CHAPTER FOUR
Singing and The Reason
It had been a least three weeks since that night. X-Ray and I avoided each other like I tried to avoid everyone else but somehow epically failed. Hector and Stanley were determined to figure out what was the matter with me after I had gotten into another fight with someone. 'Out of character' is what they called it. Well how the hell else was I supposed to act? I was confused and pissed off and for the life of me I couldn't go back to the old me even if I tried.
"Lacy!" I cringed at the nickname that had stuck and made my way through the crowd of hunger boys to an empty table in the corner of the room.
"You're acting like a four year old." I closed my eyes, throwing the piece of bread I was eating at the tray but didn't look at him. "Sulking in the corner isn't going to solve anything."
"It's better than acting like nothing happened," I hissed, glaring up at him and he rolled his eyes, taking a seat next to me but I shifted away, "Don't lie to me and say you didn't feel anything."
"I didn't want you to get hurt, Lot," he told me somewhat reluctantly.
"Yeah well, you have crashed and burned on that mission, anything else?" I asked, looking at him before getting up, "Good, see you around."
"Charlotte-."
"Just fuck the hell off," I yelled and the room froze. He stared at me, shocked and I shook my head, leaving. Just because I'm quiet, doesn't mean I don't have a colourful vocabulary. I hate how people think that.
"Lace! Wait up," I heard Stanley call after me and I realized I was at the place where I had dug my first hole. How the hell had I gotten there? Turning, I saw Stanley jogging to catch up and Hector walking behind him with his hands shoved into his pockets.
"What do you want?" I asked tiredly. I could feel tears building but forced them back down.
"You can't tell me that was nothing, Lace, what happened?"
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to talk about it," I grumbled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. He gave me a lopsided grin and I rolled my eyes, turning from him again. Sitting down at the edge of a hole, I let out a involuntary sob, covering my face with my hands. I felt someone wrap their arms around me and tried to pull away but they wouldn't let me, so I just cried into them. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't exactly punch him due to lack of sight. "I don't know what's happening to me."
"You're becoming a person," Stanley laughed, resting his chin on my head.
"Thanks, so I was alien before?"
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, unfortunately, I do," I muttered, finally able to pull away. I looked across the hole and saw Hector sitting watching us.
"I asked Warden if you could sing for the camp tonight," he stated and I went wide-eyed.
"What?" I screeched, jumping up, "Why'd you do that?"
"Well, for one thing you're good," he offered but trailed off at my glare.
"And the boys need a pick-me-up. Maybe you could talk to X-Ray."
"Don't push it, Yelnats, I haven't even agreed."
"It's just three songs," Hector offered.
"Three songs?" I screamed and he whimpered, moving back. Furrowing my eyebrows, Stanley jumped into the hole, pulling Hector closer. There was obviously something I didn't know going on with this kid. Guilt washed over me but I couldn't help smiling when Stanley kissed Hector's forehead. "Are you two together?"
"You're bi-polar," Stanley stated as Hector reddened. I laughed.
"I'll take that as a yes," I sat back down, and Stanley lifted Hector to sit next to me, while he stood in front of the shorter boy, "I'm sorry, Hector."
"Don't worry about it," he smiled, shaking his head, "Will you sing?"
"I can't, I'm, uh, afraid of heights," I offered lamely but they both laughed and I couldn't help but smile, "I've never sung in front of a crowd."
"There's a first for everything."
"Apparently," I sighed, ruffling Hector's hair and he grinned. What was I getting myself into? We walked back to the camp and Stanley practically shoved me towards the Warden.
"What do you plan on entertaining the boys with tonight?" she asked airily and I rolled my eyes, shrugging.
"Haven't decided yet."
"Well you should," she stated and I rolled my eyes.
"Believe it or not, I realize this," I muttered, stalking off. Stanley looked at me expectantly but I closed my eyes, resting my head on the back of the chair.
"So," Hector prodded and I shifted away.
"She's a pain," I stated, "I have no idea what to sing."
"Whatever feels right?" Stanley offered and I sighed, nodding as I took down my hair and running my hand through it.
"Ms. James," a feminine voice from behind said, and I turned to see the Warden, "We're ready if you are."
"Are you serious, now?" I asked, jumping up and she smiled, nodding before she walked away, "She freaks me out."
