DISCLAIMER: No matter how much I want it, I do not own Naruto. I am still only borrowing the characters and promise to return them in good condition – well, maybe slightly battered!


AN:

Please bare with me here - I swear this whole story is not going to be about Naruto getting busy with other women... that being said - there has to be one more "incident" before Sakura finally loses her cool.


Chapter Four:
The Giggler

I'm a good man with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
But I finally learned to let it go
Now I'm right here and I'm right now
And I'm open knowing somehow
That my shadow days are over
~John Mayer~

Sakura didn't even bother to hide the huge yawn that erupted from her mouth. She tiredly rubbed her grainy eyes as she sat down at her desk and tried to focus on the charts in front of her. From outside her open door, she caught sight of Lady Tsunade and gave her a lazy wave. She came back and stuck her head in.

"Good morning, Sakura. How's the new apartment?" she asked as she stepped into the office room.

"Definitely better than living in a tent. Thanks again for assigning it to Ino and I. It sure was nice of you to move us to the top of the list and get us in sooner. I thought for sure we would have to wait another month." drowsy

Tsunade gave an odd smile that; tired as Sakura was, didn't miss. She was about to comment on it when she yawned again, barely covering her mouth in time. The Hokage's sharp eyes didn't miss a thing.

"Sakura, I know it's the end of the week and all but it's still early in the day. How can you be drowsy already?" she reproached as she took in the girl's haggard appearance.

She grimaced, "My neighbor's nighttime activities keep coming through the walls."

"Ooh, which one? What did you hear?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with the thought of juicy, new gossip.

"I don't care how old you are, or what background you come from," thought Sakura wryly, "There are two universal truths. We will always laugh at…gas if it happens at the wrong time, and we are always curious about what goes on in other people's bedrooms."

"Lady Tsunade, seriously. You won't believe what's going on over there. The first night, that idiot was slamming his headboard so hard against my wall that a picture dropped from my shelf and hit me on the head!"

Lady Tsunade's face split into a huge salacious grin and she jumped up and shut the door. "You're kidding me!" she said loudly. "Tell me everything."

Sakura's depressed mood lightened at Tsunade's reaction. Somehow a giggle escaped her lips, making her feel a little better. She smiled and chirped, "I'm absolutely serious! They were so loud and then he started spanking her which only made her get even more vocal." Sakura still wasn't so sure why anyone would like that, but figured it was just one of those mysteries in life.

"Really? Spanking, you say? Nooo." she replied in a giggle like a young academy student.

"Seriously, that's what happened. His headboard was hitting my wall so hard that my bed actually moved, Lady Tsunade. I'm not joking! I saw Spanky leave the next morning and…"

"Wait, was that her name?"

"Beats me - that's just what I nicknamed her. And then I got woken up again last night…"

"What, the same girl? Did Spanky got spanked again?"

"No, no, no… last night I got to hear the stylings' of a creature named, Whiskas," she continued.

"Whiskas? I don't get it." She frowned.

"The Sand kunoichi he made meow like a cat in heat."

She laughed again while Sakura just rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"I can't believe it - two women in a row, that's… inspiring," sighed Tsunade a little too wistfully for Sakura's comfort.

Sakura clenched her fist and tried to control her rising temper. She said through gritted teeth, "You think that's inspiring? No way. Manslut, Manwhore, Man-whatever - you take your pick. It's ridiculous, that's what it is. Hasn't that idiot ever heard of disease?"

"So which of your neighbors is it anyways? Do you know?"

"Yes," she said a bit reluctantly. "It's Naruto. Kind of hard to miss it because Spanky and Whiskas kept shouting it out every night. Those walls are just too thin. I can hear everything… that damn idiot," she mumbled under her breath.

Tsunade let out a loud burst of laughter and then, as she calmed down into a occasional chuckle, she said rather proudly. "So Naruto's become a man - good for him!"

