III
Gabriel watches from his office window with the drapes slightly parted as Michael comes back the same way she had left with Ash. If she was here for what he thought he was getting more than he bargained for. He hadn't expected her to come at all. Philippa's phone call had been manic and short. He had been counseling her via Skype for a few months before her death.
Philippa had been feeling extremely depressed, she had begun menopause early, her body was changing, her outlook on life had altered and she felt she had no purpose. He had been there for her during this new stage of her life. She had mentioned her affair in the past but it had been brief, it was her greatest shame. And inherently the name of a young girl she knew came up often.
Many times during their talks it was "Michael this" and "Michael that". Gabriel found it somewhat insufferable, he didn't particularly care for children. He recognized that some were born with gifts that appeared early in their life. But this child sounded more and more like a contradiction each time Philippa mentioned her.
The girl was studious but often off in her own little world. She was highly observant and sharp but lacked social skills and was often overly emotional due to her empathetic nature until one day the girl seemed to turn off all emotion altogether. The girl was excellent at spotting a liar but failed to achieve in mastering the art of deception herself.
Gabriel had never thought he would actually meet Michael Burnham, until she showed up at the institute yesterday and, quite frankly, nearly knocked him on his ass. Upon meeting her, he finally understood what Philippa had been trying to tell him. And he discovered more as well. Michael wasn't the only one who was capable of reading people.
To put it bluntly Gabriel did see a young woman brimming with intelligence, but her lack of social manners and basic cues left her appearing almost dim witted. And since she was from Vulcan that just entered a whole new set of issues into the equation. The community was very strict with rules and regulations and protocols. They weren't a cult, they weren't a commune, they were simply a group uptight, intellectual yuppies who rarely ventured out beyond their own borders.
Does sound like a commune actually, he thinks to himself.
Gabriel also saw Michael as someone who was, more than likely, extremely repressed. She didn't like to be touched, yet when he grasped her elbow without her consent without shadowing her every move, she didn't protest. Another contradiction. She hadn't shaken his hand upon their first meeting, but she did with Ash.
There was much to ponder. Gabriel had made up his mind, he wasn't going to tell her what he and Philippa had talked about however brief it had been, not yet at least. Quite frankly it wasn't any of Michael's business. And besides... it might do more harm than good. She had a personal interest in the late woman's final moments of life... it spelled GUILT out to him clearly.
But he did see a potential in her. He needed to understand her mind better, herself. Did she even know herself? At twenty one years old, she didn't seem to even feel comfortable in her own skin. In fact she seemed to try and hide every inch of herself behind a veneer of rude and abrupt behavior.
That was a good way to keep people at a distance, but a terrible way to ever learn if you could actually interact with other human beings.
Watching her disappear from out of sight, he did hope she would come to see him tonight. He wasn't the type of doctor to help anyone pro bono, but Michael had known Philippa; his former colleague had taken a personal interest in the girl a long time ago. He would honor her as best he could. Perhaps he could even help Michael discover herself.
Washing his hands he avoids his reflection, knowing what he'll see.
Don't act so holier than thou, Gabe, the voice whispers to him. Why are you ignoring me?
He bites the inside of his cheek, opening a drawer he removes a small pill bottle, popping two.
Drugs won't get rid of me, you know that, the voice reminds him, bored. Gabriel doesn't respond, he lets the pills do their work.
I could get her to talk. You know I could. Just like Eva...
"Shut up." He snaps, looking at the mirror finally, chilled at what he sees behind him. But it's not really there, it wasn't real. A byproduct of his past, a syndrome, a parasite of the mind.
But she's not Eva, it whispers, coming closer to stand behind him. You like this one. You don't simply want to conquer her, you want more...
"Go away." He orders and the voice chuckles.
Go away? Remember, Gabe? I'm not really here.
