Chapter 4. I'm on a roll! Seras because you're going to be here in this first part mind giving a disclaimer?

Seras: Sure. Hono'o does not own any of us Hellsing characters.

Before reading!

Readers keep this definition in mind!

Flame Retardant: The act of not realizing you've just been lit on fire!

Remember that.


"nnnng" I could hear Seras waking up.

" 'ello!" I feigned a German accent as the coffin lid opened. Seras gave me a blank stare.

"I must say you are a heavy sleeper nein?" I laughed.

Seras's eyes widened.

"I've been down here for zree hours vaiting for you to vake up. It ist midnight." I smiled sitting cross-legged on her floor, it was true I got bored and decided to wait for Seras to wake up. In the meantime I had been practicing a fake German accent.

"Y-you're the girl from earlier aren't you?"

"Ja!"

"eeeehhhhh… You aren't a werewolf are you."

"If I had verevolf ears und short blonde hair maybe." I grinned. She seemed to recognize the description I gave, and had an if-you're-a-werewolf-prepare-to-eat-silver face.

"Nein nein! I'm just kidding Seras." I smiled dropping the accent. I lifted up my hand still garbed in the glove I was given earlier. "Hellsing see?" I stretched and stood up. "Sorry about ditching you so soon after waking up, but insomnia or no I'm tired and going to bed."

"Ditching?" She asked confused.

"I'm leaving, as in I'm going else where and leaving you here…not taking you with me…ditching." I didn't think I had made anything any clearer but that was the best I could explain myself. I walked out of the door and straight into Alucard.

"So there's where you ran off to." He grinned. "I thought little humans went to sleep a lot earlier than this." He said light bouncing off his sunglasses though there was hardly any light to be seen.

"It's called Insomnia Alucard…In-soh-m-knee-ah." I crossed my arms. He grinned, me and my big mouth.

"Do you need help sleeping?" He asked that evil grin crossing his face.

"Ah, no, in fact I was just heading off to bed." I said turning away from the nosferatu and booking it up the stairs. I had been smart this time and tied a little bit of green ribbon on my door…don't ask, it was in my suit case. I walked up to the floor my room was on.

"Augh! He just has to get on my nerves doesn't he?" All the doors on the floor had a green ribbon now tied to them.


THE NEXT DAY

"Okay teddy bear army." I said marching around in front of the little horde of stuffed animals as if I was a captain instructing my army. "You have a very important task today. Protect the base and keep me updated on anything suspicious." I leaned down and poked the special bear wearing a green coat…the only one wearing a green coat. "Second in command bear you are in charge while I am gone." My stomach grumbled. "I'm off to lunch!" I said running out of the room and making sure my black bears where guarding the entrance. Amazing what you can find laying around ne?

After lunch I walked back to my room, successfully finding it this time…no tricks…I was starting to wonder where my antagonizer was. I walked into my room and started praising my bears on a job well done.

"Men…erm…Bears! You have done a brilliant job at protecting the base. I commend you all!" The bears stood silent. "At ease!" I said placing my hands behind my back. I heard the door open behind me.

"Intruders! Why didn't my guards warn me?!" I exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at the doorway."

"Guards? Those stuffed rags in the hallway?"

I sighed, think of the devil and he appears.

"The devil eh?" He laughed. "And what does that make you?"

"I don't know a demon? Shut up." I turned back towards my bear army. "Now is the moment we've been anticipating! Atta-" I wasn't able to finish my sentence because I was hastily picked up off the ground. "Bear army! Protect your master!!" I exclaimed flailing my arms and kicking backwards at my captor. The bears stood silent. I looked at the green clad one. "You are so fired." I said glaring at the bear and letting my arms and legs fall limp.

Next thing I knew I was pinned under the vampire. He sat on me holding my arms at my sides. "Okay Alucard, you win, you caught me and my bear army. A free blood bag for you!" My tone then changed to that of a certain annoyed irken. "Now get off of me." I glared. He just sat there and grinned. "Alucard. You're sitting on my organs get off!" I tried moving my arms, no use…I could always kick him. I grinned.

"I wouldn't do that if I where you. I'm only here because my master has a proposition."

Ah yes Integra. My Ace. "I don't think Sir Hellsing will be happy with you sitting on me!" He stared back at me with bored eyes. "Fine fine. On with the proposition, just get off of me!"

"Are you a virgin?"

"That's off the subject Alucard…and Must I say it again? GET OFF!"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes. Now. Get. Off. Me. Now."

Alucard grinned. I was losing my patients. "Hey Alucard. Are you flame retardant?"

He gave me a confused look.

"I think you are." I grinned evilly. He looked to his side and caught sight of the flame now traveling up his coat.

ELSEWHERE

Walter looked into the supply closet. "Hmm, looks like Sir Integra needed a new lighter." he said dismissing the absence of the object…if only he knew.

BACK WITH ALUCARD AND BLAZE

Alucard extinguished the flames not even leaving his position on top of me. He pulled the lighter out of my hands.

"Hey, I told you to get off of me didn't I?" I asked innocently. He suddenly swung his leg around getting off of me and lifted me up by one arm. He sat on the bed and held me like you would a child.

"Um…Alucard. Hate to break it to ya, but this isn't much better." I said trying to scramble out of his grasp. He leaned down his fangs brushing against my neck. "Man! You just lost a free blood bag!" I said.

"That's fine, I don't need one." I could tell he was smirking, and then he bit.

As the blood drained away I could feel my heart beat slower. It screamed hunger for the blood it was rapidly losing. Eventually it was just beating air…and then it stopped. Then something else happened…It felt like blood was returning to my veins, but my heart wasn't beating anymore. I was undead. I looked up at Alucard clenching my hand into a limp fist, it felt like all my limbs were asleep, the kind of asleep where you hardly have any feeling at all. I grinned. "Alucard." I said a little sing songy "Integra's gonna have your head!" I grinned.

He stood up. "It was her idea. I'll let you talk to her." He said carrying me out of the room. "Egotistical Jerk." I growled. After what seemed like forever we where in Integra's office.

"That was quick." Integra said sipping her tea. "I thought she would put up a fight." She said not even looking up from her paper work. Alucard pulled the lighter I had had earlier out of his pocket and placed it on the table. "The whole thing wasn't uneventful." He said. He was only holding me in one arm…I really did feel short now.

"Hey! Put me down!" I told the vampire. He complied this time and set me on my feet. The feeling still hadn't fully come back…vampire blood was slow acting…I collapsed. "Okay! Okay! Pick me back up! I give!" I said sort of desperately from my position. He did. I could tell he was amused.

"Can I have some answers now?" I asked Integra.

She looked up. "Why of course."

"Why'd you send Alucard to turn me? I wasn't injured…I don't think…aside from the fact my heart's not beating…now." I said sounding a bit confused myself. I think I had a point somewhere in there.

"Well, a child really isn't of any use to us…a human child anyway." She said pulling out a cigar.

"Why me? You have Seras! The Wild Geese! Walter! I thought that was plenty!"

"You are resourceful." Alucard grinned. Oh how I wanted to smack that grin off his face. "And besides." He continued. "Unlike police girl I know you'll drink. We already know you won't refuse hunger." He said very seriously.

"As for our staff." Integra cut in. "It's always better to have a few extra undead so that we won't lose more innocent human lives."

"Okay. Well what about…Augh…so much blood loss…narcolepsy…zzzzzzzzz."


"Ha ha ha ha hah! So Hellsing has a new wampire vith them. Wery interesting. Wunderbar! Eh Captain?"


So how was that? Not to bad I hope. Thanks for reading as always!

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