Vegeta Joins the Ginyu Force, part 1
Vegeta was minding his own business in the hallway eating a banana, then Dodoria came up to him, "Hello Vegeta." Dodoria said.
"What do you want dodo brain?" Vegeta asked.
"I want to make you be cool, you know so you can join my clique." Dodoria said.
"What are you talking about? You don't have a clique, the only clique you have is hanging out with that bastard Shasha Michliv because you're ugly and smelly!" Vegeta said eating another banana.
"Well then you haven't been in my clique! "Dodoria said.
"What do you mean?" Vegeta asked.
"I know how much you hate Zarbon." Dodoria said.
"Yah his sister married another man; of course I hold a huge grudge against him." Vegeta said.
"How about we steal his underwear, just to show that you're serious?" Dodoria asked smiling.
"But aren't you one of Zarbon's best friends?" Vegeta asked.
"No way, he gets on my nerves; I mean he's so picky and so shy. He doesn't talk much and he needs to get a life!" Dodoria said.
"Is this some joke?" Vegeta asked.
"Come on let's get back at him!" Dodoria said grabbing Vegeta by the arm and leading him to Zarbon's room.
"How did you get the key?" Vegeta asked.
"Who said anything about a key? We're breaking the door down!" Dodoria then took Vegeta and threw him into the door and he landed on the floor inside the room.
"Where is his drawer?" Vegeta asked.
"It's over there!" Dodoria said pointing to the dresser.
"Ok let's get this over with." Vegeta then went over to the drawer, he opened it up and saw that Zarbon had some exotic looking underwear, "What a moron, it's not like he's manizes or womanizes, why would he wear fancy underwear for?" Vegeta thought.
Then a walky talky came on and Dodoria picked it up, "This Shasha, Zarbon is coming down the hallway!" Shasha said in his raspy deep, sounding Russian accent on the other side. Shasha was Zarbon's brother-in-law and his ex trainer, he was also the same species and had dark blue hair, a dark blue complexion, with red eyes and a huge scar going across his face.
Zarbon was walking down the hallway with Liya, his on and off bitchy girlfriend who was not even close to being his own species, they bumped into Shasha as Shasha hid the walky talky. "Shasha what are you standing in our way for?" Liya asked.
Although Shasha murdered Liya's mom when he went to her home planet to pick her up and bring her to planet Freezer to be a playmate for Zarbon when they were kids, he rather developed a little crush on her over time.
Dodoria even had a crush on her and Freezer did too, although it killed Shasha that he was the only one she did not or accidently did not want to do it with, even Vegeta had done it with her, only because they got drunk. "Hello Liya you look tasty today." He said smiling with his thick looking Slavic lips.
"Get lost before I knock your block off!" Liya said.
He glared at her and then muttered, "Это невозьможно!"
"God will you speak English already you silly bluebell!" Liya asked.
Zarbon then had an uncomfortable look on his face, "Uh Liya I hate to say it, but I'm turquoise completed," Zarbon said.
"So sorry, why does everyone who is of Cyrillic decent want to speak only Russian or mostly Russian, it drives me nuts!" Liya said as she was walking away with Zarbon.
"I'm of Cyrillic decent too Liya and I don't speak Russian." Zarbon said.
"One of these days I'll get you into bed with me Liya." Shasha thought.
Dodoria ran out of the room quietly while Vegeta was trying to steal as much underwear as he possibly could, Zarbon and Liya then walked into Zarbon's room, "That's strange who broke the door down?" Liya asked.
Then they saw Vegeta with Zarbon's underwear in his hands, "Oh my God, it's Vegeta! He's gone full blown homo on us!" Liya yelled fainting.
Moments later, Zarbon was on the bed talking to Vegeta, "Now Vegeta I know that you're curious, but if you have feelings for a man then why would you sneak into his room and steal his underwear?" Zarbon asked.
"I'm not gay! We've had this conversation before! I don't have feelings for you!" Vegeta said crossing his arms.
