Blue Spheres
Teleportation of matter was a curious thing, for as far as scientists could theorize, the near-instantaneous disintegration and reformation of a solid object must occur. It was therefore assumed that the same must happen with living creatures, a theory that sounded too horrific for words, but would remain a mere theory until anyone could retain any memory of the event.
In any case, the first thought that crossed Sonic's mind as his body re-materialized, was Checkerboards. It's always checkerboards.
Granted, to his best knowledge, no game of actual checkers had ever been played on the distinctly-patterned surface of a midsize spherical planet-thing suspended in the center of a tripped-out pocket dimension, but he'd have to ask Tails about that one.
Actually, scratch that; Tails would probably argue that the shape they were now standing on wasn't perfectly spherical.
Knuckles interrupted the hedgehog's inner soliloquy with "Sonic, you're wearing a blue shirt."
"Wha!?" Sonic started, looking down. "Oh. I am. No pants, though. Phew. And you're in a red shirt."
"...so I am." Knuckles conceded after further inspection.
Sonic and Knuckles turned to their younger friend, who then proceeded to look down at himself. The wagging of his twin tails abruptly ground to a standstill. The gears in his analytical mind apparently did too, for it took him a few moments to even form a sentence.
"So...why am I... wearing a green shirt?" he mumbled.
"Hey, well, two out of three ain't bad. Good job, trippy fun-world!" Sonic called out.
"No!" Tails spat. "Terrible job! There's no green anywhere on me! If we wanted to really equalize it, we should all swap shirts to make three partial matches; Sonic's sneakers are red, I have blue eyes, and Knuckles has those little green patches on his shoes!"
Sonic and Knuckles blinked.
"You're probably overthinking this," Knuckles finally said.
Tails ran a hand through his bangs, flattening them against his skull. "I-it just...it makes no sense!"
"Deep breath, li'l bro," said Sonic. "It's just shirts."
Tails looked at Sonic. His snout crinkled, as though he had just smelled a piece of rancid watermelon and it was causing him physical pain.
"And the sight of you with blue arms is creeping me out."
"Tails, why are you suddenly bothered by the logic of color choice?" Knuckles asked. "We just spent a while running on a cap that floats in thin air when you spin it…"
The fox paused, then visibly relaxed. His twin tails resumed their regularly-scheduled programming.
Knuckles nodded. "Great. Now we can put this behi-"
"Boy, am I glad you asked! I don't really find that illogical so much as I just haven't fully grasped it yet. I've always assumed that since Marble Garden was rich in ferrous materials, there were electromagnetic forces at play. I mean, I know of course that Gauss' Law dictates the lack of 'magnetic charge' by the very strictest definition, but, well, with the highest respect due to Mr. Maxwell, no one ever took the power of the Master Emerald into account. Especially given the undeniable proportionality with the rotational inertia of the cap. I figure there must be an undiscovered phenomenon at work...ley lines acting as a conduit for the magnetic corollary of Lenz's Law, if you will. So I do have a hypothesis; I just haven't gotten the exact proof nailed down yet. Ooh actually, I have some unfinished research on the subject back in my workshop! I could bring it for you sometime if you'd like?"
"I...I think I'm good, thanks," Knuckles said, looking somewhat shell-shocked. "Sonic...did you understand a word of that?"
The grin spanning the entire width of Sonic's face appeared to be one of pride. "Yeah, the word 'the.'"
Tails giggled sheepishly. "Anyway, enough about me. I take it we're in one of those 'Special Stages' to collect a Chaos Emerald?"
Knuckles nodded. "Now we have to learn its rules."
"Whaddya mean, learn?" said Sonic. "We did this funky blue-sphere dance number plenty of times on your island."
"This world is defined at the Master Emerald's whim," said Knuckles. "Location doesn't have much to do with it. Didn't you encounter different rulesets before that?"
"Oh...yeah. This halfpipe-y bomb-fest and a dreamlike, rotating...I don't even know how to describe it."
"Dreams..." muttered Tails.
Knuckles glanced at him. "Hmm?"
"Is that why they're called Special Stages? Like the stages of sleep?"
"I hadn't thought of it that way," said Knuckles, shifting uncomfortably. "Anyway, to learn its rules, we need to look for some sort of sign."
He stared at the distant horizon, a hypnotically slow whorl of colors, lights, and various other silhouettes.
Tails also looked at the sky, then frowned. "Is that shape supposed to be a feather duster?"
"I thought it was a pogo stick?" replied Sonic.
Knuckles shook his head. "Don't get too distracted by those. Wait, look!"
