*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!*
I walk into my front door after a long flight home from Boston to Las Vegas. I lay my suitcase down inside the door and walk through the house to find my mom as I already know Kennedy is in school till around 3. I walk into the kitchen to see my mom baking. "Hey, Mom, I'm home," I say.
"Hey, Dean," she says, "how was your trip?"
"It was good," I say. "I missed being home. How was Kennedy this morning?"
"She was good and she was ready to go back to school. She's excited that you are coming home though," she says.
"I bet," I say with a smile. "So I have a new storyline coming up well, I'm supposed to but I don't think I can do it. I thought about it and I don't think I'm ready for it yet."
"You're turning down a storyline? What's wrong with it?"
"It's a romantic one. It's not that I don't want to it's that I'm not ready to do it. I can't kiss another woman. I'm not ready for all that. You know me mom. I can barely look at another woman imagine how hard it is going to be for me to be physical with one. I don't think I am ready for this. I need to take this slow."
"Dean, it's just acting," she says.
"It might be just acting but I think the woman I am doing the storyline with I may have a little bit of an attraction to. I might like her."
"You might like her?" she asks as her blue eyes brighten up. "You might like another woman."
"I said might I'm not sure how I feel," I say, "she's a nice woman and all. She would love Kennedy but I'm fighting with myself. A part of me wants to move on but another part of me feels it's not right. I can't just jump into this and not feel 100% committed to her."
"How long until you think you're going to feel committed, Dean? It has been 2 years. You know Saige isn't coming back. Stop holding onto the thought that she's going to walk back into that front door and stop acting like she is coming back at all. She's gone, Dean you need to move on, be happy. Let Kennedy be happy. I know I've said it a million times but you have got to get out there and start dating. I'll watch Kennedy if you ever start dating."
"Mom, I am feeling this out. I am trying to feel out my feelings first. It's been a while since I have felt attracted to a woman. I just want to feel it out and take things slow. You know what I mean?"
"I know but I'm happy that you're actually thinking about dating again. I am happy for you."
"Thanks," I say. "I think I am going to go visit Saige and talk to her for a little."
"Do what you need to do, Honey," she says with a smile.
"Thanks," I say before I grab a water from the fridge and grab my car keys to head out to the cemetery to visit with Saige.
The late August sun shines down on me as I walk through the cemetery passing by tombstones as I carry a bouquet of lilies one of Saige's favorite flowers in my hands. It's been a little longer than I would like it to be for me to visit her and talk with her but with being away I haven't had the chance. I feel guilty as I approach the place we laid my wife to rest 2 years earlier. She was so young when she left this Earth and gained her wings. She was only 27 years old with so much life ahead of her; a life ahead with me and our little girl. It tears me apart as I think about that awful day as I reach her tombstone. I sit down in front of it after I replace dying lilies with another bouquet of lilies. I trace her name on the tombstone as tears fill my eyes. Saige Marie Ambrose Beloved Wife and Mother March 28, 1986 to August 15, 2013, I run my fingers over the words over and over again. "Hey, Beautiful," I say to her grave as I sit down bending my knees and resting my arms on my knees. "I miss you so much. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you for a while. You know how hectic my schedule can get sometimes. I'm sorry. I'll try to come visit more often and next time bring Kennedy with me. I wanted to be alone with you today because I wanted to talk to you about some stuff. First Kennedy started kindergarten on Monday. Can you believe it? Our little girl started kindergarten she's officially a big girl. She looked so beautiful that day. She looks more like you every day. I see you in her more and more every day. She's amazing," I say, "but you already know that. I know you're probably watching down on us every day and see how great she is. The best gift you have given me. She is a great little girl. I wish you could be here with us so that you could see her grow up and be there for her. She loves school. I wish you could have been with us on the first day of school. We miss you a lot, Saige. There are times I wish that I could just go back to that day and change everything. I want to go back and turn back time so that you'd still be here with us. It gets harder as the years pass and the more Kennedy grows up because it makes me see how much you're missing of our lives. I always wonder what would have happened with us if you didn't go to that grocery store that day. And what our baby would have been like. I can't believe you were pregnant and didn't tell me. I'm sure you had some fun way of telling me planned or maybe you didn't' even know. I don't' know I'll never know but I think about you two every day thinking about what could have been. I still remember the day you told me you were pregnant with Kennedy. It was one of the best days of my life. Now that I think about it all of my best days included you," I say with a smile as I think back to the day Saige told me about Kennedy.
