After the first class and during breaks before my teachers starting teaching, I had starting reading the book that Andrew had given me. And I was sucked in. I made extra care not to damage any of the pages of the old book, but I couldn't put it down. If I could have I would have skipped the rest of the day to just read. When lunch finally came around, I went to the room that seems to be pulling at me and sit in the corner of the room. I lose myself in the characters and the story and my heart breaks with them. He loved her...so much. I am so entranced in this book that I don't even notice anyone has joined me in the room until I hear my name. I close the book and look up, expecting to find of the Dauntless looking at me and wondering why I'm reading when I could be doing something...anything else. But when I look up, I see Andrew standing there looking at me with a grin on his lips.
"So, do you like it?"
I look down at the book and place a palm to the front cover. "How'd you know?" I ask.
"I saw you reading during class," He said. "All of them, actually."
I bite my lip. "It's good," I tell him. "More than good."
He crosses the room and sits next to me on the floor and I am suddenly hyperaware of how close he is sitting next to me. I turn my head to look at him and I can't help but smile at the way that he's looking at me. I bite my lower lip.
"Should you even be in here?" I ask him. "I don't' think your girlfriend will be too happy to see you with me again."
He looks confused as he stares at me. "My what?"
"Your girlfriend," I tell him. "Tall, blonde..." Pretty. I don't add the last part because it's obvious, especially to anyone who's seen her. She may look scary and intimidating but there was no doubt that she was pretty. "You know the one. From this morning."
He laughs. "Jeanine?" he asks me, shaking his head. "No. God no, she's definitely not my girlfriend."
"Oh." I feel stupid now, and lately it was rare that I felt stupid about anything. I didn't generally let myself feel that way. "I just assumed because of the way..."
"No," he says. "That's just Jeanine. She's kind of intense."
"I got that feeling from her."
He smiles at me and lets out a breath looking out of the window in the room. I follow his gaze and notice the way the sun shines off of the buildings in the city. "Were you jealous?"
I turn to look at him, my eyes wide. "What?" I ask. "No….no of course not." The words come out a bit too fast and I realize that I may have answered the question I had been trying to avoid. I swallow and try to slow my heartbeat. "Why…why would I be jealous?" He doesn't answer…he just smiles at me and I bite my lower lip because I know that I am blushing again. I turn my gaze back to the window. "God, what is it about you?"
"I don't know," He says. But then I feel his fingers brushing against my hand and almost instinctively, I flip my hand so that we can lace our fingers together. I have never had this before. It was so strange to me. I shouldn't be enjoying this…I should be focusing on the plan; on my job; on anything other than the way his hand felt in mine. I take a breath before willing myself to look at him again. He's got that smile on his face, the one that makes me weak. "So I was thinking that maybe you could help me with something?"
I shake my head, my brain not fully understanding everything that was going on. "With what?"
"One of my classes."
"But…" I pause. "But you're Erudite."
He grins. "I may be Erudite, but even I have some trouble with things."
I make a face at him and lean down to rest my head on his shoulder. "Sure," I say. "I'll help you."
"Yeah?" He asks. I nod. "Good. Because it was really an excuse to see more of you."
I can't help but smile and his thumb brushes against my skin, sending sparks up my arm and across my body. I swallow. The moment is nice and as much as I don't want it to be over, something is nagging at me and I can't stop myself from speaking. "Why me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm nothing special," I say.
"Nat…"
"No, I'm serious," I tell him. "I'm just a normal girl who doesn't really have any interesting qualities to separate me from the rest. I'm just Natalie."
"Well…just Natalie," he says and even without looking I can hear him grinning. It's funny how I've picked up on the little cues from him in just the two days that I've spoken to him. Is that what kismet is? Is that what having a real connection felt like? "Maybe nothing special is just what I've been looking for."
I let out a breath and shake my head. "You have horrible timing, Andrew." I don't what his plans are for after the test and my plans are Erudite. So maybe…maybe we'd have a shot. A chance at…I don't know…something. But after I choose and after I stop whoever it is that's killing us, will I be pulled from the program? Will I not have this life anymore? Will I go back to just being the girl that I was before? Will I go back to having nothing? I close my eyes and force myself to take a deep breath because if I think about it for too long, I know that the thoughts will overwhelm me and I won't be able to handle it.
"Or maybe I have wonderful timing."
I life my head to look at him. "Seriously?"
"What?" he asks with a laugh. He squeezes my hand. "Oh come on, Nat. It can't be all bad, can it?"
I purse my lips in thought and go back to resting my head on his shoulder. "I just…"
"Don't talk," he says, his voice quiet. "Just breathe."
I open my mouth to dispute his comment, but I stop myself due to the fact that I don't have a damn thing to say. In no time at all, the bell rings, dismissing us from lunch and we both let out a sigh. He gets up and helps me to my feet and I put the book back into my bag. I hitch my bag over my shoulder and bite my lower lip as I glance over at him. "So…"
"Do you want to walk to class together?"
I shrug. "Are we even allowed to?"
Rules were rules. And mingling with people from other factions, while not illegal, was highly frowned upon by faction and government leaders. The rules of this system…I didn't understand them. But I knew that there was no changing them. You had to abide or you were seen as a threat. And I had to abide because this was my job.
"There's no rule against it," Andrew says. "But…just to be safe, we should probably keep the hand holding reserved for this room. Among other things."
"Other things?" I asks, raising my eyebrows at him. "What other things are you thinking about?"
Now it's his turn to blush. "No, god, I'm not like that, I promise…" he rubs the back of his neck. "I just meant…that if we do anything else, we need to be careful." He takes a step toward me. "Not everyone here can be trusted."
My eyes flick up to his and I don't breathe for a moment. This is what I've been sent here for, wasn't it? To find out the truth? I nod, understand. "Definitely," I say. "I get it. It's nothing personal."
"No, of course not," He says, smiling at me. He lifts a hand and brushes loose hair behind my ear and smiles at me. "It's definitely not personal."
I like the way he's looking at me. David had looked at me the same way, but it's different coming from Andrew. I want him to look at me like this. It makes me feel things…important, dizzying, brand new things. I stand on my toes and press my lips to his cheek, letting my lips linger there for a second too long. I pull away slowly, but he whispers my name and I don't move. I meet his eyes and he gives me that half smile. He leans down and presses his head against my own. I close my eyes and take in his scent.
"You're going to mess me up, aren't you?" I whisper.
"Are you afraid?"
I open my eyes to find him staring at me. I shake my head. "No, "I say. "Are you?"
He brushes his palm against my cheek again. "Not in the slightest."
