Disclaimer: Not my characters

A/N: Can't even explain why it's taken me almost 11 months to update. I'm sorry! I bet I've lost many readers. Hope you guys can still enjoy this story.

Hope ya'll had a great New Year. It's 1-1-2013 :).


Chapter 4 - Biology class

I stared at his notes and his handwriting. Every darn letter he had written on the paper had an elegance of its own. It was highly ridiculous.

Even I was acting ridiculous for considering which of the following two was more ridiculous; the fact that he had given me his notes or the graciousness that his handwriting had?

My phone buzzed, leaving me no time to consider which of those two option is the most ridiculous. I wasn't in the mood for talking to the outside world, but still I picked up my phone.

Renée?

It was very unusual for her to call me so early in the morning. Involuntarily, I grew worried.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked quickly.

"Bella! How are you?" Her exiting voice was enough for me to relax. "I wanted to send you an e-mail, but the computer crashed!"

That was unexpected. I wasn't expecting a call from her, let alone one that was so early in the morning. Something did grow inside my chest, a feeling that I only sometimes felt when I realized that somebody was in fact thinking of me.

Or even caring for me.

"So instead I called," she continued cheerfully.

She was my mother, but somewhere deep in me I would always hold a grudge on her. She chose to pick sides with people she barely knew, instead of her young daughter. That day she was a bad mother and Charlie a bad father. I was just a kid. I was shy and time went by fast as Charlie said I had to go live with my mother. They never gave me a chance to gather courage and tell them the truth about that day.

Now it was too late to tell them. Too much time had passed and even if I did decide to tell them, just for the sake of getting this weight off my shoulder, nobody could assure me with certainty that they would believe me or even listen to me.

"Oh... Well, I'm-"

Renée cut me off. "It's so warm here today in Florida, you wouldn't believe it honey, while it's November!"

"You don't say," I mumbled sarcastically. She was getting annoying.

For the past years I had lived in Phoenix. I knew how hot it could get there. I took a deep breath, because I knew this anger I was feeling was pointed toward me and not my mother.

Perhaps a little of that anger was pointed toward her.

"No, I mean it!" Apparently she hadn't heard the sarcasm. "This way my tan will stay until hopefully December or maybe even January."

"Hopefully."

I was waiting for something more to come out of my mother, to see if there was a normal reason why she called me, but she didn't speak anymore for a moment. I couldn't believe she called me, just to talk about her and her tan.

I heard Phil in the background. "Oh sweetie, I have to go. Have fun there, don't hate the rain!"

"Why are you up so ear-?" I asked, but the line died. I dropped my head on my pillow and closed my eyes, dropping my phone beside me.

What was I even doing up so early? I could have slept for probably another hour, but instead I picked up Edward's notes again and stared at the lines where his pen had touched the paper.

What is happening to me?

I felt horrible. I felt so shaken and worried about something, which wasn't even related to my real identity being revealed. Something horrible was going to happen today. I had that feeling.

So before I went to school, I emailed all of my friends. It was kind of dramatic, but I wanted them to hear from me one more time in case something bad did happen.

Only problem was that the computer took a lot of time to start and I had to type something quick so I wouldn't be late for that place I called high school.

To: Kelly Pall ( ), Jenny Lyle (Jen_Ben ), Ellen Polotti ( ), Tessa Norewood (tess.a ), Ashley Arias (a.a. ), Alex Tick (Tickle_Alexander ), Thom Gugu ( )

From: Isabella Swan ( )

Subject: D:

Hi all of you!
How's everything up there? Here there's... mostly rain, of course.
Nah, don't worry, it's cool. Though the worst bit is that I have to miss you guys.
Hope we'll see each other soon again!
Luf ya.
xox
Bella

I quickly sent it and grabbed my bag. I hadn't received my books yet, so the only things I brought to school were a notebook and a pen.

When I got downstairs, I saw that Charlie's cruiser was already gone. He had gone pretty early to work this morning.

Today the dread was the worst. Something inside of me told me that my lies wouldn't last long. Which was a big duh but still, I wished I had never come here.

Too late to wish for that.

Inside the truck I turned the volume of the radio up way high to distract me. It worked, until the moment I reached that school building. Just as I was about to get out of the truck, it started to poor even harder. If a day had a bad start, it usually had a bad end as well; at least with me that was always the problem.

I ran to the building as fast as I could and went straight to the bathroom. The little mascara I usually put on would probably need a check up. When I reached the door, I yanked it open and glanced at my reflection. I sighed as I looked at my face. I seemed to look more pale and my hair was messy, as if combing it this morning hadn't even been of use.

When I was about to get out of the bathroom, Rosalie, Tanya and her other lemmings walked in.

I decided to call them the cheerleaders or maybe just cheerleaders. That way I didn't have to keep repeating their already special names in my head each time I saw them.

They, compared to me, looked absolutely perfect in their expensive clothes and perfectly done hair and make-up. They even wore a matching colored lipstick on their lips. They were all pretty much glaring at me and I made a dash for it. I went to the right and reached the stairwells. After I was halfway up, I turned to the second stairwell, but when I looked up, I saw the other Cullens.

Male Cullens.

They all looked down at me and I tried to pretend I was looking at something else. That's so hard. It was too late to walk back, that would look stupid. So I slowly had to go up.

"There she is. Rebecca."

It was Edward's voice calling for me, and even if I didn't recognize his voice, I sure heard the sarcasm just when he said my fake name. In a way, he remembered not to call me Coco again, but now that he called me Rebecca, I wasn't sure if Coco was half that bad now that I got to hear the alternative in his sarcastic voice.

Edward stood on the left, Emmett in the middle, and Jasper on the right. Deciding it would be best to walk around the right, because then I would walk around Jasper and Emmett, I tried to do exactly that, but Edward quickly stopped me.

"I need a second with you, Rebecca."

I pleaded with my eyes. "I have class."

"So?" He stepped forward and glanced back at Jasper and Emmett. "Fuck off."

"Jeez, thanks," Jasper said, rolling his eyes.

Jasper took a few steps to leave but stopped when Emmett wasn't following, Edward turned his head to Emmett, and as Emmett was being stared at by his brothers, I noticed that his eyes were in fact on mine.