"She freaks everyone out." I laughed and ruffled Hector's hair before following the Warden who told me to choose three songs from the CDs that she's provided. I started out with 'The More Boys I Meet' by Carrie Underwood, then 'Be that Way' by Martina McBride.
"I have one more song to sing," I informed the crowd and they cheered loudly, making me blush, "Here it is:
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air
See the lights,
See the party
the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know:
That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quite cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Let's keep this down for a little while
Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
And I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo takes me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of looseness
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you would ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He kneels to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said
Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all the reason for
I talk to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Cause we were both young when I first saw you."
"I told you, you were good," Hector grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"Enough out of you," I laughed, feeling a lot better than before. Singing was my outlet; it balanced life out for me.
"Let's go back to the tent," Stanley suggested and I shrugged, following the two. They really were cute, the way they subtly exchanged romantic gestures. I slipped out of my jump suit, laying on my bed and tried to sleep, successfully faking it when Pendanski came in, but when he left, I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling. This is was happened most nights, I really couldn't sleep; so I got up, leaving the tent silently, walking to the Rec Hall and sat on the center of the stage, staring out at the room. Pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my forehead on them, taking in deep breaths as I tried to calm myself. It wasn't working.
"You know, you really shouldn't walk around in shorts."
"What do you want," I muttered, not even bothering to look up. I heard him jump on the stage and could feel him standing over me.
"You're really good, ya know."
"Yeah I figured as much." I felt his hand slip into mine and he pulled me to my feet. I really couldn't pull away. This is what I had wanted for the past three weeks, I wanted his touch, somehow. I kinda got more than I bargained for.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he murmured into my hair but I didn't return the embrace, instead I pushed away.
"What the heck did you mean to do then, X-Ray? You kissed me, not the other way around and then you just shove me off, acting like it never happened."
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Damn straight you shouldn't of," I said bitterly but looked at him, "Wait, what?"
"I shouldn't have acted like nothing happened," he elaborated, "Cause a whole hell of shit was going through my mind."
"You should have talked to me," I stated, folding my arms and he gave me a defeated look.
"You deserve better," he told me weakly but I rolled my eyes.
"Oh just shut up, would you, if I deserved better, I wouldn't want you," I shouted before thinking about what I had said, "Did that even make sense?"
"I don't know," he sighed, "Charlotte, I like you, okay? I really do."
"But?" I urged.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said for the millionth time.
"I swear, say that one more time and I'll hurt you. You already did hurt me, don't you see that?"
"Of course I do!" I rolled my eyes.
"Then what's with this shit you keep giving me?"
"There are things, Charlotte, you just, things you don't know about me, okay," he said, turned away from me and I softened, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"They can't be that bad."
"They are," he muttered but I shook my head, turning him to face me and taking off his stupid glasses. I ran my thumb over his cheek as I stepped closer and he smiled, placing a hand on my hip.
"They can't be any worse than attempting murder." He chuckled slightly but shook his head, stepping back. "X-Ray-."
"I can't, Lottie, I can't do this to you," he whispered but I stepped closer, pulling his arms around my waist.
"You aren't doing anything," I smiled and he gave me a look, "X-Ray, can't you see how much you've done for me?" He stared at me blankly. "You're really not as bad as you think you are, especially if you've gotten me to be the person that I was supposed to be. You've given me a confidence I never knew I had. I like you okay, I don't think anything's gonna change that, not even you thinking you're not good enough for me, which isn't true by the way. You're, you just make me feel good. You don't even know how much I missed this."
"What?"
"This," I ran my finger along his forearm, "Just being with you."
"We barely know each other."
"I don't care."
"I don't want-."
"X-Ray," I growled, glaring at him, "Stop putting yourself down. If anything, I don't deserve you, so just stop. You're one of three people I feel remotely comfortable with but the only one I want to hold me. I just-."
"Can I kiss you now?" he asked, desperation in his tone and I tilted my head, grinning. He dove down, catching my lips with need. Like he needed to make sure I was really there. I had a really strong feeling that he didn't have too many stable people in his life. I felt his fingers brush my back and shivered closer to him. When we did part, he left a few lasting kisses before resting his forehead on mine.
"Will you stop doubting yourself now?" I whispered and he smiled.
"I'm sure you'll be there to knock some sense into me if I do."
"Damn straight," I laughed before kissing him again.
