I.
"Cou-de-pied, sur le… I said, cou-de-pied, sur le!"
"I-I don't know what th-that means!" Tsuna was currently in the – relatively – safety of his bedroom practicing ballet with his Coach, Zero.
"Oh right… my bad, Kid. I keep on forgetting that you can't read minds like I can. A cou-de-pied, sur le is a ballet pose in which your right foot is placed against your left leg right above your ankle and below your calf."
"L-Like this…?" Tsuna placed a hand against his bedroom wall and lifted his right foot to his left leg – his body wobbling a bit as he did so.
"Hmm… Hmmm… Hmmmmmm… you know what? This is a fucking inefficient way for me to teach you. I mean, I can only see what you see and if we continue like this you're bound to fall down or trip over something just to let me see what you're doing."
"Th-Then what should w-we do?"
"Hold on, lemme think for a moment… oh, and you can put your foot down now, Kid, I couldn't see everything, but I'm pretty sure you held the cou-de-pied, sur le correctly."
Tsuna did as he was told before wandering towards his bed and taking a seat on it.
"… S-So… can you only s-see what I-I see, Zero…" he asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Hm? Yeah, apparently so. I mean, if you were to look straight ahead, I'd only be able to see what you're able to see. So I have like, a 180 degree field of vision I'd guess and while I can't 'see' what's behind you, for example, I can still hear everything going on."
"S-So that's h-how you were able t-to an-answer all of the t-teacher's questions th-that one time!"
"Yep. It seems like even when you're not paying attention, I can still listen and see everything that's happening to you. Which is pretty fucking cool, if you ask me! I mean, you could fucking daydream all you want in class and you'd still be able to correctly answer any question that fuck-head asks you!"
"Wh-What happens when I'm sl-sleeping then?"
"Huh? What do you mean, Kid?"
"I-I mean… how a-are you a-able to 'see' and 'h-hear' things if I-I'm a-asleep?"
"… That's a good question, Kid, and to be honest, I don't really have an answer for that…" Zero falls silent for a moment before continuing, "I think that when you fall asleep or something like that, that I just… exist. I'm just there in your head, you know? I know I can still 'hear' things when you're asleep – like that one time the neighbor's dog would not fucking stop barking a few weeks ago!"
"Th-That happened?"
"Yeah, you were dead to the world, Kid, so I'm not surprised that you didn't wake up from all the yapping and howling that fucking beast was doing. But, anyway, I know for a fact that I can still 'hear' things like that… Which brings up the question: Am I using your body even when you're not using it? … Wow… that sounded really dirty."
"What?"
"Never mind, Kid, I'll tell you when you get older." Tsuna got the impression that had Zero had an actual body, he'd have waved a dismissive hand. "… Agh! This is so fucking stupid and confusing and lame! Maybe I'm not using your eyes and ears to 'hear' and 'see' after all, but, if that's the case, than how am I able to do so in the first place?! In order for me to be able to 'see' and 'hear', I'd have to have my own set of eyes and ears – which I know I fucking don't cause I'm just an incorporeal voice in the back of your head, Kid – and I kinda, maybe, know that I don't have to use yours twenty-four hours a day because I can still 'hear' things even when you're not awake, but it's not like I have control over your body in the first place so how the fucking hell am I able to 'see' and 'hear' all these things then?! Is your body in a state of constant awareness?! Or does your body never truly 'rest'?! If that's the case then aren't I fucking toxic for you?! 'Cause a child's body needs a shit ton of rest and relaxation to properly grow and if you aren't getting enough rest then you won't grow up to be strong and healthy! Which would be fucking bad for us both! Or perhaps this is all some kind of trippy hallucination that's fucking with your brain or something?! … Do I even exist, in that case?! And for that matter am I-… Oh my fucking god… I'm having an existential crisis..."
"A-A what?"
"… It's when you begin to question whether or not anything is real or whether or not anything matters."
"… You are real, Zero."
"… Thanks for saying that, Kid, but really there's no proof that I do or do not 'exist'. Remember what I told you? The very first time I 'spoke' to you?"