Sakura's eye twitched as she smothered another yawn. Tiredly she sighed and then bit out sarcastically, "Good for him, my butt! That jerk needs to take it someplace else… Someplace where my poor traumatized cat can't be subjected to his perversion…"

"Like his own apartment?" asked Tsunade with a grin.

They were both silent for a minute before looking at each other and then bursting into laughter. Although still a bit aggravated, even she had to admit it was a little funny in the bright light of day. Sakura ruefully shook her head and then laid it on the desk as they continued to giggle.

To Sakura's disapproval, Tsunade pulled out a small flask and offered a drink to her favorite pink-haired medic. At her tight-lipped refusal, the older woman commented, "I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's not like he'll do this much longer."

"What do you mean?"

The Hokage gave her student a shrewd look and slyly said, "He's the most loyal shinobi I know. Someday soon, one of those women will snatch him up. He is a great catch you know. That will be a sad, sad day for the rest of the women in Konoha because he will be a one-woman man. You know Naruto; once he makes a commitment, he never breaks it."

Sakura lowered her eyes and stared at her desk. Quietly, she agreed, "Yeah, that's true."

"And judging from the sounds you heard, I would say he's an excellent lover. Whoever he marries will be a very lucky woman."

"Lady Tsunade!"

"What? I'm old, not dead. Okay, let's get to work," she finally said. "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be very nice of me to mention all this to that boy, but damn it'll be hard to resist teasing him about it."

"Oh god no," said Sakura quickly. "Please don't say anything."


~o~O~o~

Nighttime was creeping in, the sun going down and casting the world into shades of orange and pink when Naruto entered the bar where they were celebrating the last few days of Shikamaru's bachelorhood. Spotting Kiba in the corner talking to Shino, he made a beeline for him. He punched his arm and said loudly, "I thought you weren't coming tonight. So how's fatherhood been treating you?"

Kiba had never looked so haggard. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and white stains all over his shoulder. When Naruto pointed them out, he just shrugged, ran a hand through his short, spiky hair, and said ruefully, "It's been a little rough. All that kid does is eat, poop, and puke. Hitome told me to get out, so here I am."

"Oh yeah? What happened?"

Kiba turned a bright shade of crimson as he admitted in a low undertone, "I dropped the baby." At Naruto's shocked look he hastily assured him, "He's alright. He barely even cried, but you'd of thought I killed him the way she and my ma carried on. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Look," he said pulling up his pant leg, "Akamaru even bit me. ME - can you believe it?"

Naruto tried… really he did. But at Kiba's indignant expression, he burst out laughing. When he finally caught his breath he said, "Looks like you got what you deserved." Still chuckling, he made his way towards Shikamaru.

"Hey!" he shouted at the blonde's retreating back, "It was an accident!"

~o~O~o~

"Well, if it isn't the man of the hour. How are you doing, Shika?" He nodded at the others sitting at the table and grinned companionably at Sasuke adding, "And Mr. tall, dark, and broody!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and grunted.

Shikamaru sighed heavily and shook his head. "Aw man, this is just so troublesome. I just want to be at home sleeping or playing a nice, quiet game of shogi. Why did I let you guys drag me out here? Why did I decide to get married?"

If Naruto didn't know better, he'd swear he heard a hint a panic in Shikamaru's voice. He put his hand on his friends shoulder and said, "You'll be fine, Shiho is a nice girl. Marriage requires commitment so I don't think you'll have any problems."

"Of course, so does insanity," added Sai with an odd smile.

"What?" replied the both of them.

"Insanity requires commitment."

"Is he kidding?" asked Shikamaru as he studied Sai uncertainly.

"I have no idea," admitted Naruto, shaking his head. "So is it true that your dad actually was the one that set you two up?"

"Yeah, in a way. Before he was deployed to the front he left a long list of instructions. It's a bother, but he knew what he was talking about. He knew that a lot of people would die and that I should help carry on the Nara name as the heir." Shikamaru pulled a pack of cigarettes from his vest pocket and took out one. Lighting it, he took a deep drag and blew out a cloud of smoke before continuing. "He said that if anything happened to Yasuko, the woman I was originally betrothed to, then I should consider Shiho as a wife because of her intelligence."