He pointed at a location in the sky where a series of white-lettered words began to fade into view. The trio squinted at the words. Their clarity began to improve, slowly but surely, until they were almost readable. Then, without warning, they vanished entirely.
Knuckles grunted. "Did anyone catch that? I thought I saw the word 'spheres' in there."
"Yeah," said Tails. "I thought so too, but that was it."
Sonic snickered. "Bummer. That was the only word we didn't need to be told."
"Hmm," mused Tails, "now it really doesn't seem so unreasonable to assume this checkered floor pattern might be-"
"The tartan of the McNosehair clan?" Sonic quipped.
"The game we played before, with the blue spheres." Tails finished.
"I still don't think so," said Knuckles. "The Master Emerald wouldn't use the same defense mechanism twice. It needs to make sure the individual playing is worthy of the Chaos Emeralds, so it creates new, nearly impossible challenges."
"Impossible challenges are my specialty!" said Sonic, thumbing his chest.
"Humility, too," Knuckles responded. "But I know for a fact you've failed Special Stages before."
"Okay, fine, I have, but someone behind me wanted to 'analyze' every bomb in sight…"
Tails frowned. "I was four, Sonic. I've gotten much better since."
The dinging of an otherworldly bell rang. Vertical screens of light shot down from the sky, separating the heroes and cordoning off the stage into three regions. Sonic instinctively curled up into a ball and felt himself being shoved to the side. When the motion stopped, he uncurled and found his region rapidly filling with blue spheres.
"OK guys!" he called, hoping the others would hear him through the walls. "It looks like I'm the one playing. I just have to turn all these blue spheres into...red…spheres...?"
He trailed off upon glancing at the region where Knuckles was. It had already filled with red spheres, gently crowding him without causing him any harm.
Knuckles looked down at the entirely placid red spheres, then made eye contact with Sonic. They stared at each other in confusion for a second, then in unison, yelled "Tails!"
Tails was standing between them, in the largest region. It was entirely empty and dark. A spotlight burst onto where he was standing. More specifically, on his green shirt.
"Oh..." Tails said in a small voice.
The blue and red spheres in each region eagerly pressed up the walls towards him.
"W-wait, listen, I didn't want to be wearing this, okay?" he called out, trying fruitlessly to remove his shirt.
On the horizon, where the words had been, three green circles appeared in a horizontal row. A large white glove appeared beneath them, its fingers signing the number three.
"Wait, I…!"
The fingers counted down to two. Tails whimpered.
"Tails," shouted Sonic, "you've got this! Look alive!"
One finger. Tails steeled himself and turned towards the red spheres.
The glove disappeared as the sound of a whistle blew. A sphere from Knuckles' region levitated, then shot through the light barrier towards Tails. He yelped and dropped to a sit, narrowly avoiding it.
"Whoa, I didn't know they could-AAH!"
Tails flung himself onto his back to avoid another red sphere, then scrambled to his feet. A third sphere shot low to the ground. Tails hopped over it.
"Knuckles! Tell your kids to chill!" Sonic yelled.
"Are you crazy? I'm not the one doing this!" Knuckles snapped back.
"Then why is there a red baseball cap on your head!?"
"For the same reason there's a blue one on yours!"
Tails reached up to feel a cap on his own head, and, suspecting he knew what color it was, took a deep, calming breath.
"Yeah, well, my team is well-behaved," retorted Sonic, "so find a way to...huh?"
One of the blue spheres began to levitate as well.
"Tails, look out!"
Tails' ears tilted backwards towards Sonic's warning, but he didn't quite catch what the problem was until the blue sphere struck him in the back of the head. He fell forward onto his hands. Sonic instinctively tried to rush to Tails, but the luminous barrier held him back.
A buzzer sounded angrily, and one of the three green circles on the horizon dissolved. The fox jumped to his feet again, just in time to face the spheres as they continued to fly.
"Getting hit was bad," said Knuckles.
Tails bent backwards as another sphere whizzed by. "I concur!" he squeaked.
Sonic rolled his eyes. "You're not helping, Captain Ooonn your left, Tails!"
Tails dodged. "Thanks! Keep warning me!"
"How long is this gonna last?" Sonic asked, keeping an eye trained on his own spheres' antics.
"We haven't -jump, now!- seen this game before, so I have no idea." Knuckles replied.
"Ugh, I just wish we could do something instead of -heads up!- being sitting ducks here."
"Maybe we -floooooor!- can? What if he - shimmy! - tried to run around this entire sphere?"
