Disclaimer: See prolouge. Language may offend. Canadian stereotypes (that I hate, because I am also Canadian, but they're common, even here...)
Hope you enjoy. (:
03: New York City
xXx
Silence just keeps screaming back at me,
The ones I love I lost in memories.
xXx
When you leave something or someone, you can't help but feel like you're life is over, like you're dying.
Because when you leave them or it, a piece of you stays with them.
A piece you never knew you needed, until now.
xXx
Magnus Bane's apartment was... Colourful, to say the least.
I blinked at the furniture, unable to look away from it. Or, at least until Magnus walked into the living room with drinks. I accepted the Coke thankfully, the heat wafting in through the half-open window.
He settled down onto the couch with a flourish, grinning at each of us. Cameron fidgetted in his seat, not wanting to make eye contact it seemed. He was raised differently than I, yet we were still close.
Cameron feared and disliked Downworlders, some of them he had a right to, of course, while others it was altogether rude. I couldn't care less, having some Downworlder friends and boyfriends.
"So, why exactly did you have to flee Canada? Rogue polar bears? Melting igloos?" Magnus asked with that wicked grin. I flinched at the harsh jest, trying to smoother my pride for my country. There were no polar bears where we lived, no igloos either.
Instead of making snide American comments like I longed to do, I shook my head, smirking at him. "Not exactly," I answered, the smirk sliding off my face as soon as it came on. "More like an attack on our Institute."
I expected him to sit up or appear concerned, but he didn't, only toying with a fraying throw. A light glinted in his, curiosity and a hint of shock that I doubted the others could see. Being able to hide my emotions as well as he, or slightly worse than him, I could pick up concealed looks and body language.
"Ariel here contacted you. I'm Dani Seraphim," I greeted, holding out a hand. Gingerly, he shook it, the curiosity now clearly displayed on his cat-like features. As soon as he dropped my hand, there was a knock on the door.
Cameron scowled beside me, tensing. "You're expecting someone?" He asked harshly. I grinned at Magnus, elbowing Cameron in the ribs swiftly and painfully. He winced, and I smirked.
It wouldn't matter if was expected people, which, it turned out, he was. We were the ones that had suddenly came, from Canada, disrupting his life momentairly. "Yes," Magnus answered, eyeing Cameron with a curious dislike.
Snorting, my friend turned away, something shining brightly in his eyes. Humilation. I smirked, and patted his knee condescendingly.
Magnus got to his feet, moving to the door with a rustle of fabric and silent padding of bare feet. He twisted the handle, pulling it inwards, moving into the doorway swiftly. I glimpsed something black and stiff, like cotton clothing, before he blocked my view.
Their voices, two male and two female, talked in hushed tones. I couldn't catch a word of it, their voices too quick for my admitably impressive hearing. I scowled, turning back to my companions with an impatient and annoyed huff.
Alexandria, or rather Alex, Mason smiled warmly at me. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't, her soft and warm features only bringing back memories of my mother. She was the oldest of us Canadians here, being twenty to the second oldest nineteen, and had the whole maternal instinct thing down-pat.
She took my hand in hers, squeezing reassuringly. "It'll work out, Danielle," she murmured, grey eyes hopefully bright. I snatched my hand back, crossing my arms. Alex frowned, as did Ariel. I was supposed to be the one that knew what was going to happen to us, I was supposed to be the cool and collected and arrogantly in control one.
I wasn't supposed to be afraid of the future.
Glancing around the small group, my eyes flickering from anxious face to anxious face. They were scared, because I was. They figured if I was afraid and worried, there had to be a reason to be fearful or worried.
So, I pushed away the fear, like I always did, and grinned cockily at them. "Of course it will. Who could deny this?" I gestured to my face, pouting and widening my eyes innocently. My friends chuckled, grinning back as I smirked, even though I felt guilty for not telling them the truth.
Even if I didn't know anyone who could deny me, because I had a way of guilting and pushing people ruthlessly into what I wanted, I was still afraid of being homeless in New York with no money to our name and weapons.
Josh sighed theatrically, resting his arm around my shoulders. My body tensed, and I shot him a warning look. He ignored my look and rubbed my bare shoulder. "Don't I know it, Dani?" He mumbled, squeezing me to his side.
Cameron and I swore at the exact moment, getting to our feet together, as well. I'm sure our deathly glares were similar as well, but all I could feel was my outrage burning through me. Josh blinked up at me lazily, and I habitually stuck out a hip, planting a hand on it.
"Who the fuck are you to think that you can do that? I broke up with you, Josh, if you can't remember," I hissed, raising my hand to strike out, knowing I was being a bit overdramatic. A cool, soft hand grabbed my wrist, bringing it roughly to my side.
I scowled upwards, meeting Magnus Bane's catlike eyes. He raised a thin brow at me, dropping my arm, and turned to the four people that had been at the door.
The taller of the two men, who also appeared to be the oldest by the way he held himself, had soft-looking black hair that hung slightly past his ears, and icy blue eyes. His clothing was rather drab, hanging off his obviously muscular body.
As it was, he was the first to speak. "We're glad to house you after the accident." He said, sounding pleased and proud, though nothing about his stance confirmed his tone. He was slouched, hands stuffed in his pockets, not meeting my eyes.
I crossed my arms, snorting. "What accident?" I shook my head. "As I saw it, it was murder by a traitor that we loved, housed and trusted." The young man stiffened, and averted his eyes quickly. I rolled my eyes, heart pounding my chest painfully, and glanced to my friends.
Cameron was shooting me looks, his eyes flickering from me to the other man of their quartet. Curious, I looked over.
The other young man was slightly shorter than his elder, with sort of golden hair falling into his tawny eyes. He was cocky, arrogant and also a bit pissed off with my attitude.
