Chapter 4: The Unraveling
The clock on the wall moved slowly. It was a typical office clock, black and white, with large block numbers around the face for hours, dashes for minutes. About once an hour the minute hand would get stuck and jump with an audible click before advancing to the next minute. The clock seemed to be mocking me. Ever notice how time works when you've got something you're looking forward? The passage of time becomes warped, absurd.
Zen called around lunchtime. When I saw his latest selfie pop up on the screen - a smiling Zen toasting the camera with some sort of frothy green drink - my heart did a double flip.
"Hello?" I said, like I didn't know it was him.
"Hey babe," he said in a husky voice. "You picked up right away. Did you know it was me?"
I paused and ran my tongue over my upper lip. "Maybe," I said.
"Well, 'maybe' I was thinking about you, too," he said. I could hear his eyes smiling. "Did you eat lunch yet?"
"No," I said. "Not yet… but that doesn't mean I wasn't planning to."
He laughed, a husky chuckle that made me want to giggle and twirl my hair like a teenager.
"Good girl," he said. "Eating proper meals is important… especially if you're planning to expend a lot of energy later."
"Oh am I?" I said.
"I don't know, possibly," he said.
"What might I be doing?" I asked. I don't know what he was thinking but I had a few things in mind. Right now I was picturing my hand making its way south on the chiseled nakedness of his chest. Just a little lower...
"Who knows?" he said. "Best practice, though, is to be prepared for anything."
"Well, I'm always ready for anything," I said. Now in my mind's eye, he had me from behind. The thought made me gasp and squirm in my office chair.
"Princess?" he said. "You OK?"
"Yeah, sure," I said, blinking the image away from my mind. "Best make sure you eat well, too." Oh, boy, and that comment brought up a new picture entirely, which I pushed away immediately. Not here. Not at work.
"Already done, princess," he said, and I could hear the gurgley sound of the last drops of something being drained through a straw. "You see I'm drinking green smoothies now?"
"Yeah, better for you than beer," I said.
"In some ways, I guess," he said. "They taste like shit, though."
I laughed.
"Look, I'm on my way to rehearsals now, so I got to run… See you at home later?"
See you at home. The thought of it made me giddy with anticipation.
"Yeah, OK," I said.
"Oh, and babe?" he said.
"Yeah?"
"I love you," he said.
"Zen, baby," I said. "I love you, too."
Later that night I made my way back to Zen's apartment, smiling to myself like a cat who just woke up in nest full of birds. When I got there, I paused just outside the door to lean my head against the wood. I could hear music wafting from inside. Zen was listening to the musical Hamilton - again - and singing along in a strong, clear voice.
"I'm young, scrappy and hungry… and I'm not throwing away my shot," he sang with a sassy bravado. I know he loved this song especially, and in my mind's eye, I could picture him strutting around the kitchen, a silver-haired, red-eyed James Dean-type down on his luck. I let another slow smile spread across my face as I turned my key in the lock and shoved the door open with one knee. God, he was adorable.
"Hi honey, I'm home," I called. The smell of simmering chili hit me as soon as I opened the door. Zen appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking gorgeous as usual. His slight muscular frame was perfectly outlined, backlit by the warm glow of the kitchen. His long hair was slightly mussed and sticking up at odd angles. How could he possibly have sexy bedhead already?
"Hey babe," he said, moving forward to envelope me in a hug. I loved that he was more than a head taller than me. It made me feel safe.
"Hi," I said, breathing him in. The scent of Zen, I think I've said before, is delicious. Going back to the cat analogy, to me he might as well be catnip.
The kiss came next, long and warm. I could taste the tomatoes and chilis on his lips and feel the slight extra kick of heat and spice that came with it.
"Mmm," I murmured. "Chile de arbol?"
"Hot stuff for a hot babe," he murmured back, and he kissed me again. This time his hands slid down the length of my back and cupped my ass, pulling me up and closer. God, I hadn't even put down my bag yet. At this rate, we weren't going to make it that long.
"You smell good," he whispered. His hot breath on my neck coupled with the cadence of his voice had an ASMR effect. Like the chili on the stove, my body was starting to heat up to a slow simmer.
"So do you," I said. I let my bag slide off my shoulder to the floor. Zen's hands were on my shoulders, working my coat off. Somehow he was still kissing me and I was moving backwards toward the couch in the living room, kicking off my heels as I went.
"Oh, Zen," I breathed. His mouth was on my neck now, his lips working their way to the hollow space between my neck and collarbone. He knew this is where I liked it. The combination of heat and kisses here drives me wild, makes my body insane for him. I whimpered a little bit or I maybe I moaned, or maybe both, I'm not sure which.