Wide-eyed, Naruto questioned, "Betrothed? People actually do that?"

"Jeeze, you idiot. You're going to be the next Hokage, you should know about these things. All the clan heirs are matched… me, Chouji, Kiba, Hinata…"

"Hinata?" asked Sasuke.

"I don't know. That's just what I..."

Naruto shook his head and interrupted, "Wait, wait, wait - and you're all okay with that? Really?"

Chouji shrugged. "It's just how things are done, Naruto. We have to carry on our secret clan techniques or bloodline limits."

"So you can't marry who you want?"

"No," sighed Shikamaru heavily, "That's not what he's saying at all. I am marrying Shiho and she's not a Nara. She doesn't come from a clan at all. What he's saying is that you just can't mix intermix between the clans. It just isn't done."

"But what if…" Naruto's whole thought process was completely derailed as several women walked into the bar. Pink hair captured his attention followed by a very short, red skirt. A very, very short, red skirt.

He barely heard Kiba shout, "The bridal party has arrived" before he was on his feet and standing next to her.

He inhaled the pleasant scent surrounding her and whispered to himself, "Sakura."

~o~O~o~

She felt his presence and turned. Smiling, she turned to greet him, but just as she opened her mouth, a beautiful blue haired girl with legs longer than Sakura was tall threw her arms around him and squealed. She pulled his head down and began kissing him.

His arms went around the girl's impossibly narrow waist, and a sharp pain sliced through Sakura's stomach.

"We shouldn't be here," she said loudly and then grabbing Shiho's arm, added, "It's bad luck to see the groom this close to the wedding."

"But I thought it was only supposed to be the night before…"

"And at bridal showers," muttered Sakura as she dragged her towards the door.

"I didn't know that," said Hinata as she scurried after them.

Breaking away from the girl clinging to him, Naruto shouted, "Sakura, wait…"

He slumped his shoulders in disappointment as the door swung shut.

Damn.


~o~O~o~

Three girls slowly staggered up the stairs after a night on the town. While Sakura didn't know Shiho all that well, she was fast becoming a good friend. "She's so perfect for Shika, huh?" giggled Sakura. "Can you just picture how smart their babies are going to be?"

"Um hmm," agreed Ino, "Just as long as they aren't as lazy as their daddy."

Hinata just giggled and made her way very unsteadily up the stairs. She stopped every few seconds to blow the wisps of hair from her eyes.

"Ino, you're my best friend, you know that right? I love you as much as I do my teammates. You're so beautiful too. You know that, right?" Sakura said stridently, hanging on to her for dear life as they tripped up the endless flight of stairs.

"Yes, Sakura, you're my best friend too and yes I am beautiful. Thank you for telling me something I already know!," she slurred. With her long blonde hair and large breasts, Ino tended to know exactly how everyone thought of her… especially with the men staring at her all night in lust.

Hinata giggled and Sakura threw her arms over her, hugging her close.

"And you, Hinata, you're my friend too. And you're so sweet and itty-bitty! I bet you could fit in my purse." She giggled again as she tried to find the bag hanging off her shoulder.

"We p-probably shouldn't have d-d-drank so much," Hinata muttered as she dragged them up the last few steps.

"I didn't drink that much. I only had two," Ino stated and she held up both hands. She let her arms drop limply before dropping her purse on the floor and pulling her shirt off.

"Hold on there, Ino-pig! You might not want strip out here in the hallway of our apartment. Although, I'm sure the neighbors might not mind all that much." Sakura finally located the keys hiding in her purse and somehow managed to open the door after several unsuccessful attempts at putting the key in the lock. Ino threw herself at the pink-haired girl and hugged her so tight, Sakura could barely breathe. Sakura gently disentangled her and stepped into their living room.