His bright, dark blue eyes stared into mine and I scowled. I remembered his eyes like this from only one time in the past. The day after they wanted me to smoke.

November, 2001 - The day after they ruined my life permanently

"I don't understand how you could even think of smoking. Haven't your mother and I thought you any better?"

"I'm sorry..." I didn't know what to say to him. He didn't seem like my dad anymore. I didn't know this man.

"Isabella, do you even realize how stupid of you it was to smoke?"

"I'm sorry!" I screamed and turned around. I ran as fast as I could go.

"Isabella! Bella!"

But I was quicker then my dad and I ran out of the sliding doors of the supermarket. I wasn't really going to run away, but I just couldn't handle everything he kept saying anymore.

From last night until this morning, he kept saying that he didn't understand how and why I would smoke. Each time it felt like he was hitting me with a hammer.

I stopped running and was about to walk to his cruiser and wait for him there, when I heard my name being called by somebody I wished would never call my name again.

"Bella?"

Slowly the boy got in front of me, but I kept my eyes down, to only see his black sneakers.

"I'm sorry... about yesterday. Everything went out of hand."

I brought my eyes up in a snap to see if that apology was true.

"Emmett, hurry! We're going inside. Oh! Is that Bella?" I didn't glance past Emmett's body, because I didn't want to see Esme or if she had brought her other kids to the supermarket as well. I only kept looking at Emmett. His eyes seemed apologetic, but mostly they were in shock.

"You... Your... Why... Are you sick?" I had never witnessed Emmett like this.

"Huh?"

Never, never, had Emmett and I have something that was like this.

A conversation.

"You look like you're not okay..." Emmett shut his eyes. "I'm sorry. Damnit. I mean..."

Emmett brought his hand up but I ducked and ran away, hard.

And that's the last I saw of Emmett.

Until now, as he was actually staring at me. I never understood what happened that day, but then again, I never tried to understand it.

Right now, Emmett was staring at me with that same shock, as if again I looked not okay. Was that it? Did I look that horrible?

"Last time I checked, you had a girlfriend," Edward said dryly.

Emmett shifted his eyes to Edward and mumbled, "Fuck you."

"Hey," Edward said, lifting his hands in surrender. "That's exactly why I don't do girlfriends."

The bell signaling class started to rang.

"I'm going," Jasper said. "Come on Emmett. We're late."

He didn't move, but stepped closer to me.

"Stay away from him," Emmett said, pointing at Edward with his thumb. "He's nothing but scum."

I gave a nervous, incredulous laugh. But then I realized Emmett was serious.

Edward snapped his head to Emmett, but he was already at least ten yards away from Edward, running after Jasper. I quickly turned back to the stairs because somehow, that seemed like my only sanctuary and started walking down.

Run, Bella, run.

"Fuck you, asshole," Edward called back.

I was halfway down the first staircase. I quickly glanced back to see Edward had just turned his head as well. I quickened my pace.

"Wait," he called exaggeratedly, running after me.

Leave me alone.

"You, me, boxing, after Bio."

I froze this time a few steps before I reached the first floor. He appeared in front of me, one step lower then I was and we were almost the same height now, him still being the taller one. He was also blocking my way of going down the stairs completely.

"W-What?" I asked shocked.

He flashed a smile. I think it was a smile, but with Edward you could never be sure.

"We have to do this in order for you to know how to box."

The confusion on my face couldn't have been more noticeable.

"For gym," he very slowly said.

"Why?" I asked quickly.

"There's a contest."

What was this all about? I didn't want to be in any contest.

"I'm not interested," I said with a shrug. I turned and began walking up the first staircase again until I reached flat surface. He followed me, which was not part of what I was hoping for. I felt trapped between the two staircases.

"If you want to pass gym this year and graduate, you will have to be in the competition."

What I really wanted to ask was, "Are you threatening me?" but what I said instead was, "Oh." Even I thought I was being pathetic at the was staring at me intently when I glanced up. The intensity was so sharp I had to step back from him. Why was he staring at me like that?

I walked backwards, just to get away from his stare, but my back hit the wall too soon. In my own clumsiness, the back of my head hit the wall as well. The sharp pain momentarily blinded me and I had to close my eyes.

I opened one eye carefully and waited until my vision cleared.

"Do you ever manage to get through a day without ending up getting hurt?"

"Yes."

He raised an eyebrow. "Clearly I was being rhetorical."

"I knew that." My voice sounded small. "What do you want from me?" Now I sounded plain desperate.

He shrugged a little, while staring at me intently. Again.

I glanced up at the stairs. That was the way I should be heading, so I stepped aside and began walking up again.

"I know what I want from you," he said. "But I'm not sharing."

With a scowl I turned my head and saw him step slowly up as well.

"What?" I asked with confusion in my voice.

He shook his head. "I won't tell. You're the kind of girl that would go running the moment things get scary."

"Oh..."

I felt like an imbecile. I needed to keep my mouth shut and get away from Edward, fast. In a way he was right. I ran away, but not because things got scary. I just didn't want to get hurt, because handling more pain was not what I really wanted to do right now.

"I... need to... go," I mumbled slowly, with intervals to catch my breath because for reasons unexplained I felt out of breath.

Because you're afraid, Bella. Did you come here to relive the past? I really don't think so, so toughen yourself up. You're a big girl now and Edward's not anymore the big bad wolf you should be afraid off. What's the worst thing he could do?

For a second I felt curiosity. What indeed was the worst thing he could do? Had he not done already the worst thing possible?

Stop staring at the boy.

I quickly blinked to get the voices away from my head. In the meantime, Edward had taking a few steps up.

"So... Uh bye," I said, shifting my eyes to anywhere but him.

I turned and quickly walked away, glancing back only once, but Edward had disappeared.

x x x

The teacher made a sarcastic remark at my late appearance for English. I gave an apologetic look.

The next few hours, I mostly put my head in my hands, played with my hair, looked at the split ends, wished I had a scissor so that I could cut them off and looked at the clock. All the rest I ignored. I received a few stares. I didn't see Tanya at all anymore, though I did share a few of my lessons with her.

I heard Tanya's three friends talk about her; neither did one of them know where she was. She wasn't picking up her calls or texting them back.

