"Guys! This is great!" Buffy happily yipped to her friends in the morning. "I am a veritable juggernaut."
"That's great, Buff," said Xander, somewhat sleepily. "How's that again?"
"Okay, like, last night when I patrolling there was this vamp buffet in the park. Major family reunion or something. Mustuv been fifty of 'em." Buffy looked at the incredulous faces of Xander, Willow, Anya, and Dawn. "Really. Well, a couple dozen for sure. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is," Dawn looked happy that she was getting to a point, "that I kicked their collective ass!"
"Yay you," said Willow, though Buffy could tell she was being somewhat non-commital about it. You think that after all this that she'd be happy for me, Buffy thought, after all I've been through with the dying and the coming back and the dying and the coming back and then becoming superwoman.
"Yes, yay me. I think that I've got vampire powers overtop of my Slayer powers. Like, for instance, I can hear that your pulse is beating 82 beats per minute, Will, which is kinda fast. Xander, you had vegitarian lasagna for dinner yesterday and Dawn, stop wearing my perfume."
They all looked impressed but scared. Except Anya.
"What about me?" Anya asked annoyed. "I want to be scared that you know what I've been doing too. You're always leaving me in the dark and such."
"Anya, honey, quiet."
"I've got the balance of a cat," Buffy continued completely ignoring her, "I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Not quite faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive but way able to kick the ass of any baddy in town." She stuck her thumbs up in the air. "No cause for alarm, everything is under control." She sat down smuggly and drank her blood.
"What about that message last night?" asked Dawn.
"What message?" Shit. Buffy choked a bit on her blood, like she just realized that she didn't like drinking cold blood out of a plastic bag in the morning.
"From your boss. She phoned before everyone else got here. She said you were fired. I didn't pick up."
"Oh that. Yeah, but that really doesn't matter much. Not like I could get there on time anyway with the whole not being able to leave the house in the daytime. No big."
"You need a job, Buffy," insisted Willow. "Remember?"
"Why? It's not like my food bill is going up. And I can pocket the loot I find in demon lairs for money. Things are still of the good, not to mention the smell. Ugh." Just remembering the harsh odours of the Doublemeat made her cringe. Especially now with the increased sense of smell. And she was sure there was garlic in there.
"Not for you. Dawn. You know, the whole foster home thing? And I guarantee you it won't be a barrel of monkeys like on the Simpsons."
Ruin my good mood. You're lucky I don't bite you right now. "I've got to stop thinking this way..." Buffy muttered under her non-existant breath.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I've got to go."
"Buffy wait!" Willow pleaded, but Buffy went to the basement anyway, locking the door behind her.
Buffy left for patrol as early as possible the next night. The sun had barely set, the sky was still crimson, and Buffy hadn't even talked to them. She just opened the door to the basement and left, walking right through the living room where they were all sitting, weapons in hand.
"There you are," Dawn had said when Buffy had emerged. "We need to talk. This is a serious matter."
Dawn had scolded her older sister, had gotten right up into her ear as she walked by, but Buffy didn't listen. She just opened the door, walked through, and closed it in Dawn's face.
"What's her problem..." Dawn had muttered to herself.
"Give her a break, Dawn," said Xander at the time. "She's going through a rough time. It'll get better."
But would it really? Willow wasn't so sure. As much as she admired Buffy's ability to pick out the positives of this situation she had to face some responsibilties right now. She would not get a second chance if Dawn was taken away from her or she lost the house. And she was hurting their friendship by callously dismissing their concerns every time any of them tried to address them. This was bad.
If answering her unvoiced thoughts, Angel made an entrance from the upstairs at this time.
"It's worse," he said.
"How much worse?" asked Xander.
"I haven't had the time to quantify it yet. Just know that she's starting to think like a vampire now. As much as she's trying to maintain her humanity, she's losing that fight." Angel closed his eyes and dropped his head. This must be so hard for him, watching the girl he loves, who he started loving because she exemplified everything good and pure, becoming the part of himself he most hated.
"She's stronger, but it's more than that. She's vicious, animalistic. She's starting to enjoy the suffering she brings to her victims," his eyes clouded with tears, "as I did."
