AN – Ah, Ramona…This chapter is centred around how Sheldon asks for Amy's advice on how to 'get rid' of Ramona, I've juggled things around from 'The Cooper-Nowitzi Theorum' episode…hope you enjoy!

"And now…to tell you about the Theoretical Physics Department is Dr. Sheldon Cooper." Leonard picked up his bottle of peach Snapple and led a round of applause to herald Sheldon's entrance into the lecture room. "Dr. Cooper." Leonard said again, glancing nervously at the door marked 'authorised personnel only' and there was a muffled murmur from the corridor.

"Forget it."

"Excuse me." Leonard set the bottle down on the lectern and opened the door to peer into the corridor. He lowered his voice so that it didn't carry into the classroom. "Now Sheldon, we both agreed to do this."

"This is a waste of time; I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of Labradoodles."

"If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic-book store." Leonard's threat immediately brought Sheldon into the classroom; his face peering around the edge door.

"Hello." Sheldon cautiously made his way over to the lectern and sniffed as the scent of burning plastic hit his nostrils; he glanced over to see the burning embers of what used to be a rather expensive helium-neon laser. "Nice work with the laser, by the way." Sheldon smirked over at his roommate and saw him try to hide the bottle of Snapple behind his back. "Looking out at your fresh young faces I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was fourteen and had achieved more than most of you could ever hope to; despite my 900 bed time. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics. Although it's more likely that you will spend your scientific careers teaching a bunch of fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava."

"Oh, good God." Leonard leant his head against his palm and wondered if there was any way he could stop the Dean of Physics from hearing about the complete disaster that Sheldon was creating with every word dropping from his lips.

"In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make any significant contributions to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed."

"And it just gets better and better…" Leonard murmured from the corner, praying that an earthquake would swallow up the ground from under them, anything would be preferable than having to hear the Dean lecturing them both on how not to persuade a bunch of undergraduates that physics was the way forward.

"Any questions?" Sheldon gazed at the blank faces and sighed. "Of course not. I weep for the future of science." He stated and turned to leave the hall. "Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of 'Batman' is out." He headed for the corridor and called back into the room just as he went through the door. "Come, Leonard."

"Laser demonstration's looking pretty good now, huh?" Leonard quipped as he collected his laptop from the lectern and followed Sheldon back into the physics department.

The next afternoon, the guys were eating lunch in the cafeteria when Leslie Winkle stopped by the table. "So, Dumbass, I heard you made a grad student throw up last night." Sheldon glanced up from his salad and replied slowly.

"The truth can indeed be a finger down the throat of those unprepared to hear it. But why should I cater to second-rate minds?"

"Because first-rate minds call you "dumbass"?" Leslie suggested with a smirk and Howard stifled a chuckle behind his napkin. Sheldon bristled with indignation as he tried to think of a suitable comeback.

"Oh, yeah? Well… you're a mean person." Leslie was about to retaliate when they were interrupted by the arrival of a young woman who leant over the table to speak to Sheldon.

"Excuse me, Dr. Cooper, I'm Ramona Nowitzki, I was at your talk last night. I think you're just brilliant."

"That is the prevailing opinion."

"Oh, now I'm gonna throw up." Leslie grimaced at the sickly sweet tones of the grad student and raised her coffee cup in salute. "Laters, Leonard." Leonard waved in farewell and Ramona immediately took a seat at the end of the table, leaning forward to murmur quietly to Sheldon; ignoring Howard's attempt at mild flirtation.

"Dr. Cooper, I've read everything you've published. I especially liked your paper on grand unification using string-network condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string-nets provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons?"

"Amazing, an intelligent Labradoodle."

"Woof." Howard leant forward and nudged Ramona's arm and she shifted slightly in her seat.

"The fact is I'm quite close to a breakthrough in showing how neutrinos emerge from a string-net condensate."

"Oh, my God, that would change the way we view the entire physical universe."

"It's what I do."

