Torn – Chapter 4

A/N: Chapter inspired by "Titanium" by David Guetta featuring Sia. (Which is really close to "Siha." Ha.) Lyrics are quoted within the chapter.

Alexis went straight to her private quarters after getting picked up from Horizon's surface. She said nothing, nor made eye contact with anyone, and those around her knew better than to ask for her attention when her posture was stiff, determined, and her eyes flat.

She peeled off the disgusting Cerberus armor, which she now had even more disdain for, and threw it into her locker in her bedroom. Before slamming the door shut she grabbed her boxing gauze and tape and began the ritualistic process of wrapping her hands. First the gauze, twisting and turning it around her hands and knuckles, tearing it off with her teeth when it was complete. She tossed the remainder of the roll onto the white bed and repeated the process with the tape. Shepard loved the feeling of her hands wrapped; it meant it was therapy time.

Alexis headed to her computer to start up her music. She wore only the black racer back tank and under shorts that she kept on beneath her armor. As she approached the desk, Shepard passed the hanging bag and gently caressed it once before leaning over her desk chair and queuing up her music.

Her attention turned back to the object which would provide her release, the bag frozen as it hung from its stand. Soon, it would be in motion. Alexis danced around the column and put her hands up to protect her face. She began with a simple punch, her pace slow at first, though quickly accelerating. Almost in time with the music, her body moved and abused the punching bag with a seamless series of seemingly choreographed jabs, crosses, hooks, and kicks. Her knuckles grew sore from the intense contact even though they were properly bound.

Fortissimo music filled her cabin, so loud that it could be easily heard in the elevator and perhaps even on the deck below. Alexis sang at the top of her lungs as she continued her routine.

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium

Unexpectedly, the music stopped, and Alexis cursed as the silence broke her concentration. Her ears picked up another sound in the music's absence – EDI must have overridden the speakers in her cabin. "Commander Shepard, Garrus has been requesting permission to enter your quarters for a considerable amount of time now."

Alexis didn't hide the annoyance in her voice when she responded to the AI. "Did you turn off my music, EDI?"

"I thought you would want to know a member of the crew wished to speak with you." EDI responded as diplomatically as possible.

"Well, you were wrong," Alexis grumbled. She had kept the music has loud as she did so that if anyone knocked or requested her attention she wouldn't hear, and they would get the point and leave. However, now that her routine was already broken she decided to go ahead and speak with her turian friend. "Fine, let Garrus in." The door slid open, and as Garrus made his approach Alexis said one more thing to the AI. "Oh, and EDI – next time the music is that loud, don't interrupt me."

As EDI acknowledged the order from Shepard, Garrus' two-toned voice filled the room. "You're bleeding."

Alexis looked down to find red liquid seeping out from her boxing tape, holes worn atop some of her knuckles. "Shit," she muttered as she walked over to bathroom. Garrus made himself comfortable on the couch while Shepard cleaned and patched herself up.

"So," the turian's voice boomed again, "do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you think?" Alexis half-yelled from the bathroom.

"You didn't hear everything Kaidan said, did you?" Garrus' question was more an announcement than an inquiry.

Alexis poked her head out, now more interested in why her friend wanted to chat. "No," she admitted as she approached the living area of her quarters.

Garrus let out a chortle. "See, I know you. I knew you had already drifted into self-destruct mode."

"Congratulations," Alexis plopped herself down on the perpendicular part of the L shaped sofa. "Did you expect a prize?" She sarcastically quipped.

The turian pulled out his cheesiest tone in his vocal arsenal. "The prize is being one of the few people who truly knows Commander Shepard."

Alexis rolled her eyes and tossed a pillow at him, mocking annoyance. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

There was a slight pause as Garrus chuckled and felt the soft impact of the pillow on his face. In that time, Alexis had moved her gaze to her injured knuckles. Garrus could tell she wasn't going to say anything more without prompting, so he spoke up again. "Don't you want to know?"

Alexis swallowed as she met Garrus' sapphire stare with her own. "Of course I do."

Garrus mandibles flapped nervously before speaking. "He said he wasn't sure if he could believe it was really you."

Alexis' intense eyes began to water. She refused to blink, not allowing the would-be tears to leave her eyes.

"I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen," Garrus continued in Shepard's silence.

"Explain what?" she asked sharply.

"Why I know it's you," the turian's mandibles twitched.

Alexis stood and stared him down. "I can understand his doubts. I have them myself," she paced a few steps, stopped and turned her back to Garrus before asking her next question. "Why don't you?" Shepard gazed out the window into the black abyss as she waited for his answer.

"Because I know how Cerberus ended up with your body," Garrus offered.

Alexis whipped around, her hair flying like tiny blades following her movement. " What?!"

Garrus gulped. "Liara gave it to them. She told Tali and me after the fact…" his voice trailed off.

Now tears, full of anger and sadness, flowed freely from Alexis' eyes; they had welled over to the point where she could no longer hold them back. "But not Kaidan? Why the fuck not?"

Garrus maintained his composure as his friend's crumbled. "You'll have to ask Liara that one. She insisted she had good reasons, and made Tali and me promise not to say anything."

"Goddammit, Vakarian!" Shepard slammed her fists into the punching bag, reopening the wounds she had just patched up.

"Shepard, I'm sorry," Garrus apologized with utmost sincerity.

Alexis shook her hand and turned to Garrus, offering an unexpected kind response. "I appreciate you telling me the truth and the apology…but I can't accept it right now."

Garrus slightly smiled; he knew this was the best possible outcome he could have had from this conversation. "I understand. Take your time, Shepard," he said as he stood, his tall form towering over Alexis' short one.

"Time and a chat with Liara," she grumbled as Garrus exited her quarters.