"We've got to stop her."
"Or not." Xander surprised Willow when he said this.
"I'm just saying. Could be a good thing. Maybe we should encourage her." Shrug.
"Hello, I'm not going to let you guys turn my sister into one of him," Dawn pointed to Angel. Poor kid. "Remember what he was like? I thought so." Dawn folder her arms in front of herself. Point taken.
"Hey there, Lover," drawled an intoxicated Buffy upon bursting into Spike's crypt. Spike was layed out along the floor, minimally dressed as normal, though this time lovin' wasn't what he was after. His body still nursed the bruises, cuts, and broken bones from his last antagonizing misadventure with the Slayer. Doesn't matter if your central nervous system is just decoration - it still bloody hurts. The way Buffy looked now, he didn't figure that it would be a good idea to provoke a repeat performance. She was itching for it.
Maybe if I just play dead she'll ignore me.
She stepped across him and sat down heavily on his groin.
Guess not, then.
"Yoohoo, Spikey? Why is my Big Bad so unfrisky like?"
Stupid bint, can't she see I'm in pain? Oh hold up a minute. She can.
"You're swayin' quite a bit, Slayer. I don't think downing a few snorts is in everyone's best interest these days. You don't know your own strength."
She laughed a full throated laugh. "Oh, but I do, Spikey." She ran a cold finger down his nose. Bloody hell. Something about that laugh was scary.
"I'm strong enough to do any... thing... I... want."
Ah.
"Have you been drinking whisky again?"
"No."
"Wine?"
"I do not drink... wine."
He'd heard that one before.
"Vodka?"
She chuckled. "No, Silly. No booze." Spike saw her expression go thoughtful. "But I have been drinking. It's what I do now." She kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose. Had she eaten a drunk?
Spike swallowed. Something didn't fit. "I thought you smelled of the drink. If it's not that, what is that stench?"
"I'm not sure. I've killed a lot of things tonight."
Oh God, Buffy's nibbling my ear.
Her actions were tender yet very, very painful to Spike. Physically he hadn't healed, and every single touch caused his battered body excruciating pain. Psychologically, and this was the part he'd dwell on as a former poet, it was killing him that she had never done this to him while she was alive. She had never been gentle, always liked it rough. She battered him, and squeezed him until he was ready to pop like she had said so many years ago. There was usually a lot of spanking and rough-housing. With Buffy and him it was as much fighting as making love. Now she was caressing his, oh yes, I mean-
"No!" Spike nearly yelped.
All he had wanted before was for her to be just a little more like him. Now that she was it was just sickening. Had he really wanted her like this? It was just so wrong, and this hurt.
Especially since she was doing her nibbling with fangs out.
"No? What's the matter, Lover?"
I'm frickin' dust now. Better backtrack.
"It's just, well, I think you got some demon goop on you, Luv. Wouldn't you rather have a shower first?"
"I'm hot now. Besides, we'll need to shower after. And you don't have a shower."
Touche.
"Listen. It's getting late. I'm sure your mates are worried about you." Spike tried to lift Buffy off his crotch - he never thought he'd ever do that. "You should go back to them."
"Why? They just want to fret and lecture me. I like it here."
"They care about you. They only want to do what's best and want to make sure nothing hurts you."
"And what about you, Spike?"
"I agree with them."
Buffy stopped and stared deep into his eyes.
"Tough."
Oh shit, he thought as she grasped his wrists and hooked her legs around his thighs. Oh shit, oh shit.
Oh yes.
She was awoken by the key turning the lock on the front door. She was groggy, but could make out that it was still dark outside. The birds were chirping, so the sun was going to be rising soon. Damn that Buffy for keeping such ungodly hours. It's even worse than when she was alive and slaying every night, though this way we know she's going to be back by sunrise or not until the next night.
Willow heard Dawn stirring beside her. Of course the younger Summers was up first and standing in front of the door, waiting impatiently for it to open. Willow struggled off the couch.
"It's just like you to run off at night without telling us where you're going and keeping us worried and staying out until morning," Dawn lectured as soon as Buffy had walked in the door. "And you have some nerve yelling at me over my behaviour."