"You know, I'd love to hear more about how you intend to add neutrinos. Could we get a cup of coffee sometime?" Ramona leant forward eagerly only to slump a little when Sheldon said that he never touched the stuff. "Well, it doesn't have to be coffee. How about dinner?"

"I do eat dinner."

"Great. What if I brought food to your place so that we could talk more?"

"That would be acceptable. On Mondays, I eat Thai food. Mee krob and chicken satay with extra peanut sauce from Siam Palace."

"You got it. I already have your address." Ramona sidled away, leaving the guys gaping at Sheldon in amazement.

"What a nice girl." Sheldon continued eating, blissfully unaware of the looks being directed at him from across the table.

"Sheldon, do you have any idea what just happened?" Howard asked with a smirk, already knowing that Sheldon didn't see the almost creepy way that the girl already had managed to get his address details.

"Yes. Apparently I'm getting a free dinner." Sheldon stated simply and loaded his empty plate onto the tray to slide it into the waiting cart. "Good day, gentlemen." He nodded in farewell as he left the cafeteria, already looking forward to dinner that evening; he just loved chicken satay from Siam Palace!

Four gruelling days later the grin had long since faded, somehow Ramona had virtually taken over every aspect of his daily life and was now camped out on the couch. Sheldon was lying face down on is bed, having retreated into his room for some privacy at it was the only room that Ramona had not found her way into. "Aargh…it's a nightmare." He let out a muffled shriek into the pillow and then rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling; his mind was exhausted from working constantly and he needed to switch off just for a little while. Sheldon slowed his breathing and closed his eyes, feeling everything drift away until he was completely relaxed and floating on a calm oasis of tranquillity. "Come on, Amy…if there was ever a time I really need you, it's now." Sheldon focused on relaxing his mind completely, bringing the last image he had of Amy into the centre of his mind…

"Sheldon? What's the matter?" Amy appeared out of nowhere and for once they seemed to remain in his room rather than at the zoo. She stood at the bottom of his bed and looked at his stress lined face.

"Boy, am I glad to see you..." Sheldon whispered and patted a spot next to him on the mattress.

"Why are you whispering?"

"I don't want her to hear me." Sheldon pointed a finger toward his bedroom door and glanced nervously at it, as if he expected Ramona to start pounding on it, demanding to know why he was still awake.

"Don't be silly, you know we're the only ones that can hear each other. Suppose you tell me what's bothering you…You've never pulled me into a nap before, it was like you were yanking me toward you; it's a good job I'm working from home today." Amy perched on the edge of Sheldon's bed and he immediately tugged her next to him, curling himself around her back and resting his head on top of her hair.

"It's simply horrible, Amy…I've got myself into a bit of a bind and I don't know what to do!" Sheldon tightened his grip on Amy and she gently ran her hand along his exposed forearm to calm him down.

"Why don't you start at the beginning? Tell me everything and don't leave anything out."

"A grad student came up to me in the cafeteria and professed an interest in my paper on grand unification. She wanted to know a little more and offered to buy me dinner so that we could talk a little more about it. I didn't see the harm so she came over to the apartment with takeout…"

"She came here? Wow that was fast work…" Amy couldn't help the note of jealously that crept in her voice and she immediately disliked the woman for getting to share a meal in person with her dream friend.

"Hmm, apparently I should've been clued in on the fact that she managed to get hold of my address even though it's not a matter of public record." Sheldon shuddered a little and Amy stroked his arm again, and he let out a wistful sigh. "It was nice at first, having someone revere me and fawn over my work; but then it started getting a little weird…Do you know she banned me from playing Halo at Koothrappali's the other night? And I wasn't even allowed to play paintball this morning either!"

"I'd like to know what she's doing sleeping on your couch!" Amy muttered crossly and Sheldon pulled her around slightly so that he could look at her face.

"That's part of the problem…She won't go home! She keeps telling me that my friends are holding me back…I'm beginning to hate her; it's like that awful 'Fatal Attraction' movie that Howard made us all watch…I expect to come home and find a bunny boiling in a saucepan any day now."

"Yeah, but it's more likely to be a bonfire of your comic-books rather than a cute bunny." Amy quipped and Sheldon sucked in a sharp breath.

