Gamzee looked around himself. He had been sitting on his bed. Not his usual bed, the one in the dorm. His things were piled haphazardly at the back of his bed, a container of peanut butter open on his desk, his laptop half-open at the end of his bed. He inhaled, and could smell pot fumes. Slowly, he turned his head.
Beside him, Tavros sat in his bed, pipe in hand, taking a hit. He held it for a long time, his eyes slowly closing, before exhaling through his nose, two white puffs of smoke exiting his nostrils, like a bull snorting in cold weather. His eyes slowly opened, before he nodded in acknowledgement, and leaned over towards Gamzee, extending his the pipe towards him. Gamzee, eyebrows pulled together in confusion, slowly leaned over, and took it from him, followed by a lighter, and lighting the shredded plant within, and taking a deep toke. He held it for a long moment, before slowly opening his eyes, and exhaling the lungful. A broad smile crept across his face when he felt his mind ease into a gentle, cradling high.
"I'm dead, isn't I?" Gamzee asked, looking over to Tavros.
"Share that shit," Tavros grinned, leaning towards him. Gamzee chuckled, and passed the pipe and lighter back to him. He took a deep hit. "Do you think this is heaven?"
"It must be," Gamzee watched Tavros with half-lidded eyes. "I ain't been in knowledge of something that been feeling so good and perfect since you been dead. It's motherfucking miracles, bro."
Tavros chuckled. "Miracles," he mocked, passing the pipe back. "Babe, these aren't any miracles."
"Then what is it?" Gamzee asked, before taking a hit.
Tavros smiled at him. "It just is."
With that, he stood from the bed, and walked over to Gamzee, his legs working as though there had never been a problem with them. Gamzee opened his arms and laid back, to welcome Tavros into his embrace. He held him tightly, facing him, gently tracing a fingertip down the bridge of Tavros's nose, to his lips, smiling at the feeling of his skin, warm and soft. Tavros smiled and leaned towards him, pressing their lips so softly against each other. Gamzee slowly exhaled in the kiss, feeling as though it was the first one they ever had, even though it was probably the millionth.
"I don't want this to stop," Gamzee said, his voice low.
"I know," Tavros frowned, scanning Gamzee's face, his large, brown eyes falling down the contours of Gamzee's visage. "But it's going to, soon."
"I been figuring," Gamzee sighed. "Nothing real been staying long much lately."
"Have you even been paying attention?" Tavros's eyes narrowed slightly. "Karkat has pretty much given himself to help you, and keep you stable. Not to mention Terezi's constant sacrificing for you, including getting addicted to drugs, and even giving herself physically, in efforts to keep you happy. You know your friends haven't abandoned you. The bad shit may seem heavier than the good shit, but there's still a lot of good shit to hold on to, you know?"
Gamzee smirked, an eyebrow raised, before chuckling, and nodding. "I guess you's right," he then paused as he placed his hand on the side of Tavros's face. "But I been missing you, bro. I been all up and real missing you a whole motherfucking lot. Been really thinking that I ain't capable of dealing without you in my motherfucking life, y'know?"
"You've been doing well," Tavros replied. "I mean, the drugs are a little unexpected and incredibly unhealthy, but you have to stay off of them."
Gamzee closed his eyes and smiled, not fully listening to Tavros's words as he spoke, and merely taking in the sound of his voice, as though it was a breath of fresh air after spending so long breathing in dust. "Man, I really been missing your voice telling me what I should and shouldn't be getting done in life."
"Well then listen to my advice now," Tavros sat up slightly, and looked at Gamzee deeply. "You need to leave that neighbourhood, because it's just not healthy for you anymore. Frankly, I don't believe it ever was. But Terezi's leaving it, you know she has plans, and I'm sure Karkat would be more than happy to take you in for a while, while you found some place else. You know Caliborn's going to be coming after you once he finds out you survived, because now you're a liability."
"I ain't been harbouring no intentions on staying," Gamzee told him. "But when putting thought onto this foolish issue, I guess now's good enough a motherfucking excuse as any."