"C'mon, Dawn. Take it easy," Willow scolded. She knew well enough that Dawn wouldn't listen anyway.
Buffy was instantly on the defensive. "I haven't yelled at you in weeks."
"That's what you would've been doing if you were actually home once in a while."
Willow had to restrain Dawn to make sure she wouldn't get herself killed. Horrible thought that Buffy would actually kill Dawn, but it crossed her mind, and she'd been right too many times before. Buffy would never do it normally, but Willow couldn't vouch for vamp-Buffy, whether her morality would prevent her from doing such a thing. She wasn't even sure if this Buffy wasn't evil. Even more reason not to provoke her.
"Dawn." Willow grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
She turned to Buffy and tried to defuse the brewing argument/impending bloodbath.
"How was your night?" Willow tried to be as perky and chipper as possible. It seemed to work. Instantly Willow could tell that the sibling rivalry was wiped from Buffy's mind. Her eyes started to sparkle - yellow, which scared Willow a bit, and a devlish smile graced her perenially sad features.
"Awesome. It was increadible." Buffy the vampire was speaking animatedly with her hands while she walked past Willow and Dawn. "I was on fire, well not literally on fire, but unstoppable. I bagged three Suvolte demons, some sluggy thing, and eleven vampires. Ooh. And one of them was a shaman and I stole his magic bone."
"Nice, Buff," said Willow. As great as that sounded something worried her about it. Against her better judgement she confronted Buffy with it.
"You've been getting really powerful, I guess."
"Yeah, great! I've got superhero powers and supervillian powers all in one neat little package." Buffy paused and scowled at Dawn. "I heard that," she said. Willow hadn't noticed Dawn say anything, but assumed it was something relating to Buffy's lack of height. That super-hearing was creeping her out. Not as creepy as mind-reading but close.
"And, uh, what do you think about it."
"I love it." Buffy leaned over to Willow, making her uncomfortable by invading her personal space. It never bothered Willow before, but she was scary and different now. Buffy might disagree but vampires were just not as cuddly as people - and Willow knew that much better than the average person. In a confiding whisper Buffy continued. "I can do anything I want. Nothing out there can take me in a fight. Anything crosses my path, I kill it, quick and easy." She leaned back. "Sweet."
"Sounds like you're enjoying yourself," muttered Dawn. It was a rhetorical question, but Buffy didn't see it that way.
"Muchly. I kick ass and there's nothing anyone can do about it."
That pretty much confirmed Willow's fears. "Um, Buffy. Don't you think you might be enjoying it a bit too much?"
"Whady'a mean?"
"Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. You've got pretty close to that."
"Oh Will, you can't be serious." Buffy rolled her eyes at Willow, but she could see that despite her relaxed appearance Buffy was tense. She could see that her fangs had been out moments ago.
Dawn took this one step further. "What else did you kill tonight?" One step which was a bit too far, thought Willow. Get ready to run, Dawnie.
"I don't need to take flak from you, little miss klepto."
"Anyone I know?"
"Dawn!" Is she trying to get herself killed?
"You think that just because I'm a vampire I go around killing your friends for fun?"
"No offense," retorted Dawn, arms folded across her chest. "But that would be in line with other vampires we know."
"And to think I died for you."
"Did you kill anyone or not."
"Street gang. They were scum and I was hungry. Now that you know what are you going to do about it?"
"How could you? You're supposed to be good and now you're just a murderer."
"And you're a petty thief who we all should have let die."
"Buffy?" Dawn whimpered.
"Dawn," Buffy said with dead calm.
Dawn started crying and ran to her room. A few seconds later she left for school, backpack in hand.
"That was mean." Willow said after a moment of silence.
"She deserved it."
"It's hard to tell if you're supposed to be our friend anymore. We all want to help you, but we kept being pushed away."
"Help?" Buffy asked exasperated. "You call this help? You're constantly yelling at me, telling me that I'm going evil. Ever thought that I might start believing it? Or maybe it's just the way it's supposed to be. I still do a lot of good. Do the math and all the people I save more than makes up for the few scumbags who cross me and pay for it in blood."
