Mr & Mrs Smith (2005)
Married couple Klaus and Caroline are both hired assassins, the problem is that neither of them know about it until they come across each other competing for the same target.
Tainted Love
Friday 15 April – Dr Sinclair's Rooms, Westwood, Los Angeles
"She resents me," Klaus said, looking toward their therapist helplessly. "I'm not sure what I've done to deserve it, but she does."
"I resent you?" Caroline baulked. "Last time I checked I was a damn good, supportive wife so I'm not sure where this hostility is coming from."
"It's not hostility," Klaus growled. "Every time I get home I feel like you don't appreciate me and the contribution I make to this marriage."
"Your contribution? Who cooks and cleans and makes sure you have dinner on the table at 7pm every night?"
"Well, except for Monday," he bit back. Of course he'd bring that up, the one night she was late. Unfortunately work had gotten in the way, not that she could ever tell him that of course.
Monday 11 April
"Can I go now?" Caroline asked, impatiently. "I'm making roast lamb for dinner and it needs a few hours to cook."
"You know, I think you're the only assassin slash homemaker I've ever met," Alaric laughed. "If only your husband knew what you really got up to during the day."
"I'm multi talented, what can I say," she boasted, pushing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. "So, are we done?"
"Well, last time I checked the bad guy isn't dead, so what do you think, Forbes?"
"Urgh," she groaned, standing up and placing her hand gun underneath her skirt strategically. "It's not my fault your intelligence was wrong. If it had been right that guy would have been in a body bag hours ago."
"We can't all be as perfect as you now, can we?"
"No, that would be impossible given I've never missed a target and I don't intend on starting now."
"Famous last words," Alaric joked. "Not that I'm complaining of course, my little protégé."
"Fine, I'm going to go kill this guy then I'm heading home for a nice family dinner."
Friday 15 April
"Funnily enough something came up, Klaus, I do have a life you know," she shot back. "It was one night, and you just had to mention it like I'm a terrible wife or something."
"Okay, I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry. It's not even about that, I just feel like you're keeping something from me."
"Funnily enough, I feel the same way," she muttered.
"I feel like we've lost the connection we had all those years ago. Everything is too damn polite and I'm wondering what happened to what we had."
"I'm wondering the same thing," Caroline murmured sadly, not meeting his gaze. "Maybe you could be honest with me, starting with where you were on Wednesday night?"
Wednesday 13 April
"Katherine! I can't take any more of this," he argued. "I need to get home for dinner now otherwise all hell will break loose."
"Oh yes, back to your weird idea of a marriage."
"It's not weird, I love Caroline."
"Yes, but she has no idea what you do and who you are. Excuse me if that seems a little strange."
"It's a difficult subject to broach," he uttered. "Maybe on the weekend I'll tell her my secret."
"You say that every weekend and every Monday morning you show up here in the same predicament," she replied. "Look, you can go home to your little dinner when you finish what you promised, Mikaelson."
"I always keep my promises; you don't need to worry about that."
"Yes, but being an assassin generally means you kill people for a living and funnily enough I haven't seen a corpse yet."
"Well let me rectify that situation and then I can get home to my wife."
Friday 15 April
"I was working, Caroline," he said, through gritted teeth. "I told you that already."
"Until 11pm?" She asked, flicking her blonde hair over her left shoulder in frustration. "The least you could have done is told me so I didn't ruin dinner."
"Okay, I can see there are definitely some issues that you two need to work through." Dr Sinclair interrupted, peering at them through her glasses, perched precariously on the tip of her nose.
"I want you both to take some time over the weekend and really talk to each other about your feelings. Keeping things cooped up inside is not healthy and the sooner you let down those barriers the closer you'll start to become."
Caroline looked over at her husband dubiously knowing that in spite of everything she did love him, but there was no way she'd be able to share everything about her life, it was just too damn complicated. Little did she know he was thinking the exact same thing.
Sunday 17 April
"I can't believe you broke this," Caroline muttered, inspecting the damage.
"Our house is completely trashed and you're worried about a bloody vase?"
"This is an antique, it was my grandmothers," she hissed, waving a piece of it at Klaus accusingly. "And maybe if you'd told me you were some secret assassin, the house wouldn't be in this mess and my family heirloom would still be in one piece."
"Oh, so it's okay for you to lie but not the other way around, I see how it is," he growled, waving his gun around animatedly. "Double standards that's what this is, Caroline."
"At least I didn't try to kill you."
"You fired the first shot! I think that pretty much confirms your desire to see me six feet under."
"It was a warning shot, my aim is never off," she boasted. "Something you would have known if you were actually good at your job."
"Trust me, I know exactly what I'm doing. I don't have all those pesky female emotions to deal with."