"And don't ever look back to this life," Tavros held Gamzee's face in his hands, speaking to him so intensely, it felt as though he spoke directly into the very essence of his being. "Think fondly of me, but don't act as though I've just been kidnapped and you're searching for me. Do the same for your dad, and for Calliope. Don't waste your life on the pursuit of something permanently gone. Don't push people out of your life. Embrace the life you're living, and remember that it's the only one you have, so don't be fucking stupid with it, and waste it away. You taught me that…"
Gamzee smiled slowly, his eyes filling with tears again. Tavros sniffed and smiled fondly, wiping a tear away as it slowly fell down Gamzee's cheek.
"Too many tears have been spilt for me," Tavros said, wiping the tear away. "It's time to focus that energy on yourself, and the people around you who love you."
"Don't leave me," Gamzee said, unable to contain his pleading any longer. "Please. I can't watch you all up and go, again. I lost you once."
Tavros wrapped his arms around Gamzee and held him tightly, burying his face into Gamzee's neck. Tears spilt from Gamzee's eyes as he embraced him, so tightly, for fear that he would be lost if he loosened his grip even slightly. Part of him was well aware that his time with Tavros was limited, and surely about to end. However, although he was sure he would be capable of survival without Tavros at his side, truthfully, he didn't want to do it any longer. He couldn't put up with it. He couldn't be without him.
Tavros moved away from him, and looked him in his eyes. Slowly, he kissed him, allowing it to grow in passion, Gamzee taking the moment to allow his hands to explore Tavros's figure for the last time. Not sensually, simply as a means of remembering him, touching him, reminding his fingertips and palms of the feeling of Tavros beneath them. Tavros then parted from him, and smiled.
"I love you, Gamzee," he said. "And that will never change. Some kind of universal constant, or something. But I can't keep you anymore. I'm willing to let you go. Let you be happy. Let you be at peace. Will you do the same for me?"
Gamzee's choked back a tight sob which rose in his throat, and swallowed hard, touching Tavros's face, running his fingers through his Mohawk. "I love you back," he said, his eyelids suddenly growing heavier, the feeling of sleep washing over him. He blinked once to keep his eyes open, his fingertips not straying from Tavros's face. "Rest well, brother."
When Gamzee awoke, his head swam and his body felt oddly detached from his head. He blinked slowly, and managed to swivel his eyes to either side of him, perceiving the world as being incredibly blurry, and bright. Eventually, shadows and shapes began to form, and sense came out of things. He remembered the feeling of being shot, three times, then the world going black. Soon enough, the silhouette of an individual began to materialise to his right, and he managed to inhale enough air to squeeze out a choking cough. The figure moved at his sound, and became much larger – he assumed by standing – and leaning over him. He slowly closed his eyes again, his head swimming about in his skull, numbing his pain.
"Gamzee," came a muffled voice. Gamzee grinned slightly, but he wasn't sure if it actually made it to his face. It was Karkat. Of course it was Karkat. "Hey, man." His voice sounded hoarse. In the back of his mind, he could hear Karkat shouting at a doctor and plethora of nurses when he was first brought to the hospital. Internally, he chuckled. "So, like, you're in the hospital, if you hadn't previously deciphered that yourself, which I'm sure you would have, by now. Um… Terezi and I found you after she called me. Apparently some fucker showed up at your house and threatened her. He had a whole fucking tub full of your blood all over these candies. I don't know, maybe that makes more sense to you than it does to me, because right now, it makes about as much sense as a hitching a ride on a meteor to visit new planets. We don't know who shot you… Though I'm guessing you probably do. We sort of just found you, lying in the street. You had to have a blood transfusion, because you lost an awful lot of blood, but apparently that seems to be going well, since you're not, like, convulsing and having reactions and shit. They got the bullets out. The one went right through your shoulder, though, so… That one wasn't difficult. The rest, they kind of had to fish out.
"I was so worried," he continued, his voice faltering, quivering slightly. "Gamzee, I was so fucking worried. I thought you were dead. And the doctors… They wouldn't tell me the chances of you surviving. I got a little… Frustrated. Well, you know my fucking temper. But seeing you like that… Your blood…"
"Bro," Gamzee managed to squeak out. Karkat suddenly stopped speaking, and practically lunged himself at Gamzee.
"Are you alright? Does anything hurt? Should I ring a nurse?" Karkat fussed. Gamzee reached an arm up, and carefully took Karkat's wrist in his long fingers.
"I saw Tavros," Gamzee smiled slowly. "Been looking real alright. Told me to move on and shit. Been thinking it's about time I all up and do that. Get my ass outta that shit hole I been living in, you know?"
