Tessla paid Vanora a visit later that day. She was surprised to find the woman alone after being so ill such a short time ago, but Vanora explained.
"I sent the man packin'. Told him if he didn't get out of the house I'd never let him near me again. I swear, I thought he was going to rub the hide from my hand he was holding it so much." She gave a bright smile. "He's a big babe himself, you know."
Tessla smiled in return. "I've noticed that. You look much better. How do you feel?"
Vanora waved her hands. "Oh, I'll live. It isn't the first time this has happened and it is doubtless not to be the last. It was worse than before this time though."
"Vanora," Tessla began hesitantly. "You…almost died."
"I know," Vanora said quietly. "I'll tell you why I'm not, but you're bound to think I'm mad."
"Because of Tristan," Tessla asked.
Vanora's eyes widened. "How did you know that?"
Tessla lowered her head. She did not want to see the fear and loathing on the other woman's face when she told her secret. Vanora had come to mean so much to her.
"I see him," she whispered. "I've seen him every day since the day of his death. I, like my mother before me, am a seer. I was appointed to be Tristan's guide as a child by my father, who was a mage and a necromancer."
"Oh," Vanora said, clearing her throat. "Well then…perhaps you won't think me mad after all."
Tessla looked at the other woman confusedly. "You aren't going to start shrieking and cursing me to be in leagues with demons?"
Vanora gave a laugh before she saw that Tessla was serious. "Of course not, you silly git. Why would I? It doesn't change who you are, or that you're of a good soul."
One moment Tessla was sitting beside her friend's bed with a look of puzzlement, and in the next instant she was draped across Vanora, embracing her and crying.
"Thank you," she sobbed. Vanora patted her awkwardly.
"There now," she soothed. As Tessla sat back and sniffed in a most unladylike manner, Vanora picked at her blanket in thought.
"Why didn't Tristan go into the afterlife with Lancelot? According to the legends, knights are reborn as horses."
Tessla nodded. "A part of them, yes. The part that is the soldier. The part that is just a man remains in the hereafter. A…erm, friend, of my father's told me so."
"But why didn't Tristan go?"
"His life was incomplete," Tessla said. "Since his death we've been trying to figure out why, but until last night we had no clue. Then when he saw you and Bors, he knew that his life had been missing love. No one other than his brothers had ever loved him, and he had never loved anyone either."
"Well for the sake of the gods! How the hell is he supposed to fix that?! It isn't as if he's got idiots lined up to be in love with him! Especially since he's got no body!" Vanora exclaimed.
Tessla's lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears again.
Vanora's eyes widened again and her mouth took on a distinct 'o' shape. "Vanora, you great stupid cow," she scolded herself. "Oh, dear, don't cry. I didn't mean that you were an idiot."
"But I am! I am!" Tessla sobbed. "Vanora, I've fallen in love with a spirit! A spirit! What kind of future is that, hmm?"
"Well, I dunno…maybe there's some—"
"It isn't as if we can get married, now is it?" Tessla continued. "I mean, if the priest said 'til death ye do part' we could just say 'well, it's been real fun' and end it there! It isn't as if I can birth little…spirit….babies!" she cried, waving her hands.
"No, but you can enjoy your time together. How've you been spending these past months? You two talk, don't you?"
Tessla nodded, looking miserable.
"See? That's something half the world's couples don't do. God knows Bors and I don't often."
"But, I think about him when he was alive. I used to watch the knights in the practice ring. I gave him water once," she said with a small smile.
"I would see him in the field by the river, sitting in the grass alone and I would wonder about him. About what it would be like to be with him."
She was quiet a moment. "It is torturous, you know, being so close to him but not being able to touch him."
Vanora nodded silently. "Perhaps you should tell him that," she offered, but Tessla shook her head.
"My neurosis isn't helpful to him. He doesn't love me."
"Maybe he will," Vanora said. She was about to say more, but Bors entered the hut followed by a few of the children.
Tessla smiled at them and rose, squeezing her friend's hand. "Thank you for everything," she said.
When she'd gone, Vanora slapped Bors on the arm when he bent to kiss her.
"What?" he asked defiantly.
"Why do you men have to be so bloody difficult?" she said wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.
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Tristan stared out over the muddy water of the river deep in thought. He had spent all day on the bank of the river thinking over the situation in which he found himself.
Love...
What the hell did he know about it? He'd never known it. He'd never shown it. Except for Vanora, who had been mother and sister to the other knights, he'd never recieved an act of kindness from a woman that hadn't wanted something in return.
Tristan tilted his head to the side at the thought. That wasn't entirely true. There had been a woman once--more a girl really--who had offered him a skin of water while he had been practicing.
Funny he should think about it now. He pictured the face of the young girl with kind eyes wide and curious. She had offered him her waterskin without hesitation. As he stared into those innocent eyes, he had--for some unknown reason--accepted her gift. Gods help him, he had even smiled at the imp. She had smiled back and a charming dimple appeared in...her...cheek...
Tristan's head snapped straight and his mouth fell open.
Tessla.
It had been Tessla.
The memory of the girl with the water had survived the hardships and battles of all these years. He had clung to that one act of generosity his entire life. Was that love?
He didn't know that or not, but since Tessla was the one person who had selflessly given him something, small drink of water though it was, he decided then and there that he would return the favor.
Somehow, he would give her something that she wanted.
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