A few other rumors told me that also Edward wasn't responding to any calls or text messages. This school lived on rumors.

"It's obvious where your precious Tanya is."

I looked up and saw that Mike had turned around in his seat to talk to Jessica, Lauren and Rosalie. The teacher had left the room and Mike had pretty much seized his opportunity.

"Please, stop talking like she's the victim. And if she is, she sure as hell loves it."

"You tell them, Mike!" Seth cheered.

"What?" Jessica asked, her eyes looking curiously at Mike.

Mike rolled his eyes. "How can you be so dumb?"

I pressed my lips on each other. Even though I felt like a zombie, that comment almost made me laugh. Mike was a pretty funny boy.

"Alright, trooper," Rosalie said. "Where is Tanya?"

"Did you see her?" Lauren asked with actual interest.

They actually cared for their friend. That was strange to witness.

"No, I don't have to see her to know she's probably on her knees right now with Cullen in front of her."

"How dare you?" Jessica instantly said in a shriek, bolting out of her chair.

"Don't get angry with me, Jess. I'm sure he thought you were good too."

Her eyes widened and then she slapped her book shut. She groaned angrily, grabbed her stuff and left her friends and Mike behind. Rosalie and Lauren stood up as well as they glared at Mike.

"Don't worry, Lauren, you'll get your chance too someday." It was Tyler now who was talking. Mike high-fived him.

"Ugh, they're so childish," Lauren said.

"And you better get it out of your head, Rosalie," Tyler said. "They call that incest."

"Shut up!" Rosalie yelled. "You're disgusting. I'm not blood related to Edward."

"So you do think about it, because technically it could be legal?" Seth asked.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Rosalie said angrily in hysteria.

I stared with my mouth open, because these boys knew how to anger girls like the cheerleaders.

The two of them left the classroom. Once our teacher returned with a few assignments, he glanced at the four empty seats only once. This probably happened often, if he didn't even wonder out loud where his students had gone to.

Lunch time finally came because I was hungry, and I couldn't think clear on an empty stomach.

I slowly went to my locker first, grabbing my dark blue jacket and putting it on. It was getting chilly inside and I didn't want to turn into a shivering ice cube. When I threw the door to close, I realized somebody was leaning against the other lockers on my right side.

"Is it a charade?" Edward asked from beside me.

I scowled, and wondered if Tanya or someone else was standing behind me.

"Or are you one of those prudes? Hey, Coco." I winced at that very condensing tone. So he was talking to me. "Did you ever have guy feel you up?"

I watched him with shock and felt a little bit of pain inside my chest. He made it sound so wrong. He made it sound as if I'd done a crime by never having let a guy touch me.

Because you never found a boy that you liked, doesn't mean that's a wrong thing. Why do you let Edward get to you? So what he considers prudes boring? You're not even a prude. His words don't mean anything important. Bella, he's just Edward. Shallow and empty. You should feel sorry for him.

"I mean, seriously, you walk in here and have everyone's fucking attention with just a snap of your fingers, but I bet you've never even been kissed."

His judgment is nothing. In the end, your happiness is the only thing that matters. There will be a guy who'll love you, Bella. That guy is worth the pain that this guy in front of you is giving you now. Look in his eyes and feel sorry for him. That's all he deserves to get from you.

I looked into his piercing eyes, not sure how mine looked like. But I looked and tried to feel pity for a guy with such opinions.

Age is just a number, Bella, and when you get your first kiss, you want it to be special, not something quick and meaningless. When you let a special boy kiss you, a special boy that tells you he cannot live without you, when that boy kisses you, Bella, you'll feel it in every inch of your body and it won't matter when this happens. True love appears when it's the least expected and experience can be build with the one that will probably love to teach you.

I took a deep breath as I tried to believe the flowing words that were running in my head. They almost made me giggle because it all felt so cheesy inside my head. The voice seemed to be mine but it was saying things that I would never say, so I was confused as to how these words were in my head.

"Or you're, what, like Tanya? Trying desperately to get a guys attention with your mouth?"

"Excuse me?" I asked in a croaked voice as the sudden comment. "What are... I don't... I'm not like that."

I shook my head, which must have looked quite pathetic.

Edward laughed and eventually leaned against the lockers. "I know."

"Then why... You were... And..."

I needed to keep my eyes away from his green ones, because talking while looking into his eyes was a lost case on my side. It's like I didn't even remember how to talk English anymore.

With a glint of amusement in his eyes, he shrugged. "I don't know. You have a side that screams you're hiding something. Though there must be a reason why you're hiding it, I'm still not sure if that's enough for me not to be slightly interested what makes mysterious Rebecca Dwyer so afraid."

I quickly shook my head. "No. Don't. Please don't be interested in finding anything out. I'm really boring."

I quickly turned my back to him and walked past him to the doors that would lead me to the cafeteria. I didn't even get that far, because Edward had me cornered all of a sudden, pushing me into a gap between the lockers.

"What are you doing?" I instantly asked.

"Trying to figure out what is scaring you."

I jerked my head away from his hand when I saw it reach my cheek. There was not one person around. I looked up at Edward, whom I could feel had now his hands on my shirt.

"I-I'm not..." I said, my voice quitting on its own. His eyes told me that he knew that I was afraid, so denying it was useless. "Please, let me go."

"Relax," he murmured.

My eyes fought to look better, to see a shadow, anything, that would mean a person was near.

Another part of me knew that his fingers were trailing the edge of my shirt, slowly dipping the edge up so that his fingers touched my skin.

"Edward." I chocked.

In God's name, Bella, scream. You still have your voice.

Then he began lifting my shirt up - not even half an inch - but I screamed. I began trashing against his body, my hands hitting him on his chest, thought I doubted it hurt him. I wasn't a very strong person.

I freaked out more when I began feeling his hands trying to get a hold of my hands.

"Damnit Rebecca!" Edward exclaimed, one of his hands grabbing my left lower arm.

As I tried to jerk my arm out of his hand, my right hand came on something solid but as the solidness moved around my hand, I realized I had hit his palm and now he had possession of both my arms.

"Will you fucking calm down?" he hissed.

He's having trouble holding you. Keep doing whatever you're doing. Trash like a madwoman and kick him, if you must.