"You didn't used to be like this, Buffy. Weren't you the one who said that it doesn't work like that?"
"I was young and stupid then. I've risen to a higher reality. I see what I'm capable of. If you can't accept that then don't watch." Buffy left Willow behind and harrumphed to the basement.
Willow followed. "I see what you're capable of too. That's why I'm tyring to stop you."
She nearly bumped into the back of Buffy when the vampire stopped in front of her. Buffy's hands grabbed her wrists and pulled her forward. Willow tried to backtrack but Buffy had her pulled into her hair and up against her hips.
"You wouldn't be if you came around to my way of thinking," said Buffy seductively.
"NO! Buffy!"
Buffy tilted her head way back, resting on Willow's shuddering shoulder. She smiled at her and purred. "You like the sun. I wouldn't do that to you. I only want you to see things my way."
Oh God. This was not Buffy! This was like her evil doppelganger all over again.
With hands.
"Please, no. Don't do this, Buffy," pleaded Willow. Her pleas fell on deaf ears. Buffy ignored her protestations and ground into Willow's thighs.
"All this time," Buffy whispered into Willow's ear as she pulled her head down toward her own, "we've hunted, and killed, and never tried to understand. You haven't considered how intimate the act of feeding can be, how enjoyable, sensual. It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is... is you."
"I...I...no."
"You'll like it." Buffy licked Willow's neck and ran her teeth over her skin. Willow could feel her nerve endings tingle. A flood of warmth rushed through her body. She could feel Buffy's lips under her jaw. It was like nothing she'd ever felt before. The wetness was cold and almost frightening. It only heightened the pain when Buffy's teeth punctured her veins. Willow suddenly felt so relaxed. At peace. She closed her eyes.
"Hello! Is anybody here?" Willow heard Dawn's voice echo through the house. The yell shook her completely from the groggy state in which she had been lying for the past few hours. Her head was still spinning from what had happened this afternoon; she was lightheaded and her muscles were weak. All she wanted to do was sleep forever, but discretion prevailed. Dawn was thumping around upstairs. The basement would be the next place she'd look. Willow realized with a start that she was indeed rumpled and not quite fully dressed and sitting up in the bed that Buffy had been using downstairs. Her neck with two - no, four - puncture wounds plainly visible to see. The basement door was thrown open. Willow desperately grasped for one of Buffy's sweaters which had been piled nearby, a byproduct of the Slayer's move from upstairs to down. She pulled it over her head in what she hoped was the nick of time, for when her eyes peeked over the collar Dawn had stumbled her way around the bannister and was looking straight at her. She looked slightly confused from what Willow could see.
"Willow, there you are. Where's Buffy?"
"I, uh, I don't know," Willow stammered. "I kinda fell asleep." That was true at least. "She's not here?"
Dawn crinkled up her babyish face. "No. Glad to see you're on the ball with the whole Buffy-watch thing." Dawn critically appraised Willow's situation. "What were you doing down here, anyway? You've got the whole rest of the house to sleep in."
Willow took a good look at herself too. The black shirt she was now wearing, luckily a turtleneck, was obviously too small for her. Baby tees are a fashion statement. Baby turtlenecks not so much, unless you're Shania Twain. She was still half under the blankets, which smelled like sweat and blood. Both were Willow's. She hoped Dawn couldn't smell that from where she was stading. Willow took the time to clear the frumpy hair from her eyes. Dawn could never know what really happened. She needed to go on the offensive.
"You really hurt Buffy this morning. She didn't handle your act very well. I had to spend most of this morning trying to calm her down and keeping her from going psycho. And, uh, and you're lucky to have a sister who cares as much as she does, even if she is a vampire now. I'm guessing she took off to give me some time to talk some sense into you before you, she came back."
Willow hopped out of the bed, trying to get away from any potential Dawn prying. She nearly fell trying to stand, but kept upright with the help of a support post. As long as Dawn didn't ask why she was in Buffy's bed, which smelled sweaty, was just waking up, and was wearing one of Buffy's turtlenecks, all would be good. Or at least not as bad as it could be.
