A/N: Ya. If you haven't read the first chapter I suggest you do so now. Thanks to MegFallow for the plot. This is the continuation of Day 1.
Disclaimer: I disclaim Hellsing.
Chapter 3:
The helicopter began its slow descent over a clearing in the middle of the forest.
"Is this it?" asked Seras her nose wrinkled disdainfully.
The pilot once again looked at her strangely. "..No…" Alucard smacked his head against the window.
"Um…ya...I just had a 'moment'. Sorry about that," replied Seras hastily, eyeing Alucard's evil expression with fear and concern. That could not be good for his arteries.
I heard that, he growled his expression now quite alarming.
Uh...hehe. She shied away from him when he snarled. "Woah, Bessie."
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!"
"OH MY GOD!!! PMS!!!! PPPPPMMMMMMMSSSSSSS!" For quite some time the helicopter was shaking to hard to land and there were various whimpers coming from Alucard (Seras). Once, the fight had finished and all various body parts had been regenerated (A/N: wince Ohhh, can you imagine what he injured?), the chopper finally landed and Alucard and Seras proceeded in leaving it.
"I'll pick you up at 4:38 tomorrow morning," the pilot called out. (A/N: I felt like it, gosh!)
"Thank you!" called Alucard merrily his eyes twinkling (A/N: Omg. Mood swings.) and Seras did nothing but limp and moan. Alucard eyed her with contempt. "You coming?"
"Ya," panted Seras her voice oddly high-pitched. The two then marched (and limped) into the surrounding trees. After about five minutes of marching (and limping) various sounds of raging battles and gossip approached their ears. They broke through the last remaining trees and saw an amazing sight. In the middle of the forest there was a huge field, the size of three foot ball fields in each direction. Half the field was covered in tents for the vampires to…"sleep" in, the other half was a writhing mass of bodies as the various battles ranged about. Seras stared in wonder at all this. There were many vampires, around three hundred of them.
"A few," Seras croaked, "You said there would only be a FEW vampires here!" she stated her voice growing louder with each word and her eyes flashing as she whirled to face Alucard.
"What do you consider a few?" asked Alucard with sincere confusion in his voice.
"Like fifty or something."
Alucard laughed loudly. "Fifty! Are you kidding me? We have to find mates, not play-dates."
Seras growled softly and turned back to the field. "Well, I guess there's no use standing here. Where do we hang out?"
"There is no we. I have to stay with the females," he shuddered slightly and looked disgusted, "and you have to stay with the males."
"But," Seras began.
"Look, you don't have to do anything or talk to anyone. Believe it or not, I have a reputation for being 'bad-ass'."
"I'll believe it. But what'll you do?"
Alucard looked as though his death was approaching rapidly. "Gossip," he whispered through trembling lips. Seras looked concerned for his mental health.
"Um…well, good luck with that. It really isn't so bad."
"For you maybe!" he snapped, "But, now I have to drone on and on about how 'Oh, Melvin has been working out.' and 'Look at the Pete. Mmm.'" he said this all with a mocking air about him.
Seras looked affronted, "That is not what girls talk about!"
"…."
"It's not! We talk about other things like……," she thought for a moment or two, "Ok, you're right. Just don't go overboard with the mmmm-ing"
"Fine," he hissed and stalked off towards the female vampires.
Seras shook her head. "After tonight, I will never be able to show my face in public again. I mean come on 'Look at that Pete. Mmm.'. Who says that I ask you?" she mumbled to herself as she walked through the crowds of battling men. She was happy to see that she was given a wide berth by all her fellow vampires and several gave her scared glances. I wonder what he did that made everyone so afraid of him, she thought curiously eyeing what looked suspiciously like a hot dog vendor fighting with a dentist. Probably gave someone a can of whoop-ass or something, she decided after the two did in fact prove to be a hot dog vendor and dentist. She walked briskly and soon reached the exact middle of the field. Now what? She glanced around anxiously as though hoping to read a sign post that said 'Alucard get over here now' but she had no such luck. She stared around for a bit, and then shrugged and plopped down on the floor her legs folded. Oh ya, can't get much better then this. Then, oddly enough, she drifted off to sleep.
Meanwhile, Alucard was in the midst of the females, many of whom smelled strongly of a wine/blood mix called blone (A/N: Clever huh?). Alucard had never much like blone and now he found it all around himself. I hate life, he thought sadistically. Once he reached the center of the talking females he found himself being shoved down.
"Hi!" one annoyingly plastic looking blonde squealed, "My names Marissa! What's yours?"
Alucard almost said just that (A/N: Alucard if you didn't get that.) but caught himself just in time. "Al-Seras," he murmured.
"What kind of name is that?" broke in a red-head, "My name's Becky by the way. Who on earth decided to name you Alseras?"
"Uh…" stuttered Alucard his brain telling him to decapitate and laugh.
"Whatever," exclaimed Marissa, giving him a giant hug, "She's with us now!"