"I think that's a great idea," Karkat said, looking down to him with a level of confidence. "I mean, if you wanted to, you could move in with me. If, like, that sounds like something you'd consider."
"Yeah," Gamzee said, stopping Karkat's rambling with a comforting grin. "I been real all up and considering such things, bro."
Karkat's expression seemed to fall, not in a dismayed fashion, but, instead, for the first time in probably far too long, simple relief. It was clear that a massive weight was being lifted off his shoulders, simply with the fact that Gamzee seemed to be so willing to change such a huge part of his life, for the sake of his own health. Something, that is, further than the choice of going to rehab, which was a massive step in the first place. He laid his head down onto the side of the bed, and Gamzee softly stroked his dark hair, a small smile still upon his thin lips.
A week later, Gamzee taped up the last box full of his things, and looked back into the empty apartment. Terezi had moved out a few days after Gamzee returned from the hospital, so her things were already long gone, and now, so were Gamzee's. Terezi, Karkat, and Gamzee had spent the day packing and cleaning. They had called upon some help from their friends, and managed to get Equius, Nepeta, and Sollux to assist them. The others were already downstairs, Equius loading the heavy things into the truck, Sollux and Karkat loading smaller boxes, and Terezi and Nepeta helping place them neatly within the truck (which was mostly Terezi lifting the boxes Sollux put down, walking a few steps in a designated direction, and handing it to Nepeta). The apartment had been sufficiently cleaned, enough for the next poor soul to move in, and Gamzee was more than ready to finish cutting ties.
He looked down to the box he finished taping, and carefully bent down to lift it. He underestimated its weight, and as he tried to lift it off the ground, a stabbing pain came from his still-healing wounds, and he dropped it, loudly, with an inhaling hiss through his teeth. Karkat, who was already on his way up to check on Gamzee, heard the falling box, and broke into a run down the hall, into the room, and to Gamzee's side, who was doubled over in recuperation from the pain.
"You've gotta stop fucking doing that, man," Karkat said, carefully helping him to stand straight.
"Motherfucking bullshit, bro," Gamzee groaned, as he straightened. "I been real motherfucking tired and sick of all this motherfucking pain."
"I know," Karkat said, and wrapped his arms around Gamzee's waist to hold him upright, and look him deeply into his half-lidded eyes. "It won't be long, now. Things are going to get better."
Gamzee snaked his arms under Karkat's, and pushed Karkat's arms upwards, to around his neck, before holding Karkat closer to him, his own arms around Karkat's waist. He smiled down at him, and gently placed a soft kiss upon his lips. "I know, bro," Gamzee assured him, as Karkat pushed a chunk of hair out of Gamzee's face, to better see his eyes. "I'm real motherfucking ready for this shit."
"Good," Karkat said, resting his head onto Gamzee's chest. "Me too."
Unloading his things and managing to somehow fit it all into Karkat's already-crowded apartment, was a task in itself. Equius and Gamzee handled most of the heavy lifting (Equius insisting on taking most of the weight, so as to not cause further harm to Gamzee), while Nepeta and Terezi dealt with making room inside the apartment, and Sollux and Karkat handled boxes. After everything seemed to be in place, and well enough moved in (the unpacking of boxes and placing of various things would be something Gamzee and Karkat could handle alone), Gamzee declared that a break for a bite to eat would be beneficial for the group. All agreed, and ventured to the local pizzeria.
The conversation between the group, was idle, though stayed interesting. Sollux and Karkat seemed to form a rather strong friendship since meeting, and even though Sollux still wasn't the Gamzee's biggest fan, he still respected him, with the knowledge that no one should live life the way he had been. Nepeta and Terezi indolently gossiped, while Equius and Gamzee discussed various things, including how Equius's schooling was going, his most recent projects (something about robotic appendages), and Gamzee's health. Once their orders came, the conversation seemed to trail off and fade as they consumed their food. Gamzee paused in his chewing, to glance over to Terezi, who sat beside him. She brought a slice of pizza to her mouth, her unseeing eyes staring off into the distance, and something caught Gamzee's eye.
"Terezi, hang on," he said, and Terezi immediately lowered her slice, confused.