Edward had managed to slip his hand from my hand to my elbow. My left lower arm was still in his other hand and I indeed tried to free myself by kicking him, but his feet were quicker, so instead I literally threw my body at his.

Of course my weight and strength compared to his was nothing. But he did budge so I kept pushing him, until the moment I realized nothing happened.

"Hey," Edward snapped, gripping my upper arms painfully tight.

"You're hurting me," I said in agony, though part of the agony in my voice was simply because I was this close to Edward.

"Shit," he said as he quickly released me and placed his hands lightly on my shoulders. "I didn't mean to hold you so tight. You were fucking freaking out."

I was gasping for air and stepped back, leaning with my back against the lockers and keeping my eyes on him, in case he'd come closer.

Edward dropped his hands beside him and watched me momentarily.

Then he freaked out.

"What the hell did you think I was doing? You can't going crazy like that just out of nowhere. Are you seriously that messed up? What the fuck happened to you? You don't react like a normal person!"

Now he's trying to patronize you. Don't believe him. Bella, a boy cannot touch you the way he was, without your permission. What you did was what any sane person would have done. You are normal.

What was that voice inside my head?

"Your hands are shaking," Edward said in a clipped tone.

I looked down at my hands and saw them indeed shaking. I put one hand over the other, hoping that way it wouldn't be so noticeable.

Just like that, a few students rolled inside the locker room and a small part of me felt relieved and saved.

If I wanted to breathe air, I had to get away now, so this time as I reached the doors of the cafeteria, I didn't stop walking and wasn't planning on getting stopped again.

I didn't look back for Edward, because he had probably disappeared again.

"I understand," Alice's voice said from behind me. "It all makes sense now, like why you ignore me."

I widened my eyes. She was talking to me. I stopped and turned to look at her.

"I mean, I understand, it's not a bad thing. Girls dig Edward, I guess he has the looks and charm, though sometimes he's pretty rotten."

Her mouth was moving fast and the words were even coming out faster. Alice looked very beautiful today, with a lime green jeans that fit her legs just perfectly. On top she wore a white blouse.

"I don't mind you like him, but he has a girlfriend. Or something like that."

I could almost directly look into her eyes because she had a pair of brown five inch heels on.

"Okay, that's not entirely true. He has this thing where he constantly reminds us that he'll never have a girlfriend."

"You've got it wrong," I said with furrowed eyebrows. "I don't like Edward." I quickly corrected myself, because saying it like that sounded wrong. "I'm not interested in him."

Now Alice scowled and glanced behind me a few times. "You're not? I don't understand."

"Don't understand what?" I asked, hoping desperately she'd tell me quick what she had on her mind so I could leave.

"Well, you..." but then she shook her head. "Never mind. I must be seeing things then." She gave a quick smile. "So, is Forks suiting you?"

"Not really." I didn't plan on saying that.

"Oh," she said, her smile dropping. "You know, I meant it when I said we'd be great friends. I can show you around, because once you know Forks, it's really not that bad. There are a few great places to eat, and to party, and to go shopping!"

I didn't know why gorgeous, probably popular Alice was speaking to me of becoming her friend with that much certainty.

"I don't think so," I said. "Just leave me alone. Please."

Her eyes widened as she stepped forward, instead of backwards. My voice sounded so monotone, it was as if it wasn't me saying those words.

"I don't mean to be intense! I swear! Jasper told me I can be too much sometimes, but I never realize it myself. But I'm not telling lies and I would really love to know you better."

"Well, tough luck, because I don't want to know you." That was probably me in my meanest form, still sounding monotone.

I didn't know yet if I was feeling okay or not with pushing Alice away like this, but I did know that I had other things on my mind.

"But I don't understand-"

"What is it," I interrupted, "with people that don't leave me alone when I tell them to?"

At that I turned without waiting for any reply. I had enough. Also I didn't want to show her I was hurting with different pains aching inside my chest.

Hopefully, with these lies, I had Alice off my back permanently.

I picked up my phone when I rounded a corner and dialed Renée's number.

"Hello, leave a message and maybe I'll call you back!"

"Shit!" I cursed, pressing the red button.

I'm so ready to leave Forks.

"Rough day?"

I stiffened. Him again.

"It's your third day already and I didn't get a chance to even talk to you."

"Uh, yeah," I replied nervously, turning around. "Hi, Emmett."

He grinned. "Hi Rebecca. You look like crap today."

"Bad night," I said carefully. "Bye."

"Wait! I wanted to apologize."

I stared at him with caution, but I was glad that he was keeping a distance. I could think when they kept a distance.

"For what?" I asked.

"Edward. I know he's difficult sometimes."

I raised both my eyebrows and he smiled.

"I just wanted to apologize," he said. "I'll talk to him. He isn't used to being said no by a girl he wants."

A girl he wants... A girl he wants... A girl he wants...

I was dumbfounded. Emmett was somewhat normal, but what he was saying didn't make any sense.

"Please leave me alone," I said, hoping he'd get the edge my voice had gotten. The edge with fear. If Rosalie was here, she'd either murder him or me or both of us.

"You okay?"

"Yes, but I have to go."

I pleaded at him with my eyes, but he didn't get it. Of course he didn't get it. How could I make him understand that I was currently living a lie and that talking to them was extremely difficult?

"I know we're not friends, but I could help you, with whatever you're going through."

Why would he say that?

I shook my head and looked around, but nobody was here. I wanted to go, to leave him behind me and simply go.

"I swore Edward had gone crazy when he said you looked familiar, but I understand what he means. I see it for myself now."

"Well, I-I just have one of those f-faces," I stuttered nervously.

He watched me carefully and shook his head. "Edward may have forgotten. Jasper and Alice didn't know you all too well back then. Rosalie, Lauren and Tanya are too busy watching themselves, but I have looked too many times into your eyes to have forgotten about you."

No!

This could not be it. The moment where they all found out. I was so busy thinking about Edward, I had forgotten about Emmett, or even any of the others. The fact that somebody did recognize me had flew out of the window when I realized I wasn't that little girl anymore. I didn't even look like her anymore.

Then how did he recognize me?

"What I'm saying is that I remember you," he said, his voice less loud.

I could barely look at him. But I did turn my back at him.

"And I'm sorry. I know it's a stupid word without any meaning to it, but I am sorry."

