Duh, duh, duh duh!!! Now presenting Chapter Four of House with a Side of Cullens!! In this week's episode, House buys a unicorn and names it Phyllis. Is that what really happens? No, but read to find out!!
________________________________________________________________________
Chase allowed Cameron to drag him to the office where he, House, and his fellow colleagues diagnosed patients. When they opened the door, Foreman was all ready in there, as was Carlisle, House, and another younger man sitting in the corner. The unknown individual looked tense and angry to Chase, and his firm jaw was clenched nice and hard.
House was staring at Carlisle, who was basically running the whole show.
"All right," Carlisle said, "what did the MRI show of Bella?"
"Nothing," Foreman answered, and Chase took a seat next to him. "Her skull has been cracked a couple times, but that does not seem relative to what has happened to her."
"She is scratched," House said pointedly, "on her arms and legs. So why did you guys do an MRI on her head?"
Foreman shrugged. "Carlisle told us to."
House rolled his eyes. "Well if Cullen told you to jump off a bridge into a canyon with sharp, pointy rocks at the bottom, would you do it?" he asked sharply.
"I bet you would if Vicodin would relieve your pain when you were done attempting suicide," the young man from the corner piped up.
House turned and glared at the young man threateningly. "And who are you, Boy-With-Very-Sharp-Tongue-Who-Shouldn't-Even-Be-In-Here?"
Carlisle attempted a sympathetic smile. "This is my son, Edward. He is Bella's boyfriend."
Edward nodded slightly.
"Well, if you're feeling guilty about abusing your girlfriend," House said dismissively, tossing his red and gray ball up into the air, "I'm sure we could get the police over here quickly. At least they'd care to hear about your pitiful life."
Edward clenched his fists quickly and stood up, but Carlisle was there. "Now, we are all mature people here, right? Edward, perhaps we could be civil with one another for the well-being of Bella?"
"Well, personally, I don't care if she lives or dies," House said honestly. "She could go in a coma, lose a limb, but it doesn't really matter to me as long as I get out of here by 5:30."
Now, that angered Edward. His nostrils flared, and he took a step towards Edward, but luckily, someone walked into the room.
"House!" Everyone turned around, and Chase easily recognized the voice as the one belonging to Lisa Cuddy. "What is going on in here?"
"Edward's being mean," House complained. "And I feel as if I am working inside a box. Either I'm bumping into The Young and the Restless," he gestured to Edward, "or I'm running into Hot, Blond, and Loving. And I'm not even talking about Chase."
Chase glared at House, who just rolled his eyes.
"And, truthfully, I think I'm suffocating from all the love and caring in here," House added. "I mean, Cameron's bad enough, but these Cullen boys are a bit too caring." He paused, whispering in an easily audible voice, "Personally, I think their doors swing both ways."
Cuddy rolled her eyes. "House, Carlisle, perhaps we could work something out?"
"Yeah, because if we don't, Foreman and his black brothers are gonna come and jump us," House said in a falsely-scared voice.
"Hey!" Foreman protested, but Cuddy shushed him. "Mrs. Cullen, perhaps you could talk some sense into them?"
Cuddy stepped aside to reveal a woman who looked like a model from a previous era. She gave Edward a meaningful look. "Edward, perhaps we should leave the doctors to their own work?"
"Yeah, we've got plastic stethoscopes in the daycare center, little boy," House said sharply, and Edward glared at him. At top speed, he rushed out of the room. Esme sighed.
"I am so sorry, Dr. House. He loves Bella so much, but that is no excuse for him to be so incredibly rude," she said with no indulgence.
House let out a hefty sigh, "Well, we all can't be medical prodigies." Cuddy snorted and turned on her heel to leave. Esme smiled slightly at her husband and quickly followed in the Dean of Medicine's footsteps.
"Pretty wife," House mumbled, and Carlisle smiled.
"Why thank you. I think so, too."
"Now back to the case," Chase encouraged.
"Ah, always the Wombat- Suck Up," House said in his husky tone. Carlisle gave Chase a slight smile, who stuck his tongue out at the other blond doctor as soon as he turned back around.
Carlisle grabbed a black marker from House's dry erase board and wrote in bold letters 'Symptoms' on the top. House jumped up from his desk and gasped.
"Oh, no you didn't," House said, using his best 'gangsta' voice.
Carlisle raised his eyebrows in alarm. "What? Did I misspell the word?"
"No, worse," Foreman mended.
"You touched his dry erase board," Cameron informed the perplexed doctor.
"And his markers," Chase added. "Even I'm not allowed to do that."
"No," House said, annoyed. "Chase, you can touch my board after I OD on narcotics, Cameron dies in a fire after trying to save a family of diseased kittens, and Foreman gets beat up by his home dogs for leaving them. Come on, we've been through this before."
"Um, you have an order for people touching your board?" Carlisle asked awkwardly. "Isn't that a little…prejudice?"
House groaned, walked over, and grabbed his marker back. "Don't worry, Mr. Happy Man, I hate all my ducklings the same; they know that."
Carlisle glanced at House's 'ducklings', who seem unfazed by that fact. All except for Chase, who asked, "So I am a duck and a wombat?"
House nodded, writing a list up on the board. "Yes, you are my special Dumbat."
"Hey, you should feel honored," Cameron said brightly, "you get two pet names."
"Yeah, that means House especially likes you," Foreman added.
"Or I especially hate you," House amended, finishing his list on the board. "Whatever helps you sleep better at night."
"All right," Carlisle said abruptly, feeling uncomfortable. "What are Bella's symptoms?"
"Cut up and bruised," Chase said bluntly. House turned around and wrote it up on the board.
"Yes, I forgot the obvious, Dr. Dumb-at."
"And she ran into a tree?" Cameron asked Carlisle.
Carlisle nodded. "Yes, she and Edward were out camping together, and Bella ran into a tree." He paused. "She is rather clumsy."
"Big Mouth and Tree Magnet in the woods together?" House asked skeptically. "Yeah, your disposition and judgment just screams 'Father of the Year'."
Carlisle ignored the snide comment. "Well, I don't really care if you all believe the story or not. It is what happened."
"Stupid thing to happen," House muttered. He started reading down the list. "Okay, so we cross off 'head injury', but I don't know why it was crossed on in the first place. 'Disorientation', 'Broken bones', though I don't really think that's a symptom." House crossed it off. "Well, it doesn't seem like there's much wrong with her. Cullen, you couldn't have taken care of her?"
Carlisle shook his head. "Read the last symptom, please."
House let out a dramatic sigh. "'Temporarily memory loss'."
"Temporary memory loss?" Chase repeated. "Is that why we did the MRI on her head?"
Carlisle nodded. "Precisely."
House nodded, standing up. "Well, I think this would be a lovely time for a break."
"Break?" Carlisle repeated. "Dr. House, we just got started on Bella's case."
"Well, you all feel free to do as you want, but I'm taking a break." House paused before leaving. "Besides, I saw a pretty blond who winked at me earlier, a short pixie and a tall blond man who looks like he's in pain playing tag in the hallway, and Emmett and I need to go double or nothing in paper football for the ham sandwich." House laughed once. "And you blame me for wanting to stay here."
And with that, House limped away.
Why was the pretty blonde, short pixie, and tall blonde man who looks like he's in pain playing tag in the hallway?? Review, so you can find out. Starting right this instant, in order for you to get a new chapter, we must get five reviews. Yes, peoples five (5) reviews. We don't want to be mean, but we want to make sure we have an audience. Now the challenge is in your hands. GO TEAM!!!
