Life isn't easy, Shizu-chan
Chapter 4

[[ Okay sorry. I kinda lost all motivation to write anything, although I've had a few messages asking why there isn't a next chapter.
Right, writing time.
- Courtney xx ]]

I had fallen asleep after talking to Shizuo.
I hadn't been eating properly, so fainting and sleeping more was a natural reaction for a man with next to no energy.

When I awoke, I was groggy and confused. My chest hurt and my stomach was aching for food.
"Shizuo.." I called, listening for any noises. I heard nothing. Had the brute left?

"Shizuuuu.." I shouted again, getting aggrivated. He was there when I didn't need him, but now where was he? I wanted some food. I was hungry. But my legs would probably give out underneath me if I tried going to the kitchen.

I waited longer, but the only noise was a pigeon cooing outside my window.

Okay, so the brute was gone when I needed him. I could handle it, I told myself, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. It was cold, so I snatched up a grandpa sweater and pulled it over me, luckily nobody knew I had this worn down thing.

I stood up shakily, my legs threatening to give way, though I stepped carefully along the carpets and made it to the kitchen unharmed. I did sort of wish Shizuo was there to help me though, I really needed some support.

My fingers wrapped around the fridge handle, head starting to spin. "Shizuo.." I called again, just in case he was ignoring me and hiding somewhere in the house. Still, there was no reply, so I pulled out a bar of dark chocolate from the fridge and sat upon the cold tiled floor of the kitchen, pushing blocks of chocolate in my mouth.

It took me about.. 20 minutes to eat the whole thing, then I was full, and feeling a little more energetic. I decided to walk to my laptop and join a chatroom or something, when I noticed Shizuo on the couch, asleep.

I stared down at him, feeling a horrible burst of pain in my chest. I moved onto my desk chair quickly.

Shizuo.. What was he doing, sleeping there? He could have helped me, he could have made me something real to eat, something to make me feel better. But instead he satisfied his own needs of sleep, while the man he insisted on coming home with was emotionally and physically wasting away.

I had never really felt a big hate for anyone in the human race, and I didn't now. I used to like to toy with people, now they hear I'm weak, and try at killing me, and taking revenge in suttle ways.
I didn't exactly hate Shizu-chan, I just found he was like those little tin toys, where you wind up the key and they set off, charging around and sometimes flailing their arms around, or lashing out at the air.

Now, all I felt for Shizuo was hurt.

To know he was there, when I actually needed him, and called for him, made me feel utterly downgraded. I had gathered the courage to call to my 'enemy' and here he was, ignoring my calls of help, instead getting a nice long rest. As if he needed the energy.

After a moment of reading fanfictions on a website, I strolled over to Shizuo and sat down in front of his face, glaring at it. He kicked up such a fuss about that note when he was awake, I bet he wouldn't even notice if I jumped out of the window. If he did, he wouldn't care. He'd probably take my champagne and celebrate my death.

"Shizuo." I said in a monotone voice, looking all over his face in case of any reaction to him hearing his name. Nothing.

Okay, I gave him four chances, and I need something for energy before I pass out.

It actually took a lot more energy than I thought, but I screamed. In his face. So close to his ear.

I watched his eyes shoot open as he sat up quickly, then turned to me with eyes resembling an owls'. "I-Izaya! Are you okay?" He asked, all of his words sort of forming into one word.

"I'm hungry. Very hungry." I answered coldly, then moved back over to the desk and sat down, leaning back a little in the comfortable chair, while I watched Shizuo.

The blonde stood and, much to my dissappointment, he only had underwear on. I pulled a face and looked away, not wanting to see that.

"I'll go buy a take-away." He grunted, tiredness seeming to wash over him as he pulled on some trousers.

"Not a take-away. I'd rather not have a heart attack and grow to the size of a house, thank-you very much. How about a salad? Or baked beans? Something worth eating. Check my kitchen." I closed my eyes as I talked, the sun basking over my eyelids.
It felt kind of nice, sort of like surrendering my soul to the sun, relaxing.

Shizuo didn't say anything, but I heard the hem of his jeans drag along the floor as he walked away from me, letting me alone to rest again.

Life was hard for now, soon it would be over. I wanted people to remember me as THE Izaya Orihara. Not what had become of me. I had to do something impressive, fast. Murder a few world-class criminals or something, then I could leave this world feeling accomplished.

Maybe then my humans might love me in return.