"God, you're so hot," he said, as he lowered me gently back on the couch. I was already reaching for bottom edges of his tee-shirt and yanking it upwards. I wanted to feel his skin on my skin, his heat on my heat, as quickly as possible. He decided to help me out and pulled back momentarily to lift his shirt over his head. I felt all the blood rush to my cheeks as my gaze fastened on his naked chest. God, he was just so damn beautiful. In the chatroom he was always going on about how his looks were the work of the gods and yada, yada, and to be honest, I used to roll my eyes a little and grow impatient with his narcissism in the beginning. But then I saw him in person, in the flesh, and I've been under his spell ever since. Turns out he wasn't in the least bit exaggerating. This man was a work of art.
Impulsively I sat up and put my mouth on his chest. I had this insatiable desire to kiss and suckle and feel every inch of him. I was already half gone, my eyes half closed, my breath coming quick like an animal. I'd waited so long, too long. I wanted him now.
Apparently he did, too. He let out a low moan as I let one of hands move over the front of his jeans. He was already rock solid, hard like a beast. I pulled back to look at him and smiled, a little satisfied with myself, maybe a little drunk on my power over him. With a playfully wicked look in my eye, I began to slowly undo the buttons on my shirt.
"Oh damn," he whispered, in a low there's no going back sort of way. His red eyes glowered low at mine. They said, are you sure? My eyes smiled back, are you fucking kidding me? Our eyes clearly had their own language. I loved this about us.
Then when I unhooked my bra at the front and let the straps fall off my shoulders, his eyes went wide, and he gasped in awe at my bare breasts.
"God, you're beautiful," he said. He moved forward and I lay back on the couch letting his lips greet my tits most intimately for the first time.
Zen was on again, off again nervous all day. His mood fluctuated between boisterous and confident to jittery and unsure in cycles of minutes. He couldn't help but think that there was so much truth in all the talk about how love makes people crazy, in literature, in song, in film. Here he was experiencing it full-on, in real time. One minute he was light-headed and dizzy, the next minute, queasy and kind of sick. Maybe he was literally going insane? He couldn't tell, and yet it felt so good, and then not so good, etc.
At least this will be great inspiration for my work as an actor, he thought with a smile. At least he was still able to laugh at himself.
That evening, when MC walked through the door, all Zen's nervousness disappeared. The moment he heard her sweet voice call, honey, I'm home, his whole being relaxed into a calm sense of joy. When he walked in to meet her and saw her standing in the doorway, he felt that calm sense of well being sizzle with something electric. Her long brown hair was loose, wind blown and hanging in her face, her cheeks flushed with the evening chill. Then there was that smile. The way she completely lights up when she sees him - she does this every time they meet. Well, it makes his heart melt, and his heart was melting now and stirring something else inside him much deeper.
Zen knew this deeper thing was the beast, but for some reason, this night, in this moment, he was not afraid. Somehow he knew, he finally trusted, that everything would be OK. Since he loved her, since he really loved her, and she loved him, he knew that these feelings of wanting would only add to his feelings of joy. So without reserve he went to meet MC in the hallway. Slowly, and with great intention, he wrapped his long arms around her and kissed her, pulling her close. Without concern, he let the kisses grow longer and deeper, let his hands wander and explore her. He breathed her in, let himself become intoxicated by every part of her as it mingled with every part of him. Together they were not two people anymore, they were one. Mine, ours, us, he thought.
In the end, the fact that Zen was a virgin didn't end up playing a major role in events. In fact, it didn't even seem to matter to Zen that Seven turned out to be right about just about every single thing (not really all that surprising, Seven was a genius after all). Sure, Zen came pretty quickly the first time, but there were plenty more times after that. Then there was that awkward moment with the condom, but MC played it so smooth he didn't even have time to feel subconscious.
In fact, the condom moment may have been one of Zen's favorite moments, and looking back, he wouldn't have changed it for the world. There he was, one moment turning the sticky rubber over in his hands, not sure which way was up. Then there MC was, so sweet and ready to help. Her bright brown eyes gave him a look that said I got this, and he relaxed. When she paused to tuck a piece of her long hair behind one ear and smiled, she looked so cute, LOL. Zen watched as she expertly turned the condom little hat side up and rolled it down, all the while making the whole thing sexy as hell. No big deal.
Later, in the middle of the night, they ate burnt chili they had to scrape off the bottom of the pot.
"I didn't know that could happen," MC said. They were sitting cross-legged from each other sharing one bowl, two spoons, between them.
"Yeah, neither did I," Zen smiled. They had remembering with fondness having been woken from their post-coital slumber by the sound of the smoke alarm. "I guess anything can burn if you leave it long enough."
MC reached over to wipe a smudge of tomato sauce from Zen's gorgeous lip with her thumb and smiled. She was so happy.
"So," she said, peeking up at Zen from behind her bangs. "Did I, you know, live up to expectations?"
His his eyes told her all she needed to know. Without a word, Zen moved the empty bowl aside and filled the space between them. He was never going to let her go.
