Scene 3: The Return of MARLEY
-Snape hobbles down the road to his home, muttering oaths under his breath. He reaches his door, and looks up at the knocker, which has transformed to resemble Marley/Karkaroff's face-
Karkaroff (in a creepy, quavering voice): Snaaaaaaaaape...I mean...Scroooooooooge....
Snape:...What have I been smoking?
-Snape goes into his home-
Snape: Ah, yes. Now I will sit and eat my stupid, disgusting gruel.
-He sits in front of his fireplace with a bowl of mushy grey stuff-
Snape: Eeeew. Do I really have to eat this crap?
Dumbledore: Yes. Don't be a baby.
Snape: It looks like poop.
-He eats his gruel...and then...clucking is heard on the stairs-
Snape: ...uh oh...
-Karkaroff, who, despite the fact that he is PLAYING a ghost, is not a ghost. He busts through the locked door, sending splinters everywhere-
Karkaroff: OW OW OW! ...okay. Snaaaa- DAMN! ...Scroooooge...
Snape (wets himself): ...Marley! But you're...you're...
Karkaroff: DEAD! Yessss... And I've come to warn yoooou!
Snape: Of what?
Karkaroff (continues in creepy, quavering voice): Yoooouuu...are such a cheap aaaaaaasshole that yoooou will have a chain even longer than mine when you die...In fact...your chain was as long and PONDEROUS as MINE IS NOW the day I died. Since then, you have been laboring away on yours, figuratively speaking, of course...making it ever longer!
-Karkaroff points to a long, burdensome chain that is fastened painfully around his legs-
Snape: Okay...But we skipped the part where I deny your existence.
Karkaroff: We did? Err. Let's do that now, then.
Snape: ...Okay...err...YOU DON'T EXIST! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU CAN'T EXIST!
Karkaroff: YES I CAN!
Snape: Okay, then.
Karkaroff: Anyway, I have come to warn you! To help you save your soul! You will be visited by three spirits at certain times that I unfortunately can't remember at the moment. OH WELL! See ya!
-Karkaroff exits via the window. But the audience is immediately reminded that he is not a ghost, as he falls out instead of gliding away. Snape, slightly disturbed, goes to bed-