I had just walked into the house after being on the road for a couple weeks away on a European tour. I looked everywhere for Saige as I walked into the house but couldn't find her. I walked into the kitchen and nearly fell over when I saw her cooking dinner at the stove. "You're cooking tonight?" I asked her as she smiled up at me.
"Yes," she said, "and I have a surprise for you."
"Surprises? I love getting surprises," I said with a smile. "I'm going to go shower I smell like a pizza shop and then I'll be down for dinner." I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I missed you," I said as I kiss her neck softly.
"I missed you too," she said before she turned around and kissed my lips softly. "I love you so much, Dean."
"I love you too, Saige," I said with a smile as I admired her beauty. She looked so beautiful in that moment. She had a natural glow about her, her blonde hair pulled up into a messy bun, the lack of makeup but still looking beautiful as ever to me and her beautiful blue eyes shining back at me.
"Now go take a shower," she says with a smile, "you do smell like a pizza shop."
"I'm going," I say with a smile. "Love you," I said before I went upstairs to take a shower while I left her to cook.
After my shower feeling refreshed I made my way back downstairs to the kitchen in a pair of sweatpants and a black beater on with my hair still wet from my shower to see Saige setting the table and putting food onto our plates. I took a seat at the table with a smile and said, "it looks good."
"I hope it's good," she said with a smile as she took a seat next to me.
"What are we having?"
"Baby back ribs, baby carrots," she said with a smile.
"Well, it looks good," I said with a smile before I dug into my food. Being on the road I never get home cooked meals so being home is always fun when Saige cooks.
"Do you notice a theme?" she asked me throwing me off guard.
"Not really," I said. "What's going on, Saige?"
"I have something to show you. Hold on," she said before she got up and walked out of the room.
"Okay," I said as I waited for her to come back into the room.
"Sorry," she said as she hands me an envelope. "Open it."
"Okay," I said with a smile. "Did I forget some special occasion?"
"No," she said with a laugh. "Just open it."
"Okay," I said as I opened the envelope and pulled out a picture of her shoes, my shoes and in the middle a pair of baby shoes. I wasn't getting it right away before she instructed me to flip it over. I flipped it over and read her handwriting on the back. A smile slid across my face as I read the words; "Our house is growing by two feet. Baby Ambrose is coming October 15." I smile up at her as she is beaming.
"Well," she said.
"You're pregnant?"
"We're having a baby," she said with a smile. "We're having a baby!"
"Oh my God, Saige!" I said as I let my excitement take over me as I hugged her and kissed her lips softly.
"It was one of the best days of my life," I say with a smile. "I wish I had known that you were pregnant before you went to the grocery store but it is what it is," I say sadly. "Well, the next thing I want to talk to you about is that I am starting to feel like I may be ready to move on. I feel like I may have a potential woman in mind to date and try things out with but I don't want you to think I am betraying you or cheating on you. I know I promised that my heart was yours forever but I feel like I might be getting close to moving on but it's so hard, Saige," I say with tears in my eyes. "You and I had all these dreams planned out. We had our whole life planned and then you were gone. I never want to let go of that. I never want to walk away from what we had and I feel like it's not fair to Kennedy to bring another woman into her life. I'm not trying to replace you. I'll never replace you but I just want to try dating and I want to move on. It's been a tough two years. It's been really tough living every day without you, waking up without you, going to bed without you and living life without you. You were my other half. You were the best part of me and I feel like a part of my heart is gone. My heart will always be yours and I will always love you but if it's right I think it might be time for me to move on. Please just give me a sign that you're okay with me moving on and give me a sign that it's okay. I just need to know that you're okay with this, Saige. I love you so much and you were my entire world but now I'm living life without you and it is killing me every day. People don't realize how badly it hurts especially when they are telling me to move on and get out there and date. They don't know how much it hurts. It hurts not having you here but I think deep down inside I am ready to move on and take a chance. I just need you to be okay with it," I say as tears fall down my cheeks. Every word spoken came from my heart. It is true 100%. I finish my visit with Saige and then go to pick Kennedy up from school. I always enjoy my visits with my wife but today was especially hard for me to tell her I might be moving on. I don't know if it is the right move or not but I do have some feelings surfacing for Renee. If I choose to move on it isn't going to be with anyone else but her.