"Can I just go?" I asked, my voice wavering. I felt like a kid again.

But instead I heard him walk closer to me and I froze.

"Listen, just for one more minute. That kid you know, he's gone. I'm not like that anymore. But I want you to know to not be scared for that moment when everybody knows. Okay? And don't be afraid of Edward. I see the way you look at him, as if he'll strike you."

I took a deep, hasty breath and looked up at him. He was watching me as if I was a porcelain cup that was about to break. And how right he was, because that's exactly what I felt. As if I was about to explode into tiny shreds.

"I lied to everybody. And... I imagined you would all find out at the same time. That you'd get angry... or something... It's actually stupid, now that I think of it."

"You do realize you haven't done anything wrong?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

"Maybe?" I asked carefully. Was he getting angry? He seemed as if he wanted to snap at me.

"You haven't," he said.

He stared at me for a moment with a scowl and slowly shook his head.

"But you don't believe that. What I did to you - what all of us did was horrible, dirty and pretty much unforgiving. You should be pissed at us and scream at us. You shouldn't..." He scowled deeply, as if he didn't understand me, "-fear us as if it was your fault."

"Maybe," I said, again.

He gave an incredulous laugh.

"Bye," I said and bolted.

x x x

I gave myself the privilege of going home. But I couldn't think clearly while Emmett knew who I was. It was unnerving that my own eyes had betrayed me. Emmett recognized me by my eyes.

It's unfair.

I opened the door and walked into the drizzle but stopped when Jasper was standing in front of me.

In a robotic way, I asked, "You too?"

He watched me quizzically and I wanted to slap myself. Emmett hadn't told him.

"I'm sorry, something's wrong with me," I mumbled as I tried to walk past him, but he extended his hand.

I stared at it and then at him. He was smiling and said, "Hi."

"Uh, hi." I slowly took his hand and he shook it once.

"My name is Jasper Cullen," he said. "Why is a lovely lady such as yourself looking so sad?"

First Emmett and now Jasper was complementing me. This was an alternative world, it had to be.

"Are you okay?" he asked, letting go of my hand.

"Sure," I said with the best smile I could muster.

He smiled back. "I'd like to say something about Edward. I couldn't help but notice the way he was staring at you."

This was the talk, the moment he'd say that Edward's a good guy, that I shouldn't think bad stuff about him and all those sort of things.

The way he was staring at you... Staring at you...

There was a way? Were they seeing things, or was I missing out on things?

"Even though he's my adoptive brother and I really do care for him, he's very unstable. His actions are unpredictable. He doesn't mean to, but he has hurt probably all people who love him the most."

"Okay," I said slowly.

"Be careful around him," he said. "He seems to be drawn to you, which of course, I don't blame him. You're a lovely lady."

Christ. I thought he and Alice were together. "He's not drawn to me."

"It doesn't matter what you believe," he said with a shake of his head. "But I'd hate to see for you to get hurt because of him. Emmett wasn't lying when he said that Edward can be a bit of a scum." He grinned and suddenly I understood why Alice would fall in love with him. "Don't forget to be cautiousness."

I nodded my head slowly.

"Don't you have class?" he asked all of a sudden, as if he didn't just give me some weird, long warning about Edward.

I nodded again.

He laughed and winked. "Roger that. Who said skipping is a bad thing? See you later, Miss."

I grimaced and he disappeared inside the building. I walked down the steps and began walking to the parking place, but was stopped when Edward with a cigarette between his fingers opened his mouth and began talking extremely fast.

It cannot be real, unless this really is the alternative universe. I see them everywhere. They appear everywhere. Why are they constantly everywhere?

"Look, I don't say this often, so don't even dare to think I'll say this ever again, because I really mean it when I say I don't say this very often, but because Alice pretty much began punching me, and punching me pretty hard for a girl, I'm kinda forced to say this."

He took a drag from the cigarette. As he drew out the smoke, and another word came out of his mouth.

"Sorry." His tone was clipped and unmeaning.

I walked past him and tried to go as fast as I could to my truck.

"Where are you going?"

Without giving an answer, I reached my truck and unlocked the door. When I stepped in and wanted to close the door, Edward stood before me.

"You still have Bio and your first boxing session."

He watched me as he took a drag and I leaned forward to take the handle and pull the door shut, but it wouldn't have much use if he stood there, blocking my path.

"Stay, Coco. I'll be - you know," he rolled his eyes, "tolerable."

He threw the cigarette behind him and put his hand on the door. He wanted me to get out. I looked behind me out of the window, but it was raining hard and nobody would stand willingly outside right now. Again I found myself alone with only Edward as my company.

I didn't trust him anymore, not after he had pushed me into that corner and I had to literally fight him off. Who knew what his next move would be? Besides, Jasper's warning was still fresh in my mind.

"I won't touch you," he said slowly.

Am I really that obvious?

He was able to see right through my fears. Then again, I wasn't being very tactful. I kept glancing around through each window and looking into all my mirrors. I turned my head to him.

"Unless you want me to."

With this he shrugged, making me wonder if he may be joking or if he really was crazy. I stared at him and he watched me carefully. But I didn't know what to say back to him. He sighed and looked down at his wrist, pulling up his sleeve. I noticed a watch.

"It's still fifteen minutes until lunch break is over. You should eat something because boxing takes a lot out of a person."

Sitting here in my car was so relaxing and easy. That's also why I remained seated. This was my safe area. He was still trying to get me out of my car and I didn't know why he was so obsessed.

With my eyes I screamed at him, leave me alone!

He crossed his arms and I saw him smirk. "I'm not stepping away."

"Alright," I said defeated. I stepped out of the truck, but the guy hardly stepped away so I bumped into his chest.

He was supposed to take a step back, like any other normal person would have done, to give the other person room!

He grabbed my right elbow with his hand and I pulled it away from him quickly.

"That did not include the not touching part I mentioned," he said quickly.

I huffed, because yet again, if he had stepped away, I would have never needed his assistance to get out of my truck.

"What? Would you have rather I had let you fall?"

I watched him tiredly. I don't care.

"It was reflex, Bee."

Why is he still talking to me?

Bee as in bumblebee? Or Bee as in the letter b?