I had an uncanny knowledge of body language.
Like, I could tell that pretty petite redhead that stood beside the blond had feelings for him, and the tall, dangerously beautiful girl and the black-haired boy were siblings. They stood slightly too close to each other, stances a little too protective to be friends.
The blond boy was eyeing me with narrowed eyes, sizing me up like you did with an opponent. I narrowed my eyes back, clenching my fists in the thin fabric of my tank top. The tension between the two of us was nearly tangible, hostility rolling off of me in waves.
"Dani," Ariel breathed, placing her hand on my arm lightly. I tilted my head in her direction, not looking away from Blondie once. "Maybe you could be more polite.. They are taking us in, after we randomly popped up here."
I snorted again and shook off her hand, breaking the silent staring contest. "If you think you could do nicer, be my guest." I hissed, turning away from the strangers. Cameron and Alex were watching my display with sad, tired eyes, and it sent a pang of sympathy through me.
I wasn't the only one going through this, I had to remember that. I wasn't only, my friends were orphans now as well. We were alone, figuratively, and had to fend for ourselves now. And here I was, making life hell for everyone.
Ariel groaned softly behind me. I didn't turn around and look, simply plopped down on the couch with Josh. He took my hand, squeezing it gently, bringing my gaze up to him. "Hey, don't feel bad," he murmured, low enough for only me to hear.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and this time I didn't object, glad of the sense of security. "It's just you being you, Danielle. You can't help it if you have attitude problems," Josh teased. I groaned and pushed his shoulder away playfully. He tightened his grip, keeping me close to his side.
"Ariel's right, though." I muttered into his cotton-clad shoulder, the smell of fire and expensive cologne muddling my mind. "I'm being... Me." By me, I meant bitchy and cold.
Josh sighed, and shook his head. "No, you're not, Dani. I know you, I've known you since you were five. I remember how you were then, before Sasha died. You were happy and you loved everyone. That's you."
I frowned, brows furrowing together. I could barely remember the time before my sister died, and the years afterward. It was all just a blur of grief and guilt. "Then she died.. And I became a bitch, right?" I growled, and tried to get away from him.
This is what always happened, and Josh knew it as well as I. I would open up, expose myself, talking about the forbidden subject (my sister's death) and then pull away abruptly. Afterwards, I wouldn't speak to them for weeks, maybe months.
Not because I wanted them to forget what I said and how I acted, even though I did, or because I wanted to forget how I exposed myself.
I did that because I was afraid. So fucking afraid.
I was afraid that they would use it against me, that we'd start talking about Sasha and my father, and I'd lose the cold, uncaring, cocky and proud person I wanted myself to be. I was afraid that I become too vulnerable to survive.
More importantly, I was afraid that if I opened up and talked about my feelings, I'd lose them and myself. It was so much easier being the icy and arrogant woman than the girl who lost it all.
And I didn't want to let anything or anyone in because of that.
I was so close to losing it all.
xXx
Ariel did the talking.
I stood silently, arms crossed, behind her. Blondie kept looking to me, and I kept looking back at him, face indifferent and cruelly blank. "I apologize for my friend's behavior. She's still rather shaken up by the betrayal, as you can understand," Ariel apologized, shooting me a look.
Shrugging, I kept my face still coolly closed. The redhead girl gave me a sympathetic look, looking as if she was going to say something but then decided not to. "You're thrilled that you're letting us stay with you. For how long, may I ask, if it's not too bold?" My friend asked.
My face contorted briefly with disgust. I didn't understand how she could be so polite, especially with four total strangers. Blondie and Red looked over at me at the exact moment, both of their expressions curious and inquisitive.
Masterfully, I rearranged my features back into the blank mask, watching the going-ons with a polite disinterest. The black-haired boy, Alec, glanced over to me, and looked back at Ariel. "For as long as you need. Our parents are only too glad to have more Shadowhunters with us," he answered.
I held back my snort of disbelief, knowing that his parents were probably not glad to have more rowdy teenagers around. Mine wouldn't have been. Ariel gave me a dark look, and turned back to the others with a wide, warm smile. "Thank you. Are we going back to the Institute now?" She questioned.
At that point, I tuned out, staring blankly at them as they conversed. She seemed thrilled, positively glad about living with them. As if our home was horrible and she wanted to get as far away from the memories as she could.
Of course, it only seemed that. Truthfully, Ariel felt the same as the rest of us. Wary and heartbroken. No one wanted to leave home, no one wanted to be here in New York. Personally, I wished I was back in Canada, doing something besides moping and mourning.
Canada was home.
America wasn't, and would most likely never be.
I envied Ariel and Alex, both of them able to settle so completely in another place that in a weeks time, they wouldn't be able to remember home . As much as I envied them, though, they angered me, by that one simple fact.
For as long as I lived, I'd never be able to forget tonight. The fighting, the dead, the running from Canada like our lives depended on it when everything we lived for was destroyed so did it really matter if we died or not?
I couldn't forget about tonight because it was physically and mentally impossible for me to do so.
The image of my brother's dying face and my mother running herself through afterwards would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Somebody tugged at my arm, and I blinked, looking up at Cameron's anxious face. Glancing away, I noticed the others waiting for us by the door.
"C'mon, Dani. We're going now." He murmured.
I blinked again and reached down, picking up my bags.
"This is our home now, Danielle," he went on as we walked towards the door, voice only loud enough for me to hear.
Angrily, I shook my head. "No. This will never be my home, Cameron," I spat back, and tore my arm out of his grasp, quickening my pace.
I didn't look back. I didn't want to see my own feelings on another's face. I didn't want to know that this was my life now.
Because I just couldn't accept that.
xXx
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home.
xXx
Hope you enjoyed, 'cause I did. (:
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Until next time. Review! (:
xWhiteRainx