"I'm not gay either, in fact Freezer and I are the only bi-sexual beings in the palace, and everyone else is either gay or straight." Zarbon said.
"I'm straight dummy!" Vegeta said.
"Vegeta why don't you go back to Nappa and Raddiz they need you." Zarbon said.
"Fine hippy!" Vegeta said getting up and walking out of the room.
"Now what should I do about Vegeta?" Zarbon thought then he started to mediate, and came up with an idea, "I've got it!"
Zarbon then did the dumb thing as he always did, he went to Freezer for advice, "Freezer I think that Vegeta is rather lonely." Zarbon said.
"So what I don't care, I hate the little twerp." Freezer said.
"Oh I do too, but I still think that he deserves some friends other than brutes like Nappa and Raddiz." Zarbon said.
"Ok fine I have an idea, why doesn't he hang out with you, Kiwi, Apple and Liya!" Freezer said.
"But sir, they don't…" Freezer interrupted Zarbon.
"Sorry Zarbon unless you have a better idea that Vegeta can make better friends than Nappa and Raddiz just let him hang out with you guys!" Freezer said.
"But…"
"But nothing, you're dismissed!" Freezer said.
At lunchtime, Zarbon bravely went over to the Sayain table; Vegeta was sitting there alone, because Raddiz and Nappa were on a mission, "Hello Vegeta." Zarbon said.
"What do you want glamour-puss?" Vegeta asked.
"I want you to come and have lunch with us." Zarbon said smiling.
"I'm not interested in you I told you already that I'm straight!" Vegeta said taking a bit out of a banana.
"No that's not what I mean, come on let's go to the table I want you to have a nice conversation with us." Zarbon took Vegeta by the hand and took him to his table where Kiwi, Apple and Liya were sitting.
"What is that monkey abomination doing over here?" Kiwi asked.
"Hey be nice, his friends are on a mission and he's alone now." Zarbon said.
"He should have thought about that before he hit on you!" Liya said glaring at Vegeta.
"Liya, how many times do I have to tell you to stop being so jealous? He's not even gay, he told him himself." Zarbon said.
"Yah like twelve times already!" Vegeta said snickering.
"Zarbon you know that you're not supposed to be looking at other people when you're with me!" Liya said.
Zarbon rolled his eyes, "Will you stop that, I haven't looked since the day we got back together!" Zarbon said.
"I told you that you should have dated someone else." Apple said eating a baloney sandwich.
"Yah someone better looking." Vegeta said snickering.
"Shut up you dirty monkey!" Liya then slapped him in the face.
"I'll leave now!" Vegeta said running out of the cafeteria.
"Vegeta wait, that wasn't supposed to happen! They were supposed to befriend you!" Zarbon said running after Vegeta.
"Sometimes Zarbon is so naïve, I mean he's a gentle smart kid, but when is he going to learn that only Vegeta can decide when to come around?" Apple asked.
"Yah he shouldn't try to force it I agree with you, Vegeta does have potential, if only we weren't so rude." Kiwi said.
"Oh my God, I can't believe that my boyfriend is in love with Vegeta! I need a shoulder to cry on!" Liya said crying.
"Liya Zarbon doesn't even like Vegeta, what makes you think…" Apple stopped talking when Shasha heard Liya's cries, and sat down next to her.
"What's the matter malinkiya debooshka?" he asked.
"Leave me alone you pervert!" she said covering her eyes.
"You know I could make better boyfriend than him, I'm not so attractive like him, but I can be really good in bed." Shasha said.
"But Shasha you killed Liya's mother, how do you except her to like you let alone sleep with you?" Kiwi asked.
"Look I have this under control!" Shasha said.
"Shasha fuck off!" Liya then slapped him in the face and walked off.
"Could you please tell me how to get her into bed with me?" Shasha asked.
"Hey you're married to Zarbon's sister, how could you even think to sleep with Liya?" Apple asked with an angry look on his face.