I walked away from my truck and heard him shut the door. I dumped the keys in my bag and he appeared next to me.

"Don't you lock the door?"

I glanced back at the truck. Who would steal a truck anyway?

Edward laughed and I quickly opened the door and walked inside. It was a lot warmer here.

And I still wanted to go home.

"What? You're seriously not going to talk to me now? Fucking prude." He muttered the last part.

My eyes widened and I saw him walk in front of me. I had stopped walking and slowly he turned around.

"What?" he said with a lazy shrug.

"You keep insulting me." My voice carried accusation.

"So?"

"You're mean."

"You're not stopping me, are you?"

I opened my mouth to say anything, really, but what?

Will he stop if I tell him to stop? Is that what he's saying?

"You look a little lost." I blinked in confusion and put on a poker face. Edward glanced at his watch. "Thirteen minutes left."

He entered the cafeteria and I followed behind him when suddenly several people came walking toward us. I saw too soon exactly who was coming in our direction.

Too, too ridiculous.

Tanya said, "Edward, I want to talk to you!"

Emmett childishly said, "First me!"

Jasper calmly mentioned, "No, I have something important to tell him."

Lauren's stupidly said, "I was here first!"

Rosalie said in anger, "If anyone is going to talk to Edward, it's me."

Alice screeched, "No! All of you can step away, because I'm having a word."

This seemed like the perfect opportunity to walk away, but it seemed as if all the attention was headed to us both and not just him. If I walked away, it would most likely not go unnoticed.

Tanya was the first that had spoken and she was glaring at me. Emmett and Jasper both looked at Edward as if they were asking to pick them first.

I wasn't the only one who was glared at. Rosalie and Lauren were glaring at Edward, but it didn't bother him one bit, because he hardly looked back at them.

"Whydoes everybody want to talk to me today?" he asked incredulously, snapping on his last word.

He glanced at each person as he gave them a few words.

"Tanya, fuck off. Emmett, Jasper, we just talked. What the fuck is there more to say? And Lauren, fuck off as well. Rosalie, since when do we talk? Alice, you talk too much. I'm not willingly going to listen to something you have to say."

All of them instantly began chattering to Edward and I widened my eyes.

"I just punched you!"

"..more to say.."

"..going anywhere!"

"But I still.."

"..listen to.."

"..always ignoring me."

"..not done yet!"

"Maybe you should talk to them," I said quietly. And they all snapped their mouth shut to turn and look at me.

Edward shook his head. "I made you an offer, and I'm intending to keep it."

What offer?

He walked toward the food area, beautifully ignoring the ones that still wanted to have a moment with him. It was some consolation that he wasn't rude to only me, but to others as well.

By the time I reached Edward, he already had a sandwich and a can. I glanced back at the group that nearly attacked Edward. They were still there.

Momentarily, I caught eyes with Emmett and he watched me worriedly.

I grabbed a sandwich too with a can of apple juice and Edward paid for us both. I didn't bother telling him that I would pay. I was too much in a haze to start the fight of paying for my own lunch. Also, he had already given the woman behind the counter a ten, saying he was paying for my lunch as well and that she could keep the change.

"They really want to talk to you."

"I don't care," was his reply. "Besides, we now only have ten minutes to eat."

Was he doing it on purpose, or did he really have some obsession with time?

He walked to a table for two and I sat on the opposite side of him. He grabbed my can, opened it for me, and placed it on the table.

I stared at the can with a scowl. "Thanks."

The cafeteria seemed quiet, but I heard some people muttering and finally they began talking again as if nothing had happened.

I took a bite and the sandwich I had taken - I hadn't even looked - was tuna. I shuddered at the taste and quickly swallowed it down with the juice. It was a good thing Edward opened it.

When I looked up, Edward was staring at me.

"You're a really weird girl."

He reached forward and wrapped his hand around my sandwich. My breathing halted. I watched as he pulled it out of my hand. Then he handed his own to me.

"Mine's a cheese and lettuce sandwich," he said, handing it even further until I had to take it.

"How'd... you know...?"

"That you are disgusted by tuna? Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because you're face scrunched when you tasted it or that you retched when you tried to swallow it down?"

I rubbed my forehead with my free hand. I couldn't even hide my taste for food in front of him.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

He had already taken a bite or two from the sandwich that I was now holding. He didn't seem to mind that he was eating my sandwich. At least one of us liked tuna.

I took a big bite and tried to calm myself down. This sandwich tasted loads better.

It's okay. Well, I insulted Alice. Emmett remembers me. Jasper gives me warnings. Tanya stalks Edward. Edward gives me his lunch. But it's okay. It's okay...

He didn't say anything. Neither did he really look at me. That made it easier for me to finish the sandwich on time and drink the can empty. Eating food so quickly didn't fall easy on my stomach. I usually was a slow eater.

He stood up and I quickly jumped up as well and grabbed my bag.

"Thanks," I said again.

How many times did I say thanks by now without getting a reply back?

It was not just me that caught this, because Edward was looking at me, and he seemed amused. "You're welcome."

"I have to go to class," I said, pointing behind me and turned.

"I know. I have Bio too."

We stared at each other, my eyes wide, his filled with mirth.

Shit.

"I know," I said with as much self-confidence that I could muster.

I wanted to slap myself. Just one more minute and he would think I was a shy, school girl that couldn't talk normally to the school's biggest player, who happened to have great looks.

Even though Emmett said I shouldn't be afraid, I still felt like I'd made the world's biggest mistake. I should have introduced myself as Bella Swan from the beginning. Now all that I could feel was anticipation of when they'd finally find out.

No more regretting! You did it. You can't go back.

Edward chuckled and dumped his can in the trash.

We reached Bio class, but when I waited for him to sit by the window side, I realized that he was waiting for me to sit there.

However, I didn't like that spot because I would be trapped between the wall on my left side, tables with students behind me, and Edward on my right side. And of course the table in front of me.

Reluctantly I dropped myself on that chair, because after one glance in Edward's direction, I knew that he would get his way anyway, like previously when we stood by my truck.

I closed my eyes, while scowling deeply. I had to ditch him after this. He could not truly mean it that he wanted to teach me the boxing. Where were we supposed to do that? Here at the gym? Or was there a special boxing place here in Forks?