"DADDY!" yells Kennedy as she sees me as she comes out of the building in a pair of denim shorts, a purple shirt with the word love on it with a jean jacket running in her favorite Jordan sneakers with her hair in a side ponytail. She runs into my arms as I scoop her up.
"Hey, Beautiful," I say with a smile before I kiss her cheek softly. "Did you miss me?"
"A lot," she says with a smile. "Are you home now for a couple days?"
"For a couple days I am home," I say with a smile. "And guess what!"
"What?" she asks.
"Soon WWE is going to be over on the west coast so Daddy can be home more often that week and just drive to work and then come back."
"Yay!" she says as she wraps her arms around my neck. "I love you so much, Daddy."
"I love you too," I say with a smile before I put her into the car. "What do you think about getting some ice-cream before we go home?"
"Ice-cream! I love ice-cream!" she says with a smile.
"Me too," I say with a smile before I shut the door and walk around the car to get into the driver's seat to take her to get some ice-cream. I enjoy Daddy daughter ice-cream dates and to hear about her day as well as everything that happened while I was gone.
When we get to the ice-cream shop I order her a dish of chocolate ice-cream with lots of sprinkles as I get myself a dish of vanilla and chocolate swirl. "So how was your day?" I ask her as I hand her ice-cream to her.
"It was good," she says as her blue eyes light up as she sticks her spoon into her ice-cream. "We had art class today and I got to paint with my hands look!" she says showing me her multicolored hands. "She said it would come off later," she says with a smile
"Okay because for a second there I thought you were turning into a multi-colored fairy. I wasn't sure if you were going to grow wings on me."
"Daddy," she says with a laugh, "you're funny. Can we watch Tinkerbell when we get home?"
"I don't see why not," I say, "whatever you want to do, Princess."
"You're a good Daddy," she says with a smile before she takes a bite of her ice-cream. "The bestest daddy in the world!" she says.
"Thanks," I say with a smile before I take a bite of my own ice-cream. "So school is going good?"
"Yes," she says, "we were talking about families today."
"Oh," I say as I look at her. "What did you talk about?"
"We talked about mommies and daddies. We talked about our families."
"What did you say about your family?" I ask.
"Well," she says, "I said that my mommy is an angel in Heaven because some mean man hurt her. I told everyone that you're my daddy and you wrestle and that Grammy stays with us a lot!"
"I know Grammy is there a lot huh?"
"Yeah," she says, "I like Grammy but I wish mommy was here."
"Me too, Ken," I say, "so the family talk went okay?"
"Yes," she says as she gets quiet as she eats some of her ice-cream. I look at her as I eat mine and she looks deep in thought as her blue eyes grow deeper much like Saige's did when she was in deep thought. "Daddy," she finally says.
"Yes, Ken?"
"When am I going to get a mommy?"
"Kennedy, you have a mommy, she's in Heaven remember."
"She's my angel mommy," she says, "I love her and I miss her but when am I going to get an Earth mommy?"
"You know no one is ever going to replace your mommy right?"
"I know, Daddy, but I want a mommy to play tea party with me and to do my hair. I want a mommy to paint my nails and I want a baby brother," she says.
"I think you're getting a little carried away there," I say, "let's not get too excited. You won't get a baby brother for a LONG time and I mean probably until you're 10 if that. I play tea party with you and I do your hair. I can paint your nails if you want me to."
"Daddy," she says, "I want a mommy to play tea party with me like the other girls in my class. All their mommies play with them and sing to them. Their mommies are awesome and I want one."
"Kennedy, I can't just go to a mommy shop and pick up a mommy for you. It's going to take some time."
"But, Daddy, I feel so sad because I don't have a mommy here with me. I love that my mommy is an angel and has wings but I want a mommy here with me to do all that fun stuff with me. Can you please get me a mommy?"
"I'll see what I can do," I say as I look out the window and see the sun beaming brightly. I know it's a sign from Saige telling me to move on. I think it might be time.
*A/N: What did you think of Dean finally realizing he may have some feelings for Renee? Do you think he will talk to Hunter about not doing the storyline? What did you think about Dean visiting Saige at her grave? Did he need her reassurance to move on or try to move on? What did you think of Kennedy asking for a mommy? Do you think that was a sign from Saige that it's okay to move on? Do you think Dean will be able to act on his feelings with Renee and ask her out or do you think he will have hesitation? Please review and thank-you for reading.