Kill me now, thought Alucard desperately staring at a sharp looking tent pole with a longing expression.
"So, Alseras, you ever been here before?" asked Becky a bright (not in intelligence) smile on her face.
"Uh…no," he answered (A/N: Well he's not lying, in Seras' body he hasn't).
"Oh yay! A newbie!!! We'll show you the ropes won't we Becky?" squealed Marissa happily.
Alucard stared at them dumbly. There was no way anyone could be this….stupid.
"Ok, so obviously you now why you're here," giggled Becky, "What you do is show off. You make sure guys see you and think you're hot, and then you sit back and enjoy the show. You see those two there?" she asked pointing out the hot dog vendor and dentist Seras had noticed earlier.
"Uh…ya."
"Those are my guys!" she grinned joyfully, her face resembling a VERY shiny balloon.
"…yay?"
"I know! She's soooo lucky!" Marissa threw a jealous look at Becky, "But, then, you don't seem to be doing so bad either…" she smiled waggling her eyebrows.
"Whadda mean?" asked Alucard, his senses on high alert; something was going on here….
"Well, we saw you with that Alucard guy."
"…………….."
Becky grinned and nudged Marissa. "I told you! So," she urged, "Does he have a nice attitude to match that body?" she gave a high-pitched giggle. Alucard nearly killed himself right there.
"Um…ya. Totally," he affirmed after a while, "I guess so."
"He is so dreamy," Marissa sighed staring about the field as though hoping to find him (though she was talking to him).
Alucard choked. "What?"
"Alucard is sexy," Marissa said slowly giving Alucard a look as though he were crazy, "You see that tree?" she asked, gesturing to a large oak near the females' campsite.
"Yes…..." Alucard answered just as slowly knowing full well what was coming next.
"He always stands over there, leaning against that tree. It's sooo hot. Whenever someone walks by him he gives them the creepiest smile. It's still sexy, though."
By this point, Alucard had trouble not fainting. So, this is what the girls talked about. It was even worse then he had imagined. He tried to say something but all that emitted was a faint gurgling sound.
"I wonder where he is," puzzled Becky, "I don't see him anywhere. Did he tell you where he was going?" she asked turning back to him.
He shook his head mutely trying his very hardest not to crack, kill everyone, the fall down in a dead faint. Come to think of it though, he didn't know where Seras had run off to. Maybe he should contact her just in case. There were a lot of fights going on and he didn't want her to get hurt. Of course, she could never know that he even cared, but she was his fledgling and it was his job to keep her safe. He reached out his mind and searched, but found no one. He was confused, but figured he must have done something wrong and tried again. It was the same result.
"Honey?" said Marissa's voice, bringing him back to their conversation.
"Sorry, what?"
"Well, Becky was just saying how she once got smiled at by Alucard and you just dozed off and then Dianna came back with some more blone," she commentated gesturing to a new girl, a brunette, who had suddenly appeared carrying a tray.
Alucard took all this in, eyeing the tray with disgust. Dianna misread the expression. "Would you like some?" she asked holding the tray out to him.
"No thanks," he responded quickly revulsion apparent all over him.
"Omigawd!" cried Becky suddenly and the other three turned to face her quickly.
"What?" questioned Marissa.
"I SEE HIM!" Marissa and Dianna joined in with Becky's excited screams and they looked around frantically exclaiming "Where? Where?". After quite a commotion, the girls caught sight of him and watched him walk towards the oak. Hmmm…she's good, Alucard thought to himself allowing a small smile to grace his lips.
Read my mind, did you? He asked her telepathically.
Her grin was apparent to all the females surrounding him, who almost fainted with joy. Ya. You just had a picture of yourself leaning against that tree so I figured what the heck? Why not?
Excellent. Where were you?
Her smile disappeared causing all the girls to exchange sad glances. I….was busy.
Alucard, or Alseras as he was known to his new "friends", eyes narrowed slightly. Busy doing what? He asked dangerously.
Um…well…I…, she stammered, I was…, she hung her head, sleeping.
Alucard nearly laughed. He contained himself just in time. Where were you sleeping?
Seras' blush could be seen from fifty feet away. In the middle of the field.
This time Alucard couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. The other three girls looked at him with surprised expressions.
"How is that funny?" asked Marissa staring at him with slight disdain.
"Hmm…What was that?" he asked looking up from the ground, the laughter not quite dead in his eyes.
"How is Alucard acting different funny?"
"Oh, that's not what I was laughing at. I didn't even hear that. I was thinking about something else that's all." The other girls stared at him, apparently at a loss for words. "Sorry?" he added after the silence had stretched on awkwardly enough.
"Ya…."
"Um…I have to go," Alucard lied suddenly, "Bye, ladies."
"Where are you going?"
Alucard just smiled, then turned and began to walk towards the oak tree where Seras stood. Dianna, Becky, and Marissa stared after him openmouthed.
"She's gonna get him…," murmured Dianna in awe after a while. The other two just nodded.