"Oh please I have raped so many girls while I was married to Miretta." Shasha said with a smirk on his face.
"Ew, aren't you afraid that you'll get a sexually transmitted disease?" Kiwi asked.
"Nope, I already…" Apple interrupted Shasha.
"That does it; I can't stand this conversation anymore!" Apple angrily got his lunch tray and walked away to throw it in the garbage.
"But I don't have sexual transmitted disease!" Shasha yelled.
Kiwi then thought of something and smiled at Shasha, "Wait right here I'll be right back!" he yelled to Shasha and ran away after Apple into the hallway.
"Apple I got an idea, how about we help Shasha get Liya into bed with him!" Kiwi asked.
"But I like Liya as a friend; I can't betray her like that. Besides, Zarbon would have a cow if he found out that they were going out with one another." Apple said.
"That's the whole point; we don't like Liya being with Zarbon, because she's a controlling bitch, what if she could control Shasha to the point where he would stop raping innocent girls!" Kiwi said.
"That's not going to work Kiwi; she never forgave him for killing her mother." Apple said.
"Let's try and see, please? Don't' you want Zarbon to be happy, he seems so miserable with a bitch like Liya!" Kiwi said.
Apple thought about it for a second, "Ok let's do it, but only because I can't stand to hear anymore bickering false jealousies from her in front of us!" Apple said.
Zarbon caught up with Vegeta, "Stop following me asshole!" Vegeta yelled.
"Vegeta I'm sorry I didn't know that was going to happen!" Zarbon said.
"You did to you just took me over to that table to humiliate me!" Vegeta said.
"No I didn't I just wanted you to have friends other than Nappa and Raddiz is all, but I guess my group wasn't the right group." Zarbon said.
"What's the matter with your girlfriend she's a psycho!" Vegeta said.
"I know that Liya is a psychotic bitch, I'm just too afraid to break up with her!" Zarbon yelled.
"Damn zippy, I had no idea your temper was so out there." Vegeta said.
"I'll think up a better group for you to try to get to know." Zarbon said.
Later on in his room, Zarbon thought and then asked his telepathic cat Blacky, "Blacky do you think Vegeta would do better with Shasha and Dodoria?" Zarbon asked.
"I think not, after all Shasha supposedly stole Miretta from Vegeta, and Dodoria is much to the dismay of Vegeta." Blacky said.
"Hum you got a point! I have a better idea, how about we bribe Dodoria and Shasha to befriend Vegeta, then…" Blacky interrupted Zarbon.
"Sorry not going to work, try something else." Blacky thought licking his paw.
"Uh I'm out of options!" Zarbon said depressed. All the sudden the phone rang, and Zarbon picked it up, "Hello Zarbon speaking." Zarbon said.
"Zarbon dude! How have you been, I haven't talked to you in over a week! Why aren't you substituting the classes for Captain Ginyu like you always do?" Jeice asked on the other end.
"Because I'm not really needed is all and…" Then Zarbon thought for a moment, "Hey Jeice I have a question to ask you, do you know anyone that would love to try out for the Ginyu Force?" Zarbon asked.
"No why turquoises dude?" Jeice asked.
"Because I know someone who might be interested," Zarbon said.
A day later, Vegeta and Zarbon were sitting down in front of Captain Ginyu in his office, Ginyu was examining him, "So you think that this little fellow would be a good Ginyuteer?" the captain asked.
"Ginyuteer, is that even a word?" Zarbon asked.
"It was recently made up by yours truly!" Captain Ginyu said.
"Here I'll give you some files on what he can do," Zarbon gave a manila folder to Ginyu and Ginyu inspected it.
"Let's see Vegeta, it says that you can transform into a giant monkey when the full moon is out, so you're a child of the moon?" Ginyu asked.
"That's right sir," Vegeta said proudly smiling.
"It also says that you can throw fireballs and do back flips really well and that your flying skills are excellent." Ginyu said.
"Thanks I know that already, nothing I can't handle." Vegeta said.