"Why do you hate Alice?"

I watched him with wide eyes and began saying I didn't, but he watched me skeptically.

"You don't like her," he instantly said. "I don't understand why."

"It's me, not her," I mumbled.

"Tell me what's wrong, Bee."

"I can't."

Talking, I noticed, was slightly easier now. Of course I wasn't looking at him, in his mind I was Rebecca and also, he wasn't touching me or sweet-talking to me like he did to most girls or like he did to me before at the lockers.

"You're hiding something," he said after a while. "But I can see through your act that something is bothering. I can see it's scaring you. It scares you a lot."

I glanced at the clock. Only ten minutes had passed. No, actually it was nine. Or was that eight?

"That's why you moved," he said in statement. "Something happened that made you move to Forks. And now you're living in fear."

Only for once I gave a half-laugh. It was a funny, sort of weird sound escaping my lips and I made sure I didn't do that a second time. Edward was very wrong about his statement; however, he was also right.

I'm living in fear.

"That's not true," I eventually said. "I moved because Phil..." I flinched as I realized I was giving him personal information, but it was too late now to take back that name, so I continued, "He's my mother's boyfriend, had to go to another state for his job. She joined him, so I went to Forks. It was the only option I had."

Something strange happened. Out of my peripheral vision I noticed Edward nod his head. Curiously I turned my head to watch him. He wasn't looking back at me though. He was watching the teacher, I think.

"Ah, I see," he said, sounding as if he found out classified information of a secret mission. "You're unhappy."

I widened my eyes slightly at his declaration.

I'm unhappy?

"What? No! I just said that it was my only option."

Edward turned in his chair and snapped his fingers, pointing his index finger right in my face.

"Exactly so," he said. "Guess what. I'm throwing a party. You're invited."

As he went from telling me I was unhappy to the fact that he's throwing a party was beyond my understanding.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I mumbled. I removed my eyes from his and looked at the wall beside me.

"Come," he insisted. "It might loosen you up a little."

I couldn't tell from this angle if he was still looking at me, but I hoped he wasn't. I really didn't want to go to some party of his to loosen up. Parties like those usually meant a lot of drinking and dancing.

As an answer, I shook my head.

"Boring prude."

He is so horrible.

"Do you want a joint?"

"What?" I snapped.

I turned my head to him. I must have heard wrong.

"I can give you some if you join my party."

He was actuallyserious! "No, thank you. I don't want... anything from you."

"Why not?"

By now I wasn't even really scared anymore, just frustrated for his shallowness.

"You can't judge, Bee. You cannot judge me. You never probably did smoke a joint, but then again, you haven't done that much in your life, have you?"

"Like what?" I asked, trying to remain some of my dignity.

"Anything that resembles fun."

I pressed my lips on each other. Shallow boy. He was really getting under my skin.

I had images inside my head that happened almost a decade ago, but still haunted me until this day. I was scared, and maybe all the time was overrated, but I was scared for a large proportion of time. Even at night, when I should dream, I was having nightmares.

I don't know why.

And I wish I didn't. I hated to live in fear. It was a horrible way of living which I would never wish upon somebody else. I didn't want to live in fear. Every day I wished for it to go away.

There were many things I had to do to keep sane, to not lose my mind. Music and books were mostly my savior. When I read words, heard them, or heard the amazing melodies some songs had, I felt less alone, less afraid and less haunted by the past. It felt as if those people who had made the books and music knew what I felt. That made me feel more sane.

And there were a few people on this earth that cared for me, and that was enough for me. I didn't need anything else.

"You say you came here, correct?" he asked me.

"Y-Yes," I stammered.

I felt him conclude something and I knew that whatever his next few words were going to be, they wouldn't be something that could easily be dealt with. He was talking about my personal information.

I slightly jumped as I heard Edward chuckle. "Where exactly is this here that you are talking about?"

Edward was the first to ask where precisely in Forks did I live. At Charlie's, of course, but that was not something I could tell him.

It was easy to say the next words I spoke, because I was simply repeating them and I was probably going to repeat those words very often today or maybe even this week.

"I can't tell."

"You're a mysterious little thing. But let me guess."

Edward turned his body completely to me, causing me to jump up in surprise again and ready to push my chair further away from him, but when my chair didn't budge, I bended my head to the ground and saw Edward's feet on each side of my chair, holding it in place. My body was turned only slightly in his direction, but his was turned so much that he could lean his shoulder on the arm rest and his right arm on the table.

I saw how Edward tapped his chin, as if he was thinking, but in fact, he was mocking me.

"There was a guy."

"There's no guy."

"He did something to you."

"No."

"Then you moved to Forks, landed in a chair next to mine and now you have grabbed everybody's fucking attention because they all try to figure out mysterious Rebecca Dwyer. Am I close?"

Now I understood. Edward was one of those people too. He wanted to know about my mysterious side. He was just curious and that was all there was to it.

I watched him carefully. "No. Nobody did anything to me."

This time, Edward was quiet and that surprised me. I turned my head to look at him and was even more surprised when I saw that he had a broad grin on his lips. My mouth dropped a little. He was so rude.

"He broke you," he said in a way that felt as if he didn't want to admit that, but that he did believe that that was true.

I wasn't good at lying. Even now, I couldn't tell him any other thing. The capability of saying that nobody broke me was gone. He shook his head again. I quickly tried to say anything to deny being broken, but he was more quick.

"Though I can't be sure it was a he, I'm guessing it probably was. Girls can be quite horrible, but only boys can cause such damage."

"No," I said, with a little more force. He shouldn't be figuring it out, even for just a little bit. It was enough that Emmett had figured me out by simply my eyes, but he couldn't figure it out by simply talking about me and what he thought had happened.

"When you say no, to what are you referring, may I ask?"

I raised both my eyebrows to myself. He sounded old.

"Anyone can be horrible."

"So you do admit he broke you," he said.

I inhaled sharply, not liking the fact that I had talked so much with Edward already, and now was also almost giving him too much information.

"Sometimes life sucks and at times like those, you just need to suck it up and get moving on. Living in the past and living in fear is not living. I've been there, Bee, and it's much better to get out."

This time I watched him with nothing but curiosity. He sounded so certain and for the first time it seemed, he wasn't being somebody cruel and mean.

