I wonder the streets of Capeside, thinking my life is officially over. How can I seriously have been that stupid not to use anything? How could I get pregnant, by my soon to be ex husband, the man that hates me, wants nothing to do with me, and I'll be a single mother to two children. Fuck.

I wish things hadn't turned out this way. I love Pacey so much, I'm stubborn as hell, and push the people I love away. But why did he give up? He always fought for our love. When did he stop loving me? I need to go and ask him, I can't get him out of my head. Or Megan's, as she constantly asks where he is when we're at home, God, she loves him more than me.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I walk into the Icehouse, and once again, he's not front of house. Where is he? His staff look at me suspiciously, like I was an outsider. I muster a smile towards them, and scowl at them as I reach Pacey's door where they can't see my face. Loyal bastards. I knock on the door, and there's no answer. Hmm.. I knock harder..nothing. Little Miss blondie comes up behind me. 'Mr Witter isn't in today. He's taken a personal day', she states, smirking in my direction. Do you think I could get away knocking that smirk off her face? 'Right. Thank you. I shall go and look for my husband some place else.' She turns her head at me, and amusingly adds, 'why, If he was your husband, surely you would know his whereabouts?' Bitch. I glare at her, I'm not in the mood for fights, and I head towards the door. Before I leave, I whip my head around with the biggest smirk that I can muster, 'Well, by the way, at least I got to fuck him, and not have to resort to just imagining how good he is in bed'. She stares at me, horrified that I would say such a thing, her face turning scarlet. HA! I continue down the road, and head towards Doug and Jacks.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm slightly apprehensive about knocking on their door. What if they throw me out for hurting Pacey? Well, Doug especially, but I somehow feel like I'm intruding. I hear laughter from out the back of the house, and me being the inquisitive one, start to walk around and follow the sounds. They're having a barbeque, smiling and laughing with each other, watching Amy pulling funny faces at them. Then I see Pacey. He's sitting on a deck chair, his face drawn and tired. Oh god, what I have done to him?

'Hey guys,' I offer , not mustering anything else productive out of my mouth. God, what the hell is wrong with me today? They all seemed to stare at me slightly, shocked that I would be there, and Pacey just stares at me, his eyes dark, and for the first time in over 20 years that I have known him, I can't read them.

'Hey Joey.. How are you?', offers Jack. He comes up to me and offers me a short, sympathetic hug. He feels torn, I can tell, and I offer him a smile to show him that I understand. 'I'm good, how are you?'. 'Not so bad, not so , what brings you here? Not that you're not welcome here of course.' Yeah right, I snort inside. 'Well, I was er, looking for Pacey.' Pacey looks at me, for a long time, then flitters his eyes between Jack and Doug, then sighs heavily, showing me he really isn't interested in talking with me. 'Fine, whatever, I've got 5 minutes.' My heart drops from my chest. Arrogant ass. Sometimes, I don't know why I bother.

We walk into the house, and into the kitchen area, where he promptly throws himself down on the stool. He glances up at me with his blue eyes, and I falter. His face, his body...everything. He looks heartbroken. I can't believe that I would ever hurt this unbelievable guy, but... I've got to stop blaming myself for everything, I didn't do all this damage myself, and I'm hurting just as much.

'How ya been Pace?' He looks at me impatiently, and offers me, 'You came all this way, just to ask how I've been ? How lovely of you Potter.' Urgh. He called me Potter. He knows that drives me crazy, as he's the only one that I allow to use that nickname... He's trying to hurt me. Well, it's working.

'I.. just wanted to see how you were, I haven't seen you for three months Pacey.' 'Like you care Jo, Oh and thanks for dropping by the Icehouse and speaking to my staff like they're beneath you. God Joey, you can be such a pretentious bitch sometimes.' I stare at him open mouthed. 'Who sold me out?'I stammer, not knowing what else to say. 'All of them. They're too loyal to not say anything.' I chuckle. Yeah. Loyal.