"Don't get cocky, let's see where we can fit you in, I think you're going to like it here!" Ginyu said.
"I hope so sir," Vegeta said.
A day later, Vegeta was standing next to Jeice and Burter, and then Captain Ginyu walked out of the school and walked up to them, "Let's do our greeting! Hands on your head!" Ginyu said.
"Oh are we going to shoot fireballs up into the air?" Vegeta asked.
"Actually we're going to sing the pledge and hop on one foot," Burter said.
"The pledge?" Vegeta asked raising an eyebrow.
"Let's begin troops!" Ginyu said.
Everyone then started hopping on one foot with their hands on their head, "We love Ginyu and he loves us! If that weren't true he wouldn't have our trust! We love Freezer; he's the mightiest thing around, for he is the one that wears the crown! We serve to live and live to serve, therefore we get everything that we deserve! We love our leader, our captain and our school, because all that's according to the rule!" They sang.
Vegeta blushed a deep crimson, "Uh boy, what rule is the song talking about?" Vegeta asked.
"We don't know, Ginyu is the one that made it up," Jeice said.
Vegeta walked up to Ginyu, "Excuse me but may I please change the lyrics?" Vegeta asked.
"Why?" Ginyu asked.
"Because this song is so retarded!" Vegeta yelled.
"Get back in line weakling or else I'm going to tell Freezer on you!" Captain Ginyu said.
Vegeta glared at Ginyu, "Right," Then he went back in line.
Later that night, Vegeta snuck into Captain Ginyu's office, he spied on him changing the lyrics, "God damn it! Stupid Vegeta he hurt my feelings!" The captain said trying to write some more lyrics out, then he gave up and went to bed, when that happened Vegeta went up to the table and threw the lyrics out.
"Nope this time we won't be singing the lyrics to Captain Ginyu nor Freezer," Vegeta said shaking his head, he got out his pocket dictionary, because he had a hard time writing and started to write whatever he could, he learned how to read when he was just sixteen at least.
That night Shasha was in Kiwi's room with Kiwi and Apple sitting on the bed, "Here is how you're going to steal Liya away from Zarbon, first of all you're going to knock on her door, then you're going to sweep her off her feet and say, "I love you darling, come to papa!"" Kiwi said.
"That's stupid Kiwi, I think in order to get a girl to like you enough to sleep with you is being sensitive." Apple said.
"You mean like this. Darling I have raped many pretty women, but you're the one that tops them all!" Shasha said.
Apple slapped his hand on his head; this dim-witted rapist was so stupid he thought he could associate rape with sensitivity, "This guy needs to be put in prison." Apple said.
"No Shasha I know you're a brutal rapist, but you can't just mention your rape victims or else she won't like you enough to get you into bed with her." Kiwi said.
"Why not? Men are supposed to control women!" Shasha said.
Kiwi rolled his eyes, "Well that's not what I was taught, I grew up in an orphanage, and I never knew my parents. Surely your mother didn't teach you to be this unkind to women." Kiwi said.
"She's the one that gave me this scar, and she is one that I killed in order to get away from her!" Shasha said.
"Maybe he does belong here after all," Apple said.
"Now you know why Freezer keeps him around Apple, now let's try again, and this time be a little more sensitive," Kiwi said.
"Dear Liya I'm sorry that I didn't rape such beautiful woman like you earlier!" Shasha said.
"We're going to be here all night aren't we?" Apple asked.
"Yes Apple, until he gets it right." Kiwi said.
Zarbon came into Kiwi's room, "Hey Kiwi can I borrow your nightshade, I lost mine again." Zarbon said.
"How is it that you keep on losing your things Zarbon?" Kiwi asked.
"The spirits keep sneaking into my room and keep moving my stuff." Zarbon said.
"See this is what you get for being a sorcerer!" Kiwi said.
Zarbon then looked at Shasha, "What is he doing here?" He asked glaring at him.