"Don't even joke about something like that…" He shuddered at the thought and Amy let out a quiet chuckle, having already found out years ago that if you wanted to stay on Sheldon's good side, you never disrepected the comic-books.

"You're gonna have to pull out the big guns if you want to get her to leave." Amy suggested and patted his cheek. "You need Penny."

Sheldon woke up from his nap and crept out of the apartment while Ramona was still sleeping on the couch. He tapped quietly on Penny's front door in his routine ritual and murmured her name in a low voice. "Penny…Penny…Penny."

"Sheldon, honey, I've told you, it's a small apartment, you only have to knock one time." Penny pulled the door open wider and looked at her neighbour, frowning when she saw the worry lines marked on his face.

"Please, please, I don't have a lot of time. Look, Ramona finally dozed off, and I need you to help me get rid of her." Sheldon moved closer to Penny's apartment and she realised that he was being completely serious.

"Get rid of her how?"

"I don't know, but apparently she thinks we're in some sort of relationship, and well, you seem to be an expert at ending them." Sheldon looked anxiously over his shoulder toward his closed apartment door as if he expected Ramona to suddenly spring out at any second.

"Excuse me?" Penny gasped, a little offended at his remark and Sheldon tried to explain.

"I see man after man leaving this apartment never to return."

"Okay, first of all, it is not man after man…and secondly, I would have thought that you would have been pleased that a woman is finally paying attention to you after all of this time."

"I don't need that man eater paying me attention. I already have..." Sheldon was just about to tell Penny about his burgeoning feelings for his dream girl when he heard a noise coming from inside his apartment. "Hide me." His eyes held that deer in the headlight look as he heard the unmistakable sounds of Ramona calling his name.

"Hide you?" Penny parroted, she was sure that Sheldon had been about to tell her that he did have someone in his life, whether it be male, female or sock puppet; and was bitterly disappointed when she heard Ramona calling him from across the hall.

"I formally request sanctuary…I'll spill the beans about anything you want to know if you'll just let me inside." Penny was just about to drag him through the door when Ramona pulled open the door to 4A and glared into the hallway.

"Why aren't you working?" She propped her hands on her hips and tapped her foot against the carpet, and Sheldon felt his insides quiver…and not in a good way.

"Um… she distracted me." He thought quickly on his feet, and whirled around to shake his finger in Penny's direction, mouthing an apology before turning to speak. "I told you, Penny, I don't have time for your nonsense, I have important things to do." Sheldon bolted for his apartment and hid behind his whiteboard, using it as a shield so that he wouldn't have to talk to Ramona any further. "I need a plan…" He muttered under his breath and started scribbling furiously with his marker. "Yes…that might work; change that to that…and transpose that over there..." Ramona came into the living room, and smiled in satisfaction as she saw him hard at work; she picked up a magazine and started leafing through it; already imagining the glory of seeing her name in print right alongside his.

A few hours later, Sheldon picked his moment; choosing to look up from his whiteboards as soon as Leonard came through the front door. "I've got it!" He exclaimed excitedly. "I finally reconciled the black hole information paradox with my theory of string-network condensates!" Ramona walked over to glance at his equations, not really understanding half of what he was pointing at, but nodding as she touched the board lightly.

"It's unbelievable! It's paradigm-altering!"

"And I could not have done it without you." Sheldon twisted his lips into a parody of a smile and glanced over at Leonard; jerking his head subtly toward the door. Leonard's eyes widened as he realised that Sheldon had finally worked up the courage to get rid of Ramona on his own; now that his work was finished he really didn't need the aggravation of having her shadowing his every move; it had been great at first, almost like having his own minion…but now he just found it irritating.

"Oh, please, I just offered a little encouragement." Ramona preened as Sheldon leant slightly forward, cupping his hand around her elbow as he gently steered her away from his work.