She had tried to get Buffy to be more like a regular, caring human being again. Instead she had succumbed to Buffy's animalistic wants. The worst part was that she could still feel the pressure on her thighs and Buffy's powerful grip around her chest. Even the thought sent a surge of endorphins through her body. The words Buffy had whispered in her ear during the moments between the ravishing of her neck still echoed through Willow's mind. When I devour you, I know you deeper than anyone else can.
"Get some of your things, Dawn." Willow rushed up the stairs as quick as she could muster. "We're going to Xander's."
"What? Why? What about Buffy?"
"I don't think us right now would be a helpful thing for her." Willow put on a deliberately high necked jacket. She went to her room and grabbed some of her own clothes.
"Bullshit," swore Dawn. "She probably needs us more now than before. And how else am I supposed to apologize for pissing her off this morning?" Dawn asked, more sarcastic than sincere. "So why are we going?"
"For food," Willow muttered to herself. "I'm worried that we've been doing more harm than good so far. And really, I don't think you could apologize without getting into another fight. I don't like your chances of winning that fight either."
That shut Dawn up.
"Now let's go."
Willow slammed the door as they left into the cold night.
Buffy banged on the heavy oak door. Her arms hugged her own torso tight for protection from the chill wind. The worst part about animalistic rage is that you don't think to bring a coat.
Angel threw the door open quickly after peeking out through the curtains, still drawn tight from the sunlight. Buffy was there quite early, having left her house as soon as she could. The wind drew the heat from her cold-blooded body quickly, a painful transition from the warmth of Willow's embrace. She nearly cried.
"Angel, I need help. Could you teach me to meditate? The way you do to control the cravings?"
He tried to hug her, but Buffy turned her back to him. She hadn't brushed her teeth after leaving. She was sure that he would be able to tell that the bloody film in her mouth was human.
"It's okay, everything's going to be okay, Buffy." Angel did indeed hug her - from behind.
"I don't think so."
"What's wrong?"
"I can't control myself," Buffy whispered. "I've killed people. I've hurt my friends. And I like it. I'm scared I'll never stop being this bitch monster. Or turn into a bigger one, if such a thing is possible."
"I'm going to decline comment on that."
"This is serious. Okay? Major crisis here!"
"Oh Buffy, it's only natural to have a crisis of faith through something like this. Even I had my own dark times when I got my soul back."
"How are you sure that I have my soul?"
"I have to be."
Buffy was awestruck. "You really love me that much? To not doubt me at all even though I've screwed up a bunch already?"
"Always and forever."
"I have a confession to make."
"What is it?"
"This morning I drank from Willow." Shit! Fucking conscience. She could feel Angel tense. "I didn't kill her!" she yelled, guessing what he was thinking. Maybe it wasn't, though. He let go of her and started to walk away. "Please, listen to me, Angel. That's why I want your help. I don't want to hurt her again. I need to be able to put off my hunger when I'm around my friends."
"So you can feed on others you don't care about?"
"Yes! No. No! That's not what I mean."
"Get out."
"What? Angel!"
"Out."
As Buffy left she knew that he was going to be brooding for a while. What the fuck was his problem?
"Oh my God. Are you serious?" Xander asked Willow. He and Anya were huddled around the witch, who was still hiding behind Buffy's borrowed turtleneck. "Are you alright?"
"I'll live," she said. Willow knew that wasn't really a proper answer to that question. Of couse the real answer was 'no'. She really wasn't used to losing this much blood without getting a cookie.
"What was it like?" asked Anya, enthusiastically. "Was it as kinky as in the movies?"
"Honey," Xander snapped. "Quiet time."
"Sorry. Just curious. Geez," Anya mumbled to herself.
Willow heard the toilet flush down the hall, and the tap started to run. Dawn would be back from the bathroom shortly.
"Remember guys, not a word of this to Dawn. It would kill her to find out that her sister is doing the human feeding thing."
"And the lesbian thing."
"Anya!" both Xander and Willow whisper-yelled simultaneously.
"Sorry. But you must admit it would freak her out."
