Conceiving the Impossible
Chapter 4
Words: 3 748
Harry was at a loss for words. He hadn't even begun to understand what was happening before the two strangers – one of which apparently, probably, maybe, was his not so dead mother – and he were standing in the Headmaster's office. It had happened as smoothly as if it hadn't happened at all. One second they were outside and the next they were the office and all of the portraits of the old headmasters adorning the walls were screaming.
"Quiet!" Lily shouted. She had an impressive set of lungs Harry noted idly; too much in shock to be more affected than to simply note it. The portraits startled and fell abruptly silent; the lack of noise left a ringing in Harry's ears. "Thank you," she continued sweetly, giving them a smile to match, she suddenly reminded him much more of the photographs he had seen of her, warm, kind and beautiful, not frightening or intimidating. "I have the current Headmaster's permission to make use of this office, and I kindly ask you all to leave. The conversation we will be having is private. Thank you."
"They talk," the blond man said in awe, turning a full turn to look at all the paintings. "Brother, the portraits talk!"
"Yes, we do," said one of the headmasters self-importantly giving tall-and-blond a scathing look. Harry glanced at the plaque under his portrait. Phineas Nigullus Black. Well, that was interesting. One of Sirius' relatives had been Headmaster at the school. "And we will not leave, young miss." He wagged his finger at her. "We will not be driven out of our portraits by a girl who barely looks to be out of Hogwarts!"
"You've gone senile, Black," a female Headmaster with a mass of curly gray hair said gruffly. "Don't you recognize her? She was Head Girl nearly twenty years ago, always visiting Dumbledore getting praise for her work, she was." The witch moved to the edge of her frame, appeared in the portrait next over, and continued until she appeared in the portrait of the Headmaster who had protested. "We're leaving," she said, grabbing his arm none too gently. He made a sound of protest. "The woman asked nicely, so we are leaving," the female headmaster continued sternly. Under protests she then proceeded to drag Headmaster Black out of his portrait, through many more, in which the other headmasters were leaving as well, and then they were all alone in the circular room.
"That went more smoothly than I had anticipated," Lily – because what else could he call her in his head? – commented. Silence followed during with the three people, looked at each other, or well, Harry mostly watched the woman who looked like his mother, and the two others studied him.
"I have a lot of explaining to do," Lily said eventually, breaking the silence that had begun to grow oppressive. She moved her hand and the chair that was standing in front of the Headmaster's desk, split into three identical ones and floated behind each of them. "Please, sit down," she said, and did so herself. "I imagine that you have a lot of questions, and if you ask I will do my very best to answer."
Harry gingerly sat down at the edge of the plush chair – nothing but plush chairs could be found in Dumbledore's office. He didn't know if he believed her, but it wasn't as if he could refuse to sit down. He didn't doubt that she and the man were dangerous. The way she used magic was unlike anything he'd ever seen in how effortlessly she did it and the man looked like he could take the castle apart with his bare hands if he wanted to and he had that huge hammer to help him. So far they had not made any hostile moves and playing along would hopefully keep it that way. He didn't know what he was dealing with here so his best bet would be to wait for help. Also, as long as they concentrated on him, they wouldn't be a threat to any of the other students.
"Why does he," he waved vaguely in the blond man's direction, "call you brother?" That had puzzled him. It made no sense, unless it meant something else or was some sort of title perhaps. They way the people of the Soviet Union party called each other comrade.
"Ah, you arrived first after I… hmm… I see," Lily said. "Harry, do you remember how I said that my spirit returned to where it once came from when I died?"
Harry nodded. He remembered hearing her say something along those lines.
"You have also noted the ease with which I perform wandless magic?"
He nodded again. Oh yes, he had noticed that.
"This is because I am not human."
That was unexpected. "What?"
"Please don't interrupt right now; it will only make this more difficult."
He shut his mouth; he might also have glared a bit, though she didn't seem to mind.
"Thor," she gestured at the blond, "and I are both Asgardians, a people who are known here on Earth only in the legends of Norse Mythology. Are you familiar with the Norse Pantheon?"
"Not, really," Harry said, "I do know a little I suppose. Odin, Frey and Thor are some of the gods?" he asked, and glanced through the corner of his eye at Thor.