"You reek of sake and cigarette smoke, Ino. Get off me." She giggled as she tried to keep herself upright. It didn't work. Sakura found herself on the floor with no idea how she ended up there. Ino and Hinata helped her up and they staggered towards the bedrooms. Sakura caught sight of Hachiko lying on the couch with disapproval written all over his furry face.

How a cat can show disapproval was a mystery to Sakura, but she saw it there all the same.

"It's the big, fat kitty-witty. How is Ino's pretty kitty?" she sang out.

"How many times do I have to tell you," huffed Ino, "That's not my cat. I brought him in to heal him. But you were the one who wanted to keep him."

The cat gave them a look of haughty condemnation and stalked off to the other room, twitching his tail scornfully at them. "Snob!" shouted Sakura as she pertly stuck her tongue out at him and giggled again. "Where's my bedroom?" she demanded. "Where did you put my bedroom?"

"It's where it always is," said Ino in an amused tone. "Hinata, hic- it's too late for you to be wa-walking home alone so you can share my bed with me. That couch is the most uncom - hic- uncom - hic- uncomfortable thing in the world."

"Oh my god… Why is the room moving?" She grabbed the corner of the wall and held on tight. "What happened to our apartment? Is there an earthquake? Lady Tsunade will not be happy with us if someone broke the place! We'll never find another one so close to the hospital," Sakura cried, moaning as she watched the room move. "Someone please make it stop, it's spinning now!"

"R-Really, it's all going to be alright, Sakura. I swear the r-r-room isn't spinning. Just calm down." Hinata, not wanting to seem mean, stifled a laugh, steered her towards the bed, and helped her lay down. She sat next to her and took off her heels.

"And that thumping sound, where is that thumping coming from?" Sakura whispered into Hinata's breasts, inhaling deeply and praising enticing scent.

"Sakura, now you're just hearing things. Jeeze, how much did you have to drink anyways?" Ino snorted from the doorway. She hiccupped a few more times and then giggled.

Hinata stilled and then looked at the wall behind Sakura's headboard in curiosity. She said timidly, "I think I just h-heard something too. Listen, c-can you hear it t-too?"

Ino blinked and then cocked her head, and all three of them listened intently. They all jumped a little as they heard a thump, and then an instantly recognizable moan.

"Ladies, just lay back and make yourselves comfortable. You are about to be highly entertained," Sakura stated smugly.

Ino and Hinata's eyes grew wide, but they stayed quiet.

Sakura's mind wandered. Who would it be this time. Whiskas apparently went back to the sand village, so maybe it would be Spanky again. Hachiko must have heard the noise as well because he sauntered into the room and leaped up on the bed. He stared at the wall with intense concentration.

The three girls and the cat didn't have to wait that long.

"Oh, God."

Thump, thump.

"Oh, God."

Hinata and Ino's eyes slid over to Sakura. Her head was down and she was halfheartedly petting the cat.

The pink haired girl just shrugged her shoulders while Hachiko gave a mournful mew.

Ino gasped in disbelief, "Is that what I think it is? Are they really doing it?"

Sakura frowned and gave a small nod. She was trying hard to not be obvious as she listened closely at the sounds coming through the wall. The girl's voice was one she didn't think she'd heard before. She prayed it wouldn't be one she would recognize.

"Mmm, baby —" giggle "— right —" giggle "— there!" giggle.

Huh?

"Yes, yes —" laugh, giggle, laugh "— yes! Fuck, fuck —" giggle hee haw "— fuck, yes!"

What the…? Was she...? She was laughing and… giggling?

The three kunoichi sat on Sakura's bed listening with increasingly wider and wider eyes. They couldn't help themselves; the sounds coming from Naruto's room were contagious. Soon they began to quietly let little own giggles escape.

"Are we really hearing this?" Ino whispered again in incredulity. "How many times has he done this?"

"I told you that he was a manwhore, Pig," Sakura mumbled, her pleasant drunken buzz quickly vanishing as she listened.

Hinata turned a little white. Knowing who lived next door, she timidly asked, "Who is that?"

