Disclaimer: as per chapter 1

OMG! ep 3 of season 4 was AWESOME! And I was right. Mary WAS a hunter! It was kinda obvious from the 'sorry' in Home and the 'its you' in AHBL pt1... but still! Sammy is even more of a mystery now! OMG! I can't wait for more!

Anyway, hope you enjoy chap 4. It was a toughy to write!


"NO!" I screamed. I found myself once again sitting up in the bed, sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. I looked around the room to find myself the sole occupant. A note was scribbled on a piece of paper on the table. I shakily managed to get up and stagger over to the table. I quickly wiped my tears away and took a couple of deep breaths to stop my overflowing sobs before I read the note.

Getting dinner. Leaving after we're done eating.

Extremely grateful that Dean was getting food, I noticed that it was eleven-thirty. Okay, so I needed the sleep. But did it have to come with the prophetic dream? I knew it was prophetic because there was that same 'too-vivid' feeling to it that my original dream I had about dad… And that absolutely terrified me. I knew I'd have to do everything possible to prevent that dream from becoming reality.

By the time Dean returned, I had gotten dressed, cleaned the weapons, and checked to make sure we had enough salt and kerosene. He quirked an eyebrow at the cleaned weapons sprawled on my bed but didn't say anything. When he looked at me I quickly vowed my head, making sure I didn't look at him. I didn't move until I heard him dump the food on the table and say, "Come eat, Sam."

Keeping my head bowed, I quickly sat at the table and grabbed the burger he got for me. I may have been hungry but I couldn't seem the taste the food as I chewed and swallowed it. I quickly finished off the sandwich before Dean and quickly threw my garbage away and started packing up the equipment. I heard Dean pause in his eating and I found myself wondering what he was thinking. Nothing I came up with was good.

When the duffle bags were packed I opened the door with them slung over one shoulder.

"What're you doing?" Dean asked.

I turned around keeping my gaze firmly on the ground. "Just taking the bags to the car," I said in a subdued voice in an attempt not to anger him.

There was a moment of silence before I heard the jingle of keys. "Impala's locked. Here."

Making sure I didn't look at his face, I saw the keys in his hand. Keeping my head down, I quickly grabbed them out of his hand so not to taint his skin with my own. I practically ran out of the room to the car. My trembling was so pronounced I could barely put the keys in the trunk lock.

About ten minutes later, Dean locked the motel door and got in the car. I looked hard at my hands that were resting in my lap, desperately trying to squash the need to curl up in my brother's strong arms and disappear to somewhere safe.

"Are you okay?" I jumped in surprise. I quickly shook my head. "No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah… I guess… I guess… Dad…"

Dean didn't say anything. And I didn't want to push him over the edge.

Why the hell is it all about you?

I spun around to face Dean. "What did you say?"

Dean's frown deepened. "I didn't say anything."

"Oh." I went back to staring at my hands. I could have sworn I heard…

Fucking kid's loosing his mind.

I stiffened. Why was Dean saying this? My body started to tremble as I tried to keep my tears at bay.

God, will he just stop thinking about his own fucking self for a change?

I squeezed my arms tightly together in an attempt to reduce my trembling. Dean doesn't need you to be a quivering mess on this hunt! Just don't think about it… I told myself.

You really are useless.

A single tear escaped before I managed to stop the rest from flowing. I berated myself for the way my breathing was hitching.

"You sure you're okay, Sam?"

He must really think low of me if he can say that after calling me useless… A sudden thought came to me. Maybe he's testing me to see if I can suck it up. If I can, he'll know I'm worth something! "I'm fine. Let's just go burn the bitch!" It was a blatant attempt at bravado, but it was damn worth it for the smile Dean flashed. Although, that smile tugged painfully at my heart when I remembered how Dean actually thought of me.

We arrived at an old abandoned house at about twelve-thirty in the morning. Dean jumped out and opened the trunk. Keeping my gaze downward, I followed in suit, waiting for Dean to lay out the plan.

"I'll dig her up, you keep a look out. Remember, shoot anything that moves."

And don't screw up.

I gripped the loaded shotgun tightly, determined to prove my worth to Dean.

Apparently, the cheated-on wife had been buried under an old red bud tree, long dead now and easily taken out. My back faced the grave sight as Dean's grunts and heavy breathing reached my ears. I wanted to help him with the digging but I already had a job and I intended to do it well. I circled the grave, keeping a look out at all ankles. I was trembling from the cold (At least that's what I told myself) and it seemed as though my coordination was off. I figured I was just tired.

Idiot brat can't even keep his fucking game up. It's not like I gave him a hard job!

My chest constricted at the words. I wonder if Dean knows that I can hear him. Probably. Determination and my inherent stubbornness forced me to swallow down my emotions and focus on the hunt. Even so, my mind kept wandering.

It occurred to me that Dean doesn't call me 'Sammy' anymore. I remember bitching to him constantly about calling me that childish name. But since dad died… I sighed and clung to the fact that Dean comforted me the previous night. My Dean's still in there.

How about you stop wallowing in your pathetic little self and actual do something useful!

"Sorry," I said softly, cringing as it came out as a begging whimper.

Dean paused in his shoveling. "What?" I expected his voice to be annoyed or angry so I was surprised when his (lately) emotionless voice was tinged with worry.

You and your hopeful semantics.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. Something's wrong…

Yeah! You're not paying attention!

That's when the Woman in White appeared. Cursing myself for not paying attention I quickly aimed the shotgun and fired. As she shrieked and dissipated, I felt and blast of heat behind me.

I smiled in relief. She was salted and burned.

No thanks to you, you useless piece of crap!

"Sorry…"

"Sam, why do you keep saying sorry?"

I felt rather than saw my brother next to me. So not to accidentally anger him, I kept quiet.

"You've been acting strange tonight…"

"'M sorry." I said quickly keeping my head down. It became suddenly so much harder to keep my sobs down. This is the most he's talked to me in days…

"Sam, what's wrong…" You're so fucking annoying.

"I'm sorry!" The tears started to leak about but at least I wasn't any weaker by sobbing my heart out. I still cringed at the way my voice sounded, though it didn't stop me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, don't be mad!"

I suddenly felt a pair of warm, strong hands on my shoulders. More tears broke loose as I reveled in the touch. "Sam, look at me."

I trembled harder as I shook my head, not wanting to contaminate my brother.

"Sam…" You pathetic, useless brat!

I launched myself forward into my brother's chest as my sobs broke free at my desperation. "No! Please! Don't leave me! I don't wanna be alone! Please! I'm sorry! I promise I'll be good! I'll hunt, I'll train, I won't get in the way! Just please…" My chest heaved under the strain. I suddenly felt worn down and tired. No, exhausted. My body started to sag and I desperately twisted my fists into Dean's leather jacket. If I hold on, he won't leave...

Get your filthy hands off me!

I choked on my sobs as I immediately complied. "I'm sorry…" I whimpered. I threw all attempts of keeping any semblance of pride out the window. I just didn't care anymore. I just wanted my brother. My brother. Please let him stay… "Please don't leave… I'll be good…" I felt myself fall to my knees. Hugging myself, I repeated my mantra in hopes of convincing Dean… "Please don't leave, please don't leave, please don't leave…"

Why would I haul your pathetic, dirty hide around with me, you freak?

That was it. I curled into a small ball, muttering apologies for causing him trouble. I sobbed impossibly harder, accepting the fact that I was going to be alone now. Without anybody… Without Dean.

Gone.

Dead.

Forever.


Okay, this was tough to write, and I still think it's not as good as it could be but hey! Please review and tell me what you think! If you don't like something, tell me and maybe I'll change it!