"And no freaking out about this either. Especially on Buffy, in person. I don't know the psycho-killer mindset, but I'm guessing a world of bad."
"Knowing the forementioned mindset could be a big help," said Xander, peering toward his bathroom. The tap was shut off.
"I was thinking the same thing."
She stood in the drab concrete room, surrounded by assorted lowlife scum or friends of said lowlife scum. Willow walked to the window when the guard brought her in.
"Red? What are you doing here?"
Faith looked different from what Willow pictured in her mind. Younger and miserable. With haunted eyes. Not at all like the vicious, murdering skank who had tormented them all years ago. It's hard to hate someone who looked so sad.
"Faith. Um. Hi." They tried to avoid looking at each other. Okay Willow. Calm. She's the one who's not going anywhere.
"Never expected to get a visit from you. Thought you would be happy to forget me in here."
"Yeah, so did I. We actually need some help."
"Really? Help from little ol' me?" There was the 'tude she knew and loved.
"Shut up and listen. Something happened to Buffy." The color faded from Faith's face.
"What? What happened?"
"She was nearly killed by a demon. Fatally wounded, actually." Willow could see Faith's lower lip start to quiver. She'd never seen Faith so emotional before, or at all, for that matter. I guess her walls came down when the walls went up around her.
"Is she?" Faith averted her eyes, the phone barely held to her ear.
"Yes and no."
"I don't understand."
"You may or may not remember Spike, the neutered vampire who sort of hangs with us?" Faith slowly nodded in the yes. "To prevent her from dying again, he turned her."
Faith's voice was very quiet and slow. "Do you need me? To stop her?"
"Maybe, but not right now. She's different. I think she's still in there. We're all still alive, so that's saying something. But it's getting worse. Everything we try to do to help just alienates her more. I'm worried we're going to lose her."
"I wanna help. What do you need from me? It's not like I can do much from here."
"I know this is digging up things better left buried, but you've done this before. I mean the 'going bad' thing. Can you explain it to me?"
"No big. It's not all bad memories for me. It was fun at the time. You can really get off on the violence, like a drug." Frightening, this dreamy-eyed reverie of a murderer. Willow hoped that she would never be able to tell any story from that point of view. "I know you all tried to help me out. You less than everyone else, as I seem to recall. I really couldn't stand the Buffy lectures. Wicked drag, y'know? Everyone was always all worried and stuff. No one ever treated me like me after that. They were always acting like everything was all five by five but it really wasn't. I was used to giving out the fake, not receiving it. Talk about a burn. So I ended up with Wilkins. He accepted me and," Faith took a deep breath. Willow could only imagine how hard this was for her. She almost wanted to reach out and comfort her, but the last time anyone had tried that it didn't work out so well.
"Loved you?"
"Yeah. That's it. For who I was. He encouraged me and rewarded me and was always on my side no matter what I did. I needed that. So I went there."
"Oh God, that sounds horrible."
"Wasn't so bad. I got a Playstation out of the deal."
For some reason Willow just had to laugh. "You are such a guy."
"What? Me? No way."
"Oh yeah. Video games, can't say the word 'love'. But I'll stop right there because you'll hurt me."
"Good choice." Faith was laughing too, but it was hollow. She was still worried. "About where is Buffy now?"
"She ignores us during the day, and kills things at night. Angel says she's killed some people. She's starting to turn on us. Yesterday she," Willow tried to retract what she had begun to say, but Faith had already caught on.
"The jacket, Red?"
"Yeah." Willow tugged down the collar to reveal some of the bruising around the wounds in her neck.
"I don't know why she did it. It's like we don't matter anymore. Except...when Buffy bit me," Willow said softly, "it was beyond passion. She wanted to devour me, all of me. No... on some basic level it was about me. My blood, my body." She sighed.
Faith stretched to peek through the glare in the glass. "I'm almost jealous." Willow was shocked. "I'm so sorry, Willow. You go back to Sunnydale and make things right with her. Help her kick that demon inside her in the ass. For all of us. Please."
"Why do you care so much? You tried to kill her before."
"Because if she can't beat the evil inside her, what chance do I have?"
