Chapter Four

Where Are You Going?

She stopped to press the keypad to release the door and suddenly became aware of how much they had done together that week despite their differences. She thought of all the other times they had walked through this door together.

"I'm going out for dinner later, do you want to come?"

"You don't have to come?"

"What do you mean, I want to come?"

"I'm off to the inquest, you going to come?"

"I don't know…"

"I'm going to find out."

"Shall I come with you?"

"Ambrose is going to interview Max Wheaton. Do you want to come along?"

"Shall we go?"

"I've got to go."

"Where are you going?"

"Friend's birthday party," she mumbled to herself. She paused; her fingers hesitated over the door release button. She edged back a couple of steps and looked back over her shoulder. Harry was still staring at the spot she had just left. She couldn't remember a time when so many emotions had been tossed around in such a short space of time. It was like plunging 10,000 feet in a matter of seconds. It was exhausting, humbling, terrifying but it was living.

She should walk away.

However there was one thing she had got wrong this week and it clawed at her conscience and muted her triumph. She had rejoiced briefly at having passed the rite of passage that finally made her a full member of the Lyell team, only to discover that the much longed for event just caused pain. But things had changed this week, the shouting, the revelations about his past, all those Harry had initiated. He had gone to her, he had needed her, she was his trusted and only source of the truth and he had let her comfort him. For all his apparent dominance she was the one who had been in control, the one ultimately with the power, her status had risen. Was that what he had been staring at? Some new found admiration of her courage? Was that all he had been staring at?

It was almost as puzzling as that kiss he had given her and then brushed off. She was sure she recognised the look he had given her as she dressed in front of him; admiration yes. But there was more, something that softened his face, and relaxed his jaw for the first time in days and that made his eyes smoulder. That was more than just admiration that was desire and want and need and he had never looked at her like that before and she could still feel her body humming its response to his intense gaze.

If she did walk away what 'other life' was she trying to find at this party? A bit of booze to anaesthetise herself to life's disappointments? A man to go home with to prove she still had it, that she wasn't a prune? That wasn't real life; that was revenge and her work this week had clearly shown her that revenge was never satisfying. 'Externally the heart appears normal,' that had been her summary as she'd held Penny Harris's heart in her hand. Penny Harris's life had been anything but normal. Nikki didn't want to live a boring normal life anymore. What was the point?

But was she prepared to expose her heart to further pain to achieve the life she wanted?

The last few days may not have been what she had anticipated when Harry Cunningham kissed her and then asked her out on a date but she had felt alive. She looked back down at the button and back up to Harry again.

"Do you want to come with me? I mean you don't have to?" she said quietly, borrowing another of his phrases.

"Yes I would." Harry replied with the same certainty as he had pronounced on her appearance earlier. He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and joined her at the door.

"Nikki, I'm sorry about…"

"Don't be," she interrupted. "I told you sometimes you need to be angry to see things how they really are."

"And how are they?" Harry asked.

"Not as they first seem." Nikki replied.

"What?"

"You need to look beyond the external appearance."

Harry nodded, he had no idea what she was talking about but she had freed him from his desk and for that he was grateful.


I thought that as this was much more of a blank slate, I'd play with their relationship a bit more than normal, there are some subtle clues. I wonder if any of you are with me? Thanks so much for all of you who take the time to review. You're brilliant.