Sonic's eyes widened. He mouthed the word no! and performed a rapid throat-slashing gesture.
Knuckles raised an eye ridge and then turned to the fox. "Tails, can you run around this entire sphere?"
"It's a toroid!" Tails yelled, mid-jump.
Knuckles' expression went blank. "A what?"
Sonic facepalmed.
"This planetoid is a toroid, not a sphere," Tails said quickly, his eyes darting around as he watched and evaded the continuing assault. "It's a surface of revolution but more complicated than a perfect sphere. I know this because, one, they were toroids the last time, and two, I can tell from the irregular flow of the checkerboard patterns, as well as the curvature of the horizon. So I don't know that circumnavigating the toroid would be wise because of the chance that a sphere would loop around the smaller radius. Granted, I'm not sure if this shape is annular or -ack!"
The red (and perfect) sphere whacking Tails in the face gave him plenty of time to analyze the floor pattern from a far more personal viewpoint. After a moment he groaned and stood up, just in time for the buzzer to sound again. Another green circle faded from the horizon, leaving only one left.
"Knuckles, why didn't you warn me about that one?" Tails cried.
"Whuhh?" Knuckles droned, his eyes glazed over.
"Bud, he can't help if you crash his brain."
"Oh."
Sonic watched as a group of six red spheres levitated in Knuckles' region, apparently planning a blitz of some sort. Tails shrunk back, staring at them, trying to preemptively determine how they'd fly.
Sonic leaned forward, pounding his hands in frustration at the wall of light. It was impenetrable to his touch and yet, completely nonexistent as far as those stupid blue spheres were concerned.
His hands dropped to his sides and his eyes widened. Blue spheres?
The crimson ambush commenced. Tails bent sideways to avoid the first sphere, crouched to avoid the second, lifted a leg to avoid the third, flew upwards to avoid the fourth, dropped hard to avoid the fifth, and…
The sixth sphere was headed straight for him as he lay prone. He had planned to roll out of its way, but now he wasn't sure he could do it in time. Especially having noticed, from the corner of his eye, a lone blue sphere approaching.
"Aah!"
Tails tried to press himself more flatly on the ground. He scrunched his eyes shut, waiting for the impact.
The sound of impact came shortly thereafter, but for some reason, the feel of it did not.
"Huh?"
Tails opened his eyes again, and scrambled to his feet at the sight of another group of red spheres headed his way. But before they even came close, the lone blue sphere smashed its way into each red sphere in short order. It then uncurled into a smug blue hedgehog.
"Ha! Beat that!" it shouted with a fist-pump.
Tails simply stared.
"What," Sonic chuckled, "you didn't think I could occasionally do smart things?"
Tails shook his head. "Um...Sonic…"
"Aw come on. Admit you're impressed that I outwitted this dumb game."
Otherwise frozen in place, Tails lifted a finger to point behind Sonic.
The hedgehog turned to see the gloved hand from earlier. It had been impossible to gauge its size on the horizon, but now, floating ominously a foot away, the sight was enough to wipe the smile from Sonic's face.
"Uh...hi. About the 'dumb game' remark, I-"
One hearty flick later, and Sonic was back in his own region, also analyzing the floor.
Satisfied, the hand snapped its fingers, disappearing as the game started up again. The floor tiles began to light up in irregular patterns, not unlike the facets of a disco ball. Tails had the impression that some flagrantly outdated ambient music was playing as well, but frankly, he couldn't be sure of anything his mind was telling him at this point.
Meanwhile, a newly-coherent Knuckles had re-assessed the situation.
"To your right, Tails! One behind yo-jump! Rrrgh. Sonic, get up and help me here!"
"If truly free be stopped never through all that's happening," Sonic informed the tiles.
Several blue spheres took advantage of their fearless leader's nap and also levitated as a group.
"Another ambush?!" Tails squeaked.
"I'll show you an ambush," Knuckles growled. He grabbed the nearest two red spheres in one hand each and, coldly ignoring their panicked wiggles of protest, hurled them through the barrier. They cleanly impacted the blue spheres closest to Tails, knocking them away. Tails dodged the rest.
Sonic finally got up and looked around. "Guys, was I beaned a bit too hard, or is there music playing now?"
Tails leapt out of a sphere's path. "Oh phew. So it's not just me."
"I think it's coming from the horizon," said Sonic, pointing. "Maybe go check it out?"
"So...you do want me traveling?"
Sonic shrugged. "Might solve a mystery..."
"...or we'll be history," Tails added cautiously.
"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles yelled.