Gamzee narrowed his eyes and leaned in towards the pizza, pausing when he saw what was hidden underneath the cheese. He switched their plates, told Terezi she was alright to eat (which she did without hesitation), and lifted the cheese. Underneath, sat a bright, red jujube, covered in sauce. As he plucked it from the pizza, Karkat watching him closely, and brushed off the sauce, he realised that it wasn't only red coating the jujube.
He dropped it onto his plate, and looked around himself, out the windows, and in the other booths, his searching becoming more and more frantic when he realised he couldn't see anyone else, other than various other customers. He excused himself and stood up, Karkat standing as well, incessantly drilling Gamzee for his sudden actions, and following him as he began to walk about the restaurant, eyeing the customers closely.
He scanned face after face, seeing only unfamiliar visages of perplexed individuals. He kept his gaze outside as well, desperate to see that gremlin face pressed against the glass, mocking him. He suddenly heard the bathroom door close, and he pitched himself in that direction, slamming open the bathroom door, and entering the dingy lavatory. Inside, a fluorescent light flickered as a suggestion that its life was almost up, and a stall door slowly swung open, revealing no one inside. He headed towards the aisle of stalls, noting that all the urinals were empty, and pressed his fingertips against the cold, metal doors, pushing them open slowly, each in succession, revealing nothing within any of them. Once he was satisfied that each stall was void of anything, other than stagnant toilets, he spun around to leave the bathroom, and stopped when he noticed large, red writing across the mirrors.
"BROADCASTING TOWER," the writing read. "ALONE. FINISH THIS NOW."
He stared at it for a long moment, before dashing out of the bathroom, towards his group of friends, who were talking amongst themselves. Sollux, Nepeta, Equius, Terezi…
"Where's Karkat?" he asked, standing beside the table.
"He got up when you did," said Sollux. "Bathroom, maybe?"
Gamzee's blood ran cold. He apologised profusely, tossed a couple coins onto the table to pay his and Karkat's share of the bill, and then ran from the restaurant, arm extended as he shouted for a taxi.
About ten minutes out of town, in a field, overlooking a massive wheat crop behind it, stood the broadcasting tower, atop which sat the ever-blinking, red eye, beckoning him towards it. Once the taxi driver was close enough to it, Gamzee tossed him a bill or two, uncaring of the amount, and launched himself out of the vehicle. He jogged towards the tower, until his heavy breathing and the motion from jogging sent sharp pains through him, from his wounds. He grunted in pain, clutching himself, before continuing towards the tower. He wasn't sure what, exactly, was waiting for him at the tower and, frankly, he couldn't care less. He simply wanted to ensure Karkat's safety. He couldn't lose another one.
In the shadow of the tower, the evening sun hanging low in the sky and casting an eerily-long shadow upon the ground, stood two, short figures. The closer he got, the more he could make out the features, and the more he realised that it had been Caliborn, clutching Karkat, a pistol to Karkat's temple. Gamzee slowed to a walk when he was close enough to them.
"Well, well, well!" Caliborn shouted. "Long time, no see, Gamzee! You're looking better."
"What's you motherfucking want," Gamzee demanded.
Caliborn shrugged, waving the pistol around Karkat's head, causing Karkat, who had a blindfold around his eyes, to flinch slightly, feeling the motion and being unable to see what caused it. "I wanted a lot of things in my life. I guess I never assumed thriving would be this difficult. But I'm this far into it, Gamzee! There's no turning back now. It's either you, or me!"
"Bro, listen," Gamzee lifted his arms, still slowly approaching. "None of this shit be needing to all up and go down. Let him go, and I give you my motherfucking word, that I ain't gonna say shit about none of this. About you shooting me, about kidnapping Karkat, nothing. I'll be keeping that shit to myself, bro, I swear."
"You really think I'm just going to trust you like this, Gamzee?" Caliborn's beady eyes narrowed. "That I'm just going to let you leave with your boyfriend and walk away from all of this forever?"
"You have my motherfucking word!"
"Your word don't mean shit, Gamzee!" Caliborn cried out, cocking the gun. "I need closure! I need to know that all this shit is going to pass by me, and I'm not going to have a scratch. Now, here's how this is going to work. You and this little fucker right here, are gonna switch places, got it? If I don't have you kneeling on the ground in ten seconds, I'm going to blow this fucker's head off, Gamzee, and that's a fucking promise."