"It was a lot more than that. You helped me work out the masses of all the fermions, and you pumiced my hammer toe. How can I ever repay you?" Sheldon laid on his southern charm thickly and let his accent slip through to round out his cultured tone, and Ramona sighed softly as she fluttered her eyelashes at him. Nearly there, Sheldon thought to himself, just a few steps further…

"Well, would you consider naming it the Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem?" Ramona suggested with what she thought was a sultry smile.

"Who's Nowitzki?" Sheldon asked, blinking a little in confusion.

"I'm Nowitzki."

"Oh, you want me to share credit?" Sheldon halted mid step and felt his pent up frustration and hidden fury threaten to explode out of him. Ramona just nodded her head and kept smiling, unaware that Sheldon Cooper did not share credit with anyone…let alone a clingy grad student with an overbearing control complex! "Get out!" Sheldon jabbed his finger at the front door and Leonard opened it with a smile, Ramona looked confused at the strange turn of events.

"But…"

"Out!" Sheldon yelled again, and Leonard gave Ramona a helping hand…straight in the small of her back to help her out of the door; she turned around to demand an explanation…only to hear the lock twisting into place and the deadbolt sliding into place. Mouth gaping open in a combination of shock and disbelief, Ramona turned to walk down the stairwell, passing Penny who was on her way up.

"Oh Ramona, leaving already?"

"Bite me!" Ramona snarled back, her previously sweet and sunny disposition vanishing, leaving behind the bitter and twisted freak that she really was. Penny grinned to herself as she walked up the last few steps to the fourth floor, pausing on the landing when she heard the familiar sound of the Star Wars theme drifting out from across the hall.

"Oh, Obi Wan…I've missed you so; I promise never to let anyone come between us again!" Sheldon's loud proclamation made Penny smile and shake her head as she let herself into her own apartment.

"Whack-a-doodle…"

"Excuse me, Dr. Cooper, I'm Kathy O'Brien. I just finished reading your paper reconciling the black hole information paradox with your theory of string-network condensates, and it just took my breath away." A perky voice approaching their lunch table a few days later had the guys looking up to see another young, female grad student leaning over Sheldon, clutching a copy of his paper to her chest and looking up at him dreamily.

"Maybe when I publish it, I'll include an inhaler." Sheldon let out a breathy chuckle and sighed a little when no one else seemed to laugh.

"Would you possibly have any time for me to pick your brain?" The girl, Kathy leant forward and eagerly awaited his response.

"Let's see, today's Thursday. Thursday nights, I eat pizza from Giacomo's. Sausage, mushrooms, light olives."

"Great. I'll bring it to your place. I have the address." There were muted groans from around the table as they watched the girl sidle off, sending Sheldon a smile over her shoulder.

"What a nice girl." Sheldon remarked as he picked up his fork to spear a tomato from his salad.

"Sheldon, do you see what just happened here?" Leonard asked, and Sheldon glanced up from his meal with a grin.

"Yes, I'm getting a free pizza. I'm on a roll."

"No! Don't do it!" Sheldon sat bolt upright in bed, and screamed aloud; his breath catching in his throat as he tried to control his panicked breathing.

"Sheldon? Buddy…I heard you scream…is everything okay?" Leonard rushed into the room and flicked on the light switch.

"Leonard! Please tell me that I didn't agree to have pizza with another grad student?" Sheldon's eyes were wide with panic and Leonard hid a grin as he perched on the end of the bed and patted Sheldon's foot.

"You mean that sweet girl, Kathy?"

"Oh Dear Lord…it's a waking nightmare." Sheldon groaned as he ran his hands through his tousled hair. "You'd have thought that I'd have learnt my lesson properly the first time." Leonard decided to let Sheldon off the hook and come clean.

"Don't worry buddy, I think that lesson took better than you expected. There was a girl who asked you to look over her papers and offered to buy you dinner…she ran for the hills when you told her that it needed to be large enough to feed six and she'd have to wait until your calendar was clear….I think she left when you got up to 2019." Sheldon let out a sigh of relief and slumped back against the pillows and Leonard chuckled, patting Sheldon's shoulder as he rose up from the bed and headed for the door. "Night Sheldon."

"G'night Leonard."