'Look Pace... I came to...' He starts to shuffle in his stool and I stop talking, he looks impatient, like I'm just an annoyance in his life he can't wait to get rid of. Bastard. Tears spring to my eyes, as the hormones overtake me, and I start to get emotional. I try to control them, my body not being loyal to me at all. He sees me fighting to keep control of my emotions, and I see his face momentarily soften.. 'Joey, what is it?' I pause for a second, not sure what I exactly came to tell, or ask him. 'I miss you.' There. Simple, but hopefully effective. He takes a deep breath, and his voice starts to crack. 'Jo... I can't do this now.. Please don't make this hard. I ... can't do this right now.' He gets up to leave the room. 'Pacey! Wait! Please don't leave me!' My tears defeat my fight, and fall freely down my face. 'God Pacey, I miss you so much. I am so so sorry for everything. I love you so much I feel like I can't live without you. Please give us another chance. Please. I need to feel you near to me, next to me, standing next to me like the proud husband that you should be, that I never gave you the chance to be because I gave you such a hard time over everything. I should have supported you when you were busy at work, not treat you like shit when you had a bad day. I just got frightened when you pulled away, convinced that you were going to leave me, I felt like I didn't give you a choice but to end up doing it anyway. I love you Pacey, so much. Please.' I can't continue my speech, as I literally throw myself on the floor, sobbing my heart out. I can't believe I'm actually this upset. Joey Potter, the ultimate brave girl, crying like a quivering wreck on the floor of Doug and Jacks house, not caring who can hear my cries of heartbreak and loss. I just want him to forgive me.

He runs towards me on the floor, and he puts a protective arm around me. 'Jo... calm down. Please.' He looks so worried that I actually might end up crying myself to death I can't help give a little chuckle through my sobs. He touches my face with a caring hand, and I instinctively bring mine to touch his. I feel the electricity run through our hands, shocking us both to the core, as I know that he feels it too. 'Please come home Pacey, we can work through this. I am so so sorry. Please come home.' He looks at me for a long time, and I see his eyes are starting to brighten. I know he's starting to forgive me. He can't deny me anything, that's one of his faults, he's not strong enough. Although to me , it's not a fault. Not because I'm selfish and expect him to do anything for me, it shows how much he cares for me, how much he loves me, and how to him, I am his whole world. And I nearly wrecked that for him. 'I don't know Joey, sometimes love isn't enough..' I silence him with a kiss. A kiss not because I don't want to hear the words he will try and talk himself out of , but because I have missed his touch so much. He doesn't respond straight away, trying to pull himself out of the situation, but I try my hardest to deepen the kiss. I part his lips with my tongue, and suddenly, out of nowhere, this urgency from him explodes as he kisses me back hard and strong. I'm choking back sobs as he dances his tongue with mine, his arms around me, holding on to me, not letting me go. I struggle with my words as we pull apart. He looks as me, his ocean blue eyes staring deep into my soul. 'I love you Joey. I want to make this work. For us, and for Megan.' I smile at him, happy that someone as beautiful as him has given me a second chance into his life. I lean back into him, as I continue to kiss him, showering him with kisses and hugs, just in case this is all a dream. Just in case something tears me away from him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

He actually came home. He actually did. I feel things will be tense for a while, as we need to sort through our problems... and the fact I've yet to tell him about the baby. The only person that knows is Bessie. Maybe I should give her a call when I get the chance and see what her advice is. I don't want him to think that I'm only back with him because I'm pregnant. I don't want him to feel like he's just needed. Of course he is, but all in all, he's wanted more. I don't just need him in my life, I want him in my life. I could probably live without him, but that's the last thing I ever want to do.

I sit in the kitchen with my cup of tea, as Megan plays with her daddy in the living room. A smile rises to my lips as I see how happy they both are, loving each other's company. I hope, someday soon, Pacey and I can get that kind of happiness back in our relationship. We have love, but we have to spend time building the other parts of our relationship that we lost. Starting tonight.