"Yes," Lily said hurriedly before the blond man – Thor – could open his mouth and make an interjection of his own. "Thor is known as the God of Thunder, and," she paused and a grimace of distaste flashed over her face, "fertility among other. Odin is his and my father."
Harry frowned trying to think. So the two of them were related, brother and sister possibly, though that still didn't explain the brother thing. It could still be that Soviet thing, but it didn't seem likely. "So Thor is my uncle?" he asked hesitantly, looking at the man in question who was smiling encouraging at him.
"No, eh… Yes. Well, not exactly. It's complicated," Lily sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Keep quiet!" she snapped her head up and bit out. Harry turned to look back at Thor who appeared to be physically restraining himself from speaking. "If your input is wanted I'll be sure to let you know."
"We have to tell him," the man said very seriously. "We cannot keep the truth from him."
"Yes, I know and we will. We just have to do it gently, not all at once. Can you imagine how overwhelmed he is already?"
"Aye, as you say, but we mustn't wait for long. I do not enjoy secrecy the way you do."
"I'm aware. And far be it for you to believe me, but I am not enjoying this particular secret either."
"What aren't you telling me? And…" he struggled to remember. He had done a project on Norse Mythology in school before he started Hogwarts, but that was years ago and the level of accuracy he would award to the books that he had read, which clearly were written for children, was not especially high. "I didn't know Odin had any daughters."
"He doesn't," Lily said softly. She looked uncomfortable; still he gave credit to her for not straying with her gaze. She looked him directly in the eyes as she spoke.
"But you..?" he left the question unfinished. He was beginning to feel like taking it all in stride might be the best solution. The ship to Strange Ville had already sailed and there was no way for him to get off, the harbour was already beyond the horizon.
"That's just it." She paused and her gaze intensified. "Harry, I am still your mother, but I'm also more than that. I know that this will be very difficult to accept, much of what you will be told today is, but I need you to be strong, okay?"
He nodded silently, his nails pressing hard against his palms as his fists tightened.
"When I died at Voldemort's hand, protecting you, I returned to Asgard and my true body. I had been sent to earth as a punishment. My father wished for me to learn a lesson, he hoped that living as a woman would make me respect them more."
"You're not a..?" Harry was just feeling out of his depth. He was beginning to feel seriously numb, as if he couldn't process any more information. He was still working on understanding that this was his mother - if she was his mother. And now?
A gentle glow spread over her, and she transformed, changing shape and appearance. It happened much more smoothly than when Tonks with her metamorphmagus ability changed. As the light dimmed a man was sat in the spot where Lily had been. Harry could venture to guess that he was as tall as Thor, so that marked him as tall. He had jet black hair, and pale skin. They eyes were still green, though not the same brilliant colour as previously.
"Who are you?" Harry repeated his question from when he first had confronted – this person.
"As you see me now, I am Loki," he answered simply. "This however does not mean that I am not also Lily Potter. No matter what shape I am in, you are still my son."
- Conceiving the Impossible-
Loki could tell that Harry was overwhelmed. His face was worryingly blank of emotions. Before the last revelation he had acted more like what could be expected. Wary, incredulous, curious and carefully polite. Now all of it was gone. He could understand that this was a lot to take in. He himself had experienced a minor breakdown as he woke up earlier that day remembering and understanding everything that had happened. From knowing that he had been punished to live as a woman, to realizing that he had unwittingly bedded his own brother. It was only an hour or so since that happened, and yet so much had happened.
"Please say something," he said after a long while, looking intently at his son. It was strange to see him all grown up when the child he had known only was a happy, chubby, toddler who enjoyed getting tickled and insisted on spearing his face full of sticky, fruit puree every time he ate. Despite this he knew who Harry was and reconnecting had not been difficult. It had happened instinctually, as naturally as breathing. Harry did not have the same advantage.
"I don't know what to say," Harry murmured. "This is all incredible." His face still blank, the boy began to laugh brokenly. "All my life I wished that some relative of mine would turn up, someone who wanted me for me and who could be my family. If you really are my mother, then you know your sister. Aunt Petunia isn't family to me, and that was her decision, not mine."
