How do we make love stay?
The sun beat down upon her face, warming her despite the crisp November chill. Claire's eyes were closed, her mind void from thought, just simply being. It was nice not to have to worry about her life and what it had become. In this state she could forget that just beyond the picnic table she occupied were high fences. This made Claire come back to herself, no longer able to achieve her previous euphoric state. She sighed and opened her eyes, quickly standing and leaving the table.
"Done already Miss Bennet?" Denise asked in disbelief.
"Not feeling it today." Claire gave the other woman a weak smile. Denise took her by the arm and led her back into the ward. Claire kept her gaze downcast, preferring not to take in her surroundings. Being in somewhat of denial helped keep her sane. She laughed at that. She looked up at Denise, but quickly returned back to staring at her feet satisfied that there was no judgment on the woman's face. "Denise?"
"Yes Claire?"
"Can you take me to Dr. Gray?"
"Sure. Is there something the matter dear?"
"No, I just don't feel like waiting until Thursday to talk with him—it's kind of personal."
"Okay then." The trip was silent; there was no further conversation between them. Claire preferred it this way. No lying when someone asked if she was alright. It was always yes, but inside she was screaming "fuck no I'm not alright; I'm in a fucking mental institution." When was she going to get out of here?
"Here we are dear." Denise patted Claire's shoulder and took her leave, trusting that she would not wander off. If Claire hadn't wanted to be here so badly she might have taken advantage of the situation, but as it were…Claire raised her hand to knock, barely hesitating as she did. There was no timid nervousness, definitely no seething rage, just—anticipation.
"Come in." Dr. Gray sat behind his desk, head bent down in concentration, papers scattered all around him. Although, he immediately looked up to see his visitor, a wide grin already was spreading across his face. "Claire. What a pleasant surprise. Have a seat." He gestured towards the chair in front of his desk rather than the sofa in the corner. "Here again, aren't you sick and tired of being in my office?"
"No, neither sick nor tired of it. I'm sorry did I catch you at a bad time, you look like you're really busy?"
"No, just trying to get a head start on some paperwork before the holiday weekend."
"Oh yeah right its Thanksgiving." Claire sat back in her seat, shoulders dropping ever so slightly. She had forgotten that it was so soon. "Are you spending it with your family?" Maybe Claire could live through him. It might make her day brighter picturing him with all his family, laughing, watching the game, eating a real home-cooked dinner. Who knows how they celebrate in this place?
"Actually, no, not this year, I usually fly home to Pittsburgh, but I'm staying here in Odessa for the holiday."
"Really, why would you want to stay here and be alone on Thanksgiving?"
"I wasn't planning on being alone."
"Oh…"Claire finally understood what he was saying. Dr. Gray had a girlfriend, serious enough to spend Thanksgiving with instead of his family. Why should that make her feel jealous?
"I here they're throwing a little party here for the patients, and I thought I would attend."
Claire's mood brightened considerably at this. So he didn't have a girlfriend? Well, let's not get ahead of herself, that didn't prove anything? Claire took a moment to pause, why should it even matter if he was in a relationship? What was happening to her?