Pacey tucks Megan in bed tonight. He walks into the living room, where I am now sitting in front of the television, watching some obscene tv reality show which bores me to the ground. And he knows it, probably silently wondering what on earth I'm watching it for. In fact, I'm not really concentrating on the television, I'm nervous as hell. What are we going to talk about? Eek, he sits next to me, And I have this overwhelming urge to jump him. I miss the closeness, but having sex isn't going to fix this. Damn hormones.

'So, any reason you're watching this pile of junk, Miss Potter?', teases Pacey, giving me a short smile. He's trying, bless. I feel like shivering from the closeness we are currently sharing. 'Me? Well.. It's quite good actually, but I don't really understand the reason behind it... this girl here is called...er... snooki... sooki? Something like that.. er... and they live in a house...' He chuckles next to me, knowing I have no clue. 'Ok ok, you got me Pace.. there was just nothing else on television.' 'Well, why don't you turn it off for a while, we've got lots of things to talk about... don't you think?' I nod shortly at his rhetorical question, and shut off the television. I shuffle to face him, quite unsure how I'm going to start this conversation.

'So, when were you going to tell me you were pregnant?' asks Pacey simply. What the fuck? How does he?

'Er, what? How... do ... what?', I stumble. How in the world does he know? I instantly bring a hand to my stomach, suddenly feeling self conscious.

'Jo, I remember last time you were pregnant. You had this beautiful glow to you. You could tell just by the look on the face, that you were carrying my child. And I see it again now. That, and you do have a tell tale sign around your stomach, but I only just noticed that tonight, you don't do well with hiding things. I could tell by your face yesterday that you were pregnant, when you came to see me and Doug and Jacks, the same glow. I remember.', he said with a short smile on his face.

'Yeah... I forgot.. you remember everything..', I trail off. Of course he remembers. This man knows me too well. I take a deep breath. 'Yes Pacey, I'm three months pregnant. That moment of passion... we...er... had before I selfishly kicked you out, we conceived this baby. I was going to tell you Pacey, I just didn't know how to...' He looks at me with a look of sadness in his eyes.

'Joey, I need to know, are you back with me because you need my help with this baby? Is this all this is?'

'That's why I didn't know how to tell you Pace... that's the last thing I wanted you to think... Of course not. I was going through the motions, thinking I was going to be a single mother to this child, and I panicked how I was going to tell you... not thinking that you would ever get back with me. I'm so happy to have a second chance with you Pace. I love you so much, I could do this without you... I just don't want to. You have to know that.' I shyly look at him, and he has glistening tears in his eyes. He moves further towards me, and places a soft, tender kiss on my forehead . 'I'd always be here for you Jo, you know that. And I'm glad that we sorted this out together. I love you so much, you mean the absolute world to me. I can't believe we're having another baby. This time we will make this work properly. Stop worrying about time, money, everything. It's you and me now. You, me, Megan and this baby that will grace us with its presence in six months time. And I for one can't wait.' I push my forehead against his, and smile in his embrace.

'I love you Pacey'

'I love you too Jo.' And I feel it, the love that surrounds us. 'We still have to talk Jo, over all our issues, to make sure it doesn't break us down again, because I think we won't make it through it again if it happens again. And i'll try my hardest to make sure we never break down. I love you Miss Potter, you are my life. And losing you isn't even a possibility.' He kisses my cheek, and I snuggle in to him. 'It's Mrs Witter to you.', I say teasingly. 'Don't I know it...', he replies, kissing my lips, and making me melt into him all over again. He deepens the kiss, And I know what's going coming... I look at him seductively, grab his hand, and lead him into the bedroom. Tonight, we are going to spend taking our time, exploring each other's bodies, like it's the first time, and relish in each other's love.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's early, and I'm up before Pacey. I woke up this morning, with Megan in between us. She must have climbed in , in the early hours, and Pacey is lying next to her, his arm protectively over her, and my heart swells when I see her tiny little fingers wrapped around his hand. I take a look at Pacey, his hair dishevelled, no thanks to me probably ,and his mouth slightly ajar, snoring lightly, his naked chest visible, with one foot sticking out the side of the bed. I try not to giggle too loud at the sight of him, and I get out of bed before I decide to burst into fits of laughter that will wake up everyone. I get dressed into a tracksuit, and pull my hair back into a ponytail. I look out the window, today, the sun is shining. I smile at the irony, put on my sunglasses, and head downtown.