"None of your business little primal changeling," Shasha said.
"Kiwi what is Shasha doing here?" Zarbon asked.
"He just needs some guy advice is all, he's not hurting anyone." Kiwi said.
"Advice on what?" Zarbon asked.
Kiwi then made a lie up quickly, "On how to be more sensitive to women." He smiled.
"Well tell him to be more kind to my sister!" Zarbon then walked out of the room.
"He didn't even get to borrow your night shade!" Apple said.
"Oh shut up Apple!" Kiwi said.
The next morning, Vegeta was pacing back and forth in front of the rest of the Ginyu Force, they wondered why he got them up so early in the morning for, "Ok comrades, it has been brought to my attention that Ginyu gave me the lyrics to the new pledge." Vegeta said.
"How come Captain Ginyu isn't telling us this himself?" Tina asked.
"Because he trusts me more than anyone else here!" Vegeta said.
"How do we know that you're not lying to us?" Jeice asked.
"I made photo copies of the lyrics on paper; I suggest that when we rehearse this, you do it no matter what." Vegeta said.
"Ok but only if Captain Ginyu said it," Burter said.
As they looked at the new lyrics, Vegeta tried not to smile, he was laughing in his head, "Oh boy what a bunch of dodo brains! They actually think that Captain Ginyu wrote this song!" Vegeta said.
"Hey these lyrics are trashy!" Guldo said.
"Yah usually Captain Ginyu's handwriting is better than this, it looks like a first grader wrote this!" Tina said.
"Yah is this some kind of joke?" Jeice asked.
"Duh… is this the new pledge song? I like the old one better!" Recoome said.
"That's enough, you need to rehearse now, I'll sing and you'll repeat after me, we have to learn this by the time Captain Ginyu shows up! Let's begin!" Vegeta said.
Later on Captain Ginyu showed up, "Vegeta I heard some talking and singing out here, what is going on?" Captain Ginyu asked.
"Vegeta has been teaching us the new pledge that you wrote last night!" Jeice said.
"Is that true Vegeta?" Ginyu asked.
"It's true; I thought a man of your genius deserved some respect so I taught them how to sing the song." Vegeta said.
"This is so great what did you think about the new pledge that I written?" Ginyu asked.
"Well, it's different I'll give you that." Burter said.
"Let's sing this pledge to Freezer!" Ginyu said.
Vegeta's eyes grew wide, "Oh shit I'm in trouble now!" he thought. "Actually sir that's a bad idea!" Vegeta said.
"You know the rules; each time a new pledge is made up it must be approved by Freezer himself." Ginyu said.
"No, no you can't do that!" Vegeta said.
"But you said that we had to sing the new pledge no matter what." Tina said.
"Yah so of course we're going to sing it!" Jeice said.
"This is supposed to be a low level military school, not a choir school." Vegeta thought.
Meanwhile Shasha was at Liya's door, and he had a nice suit on and a bouquet of flowers, he knocked on the door while Kiwi and Apple were hidden behind the corner, "I'm telling you this isn't going to work!" Apple said.
"Relax I know exactly what I'm doing." Kiwi said.
Liya opened the door; Shasha grabbed her and held her in his arms, "Oh Liya my darling, you smell softly like a fresh winter's day like on my home planet Cyrillic!" Shasha said.
"Ew you're gross!" Liya slapped him in the face and went back into her room.
"I told you it wouldn't work, time for plan B." Apple said.
Later that morning, Shasha was waiting for Liya with an Apple in his hand, Apple and Kiwi sat at the table watching him, "Oh boy this looks like it could work." Kiwi said snorting.
"Relax it's much better than your plan!" Apple said.
"Here she comes, look away!" Kiwi said putting the newspaper up to his face with Apple reading it too.
Shasha went up to Liya, "Hello Liya I got you an apple, would you like me to join you for lunch?" Shasha asked.
"No thank you," She said sticking her nose up into the air like the snob, she was.