"I know," Loki said softly, "and I'm sorry about that. I'll be having words with her soon enough."
"Well, if you are a god, why didn't you come sooner?" Loki could sense a shift happening in Harry. He was getting angry. He knew the signs both from knowing himself and from having seen Thor angry a fair number of times. "If you are a god, then why did I have to live with relatives who would have done anything to get rid of me? Who ignored me as much as they possibly could and took every opportunity to let me know that I was not wanted?" The boy's voice had risen steadily as he asked his questions.
"Harry," he said soothingly, "I couldn't come. I wish I could have been there for you, more than anything. But it wasn't possible. I came as soon as I could. I promise you that I didn't wait a moment longer than what was necessary."
"I still don't understand. I don't know anything about you. I know nothing of this Asgard place or what you are capable of. I barely know anything of you as Lily either. I don't know you."
It hurt to hear it. Same as it hurt Harry to not know his parents. The truth often hurts. "I know. I know this is hard and I can only tell you how sorry I am that it has ended up like this. If you give me time and patience I will try to explain and if you allow it I will try to get to know you and allow you to know me. What do you say, Harry? Will you give me a chance?"
"I-" the anger was still there, but it was tempered by other emotions. "I don't know. I waited so long. I though I had given up. I have Sirius and while that might not work out the way we'd hoped…"
"What about Sirius?" Loki got very interested at hearing this. He didn't know what had happened to any of the people he had left behind after his death, other than what Heimdall had told him and what he had seen since arriving at Hogwarts. Sirius should have looked after Harry, that had been the plan. James had wanted it and had made him Harry's godfather, yet it had been Petunia who Harry ended up with, still it seemed as if the man had somehow reappeared in Harry's life in later years.
"It's kind of a long story. I think you owe me to tell me yours before I tell any of mine."
"That's fair." Loki nodded. "Will you listen to what I have to say?"
"I- Yeah, okay. I'll listen."
He smiled warmly. "Thank you. Odin put a spell on me, which allowed me to live out a life as a human, you are with me so far?"
His son nodded.
"This spell is very advanced magic and it comes with a set of restrictions and limitations. One of them is that once your mortal body dies it takes several years for your spirit to settle back into your original body, sometimes up to as many years as you lived. I woke up a mere hour ago. Thor can confirm this."
"It is true," Thor nodded. "My brother has been asleep for many years, only today did he wake, and the first thing he did was to inform me of your existence."
"Okay, so you couldn't come, but if you are gods, shouldn't your family know what happened? Or are there any more limitations that I don't know of?"
Loki grimaced. "To this I have no satisfactory answer. Everything does point to that our father must have known of your existence. I have yet to confront him about this. As I said I came here directly after waking. I believe that he knew about you, and I am very displeased that he did not intervene. If my will had been done you would have been brought to Asgard, to be raised amongst your own people."
"My people?" Harry's face went blank again, while Loki could see emotions running rampart under the surface. The youth seemed to be working out what this meant. "I-I…" he stammered. "I'm not human, am I?" The question was whispered and his face had turned pale.
"No, I do not believe so." Loki longed to reach out and comfort him, but he didn't think that the gesture would be welcomed, so he refrained. "I may have been in human shape while I carried you, but I am of the firm belief that you would still have inherited some of my true form, as for your father..." He trailed off and paused, he didn't know how to say this. He didn't want to acknowledge it, but he had to. Harry deserved to know, and Thor deserved it too.
"What about him?"
Sighing he began to speak again. "Harry, there is a second part to the spell which is very important. Some Aesir are put on earth to learn lessons, but once that life is over there should be nothing tying us back. In the past such connections have driven the Aesir mad with grief and longing as the life they knew is gone. To prevent the same anguish the first ones experienced the spell is designed to not allow us to have children. Yet you exist."
"Great more things to make me special," Harry muttered. "Defying more laws of magic."
"Yes, you are special, though not quite in the way I believe you imagine. This is not as with the Killing Curse. Though that is not quite as strange as everyone believes either. Your heritage protects you, softens the effect of the curse. We can discuss that more at length later. If I do not continue my story I might lose the nerve." He wouldn't really lose his nerve, but claiming weakness could have its uses. Harry nodded for him to go on.