"Y-You said that y-you could be a fig-figment of my i-imagination or s-some kind or gh-ghost or s-something…"
"Yeah… perhaps you really did crack from all the bullying and belittlement you've endured and made me as some kind of coping mechanism."
"I… I don't th-think so…," Tsuna began in a thoughtful tone, "I m-mean, h-how would my g-grades ha-have gotten be-better i-if you weren't r-real…? I kn-know I don't know a-all the an-answers on my school and homework l-like you do, Zero."
"Hm… that's a valid point…"
"B-Besides… w-weren't you the one who t-told me, 'we'll cross that bridge when we get to it'? W-We both don't know if y-you're real or n-not and th-there could be a chance th-that I really am going c-crazy… but, f-for now… we're both here and that's all that should matter… right?"
"… Tsuna… when the fuck did you get all smart and philosophical, huh?"
Tsuna let out a soft laugh and scratched his cheek sheepishly. "I g-guess all of our s-studying and t-training is w-working, h-huh?"
"… You're damned right it is! Was there really any doubt that I wouldn't be able to make you smarter? Really, you ought to be used to my amazing wealth of knowledge and skills by now, Kid!" Tsuna let out another laugh in response. "… But… thanks, Kid. Looks like I'm not the only one who needs some reassurance every now and then, right?"
"Y-You're my friend, Zero and friends always help each other out!"
"Heh… making friends with a voice inside your head, Kid? Not exactly the smartest thing to do, you know."
"Th-Then it's a good thing y-you're here to make me smarter…!"
"Ha! I really am rubbing off you, Kid! Your first snarky comeback… I'm so proud! But, you're right. Right now it doesn't fucking matter how I 'see' or 'hear', just that I'm here to turn you into a fucking BAMF! Now… enough small talk, let's get back to learning some kickass ballet!"
"R-Right!"
II.
After a few more months of Super-Secret-Hidden-Private-Gonna-Turn-You-Into-A-BAMF-Ballet-Training – as Zero aptly named it – Tsuna is convinced to perform at his school's talent show near the end of his second year of elementary school.
The brunet – much to everyone's surprise, including himself – comes in third-place and wins a medal and gift card to a local restaurant.
His mother is shocked, but delighted at her son's – first – major accomplishment. Tsuna, himself, is surprised, but pleased that all his hard work has paid off – plus, Kyoko even spoke to him afterwards and even congratulated him! Zero… is fucking Zero about it all.
"What the ever flying fuck?! Those judges are rigged I tell ya! Rigged! Biased! Corrupted! I demand a recount! That piece I taught you was worth at least the gold! Platinum if they had it!"
'I-It's o-okay, Zero! I'm happy with third pl-place.'
"… Third place is just second loser, Kid! You should have – at least – gotten second! How the fuck did you lose to a kid who cut up a fucking turnip?!"
'W-Well… he did c-carve a pretty fl-flower out of it…'
"… Well, yeah, but still! … Alright, then, next year we'll fucking drench you in flowers and other floral shit that way you can take home the gold! That'll show those judges! And that kid!"
'Zero… are you jealous?'
"WH-WHAT?! No! I-I'm not fucking 'jealous'! I'm just a sore fucking loser, okay?!"
'W-Well… at least y-you aren't afraid t-to admit it…'
"Next year you'll perform the Waltz of Flowers from the Nutcracker! If it's flowers they want then it's flowers they'll fucking get!"
III.
The good thing about Tsuna placing third at the Namimori Elementary School's Annual Talent Show, was that he got a large boost to his self-confidence.
The bad thing was that it had reintroduced the brunet to the world of bullying.
"Hey, we saw you dance at the talent show, Girly-Tsuna!"
"Yeah! What's up with you? Don't you know only girls dance?!"
"You were so lame!"
The good thing about learning ballet was that Tsuna was now a lot faster and nimble than he was before, which allowed him to easily out-run his would-be attackers.
The bad thing about learning ballet was that it was a dance – which was not an ideal form of self-defense.
"All-fucking-right, Kid! Along with ballet, I'm going to teach you fucking martial arts too! That way you can punch those fucking bastards in their fucking faces instead of running away!"
