They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, only ever breaking it when Rayna sniffled from crying. Deacon had no idea what to say to her. How could he tell her he never stopped loving her? How could he explain that he had changed? Rayna felt destroyed. Like every wall she spent the last 12 years building against him where all crumbing and she had no control over it. She was terrified, exhausted, hurt but most of all she was tired. Tired of the fighting. Tired of constantly repressing her heart. Tired of being Rayna James.
'Please just go...' Deacon didn't want to leave her like this, if he did it was just another example of all the other times he had abandoned her when she really needed it. She wont ask me to stay, even if she wants me to. Oh Ray, what have we done. We've made such a mess of our life's. Deacon felt compelled to stay but knew that staying would erupt in yet another fight and he didn't know how much more of this him or her could take. Rayna was already at her breaking point, it was visible to see. But he had things to say to her as well, there were things she needed to know. Even if she didn't want to act on it, she needed to know. He needed her to know. As he took a breath to begin speak he heard a familiar buzzing. Stacy. It was now 4:30am, as he took out his phone he had 13 texts and 4 missed calls from her. God dammit.
'You really need to leave, I have rehearsal in a couple of hours and i'm sure Stacy will be wondering where you are. '
'Ray..'
' No Deacon, go.' She wouldn't even look at him. She couldn't. This argument was reminiscent of so many they had in the past and she just wanted it over. Deacon didn't want to fight her, she looked to fragile and it pained him to see her like this knowing that the cause was him. It was always him. Anytime he had seen Rayna upset, it was usually down to him. He was the common denominator to Rayna's sadness.
Just as he made his way to the door she spoke.
' I will always love you, that's just never not going to be true. But me and you, we are toxic. We destroy each other. I make you sick and you break my heart. And I cant do it Deacon. So please don't come back for me. Don't wait for me. Move on. Let me go.' And with that Rayna shut the door on him. On either side of the door they both broke. Rayna fell to the floor in floods of tears knowing that what she had just done may well have destroyed the biggest part of her life as well as breaking her own heart. Deacon felt as though someone had just ripped his heart from his body and threw it away. He felt empty inside. Has she really just ended our whole relationship? Have I really lost her? Deacon couldn't decide if Rayna really was serious or just drunk and hurt but he knew now wasn't the time to find out. He needed to give her space to breath before he tried to even look at her. So space s what he would give her. They were on tour together so she would have to speak to him at some point. This isnt over, we are not over. We will never be over.
…...
It had been three shows in three different cities, and the only time Deacon had seen Rayna was when she was on stage. Some how she had manage to completely evade him everywhere, her dressing room, hotels, tour buses .. everywhere. He couldn't find her unless she was on stage. No-one, not even Bucky would tell him where she was.
'Hey Buck can speak with you for a minute?'
' Hey, Deacon yeh sure. What's up?'
' Whats going on with Rayna?'
' What do you mean?'
' Well no one has seen her between sets, seems the only time anyone sees her is on stage.'
Just then Liam appeared.
' Correction Deacon, the only time you see her is on stage. The rest of us see her all the time. Oh I appreciate what you did the other night by the way. Good on you, really did yourself some good there.'
She told Liam. Really? Of all the people to tell she told him?! What is she doing?!
'Back of Liam, this has nothing to do with you. Its between me and Rayna.'
' Not anymore its not, do us all a favour Deacon and stay away from her before you completely destory her.' And with that Liam made his way to the stage, Deacon watched waiting for Rayna to appear. To his surprise she entered the stage from the left wing. She never comes on from the left. Ever.
' Hey, Y'all! How you all doing tonight?! It is so great to be back here in Nashville I tell you I have missed you guys! Anyway I wanted to try something a little different tonight if thats alright with you?' The crowd was electric, they loved Rayna and were with her all the way. Just as Liam began strumming at his guitar Rayna looked directly at Deacon.
' This is a song a wrote a very, very long time ago..'
As Rayna began singing it dawned on Deacon , this is about me. This song is about me , she's singing this for me. He had never heard of it before and so he intently listened to every lyric and watched the raw emotion that Rayna was displaying, just for him. It torn him inside. This is how she felt. Does she feel like this now? Is she trying to get me to understand how she felt then, or how she feels now? Deacon had so many questions he needed the answers to but the only person who could answer them was avoiding him and so he made it his mission to speak to her after this show whether she liked it or not, he was telling her everything he felt and making her speak to him. We are going to fix this. We've been through worse. But until then he just listened.
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk of my kiss
If you think you can do better than this
Then I guess we're done, lets not drag this on
Consider me gone
Consider me a memory, Consider me the past
Consider me a smile in an old photograph
Someone who used to make you laugh'
As Rayna finished the song , the crowd erupted. Everyone standing on their feet. Marshall Evans appeared behind Buck and Deacon.
'This is going to be huge Buck. She's back. The Queen of Country is back.'
Yeh nothing like a broken heart to get her back to the top Marshall. Bucky knew that this could only end badly. Either for Deacon or Rayna and he had a feeling, it was Rayna who was going to hit rock bottom only this time she had no- one to help pick her back up.
Ok you guys so the next chapter to be uploaded is going to be the last one where you don't have any interaction between Rayna and Deacon I just need to set the scene for what's to come and trust me they will end up together but i'm trying to make this realistic, they have been through a lot. But I can say this is the last of the 'heartbroken' sad chapters for now ,next one is a bit agsty but fluff at the end! Stay tuned and as always please review!