"A-woo-oo!" yodeled Sonic.
Tails and Knuckles slowly turned to look at him.
"Sonic…why?"
"Dunno."
Knuckles threw his hands up. "We're trying to survive here!"
"Meh. Every day we're out here taking-"
"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles screamed again.
"A-woo-oo!"
"You're gonna make Tails do bad, and-"
"Good luck, Tails!" Sonic belted out.
Knuckles pressed against his wall, teeth gritted. "Sonic. Stop. Singing."
"You're BOTH SINGING," Tails screamed, his hands in a stiff curl and jerking together as though he were trying to play the cymbals with two invisible coconuts.
Knuckles blinked several times. "I am?"
The colors on the horizon began to swirl faster. More writing appeared, and this time, there was no ambiguity in its vibrant, pulsing letters:
DANGER
"Watch behind you!" yelled Knuckles, as the tiles near Tails began to collapse into a red void. Throwing his love of caution (and geometry) to the wind, the latter broke into a sprint across the playing field to stay on even ground. The sphere-filled regions followed, keeping him centered between them.
"Three o'clock, 'bout to blindside you!" Sonic continued. Tails slid under the onslaught from his right, then jumped up and continued running.
The tiles in front of Tails shot upwards vertically, as the ones behind him continued to collapse.
"What to do-!?" he gasped.
"Just grab onto some-"
Before Sonic could even finish his sentence, Tails had gripped a tile and gotten yanked up with it.
"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles yelled, beginning to wonder why he couldn't bring himself to vary his phrasing. Either way, it worked. Tails ducked his head under a sphere and earned another tonal hoot from Sonic.
Tails released the tile and dropped to an area of intact ground amidst the chaos. On the horizon, in one direction, a glow of light beckoned. But the floor tiles around him continued to shatter and fly. He dodged another few spheres and scanned the area rapidly for an escape.
He shook his head frantically. "Every way is out there breaking-"
"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles reminded him.
"A-woo-oo!" cheered Sonic, when the action was complete.
Knuckles pointed to a tiny opening in the tile/sphere hurricane. "Tails, be daring, through that!"
"And good luck, Tails!" Sonic yelled with a thumbs-up.
Tails screamed somewhat melodically as he squeezed past with barely an inch to spare.
"Not over, Tails," warned Knuckles.
"The bottom, Tails!" yelled Sonic, pointing to a tile under the fox's foot, about to crumble.
"No!" Tails shrieked, flying upwards.
Sensing an opportunity, the spheres from both regions all levitated at once, then fired towards the airborne fox.
"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles and Sonic hollered in unison.
Tails flipped around in mid-air so he was facing the sky, then propelled himself downwards. He grabbed the only remaining tile and hung underneath it. A millisecond later, the sphere groups converged above him, exploding upon impact in a shower of sparks.
"A-woo-oo!" Sonic cheered.
A pleasant bell rang, and the glove on the horizon reappeared long enough to flash a thumbs-up. Tails hoisted himself up onto the tile as the floor began to reform itself and the screens of light dissipated. Sonic sprinted over to his younger friend, who had taken the opportunity to sit down.
"Dude! That was great!"
"Thank you," Tails replied flatly.
Sonic gave him a lopsided grin. "You're okay?"
"Once we get out of here."
The light on the horizon flashed brighter, then formed itself into an apple-sized, glowing gemstone that approached the trio from behind.
"There's the Chaos Emerald!" said Knuckles. "It's the-"
"Don't..." Tails quietly interrupted.
"What?" asked Knuckles. "I was just going to say it's the green one."
"Of course. Green." the fox mumbled. His tails snaked up and around his body like mutant ivy, half-covering his face as it began reddening. Sonic, having a sudden flashback to the time he had forbidden his four-year-old sidekick from analyzing the bombs in the halfpipe, quickly reached out to grab the Chaos Emerald.
The group disappeared in a green flash just as Tails' mouth flew open.
XXX
"ARRGH. Cubot!" yelled Eggman, yanking off a pair of headphones that was somehow stretched across the entire top of the Master Emerald. "When I said to 'keep an eye on' the Emerald, I didn't mean you should watch cartoons with it!"
Author's Notes:
(Thank you Nina for the kind review!)
One of the disadvantages of writing a chapter around an external gag reference is that I run the risk of alienating entire demographics - in this case, particularly those between the ages of 10 and 25, and older than, oh, 40? I'd say sorry, but the official social media accounts have referenced DuckTales at least once, so I call canon.
And sorry yet again for the extended delay, but, well, life is like a hurricane...