"I'm adopted."

"Yeah, I know." I nodded my head, but he scowled a little.

"There's a reason that happened."

"What happened?"

I never thought of that, actually. And now Edward was making me curious.

He chuckled beside me. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"That's not a good idea," I said, shaking my head.

I had to admit that he had surprised me. That I did not expect. He was - in a way - willing to tell me whatever it was he wanted to tell me.

Is it something bad?

"It's not a fair deal?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not really."

I could simply say my name and that was all. He, however, would have to say a lot more to explain to me what bad things had happened in his life.

"Do you want more?"

"More?"

Quite honestly, I didn't even remember what we were talking about. My brain felt like one of those night when I held an all-nighter.

I knew that we were talking. That was already a very big performance to do at the moment.

"I assume if the deal's unfair you'd want to get more out of it," he said with a raised eyebrow. I scowled while opening my mouth a little. "Getting just my sad story isn't enough. Seems like it then. You're a greedy bitch after all."

Greedy bitch? His sad story? Edward had a sad story?

Well, I bet mine was sadder then his. Not that this was a match between who'd suffered the most.

Greedy bitch! He called me that. He thought that I that I was gaining too little out of this deal, the deal he made.

"I meant you," I quickly mumbled, ignoring the sting his words caused. "It's unfair to you."

I didn't know anything about Edward's history. I knew that he was adopted and his siblings were also adopted. But that was all. If he had to give me his story, we would need a lot of time for him to explain about his past. I thought that was unfair for Edward.

Not just that, he'd be mad. Very, very mad. Whatever was said now would long be forgotten by the time he knew who I truly was. And when he found out, I doubted he'd stick to the deal and still tell me about his past.

Did he really go through something? Edward has demons? Did he suffer too, the way that I suffered? He still is?

He laughed ever so lightly.

"Let me be the judge of that," he said.

"Don't," I said with a shook of my head. "You don't have to tell me anything."

This time is was Edward who watched mystified but also amused.

"I just think it's very unfair for you, and I don't want you to get mad at me for-"

"Hey? Shut up. You act as if I'll fucking hate you after I know shit about you."

You will.

"I will find out."

"No, don't." I shook my head a little with it.

"Watch me." He looked conceited.

And I gave up.

"You should be pissed at us and scream at us."

For a second I believed Emmett was right. I should have been angry and instead of cowering away, I should be screaming at them for ruining years of my life.

"Be careful around him."

Those few words seemed holy now. Jasper was right too. I had to be careful.

"Don't forget to be cautiousness."

I hadto remember his last warning. Indeed, never forget to stay cautiousness around Edward, and actually all of them.

"How do you know I'm adopted?" he asked, he eyes watching me in challenge, but also a slight innocent that assured me that he wasn't mad.

Oh, no.

"Uh..."

Words, Bella, words!

"I... don't. I mean, I didn't know."

"You said that you know after I told you." He raised an eyebrow as I remembered my previous reply to him.

"Are you angry?"

He opened his mouth a little as if to say yes, only it ends up being a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes.

"I am not mad at you, brown eyes," he said slowly. "And I'll tell you why."

I noticed Edward lean a bit toward me, almost on the near point of making skin contact with me. I was actually curious as to what he was about to say, but Mr. Banner angrily interrupted him.

"Edward, keep your mouth shut for the next twenty-two minutes."

Almost instantly, Edward replied. "That's probably not what you said to your wife this morning."

I blinked. I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly, because also the context of those words weren't quite right. However, I did hear gasps of shock, a wave of whispers that started after that one very cruelthing had been said and also, there was laughter.

"Principal's office! Right now, Mr. Cullen!"

Mr. Banner was furious and I didn't blame him. What Edward just said was really inexcusable.

"Mr. Cullen?" Edward asked in fake shock. "What happened to Edward?"

"Leave. Now."

Edward stood up, the strap of his bag already in his hand. He put it around his shoulder and grabbed his Biology book. Slowly - he's taking his time - he pushed his chair back, but instead of walking to the door, he leaned down, his lips close to my right ear.

He whispered, "See you in twenty-two, cutie."

Edward wasn't mocking just me, but others as well. Right now, he was mocking Mr. Banner. That made me feel slightly better, to not be the only one he mocked with.

I stopped breathing when his breath touched my ear and his words got registered by my brain. Boxing lesson. After school.

Cutie.

"Get out, Edward."

I looked up at Mr. Banner because his voice sounded changed. It seemed like he wasn't fuming anymore. In fact, he was watching us in a rather peculiar way. I wanted to call myself crazy when for a moment I thought there was fascination on his face as he looked from Edward, to me and back at Edward. His eyes lingered on him, so I shifted so I could see Edward and jumped nearly out of my chair when I saw he was still standing very close beside me, hunched. He was grinning. It was quite annoying though, because I didn't know what was funny.

He slowly stood straight without taking his eyes off of me. When I looked back at Mr. Banner, I saw that his eyes were still on Edward. I wondered what both of them were thinking.

Eventually, Edward did turn, but I kept my eyes on him until he reached the door and really left to the principal office.

And then, right after he was on a safe distance from me, I could finally breathe again. The strange feeling in my chest that was almost choking me was gone. It was even stranger that I hadn't realized it before, that feeling of being choked when Edward was near me. I only just now got aware of that fact.

He chokes me with his presence.

I could almost cry at my own stupid weakness. It was such a misfortune. His whole being was confusing me so much that I wasn't able to think clearly.

It was awfully rude of Edward to say what he did to Mr. Banner. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, especially because nobody was able to quiet down their laughter.

So I raised my hand and before Mr. Banner was able to even acknowledge me, I asked the only question that I could think of.

"Did you say that test about chapters nine and ten are tomorrow or the day after tomorrow?"

Everybody in class suddenly groaned and Mr. Banner watched with confusion at me.

"There is no test," he said in confusion. With his next blink, he understood what I was doing. "No, no, Rebecca, I'm sorry I forgot to mention that there will be no test after all."

"Okay," I said.

The class turned to absolute silence and I smiled a little. I probably delivered most of those students a small heart attack, especially when some boy behind me whispered to one of his friends that the chapters nine and ten don't exist.

At least they stopped laughing.