Gamzee didn't hesitate to run to them. He dropped to his knees and lowered his head, his arms still up, begging for Caliborn to let Karkat go. Caliborn scowled at the man in his arms, before tossing him aside, and firing the gun at his feet, causing Karkat to jump and run off. Gamzee watched him run away, relief washing over him, hoping he would be able to get far enough away, that Caliborn couldn't harm him any longer. At least he would be safe. That would be enough for him. As he felt the rounded mouth of the gun press into his scalp, he closed his eyes, already feeling Tavros's skin underneath his fingertips, his lips against his. He let out a deep exhale.
"I really wish it didn't have to be this way," Caliborn snarled, cocking the gun. Gamzee could hear the creaking metal within the weapon, and the bullet prepare itself for departure. "You were a great guy, truly. A great friend, good to my sister. Well, before I killed her too." Gamzee flinched at those last words. "Anyways, I guess it's time I better finish this. Then I'll go after your little friend, and kill him too, then probably take care of that blind bitch as well. Loose ends, and all that. Welp, goodbye, Gamzee."
Gamzee closed his eyes tightly, feeling a loss of control over himself. This was how it was going to end. He begged to whomever was listening that Karkat get away safely, take Terezi, and inform someone, anyone. He prepared himself for the loud sound, the earth-shattering bang that would be the last sound his ears would ever sense. The last real, tangible thing he would ever perceive. This was it.
The bang came. It wasn't as loud as he anticipated, if he was to be honest with himself. In fact, frankly, it sounded dull. More like the sound of metal upon something soft and heavy. Furthermore, the sound was followed by a loud "thump". It could have been the sound of his own body, falling onto the ground, but something about it seemed odd, considering he felt as though he was still on all fours. He felt a breeze brush through his hair, and he slowly opened his eyes, finding himself staring down at the gun, loosely grasped in Caliborn's hand. Was he dead? He didn't feel dead. Then again, how was dead supposed to feel?
He slowly raised himself to his feet, and looked down to the ground, finding a rather unconscious Caliborn lying there. Beside the body, stood Karkat, wielding an odd, hook-shaped instrument used for cutting wheat, the heavy metal handle of which he used to strike Caliborn's head, knocking him out. Karkat dropped the sickle and looked at Gamzee, his eyes wide, his expression blank.
A moment passed between them that felt like centuries, before they were in each other's arms, holding each other tightly. Karkat couldn't help but allow tears to fall down his face, while Gamzee comforted him, rubbing his back, and shushing him gently. Karkat wept softly into Gamzee's shirt, the shock leaving his body in the easiest method – tears. Gamzee knew that well.
They managed to find a few chains and things, which they used to tie Caliborn to the tower. Afterwards, they ventured into a building, full of computers, which had been used to program whatever the tower broadcasted, and found a phone, which, fortunately, functioned. The police arrived minutes later, dragging a very frustrated and vocal Caliborn, back to the road, where they tossed him into the back of the vehicle, informing Gamzee and Karkat that they would be needed for questioning, and offered them a ride back into town, which they accepted graciously.
That night, Gamzee exhaled a deep lungful of pot fumes, watching them twist and curl and dissolve into the air. Karkat laid beside him, running his naked legs against Gamzee's, tracing his fingertips over Gamzee's bare skin. Gamzee sighed with contentment and plaid idly with Karkat's hair, looking down to him.
"It's over, now," Gamzee assured him. "I can feel it, bro. All that shit be real motherfucking done. Now's time for just us."
"I hope so," Karkat replied, gently kissing Gamzee's shoulder. "I want it to be just us, just this way, forever."
"Me too," Gamzee replied, closing his eyes and smiling.
Gamzee Makara was a content boy. For the first time in his life, he felt as though this would be constant. This happiness, this feeling of ease and comfort, despite everything that transpired within the last year, just seemed far too strong, far too real to fade away. He squeezed Karkat softly beside him, feeling Tavros smiling at him, hearing his father laughing in pride, seeing Calliope dance in elation behind his eyelids. He bent his head, and softly kissed Karkat's hair, running a thumb over the skin of his shoulder, feeling as though he was going to melt into the bed. The bad was gone, and the sun shone down onto a new road ahead, something on which he would embark eternally, flipping and cartwheeling and laughing like a fool the entire way; because in the grand scheme of things, through the good and the bad, the gain and the loss, the winning and losing, you really can't keep down the clown.
