who caused the problem and I don't need a snobby rich girl taking the blame out of pity!"
Her teeth grit tightly and Rukia shouted back, "But it was my fault for not checking sooner! Shirayuki never gives up and I should have known that! I'm lucky she didn't sneak a gun into my lunch!" She took a deep breath and somewhat regained composure. "In any case, I did what I had to—".
"You lied to them…"
Ichigo's words made her eyes widen and her superior air dissipated. "You do this all the time." The orange haired young man's eyes softened a bit. "You act like a dizzy bitch and everyone believes it because you're a Kuchiki and no one's gonna speak up about it. But I'm getting tired of being the only one who sees who you really are..."
Ichigo knew he was being harsh, but this was the only way he could get through to her. "You should just be who you really are…" Rukia gasped and he could tell she was becoming fearful for a deep secret…but then he added, "Beneath all that girly-ness is a total bitch with a height complex and a bunny fetish…get help."
The world spun as Ichigo felt himself fly upward and fall flat on his back, his chin stinging with sharp pain. Despite the agony of the fall, he forced himself to look up at the infuriated petite rich girl, who was slowly retracting her fist.
"Get bent, you orange haired gangster wannabe!"
Rukia's face was burning red with anger and Ichigo felt slightly bad about his comment…until the full extent of his pain hit him. Before he could reply or retaliate in the least, she turned on a heel and took off toward the school gates. Slowly standing, the orange haired young man raced after her, intending to shout at her again.
When he reached the gates, Ichigo saw the raven haired girl climb into her long limo and slam the door. He clenched his fists as the long black vehicle drove off toward the outskirts of town, heading for the renowned Kuchiki Manor.
He huffed and muttered, "You don't make my job easy…do you."
Present time…
-Urahara Apartment Complex-
Zangetsu listened to the entire story, only pausing to call the Chinese place nearby and order some orange chicken…you should try it, it's quite tasty.
Ichigo finished his tale while completing the clean-up of their apartment, with no help from his uncle. Throughout the entire story, the disaster prone uncle kept secretly smiling at his nephew. Most days, Ichigo came home and did nothing but complain about the Kuchiki girl's attitude or her antics in class.
It helped Zangetsu convince himself that his nephew wasn't gay.
Ichigo was already in his twenties but he'd never been on a real date before, let alone seen a picture of a naked woman. For some unexplainable reason, the orange haired nephew was very moral and modest…exactly what kept a man a virgin until his late forties!
On multiple occasions, Zangetsu had offered dating advice and even when to the trouble of hiring a prostitute to hide in Ichigo's bed for his birthday…but Ichigo attacked the hooker, thinking her a thief, and the hooker attacked Zangetsu, stealing more money from him. No one slept well that night. The determined uncle could not fathom why his attempt to deflower his nephew failed…
Settle down yaoi fan girls, we're reading a story…
However, Zangetsu now felt he had a new revenue to pursue his honorable goal of getting his nephew laid. This Rukia Kuchiki dominated much of Ichigo's life, whether he admitted to it or not…
Ichigo glanced to the clock and cursed, "Dammit…I need to get changed." He disappeared into his room, leaving his crazy uncle to his own devices, reluctantly. The orange haired young man approached his wardrobe and slowly opened it, revealing a long, black, hooded coat with a pale white mask decorated with red streaks beside it. He smirked.
Meanwhile, Zangetsu paid for their Chinese but no sooner had the delivery boy gone that he found Ichigo standing before him, his mask already in place. "The Mystic again?" He asked, his deep voice questioning more than just his appearance.
"It pays the bills…" a distorted voice resounded through the area, little trace of Ichigo's real voice remaining.
"Netflix isn't that expansive…" Zangetsu retorted, obviously displeased. Ichigo narrowed his now pale yellow eyes behind the mask, the amber hues of his true eyes masked by the power of his heritage.
"No, but take-out every night is."
"Don't forget the porn channel too…" Zangetsu added, disturbingly serious.
"I'm canceling the cable." The masked man replied, sounding exhausted with this conversation.
The crazy uncle sighed before setting the food down and glancing back at his nephew. "If you want to spend more time with her…you could just ask her out." The accusation was clear but Ichigo did not back down from it.
"Chappy thinks that this crime thing is all fun and games…she needs to be taught a lesson."
The tall, frightening young man – from hereon referred to as Mystic Ichigo – pulled his hood up and clipped it to the edges of his mask, completely obscuring his bright orange hair from vision. Zangetsu knew he could not stop his brash nephew, for he had once worn that mantel himself, allowing Ichigo to succeed him by teaching him the mystical skills of their family.
He had been reluctant to reveal their families hidden history but when Ichigo stumbled upon the coat and mask, the secret was revealed. Unfortunately, the orange haired young man had done little with his gifts aside from offer his services to various contracts in exchange for vast amounts of money…thus their current situation.