"I hope you won't judge me too hard for what I am about to tell you now. When I found out that I was unable to have a child, the healers telling me and James that something was wrong, though they couldn't say what, and muggle doctors seeing that there was something wrong with my gametes."
Harry looked vaguely questioning at that.
And Loki had to give a wry smile. "I don't suppose someone's had the talk with you?"
Harry made large eyes. "I know enough," he hurried to say, "no need to tell me anything. I get what you were saying. Gametes." He nodded vigorously.
Loki snickered lightly at his reaction. It was so typical of a teenager. "No need to be so worried about it," he assured with a smile. "I won't torture you needlessly. I was young once too and highly uncomfortable when my parents, that is the parents I share with Petunia, sat down to tell me all about the birds and bees."
Thor all the wile looked confused. Loki knew that it was because he wasn't familiar with the way people on Midgard talked about this topic, what with the talk and even the birds and bees analogy. If he had known what they were actually saying Loki figured that he would have had a different colour on his face, before shrugging it off and beginning to ask Harry about any girls he might have on his list of conquests. It was just as well that he didn't understand. This wasn't the time for that sort of talk.
"When James and I realized that we would not be able to have a child, it was a hard blow for us. We wanted to start a family together. I am sure you know what pureblood wizards are like, James was not as bad as most of them, but he still wanted to continue his line. He wouldn't give up on me even though I wouldn't be able to give him a child though. This made me feel guilty and I contemplating leaving him so that he could find happiness with another woman. After a few months of walking on glass around each other I'd had enough. I told him that I needed time alone to think, to come to a decision. Even if we loved each other a lot, we might not be able to make each other happy and I had to decide what the best was for both of us."
Harry nodded for her to continue, while Thor was looking uncomfortable and excited at the same time, knowing what was coming up in the story.
"I travelled. I ended up in a bar the first night, trying to find some consolation in alcohol." He gave his son a sheepish smile. "Drinking is never a solution, but as far as I knew I had never tried it and I thought I might as well give it a shot." He smiled again at his own pun, seeing Harry give in and return it, making his own smile grow in intensity, before he turned serious again.
"I met a man that night. Though I had never seen him before I felt as if I knew him. I know why I felt that way now. We spent the night together. I left in the early morning, consumed by guilt."
The look Harry was giving him now was not a kind one.
"I understand if you resent me for what I did, Harry. Yet I cannot regret it since you would not be here if I hadn't misstepped the way I did. You see, the spell only accounts for human partners. James Potter is not your father. The man I met that night is."
"What! No. No, no, no. This is a joke, a very bad joke. Everyone keeps telling me how much I look like him!" Harry exploded.
"And you do!" Loki hurried to say, calming him before the eruption could turn for the worse. "But it the way you look isn't the truth. It's magic making it so."
"Magic? What do I look like then?"
"I don't know, but we can find out. You shouldn't look like James as it is. The spell I placed on you when you were newborn should have dissolved long ago. Something more has happened, and I think that it is very important to find out what that something is."
"Yes, it sounds bloody important!" Harry had risen to his feet and was waving his arms around. The anger was the dominant emotion on his face again. "But more importantly; if James Potter isn't my dad, who the hell is? Some stranger in a bar, who concluding from what you've told me isn't human!"
"Ehum," Thor cleared his throat, drawing Harry's attention, and Loki knew that there would be no helping it this time. He had been leading up to the revelation; he might as well let the idiot be the one to say it.
"What?" Harry snapped, when Thor wasn't immediately forthcoming with what he wanted to say.
"What are you hesitating for now? You were eager enough to say it moments ago," Loki sneered.
"So I can say it?"
"Can you say what?" Harry pressed and in that moment he looked a lot like Loki, it was certainly helped by the fact that they both had dark hair and green eyes, other than that they weren't very similar in appearance as Harry seemed to completely favour the man he had believed to be his father.
"Harry," Thor said, tone very serious and calm, "it is I, who am your father."
End Chapter 4
AN 23rd June 2014:
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you have any thoughts or comments, please let me know!