"It's that idiot, Naruto," growled Sakura. Feeling guilty when she suddenly remembered that Hinata might still have feelings for him, she glanced at her in concern. She was surprised to see a look of relief on the Hyuga girl's face.

Ino poked Sakura to get her attention and then loudly asked, "Do you hear them every night? I would go nuts if I had to hear some girl giggling like that all the time."

"Thank god no. I've never heard this woman before. First it was the bad girl, Spanky that needed to be disciplined …"

"Disciplined?"

"Spanked, and then last night it was Whiskas…"

"Whiskas?" Ino interrupted.

Sakura sighed and explained impatiently, "Yes, Whiskas, that's the girl who meows when he makes her… well, you know," Sakura said, while distractedly plucking the stray cat hairs off her bedspread.

"No I don't know, thanks to Sai," muttered Ino.

"Ino, you're d-d-drunk. I'm sure h-he only scared off that guy to p-protect you," murmured Hinata soothingly.

"He told the whole damn bar that I used to be a man!" shouted Ino in outrage. She slapped her hand over her mouth again as she heard another thump. "I don't even know why he was there," she hissed. "I'll bet he followed us to that last bar just so he could humiliate me!"

"That doesn't really sound like something he would do," mumbled Sakura.

Ino and Hinata jumped again when the volume of the woman's screams and giggles really increased.

"Oh, God that's…that's —" hahahaha "— so good!"

Ino gaped at Sakura. "Did I hear that right? Did you just say that Naruto had a girl making cat noises?"

"Do we really have to keep talking about this. Obviously, that idiot teammate of mine is a huge perv…"

"I don't really understand why this one is laughing. I thought sex was all serious and, well, I don't know, I just don't get it."

Hinata quietly said, "It's kind of sweet to know that she's having so much fun with Naruto-kun."

Ino and Sakura ignored the comment. Ino patted her arm consolingly and whispered, "You should talk to him if it bothers you so much." At Sakura's horrified look, she joked, "Well you have to admit that his stamina is pretty impressive. I can tell whenever Chouji and his wife had sex because of his cheerful attitude the next day. He's like that only twice a week, max - thankfully. You have no idea how disturbing it is to know how often he has sex."

"Not only is it disturbing, but it's some kind of disgusting too is what it is. I'm so sick of not getting enough sleep at night!"

Sakura heard the deep groan coming from the bedroom next to hers and exclaimed, "Oh no, here it comes…"

"Here what comes?" Ino began to say and Sakura just shook her head.

"You'll see," she said as he began to finally finish.

The thumps got louder and although she had removed everything from the shelf above her bed, the items on Sakura's other shelves began to rattle and wobble. The giggler got louder as did Naruto.

She could hear Naruto thick groans and unfortunately knew what that meant. He was about to have an orgasim. The girls was louder than him though.

"Oh —" giggle "— that's —" giggle "— it —" giggle "— don't —" giggle "— stop —" giggle "— don't —" giggle "— stop —" giggle "— oh —" giggle-snort "— God —" giggle-giggle snort-snort "— don't —" giggle "— stop!" giggle.

"Oh god, please stop, please," Sakura thought.

It finally grew quiet after one more slam of the headboard and one last giggle from the mystery girl.

Ino and Hinata looked at each other and then Ino said, "Oh."

"My," added Hinata.

"God," they said together and looked at Sakura.

"And that's why I've been so tired," said the blushing pinkette as she exhaled noisily.

Giggler, I think I hate you most of all…


AN:

Thanks to everyone that followed/favorited/commented on the last chapter!

This weeks recommendation is Let's Get Married by luvtoshi. It was supposed to be a simple solution to their immediate problems. But maybe they took more than they can chew? Basically it's just as the title suggests. Love it! You all should read it if you haven't already.

P.S.

I got 13 reviews on each of the first three chapters - totally bad luck! Someone please fix it before I'm cursed (sad puppy eyes!) lol

Ja Ne,

AZFAERYDUST