"Either way…Be careful, Ichigo."
Ichigo smiled behind the mask, pleased that Zangetsu didn't press the issue. Times were tough for everyone and Ichigo was doing all he could to earn money for his family, both for himself and his father and sisters. They had a comfortable life in the suburbs but they didn't know where the money to pay for their humble life came from…and Ichigo intended to keep it that way. This secret life was difficult enough as it was.
As the young mercenary opened his window and prepared to jump out, Zangetsu called out to him. "Have fun with the bunny girl."
Ichigo sighed and glared back at his uncle, intending to retort but was stopped when his uncle handed him a small rectangular wrapper. A condom. Zangetsu smiled warmly at his nephew and was quite pleased with himself when Ichigo smashed his fist into his uncle's face and sent him flying into the back wall. As he picked himself up, Zangetsu saw his nephew's rage boil.
"I'm not trying to have sex with her!"
"And that's what you're doing wrong…"
Zangetsu found himself slammed into the wall again but this time he caught Ichigo's punch before it connected with his face. He calmly continued, "She's the only girl you spend time with outside of class…I'm kind of banking on this…"
Luckily, the white mask hid the red that overtook Ichigo's face as he head-butted his uncle into the floor. "What the hell is up with you?! You sound like my old man!"
"I am his brother…"
"That's no excuse! You're supposed to be the responsible one!" Ichigo berated as he headed for the window again.
"I am. I'm ensuring you enjoy the boundless pleasure of a woman's company before your death—". Zangetsu didn't have time to finish, as Ichigo threw his lamp at him before diving out the window, unable to continue this embarrassing conversation.
Back inside the apartment, Zangetsu calmly approached the window and closed it slowly. He glanced to the broken lamp and sighed deeply before advancing to the hallway closet. Opening the door, a number of pink aprons appeared before him and the crazy uncle grabbed the one that said, 'Uncle Kickass'. Tying it on firmly, he went to work on cleaning up Ichigo's room.
One last time, Zangetsu glanced out the window and sighed, "With an attitude like that…he's not getting any…"
-Karakura Rooftops-
Mystic Ichigo forced all of his uncle's crazy rambling out of his mind as glided from rooftop to rooftop, lightly touching down only to jump and glide further. No need for him to go too fast, he knew exactly where he was heading.
The masked man landed on a nearby warehouse in the shopping district. It had a high vantage point and his pale eyes scanned the area for his target. The power of his family's Mystic heritage was clouded in much mystery but all Ichigo knew was that if he focused his energy into raw power and speed, he was unstoppable.
"I just need to get her to back down…" he repeated to himself like a mantra, "She's got six more days to give up this hero business. Whether she likes it or not…"
Mystic Ichigo imagined her face upon hearing such words, how she'd get flustered and angry, or perhaps she'd hide her disdain and merely retort some half-hearted insult. The thought of her flustered or glaring with those big amethyst eyes turned him on…err…enticed him to…err…was interesting.
So what if he enjoyed watching her pout or get angry at him. It wasn't like he fantasized about her angrily demanding his obedience while she tried to overtake him only for him to pin her down and tear off more of her bunny suit – which was an accident mind you – and then declare himself her superior…
…Yeah, none of that's sexual at all…
As for the suit ripping incident, it actually had been accident. His hand slipped and he tugged too hard getting away from her when she tried to freeze him the other night. Yeah, he did keep the torn breast plate but that was simply because he wanted to have a friend analyze the components of the suit to better understand how to tear it off…err…defeat her non-lethally…
Damn, Zangetsu and his insinuations! They drove his mind to unclean thoughts that would jeopardize his mission! Slapping himself across his masked face, Ichigo took several deep breaths and calmed himself; he needed to be prepared for her arrival.
No way would she pass up the chance to stop an arms deal so close to their University.
Then, as if on cue, he noted a petite figure hopping from one rooftop to the next, a flash of purple making it very evident who this person was. Mystic Ichigo could not stop the overjoyed grin that spread across his hidden face as he closed in on his target.
"This time…you're all mine…Little Rabbit."
He jumped off his perch and prepared to descend upon her when he realized he was still holding something in his hand. He held it up to his masked eyes holes and gasped loudly. Mystic Ichigo…was still holding the condom from his uncle!
"Oh, what the fu—".
He never finished, crashing head first into the side of a large smokestack with a sickening smack…
To Be Continued…
I thought it would be fun to explore Ichigo's perception for this chapter. The story isn't just about a bunny suited girl fighting crime while attending class you know…
Sorry for not updating on time but things have been hectic around here and I'm just getting caught up with all my work. I will update regularly but it will vary. However, I will be sure to update at least once every two weeks, a little challenge for myself to enjoy! Reviews make me smile, so don't be shy. XD
Thanks for the continued support and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!