"You are unbelievable, first you almost kill your own wife and then you have to go and throw in that flippant, and not to mention chauvinistic, remark to top it all off."
"Oh, so now you're going to try and play the spouse card," he seethed. "Who needs irreconcilable differences when I have attempted homicide as the reason for divorce."
"Fine, you want a divorce?" She yelled, trying to make her way through the scattered debris on the floor. "Consider us over, but I get the holiday home in the Bahamas."
"Glad to see you're thinking about all the important issues right now," he muttered.
It had been a normal Sunday; Klaus had gone to play golf with his mates. She would never understand the appeal of such an inane sport but wasn't surprised his interest in it given her husband's boring tendencies.
Alaric had called urgently, the DEA's computer system was under attack and those who'd been put away were out for retribution. She had to take out the hacker before he succeeded, putting potentially thousands of agents' lives at risk. What she hadn't counted on was having to compete with a rival assassin after the same target.
This wasn't a new scenario and one she found extremely frustrating wondering how this duplication managed to occur. It wasn't until she spied a very familiar, and not to mention handsome, face through her gun scope that Caroline knew she was screwed. It was her husband's face, to be exact, and suddenly taking out her competition wasn't as easy as usual.
She'd been rattled, to say the least, but always the professional Caroline had attempted to get the job done. Unfortunately, her darling husband had other plans and their mutual desires had clashed in the worst possible way. She'd returned home unsuccessful for once and completely floored at the same time, no one ever got in her way, well until today.
Trying to settle this civilly was never going to be an option for two assassins hell bent on revenge, even if they had been married for five years. So one warning shot had turned into a hail of gunfire, something she knew their neighbours would probably never understand.
"If I focus on property division then at least I don't have to come to terms with the fact that our marriage is a complete joke."
"Yeah, finding out your wife is a hired assassin will do that to you," he murmured, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think it was first date conversation," she drawled, taking a seat on the last of the remaining upturned chairs in the dining room. "Hi, I'm Caroline and I love sunset walks on the beach, romantic picnics and killing bad guys." Klaus chuckled, unable to help himself.
"I don't know, I think most guys would have found that extremely hot," he grinned, knowingly.
"So you're telling me that after months of marriage therapy all I needed to do was come clean about my double life?"
"Well at least there'd be some honesty for a change. You know I think Dr Sinclair would be so proud of us right now."
"Maybe, you know without all the added gunfire," she joked. "So, you think I'm hot?"
"Love, I thought you were hot before I found out you were an assassin, now my attraction to you is completely off the charts," he murmured, his dark blue eyes filled with lust. "Even if you did try to kill me earlier."
"Consider that my idea of foreplay then, Mr Mikaelson," she purred, standing up and beckoning him towards her.
"This isn't your way of pulling me into your web so you can kill me, is it?" He asked huskily, moving towards her hesitantly.
"Maybe later, but I fully intend on having one last and well-deserved orgasm before that happens," she murmured. "It's the least you could do after lying to me all these years; don't you think?"
"So we'll declare a truce, only until I rock your world?" He asked, gesturing towards her gun on the table.
"That's a pretty bold statement, I just hope you can follow through with that promise, but consider it done," she smiled deviously, pushing her gun away as he did the same discarding his on the floor.
Klaus took this opportunity to lunge towards her like a lion stalking its prey and picking her up in one swift move, delighting in her squeals of surprise. He placed her on the dining table and captured her mouth with his, something he'd been wanting to do for hours.
Her tongue found his and they explored each other's mouths greedily, his hands roaming southward tracing her collarbone then dipping further, his thumbs rubbing her erect nipples in small circles through the thin fabric of her top. She moaned loudly against his lips and bucked her hips towards his relishing in the sensations he was creating.
Before they knew it clothes were flying in all directions; her top, his pants all coming off in a frenzy as they battled for dominance. His phone went off, disturbing the moment and he pulled away. Their panting the only sound as they stared at each other desperate for release.
He pulled out his phone, albeit reluctantly, a grimace forming on his face. "We have to get out of here, right now."
"What's wrong?"
"After what transpired today we are both targets, there's even a pricey bounty on both of our heads.
"Dead or alive?"
"No, just dead, Katherine tells me," he murmured. "I'd really like to keep you alive as long as possible."
"Funny, I feel exactly the same way," she grinned, pulling him in for another kiss, running her tongue along his lips and delving into his hot mouth. It was only after they heard distant police sirens they broke apart.
"I think that's our cue," he smiled against her lips. "How would you like to runaway with your husband, love?"
"I couldn't think of anything more exciting," she smirked. "Oh and who is this woman texting you?"
"She's my boss," he replied, lifting her off the table. "Why? Are you jealous?"
"Maybe, is this Katherine hot? I might have to kill her otherwise."
"She's got nothing on you, love."