Once Alucard reached the tree, he leaned up against it in the classic "I'm cool and you know it" pose. "So, want to tell me why you were snoozing in the middle of the battlefield?" he questioned once he got comfortable.
"Well, I didn't mean to." Alucard snorted, which was actually a suppressed laugh but Seras mistook it for a sign of anger. "I'm sorry. Really. I don't know what came over me."
"Whatever. Did you know that you have a fan club?" he chided.
"Excuse me?"
Alucard grinned deviously. "Actually I have a fan club. They all think I'm hot," he said gesturing to the crowd of girls that were staring with longing expressions at Seras.
"The worst thing that could have happened to you," Seras moaned shaking her head, "They inflated your already over large ego."
Alucard smiled. "It has every right to be large; after all I'm dangerous AND sexy!" He laughed manically and Seras shook her head.
"What time is it?" she asked suddenly.
Alucard glanced at his wrist (A/N: There was a watch there, he can't just tell the time by staring at his arm.). "10:30," he replied looking surprised, "Wow, the time's going pretty fast."
"Not fast enough," groaned Seras.
"And why is that?" inquired Alucard.
"Because I have to deal with your 'fan club' and I have to deal with your ego."
Alucard threw back his head and had a hearty chuckle. "You have to deal with more then that!"
"Huh?" Alucard pointed to a burly vampire that looked as if he could easily be a sumo wrestler. "What about him?"
"He's gonna fight you," observed Alucard, "Cuz he THINKS I'M SEXY!!!!" and with that he ran off into the crowd of girls laughing hysterically.
Seras gulped loudly, she may be taller then this man, but he sure was wider. He looked as though if he decided to charge she would be squashed flat.
"That your girl?" grunted the man when he reached grunting distance.
"Uh…."
"I want her."
Seras started smiling evilly. "Go ahead."
The man stared dumbly. "But, we're supposed to fight for her…"
"Well, never mind then," said Seras suddenly, it finally occurring to her that that was HER body.
"Uh…" The man wasn't to smart, but then being really fat doesn't take much intelligence.
Seras deftly flipped him off and wished for her guns. The man opened his mouth to protest angrily to this, but Seras had already turned and disappeared into the center of the girls.
This is the stupidest thing I have ever done, she thought a few minutes later as she struggled through them, hands reaching out to touch her as if she was a famous rock star.
I think that is the stupidest thing you have ever done, suggested Alucard in her head.
Ya think?! She heard Alucard laugh and she desperately wished she knew how to use his powers.
After a struggle of about ten minutes, she reached the still laughing Alucard. "What time is it?" she snapped.
"10:45," he replied checking his watch again.
Seras groaned. "Come on, we're getting out of here. I can't take this anymore."
Alucard rolled his eyes but gamely followed behind her until they were passing Dianna, Becky, and Marissa.
"Ohmigawd! YOU'RE AMAZING!" screamed Marissa, jumping up and down. Seras observed this with fear kindled in her eyes.
"Can I touch him?" asked Becky as though Seras were a dog.
Alucard smirked. "Go ahead."
The three girls squealed and reached out their hands. "He's so strong!" squealed Marissa.
Dianna nodded and closed her eyes. "Just think we get to brag that WE TOUCHED ALUCARD!" The three girls then proceeded to dance around in a very disturbing manner while Seras resisted the urge to collapse and cry for her mommy. Alucard found this too be funny enough and began to lead her out of the mass of women.
"So, I told you they thought I was sexy," he commented once they had entered the forest again.
"Shut up," snapped Seras, "Why did you let them touch me?"
Alucard laughed. Seras snarled and jumped on him, which caused quite a ruckus around the girls who still could see them. After several minutes of fighting, (the girls practically died of jealousy) Seras whimpered and gave in while once again, Alucard remained the triumphant victor.
"I lied, by the way," he announced suddenly.
"Huh?"
"It's not 10:45."
Seras groaned. "Oh come on. You almost had my hopes up."
He grinned wildly. "It's 11:45."
Seras heart lifted. "Really?" she asked her excitement barely contained.
"Really?"
"YES!" she punched the air, "An hour less to go! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!" Almost every female heard this exclamation and there was a loud collective gasp then a loud collective thud as every girl dropped down in a dead faint. Seras stared at them. "Oops…"
Behind her, Alucard fainted from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard. Seras frowned. "He's too sexy for his own good," she muttered shaking her head. Then she sat down next to a tree, listened to the sounds of the men freaking out, smiled, and drifted off once more.
A/N: My longest chapter yet! That was a pretty interesting type, if I do say so myself. That took me about two and a half hours of continuous typing. Poor Nagrom, she was watching the whole time. Hope you enjoyed it. That's the end of Day 1, only 13 to go. I need ideas. Oh, and they get picked up at the beginning of Day 2. And don't ask why Alucard sleeps so much, cuz I don't know. Anyway, laugh as much as you like. With that I salute you. Penis!