When I reach the bakery, I decide on three little cupcakes for us for lunch, and I grab myself a juice drink too from the local cafe. As I start to walk back, I see Little Miss Blondie heading towards me. Oh great, I think to myself. Not what I want. She stops short when she sees me, and offers me a simple, 'Hello Joey,'

'Hey er...' 'Jess', she interrupts, knowing that I've obviously never learnt her name even though she's probably been at the Icehouse years.

'Jess. Sorry. Look, I just want to apologise for what I said the other day. I really regret what I said, it was stupid and you didn't deserve that.' She looks at me shortly, and I wonder whether she's actually going to accept my apology.

'No worries. Just forget it.' She smiles at me, and I smile back. See. Simple. Done.

'Ok, well, I best be on my way...', And I start to trail off back to our house..

'You were wrong you know, by the way.', I hear behind me, and I turn back around to face her.

'About what?' I question.

'About imagining what it would be like to fuck Pacey. Been there, done that.'

My face suddenly contorts in anger. What the fuck? This whore slept with Pacey?

'What? When did you? When did you sleep with Pacey?'

'Not too long ago. Doesn't look like he missed you too much now. Does it?' She smirks at me. Bitch!

'Well, Pacey and I are back together now. So I'd appreciate if you stayed away from us.' I try and keep calm , feeling the anger rise up inside me. Even though her words cut me like a knife, I have this overwhelming feeling that she's lying to me. I trust Pacey, I have to, after everything, trust him. I believe that if he slept with her, whether it was during our marriage (which I know he would never do ), or when we apart these last few months, he would have told me last night. I know he would have. I don't want to admit to her that I know, I want to play her at her own game. Make it out like she's ruined my marriage, that she can have him, and she can deal with Pacey herself.

'Well, I'll try, but I think he secretly wants me. I can't imagine how you must feel when he's at work with me... and you're at home, wondering what he's upto...', she smirks again. Ha, ok fine, I'll play it hard.

'You know what. Fuck you. You can have him. Is that what you want? By the way, I'm pregnant, so you just destroyed a family for my child. How does that make you feel?'I shout at her, trying my hardest at my acting skills. She flounders for a second, I can see it in her eyes, she regrets what she's told me. She has no intention of pulling a family apart, she just doesn't like me.

'What? Look Joey, I'm only...' she starts, but I interrupt her.

'No, you know it's fine, I'm pregnant, but I want to be a single mother. I want to be alone. I don't need or want Pacey. He's nothing to me. You know, the only reason I got back with him is because I thought I needed his support, but you know, I don't. I only wanted his money, but I guess child maintenance will be enough, and you have just confirmed that for me. Thank you. I wonder why I ever loved him, I certainly don't love him anymore. Just his wallet.' I smirk at her, but her eyes are wide with horror behind me. I look at her for a few more seconds, and turn around to see what she's staring at.

Pacey is behind me, Megan in his arms. Staring at me with utter hurt and confusion. He overheard. But not all of it, just what I had said to Jess. I've just 'confirmed' his one fear, that I was using him because I didn't want to be alone. Oh my god.

'Pacey.. I ...'

'Save it Jo. Me and Meg just wanted to come and join you, knowing where you would be, but I guess I'm not wanted. I'll take me and my money elsewhere.' Before I can say anything else, he turns on his heel, and heads in the opposite direction. And with that, he's gone.

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