"I'm sorry about earlier, it's just I've been thinking, I'm sorry I killed your mother when I kidnapped you from your home planet, on the bright side at least I didn't violate her." Shasha said.
Liya frowned at him again, walked off, and sat at the table with Kiwi and Apple, "Where is Zarbon I want to know where he is!" Liya said, she then held up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, "I got him his favorite kind of sandwich, peanut butter and jelly." Liya said.
"He went with Freezer to see the Ginyu Force sing the new pledge that Captain Ginyu just wrote," Apple said.
"Uh don't even mention them," Liya said eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Damn I need to think of another plan!" Kiwi thought to himself.
"Yah it better be a good one this time." Apple said.
Kiwi turned his head towards Apple, "You can read my thoughts?" he asked in his thoughts.
"Duh, we're aliens remember?" Apple thought.
"But Freezer forbids telepathy abilities, he'll have us executed if we are caught using them." Kiwi thought.
Liya looked up at Kiwi and Apple looking at one another, "What are you doing staring at one another?" she asked.
"It's nothing," Kiwi said.
Later on, Freezer came to the Ginyu School with Zarbon, all the Ginyu Force loved Zarbon, and he was like a second father to them, besides Captain Ginyu. Although he was more like a big brother to them also, just because he could give them advice about various stuff when they were too afraid to ask Captain Ginyu.
"Let's start singing guys!" Ginyu said.
"Are you sure captain you might want to edit your lyrics because it looks like you were having a nervous breakdown while you wrote them." Jeice said.
"Nonsense Jeice, by the way, where did Vegeta go?" Captain Ginyu asked.
"He said he was too sick to come along," Tina said.
"What a drama queen, oh well let's start without him!" Ginyu said.
They started to sing, "Vegeta is our leader, not that stupid Freezer! Ginyu is a pussy and is way too pushy! Vegeta is our leader and he's so much sweeter! He's handsome and he's smart, and all Ginyu does is fart! Freezer is so vile as a crocodile! Freezer is a girl and Ginyu is a squirrel!" They sang.
"Stop, stop, stop! That's enough!" Freezer yelled. They all stopped singing; Freezer looked at Ginyu, "What the hell was that? Were you smoking weed when you wrote this song?" Freezer asked.
"This isn't the song I wrote Freezer!" Captain Ginyu said.
Zarbon tried not to laugh, but he could not hold it in any longer, so he fell down laughing, he had not laughed this hard in a long time, "Ginyu I never thought you were so tasteless!" he said.
"I didn't write this song!" Ginyu said.
"Then who did?" Freezer asked.
"I have no idea who wrote it!" Ginyu said.
Zarbon stopped laughing when he realized that his friend Ginyu might face execution, he stood up, "I think I might know who wrote it…" Freezer interrupted Zarbon.
"Shut up Zarbon! Ginyu you are fired!" Freezer yelled.
"You can't fire me; you don't have anyone else that knows how to work with young people!" Ginyu said.
"I'll find someone eventually!" Freezer said.
"Uh damn you destiny!" Ginyu said.
"Uh I can't believe Ginyu would write such tasteless things!" Freezer said.
"I know who wrote it Freezer, it's too obvious that Veg…." Freezer interrupted Zarbon again.
"I'm too pissed off to hear your tattling Zarbon! You will be punished greatly for this!" Freezer said.
"What did I do?" Zarbon asked.
"You dare to disagree with me that Captain Ginyu wrote those tasteless lyrics!" Freezer said.
"Sir he might be stupid and childish, but he's not that insensitive nor is he that mean!" Zarbon said.
"You will face the worst punishment that I can think of!" Freezer said.
"Don't tell me, the chopping block?" Zarbon asked.
"Even worst," Freezer said.
"The whip?" Zarbon asked.
"Even worse than the whip," Freezer said.
"I'm grounded?" Zarbon asked.
Only God knew what punishment awaited Zarbon, he looked afraid and so did the whole Ginyu Force.
End of Part 1
